Man in women’s changing rooms (NOT trans)

[DelisButAlsoCrime]

I genuinely don’t know if I am being unreasonable here or not.

I went swimming with DS today, and arriving at the same time of us was a mini bus with 8 adults - 7 men, one woman. It was fairly obvious that most of the males were disabled, not quite as severe as Down’s Syndrome but similar. The woman and one of the men were caring for them. All but one of the men went with the male carer to the men’s changing room, but the female and one of the men went, just ahead of me, into the female dressing room. The woman actually held the door open for me but I kind of did a double take and held back. I thought about going to reception and asking them but decided not to. When I went in they had gone into one of the private cubicles. However, they did come out before I was ready and the man came around the corner and was looking quite obviously into the open changing spaces.

AIBU to be uncomfortable with this? I don’t know if there is a disabled changing room at my gym because this would be the obvious answer if he needed to be specifically with the female carer.

She’s literally told you what the issue is. There was a man in the women’s changing room. Is that too hard to understand? 🙄

Just this is spades.
As an aside I had to share the changing room at our local pool with a 15 year old the other day (guessing his age but he was getting in for 6ft tall and his voice had broken) seemed to think it was ok as his mum & sister were in there, despite the fact he had changed in the men's he swanned into the ladies once he was done to wait for them. I mean wtf was he/his mum thinking?!
In the meantime my 10 year old son was waiting outside in the reception area for me as I'd told him he was too old to come into the ladies!

Ratios, him being better suited to 1:1 with a female carer in challenging situations, maybe he has a history of sexual abuse and is only comfortable being helped to change by a woman

Why couldn't the female carer take the man into a changing cubicle in the men's changing room?

Maybe that is the norm where you work, but I can assure you it’s not universal.

Because she isn’t a man.

Why would you suggest a woman in the men's changing room is fine, whilst arguing a man in the woman's changing room is not? Hypocritical?

There needs to be mutual respect and each stick to their own space. The exception is where a person has a carer and then the changing room chosen should be that of the carer.

I support a disabled man to swim, I would never take him into the female changing room. Completely inappropriate. We use the family ones (adults only session so no children in need of it) or disabled if free

Jesus! So you both think that women should just put up with the situation because the 'poor man' no matter how uncomfortable or traumatic it may be for the women in the situation??

I really do hope that my daughters experience the life that you both have obviously had, where you haven't needed to learn to be careful around men.

Well, as I said, double standards wouldn't be anything new around here. I was "piled on" for calling out a poster for commenting on how "countries inhabited by non white people are not as civilised as the USA and Japan". The poster making that statement, none of them cared about that. The older I get, the more ashamed I get of the attitudes around me. People were supposed to be evolving, becoming better. If I thought that opinions on this site were representative of the country, I'd emigrate.

It sounds inappropriate at first glance but as they walked straight there this is obviously something they do regularly and what the gym has decided is best.

It sounds like he needs a female carer.

Either there are no cubicles in the male changing room or it’s been decided that the person who is mentally well goes into their sex changing room.

So if they were all female and one needed a male carer. The carer would take her into a cubicle in the male changing room as it would be inappropriate for him to be in the female changing room.

And so it’s also inappropriate for a female of ‘sound’ mind to be in the male changing rooms.
My friends brother is 20 but mentally he’s around 5 - so my friends mum will take him into the female room in a cubicle, if there’s no disabled ones.

I don’t know why gyms don’t have a few unisex cubicles for this very reason.
How many times do single parents struggle with this.
It would cause so much less stress.

I was highlighting the hypocrisy not actually suggesting it as a solution so thank you for proving my point.

Why does the female carer need to be in a female changing room?

Over to you.

Yes, on account of my working eyesight 😊

The issue is that it's a women's changing room. Men don't belong

The exception is where a person has a carer and then the changing room chosen should be that of the carer.

No it shouldn't for adults. There is no exceptions. An adult male should not be in the female changing room. The women users did not consent or does womens consent not matter?

My friends brother is 20 but mentally he’s around 5 - so my friends mum will take him into the female room in a cubicle, if there’s no disabled ones.

Your friends mum has no right to do that!
The other women using that facility did not consent so why does she think its ok?

It's a women's changing room. And your solution to women objecting to men in the women's changing room is that the women leave the changing room?

If you have an issue you can leave the changing room

Why the hell should women using the women's facility have to leave so a man can use it?

Christ women are such lesser beings to some they don't deserve the right to privacy and dignity!

YABVU! They went into a private cubicle to change. He was with a female carer as he has disabilities. I don’t see this as an issue at all.

It's only on MN this absolute madness around peoples bits in changing rooms occurs

I couldn't care less if a man came into the changing room, disabled or not. There are cubicles if I felt uncomfortable

fairplayforwomen.com/unisex-changing-rooms-put-women-in-danger/#:~:text=Of%20these%2C%20sexual%20attacks%20made,in%20single%2Dsex%20changing%20areas.

Perhaps you would care more if you'd looked at the data. You may not mind the increased risk of sexual assault in mixed sex facilities but some of us are more cautious. Mitigating risk is the very essence of safeguarding, some of us think that matters.

You’re not sure what the issue is? A man was using the women’s changing room.

It’s not complicated, how can you not understand the issue?