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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?

450 replies

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

OP posts:
Pugdogmom · 07/08/2022 12:55

Salt and pepper should be on a table as standard. It shouldn't have to be a kerfuffle to ask for it.
The pin thing bugs me too, because I actually had someone grab my card off me as THEY decided that I should use contact less, even though I politely explained that I needed to use pin as you only get so many taps before it declines or doesn't work. I am always polite to people who work in shops, but I couldn't resist a " I did say that I needed to use my pin" , when it didn't work, because he was unbelievably rude. And huffed and puffed whilst I put my card in machine.

TheProvincialLady · 07/08/2022 12:56

I found that HRT reduced the times I was irritated by these kinds of everyday non events by 1000000%

Bluemonkey2029 · 07/08/2022 12:56

Isaidnoalready · 07/08/2022 12:40

Ahh it's annoying isn't it like when I asked for a gluten free menu for me and the kids menu tried ordering the kids food only to be told THATS NOT GLUTEN FREE I know its not for me its for the kids (indicating said children) continuing to order, but you do realise it runs in the family don't you?....my kids arnt gluten intolerant I am (tries again) ahhh so it's a fad diet then? No I'm gluten intolerant my children are not then he got interrupted ffs Steve serve the lady your getting a queue "I'm just telling her" thank you for your medical opinion can I order now? 🙄😁

Ah the gluten free 'advice' from people in restaurants is annoying isn't it. My 'favourites' recently have been "have you tried milk of magnesia?" - not sure that will cure my autoimmune disease but thank you - and "the fryer is so hot it kills the gluten" - not true and very dangerous advice. My friend is allergic to peppers and no one seems to give her any unwanted advice or tell her the fryer is so hot it kills the peppers!

Anyway, with regards the OP I do think things like that are annoying and on their own they sound like you are being unreasonable but having this type of thing all the time does get annoying.

ilovesooty · 07/08/2022 12:57

I think you sound a bit confrontational and difficult but since I wasn't there it can only be a perception.

toffeechai · 07/08/2022 12:57

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:36

Neither do you…

I have lots of friendly interactions with people, usually get the service I want and am not constantly irritated with people.

whynotwhatknot · 07/08/2022 13:00

its not their busniess why you want to use a pin or have salt-its your preference

i have a friend who wont use contactless as had a problem with it previously so always asks to manually put it in

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 13:04

ilovesooty · 07/08/2022 12:57

I think you sound a bit confrontational and difficult but since I wasn't there it can only be a perception.

The thing is, whether you think I was confrontational or not, I wouldn’t have had to react at all if they’d just done as asked. The appropriate response to ‘Could I have some salt, please?’ is to fetch the salt. The same with a basket. The waiter could have just let me take the machine.

We could argue about how I should have said ‘Oh, actually I’d really still
love a basket’ - but she could have just handed it over. Every one of those situations was created by the staff member.

OP posts:
Natty13 · 07/08/2022 13:05

Life is full of people who think they are being helpful or that they know better.

You can't change this, only how you react to it. Why get so worked up and argumentative about it? Work on your own communication skills and learn to let it go afterwards.

ABBAsnumberonefan · 07/08/2022 13:05

Some of them you’re definitely winding yourself up about - the return thing was just a general comment not an attack on you 😂

Works both ways though - I worked in retail as a part time job when I was at college and it was when the contactless amount had gone up a bit but our machines still didn’t let you pay over £20. Told a customer it wouldn’t work, he started ranting and raving that it would, told him again it was our machine when it embarrassingly for him didn’t work!! Sometimes there’s a reason why staff tell you things.

Onandupw · 07/08/2022 13:08

I’m guessing you’re a woman?

there’ll be An uproar at my comment - but would bet a million pounds thst men don’t get as much as this kind of crap

Coachwork · 07/08/2022 13:09

Life is going to be shit if you let such minor irritations get to you so much.

NoSquirrels · 07/08/2022 13:10

I could not get worked up about the small talk with the return - that’s all it was, small talk.

Salting food you haven’t tasted is rude. Of course, it’s your prerogative and probably the waitress should have just brought it with no comment as you’re a paying customer. But it’s rude to salt food you haven’t tried so… suck that one up, OP.

