Man in women’s changing rooms (NOT trans)

[DelisButAlsoCrime]

I genuinely don’t know if I am being unreasonable here or not.

I went swimming with DS today, and arriving at the same time of us was a mini bus with 8 adults - 7 men, one woman. It was fairly obvious that most of the males were disabled, not quite as severe as Down’s Syndrome but similar. The woman and one of the men were caring for them. All but one of the men went with the male carer to the men’s changing room, but the female and one of the men went, just ahead of me, into the female dressing room. The woman actually held the door open for me but I kind of did a double take and held back. I thought about going to reception and asking them but decided not to. When I went in they had gone into one of the private cubicles. However, they did come out before I was ready and the man came around the corner and was looking quite obviously into the open changing spaces.

AIBU to be uncomfortable with this? I don’t know if there is a disabled changing room at my gym because this would be the obvious answer if he needed to be specifically with the female carer.

Is this about the risk/fear of sexual assault, or is it simply about women not wanting men around when they are taking off their clothes?

I don't think you're at all "baffled" by woman not wanting a man, any man, to be in a womans changing room.

@Simonjt
I believe you are a man.
Therefore you don’t get to decide who is allowed in the Women’s changing room any more than I get to decide who goes in the Men’s

Sorry for suggesting men shouldn’t be in the womens changing rooms.

Both are perfectly legitimate reasons for wanting single sex spaces.

Is this about the risk/fear of sexual assault, or is it simply about women not wanting men around when they are taking off their clothes?

Can't it be both?
We know that the risk to women from men increases when we are in vulnerable situations for example the multiple cases of men recording women using toilets/changingrooms and as linked earlier over 100 sexual assaults in 2 years.
Also women deserve the right to privacy away from men.

@Hoppinggreen

I think you're confused. @Simonjt is saying (I think) that just as natal women shouldn't go in single sex men's changing rooms, natal men shouldn't go in single sex women's changing rooms. You agree with him, no?

Jesus! So you both think that women should just put up with the situation because the 'poor man' no matter how uncomfortable or traumatic it may be for the women in the situation??

He literally has a disability. So yes, poor man. He didn't have a choice to go there, his cared took him, no need to be patronising towards him.

Anyway, I'm against men flouncing into women's changing rooms but I personally would make an exception.

Whatever the reason for this happening, it should have and could have been organised better and more appropriately.

If there was a facility they needed to use in the ladies they should have asked staff to close it for 5/10 minutes while they used it.

If it was because of ratios they should have adequate numbers of male and female carers for these types of trips.

If it was because this lady was his assigned carer and nobody else is able to carry out this role then as above they should have closed off an area temporarily.

Everyone has a right to appropriate facilities for their own protection, and dignity. That goes for the female carer, her client and the public.

Having said that, I wouldn't see a vulnerable and disabled man as any kind of threat, I would give him some privacy and understand the decision had been made with him in mind. But I would expect someone to be at the door to warn female customers that there is a man with a disability currently using the faculties so they could make their own mind up about whether to go in or wait for a bit.

Oh look a man calling women silly....that never happens!!

Having said that, I wouldn't see a vulnerable and disabled man as any kind of threat

You wouldn't because we'll you are a man.

My DS at 16 was over 6ft 2 and due to his disability he is very vulnerable, non verbal and at times violent should he be allowed in the female changingrooms?

I'm very much a woman thank you.

In exceptional circumstances I would be happy to make allowances for a person with disabilities, to make their already difficult life a bit easier.

My apologies Sweet for some reason I read your posts as trying20s who is a man.

However my point still stands in relation to my own DS.

In exceptional circumstances I would be happy to make allowances for a person with disabilities, to make their already difficult life a bit easier.

Why should women be made to feel uncomfortable/afraid and lose their right to privacy and dignity because my son wants to go swimming?

If the situation is handled appropriately there is no reason for anyone to be afraid and lose their dignity.

I'm not saying men should be able to walk into female only spaces willy nilly. I'm saying I would be ok with making allowances in exceptional circumstances, for example a person with disabilities and/or their carer is having difficulties with the facilities or the set up of where they are.

None of this is a woman's fault or responsibility, but every once in a while it doesn't hurt to be tolerant and understanding.

I'd say the same if a male carer/parent was looking after a female and for whatever reason the mens facilities was the only suitable place. I would expect men to be patient and tolerant and give them some space for a few minutes to get dressed etc.

Life isn't always black and white and it doesn't hurt to be tolerant and patience while someone with probably quite a difficult life is prioritised to make their trip easier.

I'm saying I would be ok with making allowances in exceptional circumstances, for example a person with disabilities and/or their carer is having difficulties with the facilities or the set up of where they are.

You would be ok with it....what about the other women using the changing room?
If the facilities do not meet the needs of the disabled person then thats on the organisation to deal with and a place where the facilities do fit is the alternative not just using the women's space!

Life isn't always black and white and it doesn't hurt to be tolerant and patience while someone with probably quite a difficult life is prioritised to make their trip easier.

No its not easy but I don't expect women to forgo their need and right to dignity and privacy in order for my adult male son who with proper planning and support can use the male facilities or if available thedisabled access.

No its not easy but I don't expect women to forgo their need and right to dignity and privacy in order for my adult male son who with proper planning and support can use the male facilities or if available thedisabled access

My teen daughters would not get changed or go to the toilet if @CrossStichQueen’s son was in their changing room. This doesn’t mean that her son isn’t a nice lad, but they just wouldn’t. They are 16 and 14 and immensely private at the moment.

My teen daughters would not get changed or go to the toilet if @CrossStichQueen’s son was in their changing room.

DS would feel the same being around teen girls in that environment would cause him huge embarrassment but he would struggle to verbalise that so would become distressed.
It's not just about the women using the facilities irs about the dignity of the adult male too.

You are baffled that women don’t want men in the women’s changing room? Life must be mystifying to you.

Crikey I’ve just come back to this thread and all of CherryColaRoller’s posts have been deleted. Were they a troll then?

Sincere apology @Simonjt
I misunderstood your post, my bad

That’s what you’ve picked up rather than actually responding to the point.

You called a women silly in your first sentence why would I have any interest in anything else you say?

Maybe try not using misogynistic insults if you want people to listen to your points.