Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

I've been to a lot of kids parties and hosted a fair few and have to say I've never ever seen this happen. The only time I've seen siblings there is a church hall type event when numbers don't matter or when they have sat with the parents watching. You'd have to be a spectacular CF to turn up to a pay per head party and expect a sibling to join in (and most people would know this if it's a local place and they have any common sense).

Zerofucks Dixiechicks and The Orig. My eldest is only in Reception. I don’t think we’ve reached the drop and go stage at parties yet. Most of the parties have asked parents to stay. I think the idea of having 28 4/5 year olds dropped off to them for 2 hours is a bit too much.

This is good

NO! I won’t be leaving my 5year old child unsupervised. No other parent has ever done this.
A one year old at a fifth birthday changes absolutely nothing. There has always been at least another 2 babies there.

@Waterfallgirl again, it depends 🤷🏻‍♀️ I've been to a few parties where they hired the venue so siblings were ok.

Otherwise personally I wouldn't mind paying for my other children to attend. My eldest just turned 6 so I wouldn't just leave her in a party

Can you pick them up and take them to the activity? My husband and I (and sometimes my DSis) did this after a few CF party incidents.

Can you pick them up and take them to the activity? My husband and I (and sometimes my DSis) did this after a few CF party incidents.

Things have changed. When my DDs were young (now 23 and 21) when they got to school age it was drop and go unless you were particularly friends with the party family or asked to help out. The exception was a swimming party when they were 7 and 5 and we were asked to name one adult who would be responsible for 2 children. DH did it and I and party granny set up the food then helped the children get dried and dressed..

I think it’s only changed in the area’s/schools of some posters. I only know of drop and go parties even from the start of school - I know as I am usually asked to be one of the helpers by the hosts (family or friends). Only one where parents would stay is if it’s swimming but that doesn’t usually happen as a party

I know most of the kids in my family wouldn’t want their siblings around when they are trying to have fun with their friends

In my area it’s only become the norm to drop at an activity centre type party from 7/8. I still don’t do it though. Those who laces are tough with lots of older kids. I stay in the cafe or viewing gallery but usually because all the kids know me I end up with a few tired or tearful ones gravitating my way

*those places

Like many others have suggested, we used to just put a note on the invite to say that we needed precise numbers and that it wasn't possible to accommodate siblings for parties that were pay per head. I'd also make sure that there was a sign in list to check individuals off on, and to make sure that I/the venue captured the mobile number and any important dietary requirements for each individual arrival, which helped.
Having named party bags also helped at the end of the party, making it much easier to stop random kids grabbing one or others trying to take an extra one for their sibling.
There were some parents that were worse than others, so it became easier to talk to them in advance and pre-empt any problems!

Most normal parents think putting a sentence about siblings is sensible and won't think twice about it - only those who want to take advantage of you will grumble and they are exactly who needs to see it so win win!

I can understand what you're saying here. But the solution is not to impose upon the host. You either sit with younger DC, away from the party, away from the food etc. etc but where you can still see/supervise older DC, or decline altogether.

I don't know what is so hard to understand here. Especially these weird posts about their own set of unusual individual circumstances.

The OP is having a party for 10 friends. She is generously offering to pay for an activity for those 10 children. They have no obligation to do anything for anyone.

OP, you shouldn't need to say anything really, it is the height of CF'ery to bring uninvited children to actually go to the party and do party thing without asking in advance (not waiting with siblings away from party) but it sounds like you might need to. I'd add "Invitation for named child only, sorry we can't accommodate siblings"

We aren’t doing a party this year because I’m fed up of younger siblings coming along and ruining it for the older children.

If the host says yes to younger siblings coming - it’s probably begrudgingly.

To be fair, by Year 4 - the CheekyFuck families get invited less frequently. Nobody wants them around.

Presumably people drop their 4 year olds at school and potentially also sport and dance classes, things like rainbows and beavers etc.

Where I live parties are drop and go from 3 but whole class parties just aren't a phenomenon and people only invite as many as they can cope with (some pay a teen sibling to help).

One of mine had a bit of separation anxiety so we always tried to get to know his friends well by doing lots of playdates which were usually reciprocated, meaning a chance to get to know friends' parents. Occasionally I asked to stay for the first half hour of a party but this was a bit of an imposition always played by ear and definitely not if it meant I had to take his siblings!

@Dontwanttoberudeorwastetime you’ll probably find you get invited less next year so problem solved 👍🏻

But who does parties for 28 4/5-year-olds. Why would you? That’s insane. Children are dropped off at parties from about reception age where I am. There’s a smallish number of children. Parents don’t stay, unless maybe asked to help by the host -usually a good friend.

We did a whole class party (25) for Y1 - to be fair it was a joint party with another child so 4 adults were supervising. Hosted 20 last year (minimal effort though as football party outdoors) so just needed drinks and snacks

Doubt it. It’s the norm where I live.

I've had that before, the parent asked in advance if they could pay for the you get sibling to join us. I told them that my child's own you get sibling wasn't coming because he wanted it to be just his friends. The parent turned up with you younger sibling and I blanked them. They then tried to negotiate with the staff about adding younger sibling but it was closed to the public so they said no. They had to leave!

Whole class parties are very common for reception children here. At least half the class seems to have a whole class party.

Same here.
All the ones my daughter has been invited to have been soft play, all class parties. Nearly all at the same venue.
For hers we hired a hall and had an entertainer. We had chairs around the sides for parents and took our fancy coffee machine and nice pastries and bits for the adults. We put a section at the back for the babies with Duplo and Happyland stuff.
It was lovely.

I took my oldest son (11yrs) to a party that my youngest had been invited to. I message the Mum if it was ok before doing so, saying I'm happy to pay for him. She was happy for him to come, if she had said no that would've been ok to.

But by asking if you can bring a sibling, you're putting the parent on the spot and they're probably being polite by saying yes.

Unless they have an inner calm that most of us parents lack when hosting parties, I can't imagine that many parents choosing to double the number of small children running around a venue. It's chaos at the best of times and you're just relieved when it's over.

As it’s pay-per-person activity, you definitely need to give advance notice on the invitation.

IME, it still won’t stop a couple of CF’s trying to squeeze in younger siblings, it’s happened at my DC’s parties!