The phone - meh. You sound really defensive. Why can’t he ask? Why wouldn’t you answer? He might have been able to tell you something useful, like it’s only really possible to repair a couple of times, or the repair you got last time looks dodgy. But you’ll never know.

The basket is the only possible one I’d think to be a bit irritated by.

Soproudoflionesses · 07/08/2022 13:10

Think it depends on how they said it op.....especially the refund one - l have had it before when l needed to change a booking and was quite grateful they pointed it out that if l had left it another day they wouldn't have been able to do anything.

Summersnearlygone · 07/08/2022 13:11

I was feeling really I'll last week and had endured a horrible day at work.
Picked up a few things in M&S and the cashier updated the customer in front about her family weddings, births etc. It took ages and I, probably for the first time ever, forgot to put the wire basket down off the counter just before the belt.
Cashier didn't greet me, didn't apologize but asked me to take the basket down because it was dangerous, could fall on a child, she couldn't leave her till to take it down etc etc.
I gave her the silent treatment but really did feel fury.

JorisBonson · 07/08/2022 13:11

OP - AIBU?
MN - yes
OP - no I'm not, you're all horrible and I am right.

And thaaaaaaat's Mumsnet! Jazz hands

greyinganddecaying · 07/08/2022 13:13

OP I'm with you completely, all of these thing would've annoyed me (& I'm already in HRT!). I also agree that a man would be much less likely to have had this experience.

I had a similar experience recently & it really annoyed me that they were treating me as if I was being unreasonable for making such a simple request.

simpledeer · 07/08/2022 13:15

I just cannot imagine how stressful life must be for you OP if you get so annoyed about such trivial occurrences that most of us wouldn't even register.

butterflied · 07/08/2022 13:15

I'm with you, OP. I got annoyed just reading that. With the card machine, I'd have asked if he wanted me to pay or not. But then I can be a bitch.

Natty13 · 07/08/2022 13:16

Onandupw · 07/08/2022 13:08

I’m guessing you’re a woman?

there’ll be An uproar at my comment - but would bet a million pounds thst men don’t get as much as this kind of crap

I agree with the sentiment of this comment. I think the reason is definitely that women (particularly in this country) are generally shocking at asserting themselves - just look at 99% of the threads on MN. They are full of hand wringing and "I simply can't say no to this absolute CF request from my sister's neighbour's dogsitter" "I work 60h/week and do 100% of the housework, cooking, childcare and mental load. AIBU to ask my DH go wipe his own bum after he does a poo?" etc.

My DH has strong people pleasing tendencies and encounters "helpful" "advice" like this far more often than I do because I'm friendly but assertive and much better at shutting it down. I also don't come across as many people assuming I don't know what I want or what I'm doing in my home country or in DH's where women are stronger and more assertive in general.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 07/08/2022 13:17

Unsolicited advice pisses me right off. Especially on Facebook. The slightest comment from me on house decorating or whatever leads to two a4 sides of advice on how I should do it.

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 13:18

OP - AIBU?
MN - yes

OP - no I'm not, you're all horrible and I am right.

And thaaaaaaat's Mumsnet! Jazz hands

Oh dear, oh dear, @JorisBonson - do you feel a bit silly now?

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?
OP posts:
Badgirlriri · 07/08/2022 13:19

Aprilx · 07/08/2022 12:19

You sound very difficult. Have you noticed you are the common denominator in all these daily “problems”.

This.

i never experience anything like this

Pink3489 · 07/08/2022 13:20

OP, I can completely understand, it's like some people dont listen or keep pushing until they get the answer they want.

The last time this happened to me was at the hairdressers. I asked for about 3 inches cut off my hair, the hairdresser says 'hmm, no, I think just a trim would look better'. I explained that I agreed however I want it shorter because XYZ and she still said no! Even though I had booked in for a proper cut not a trim. I didnt argue because I feel that people dont listen to what I say so whats the point. Came home and cut it myself. Not neatest cut that I wanted but at least it will keep me going until I find a new hairdresser!

Bethany7 · 07/08/2022 13:21

I agree with you O.P.
It also annoys me when I'm asked at the till if I would like to buy random said item...?!

Onceuponatimethen · 07/08/2022 13:22

I hear you op. I’m a large dress size and for some reason people always try to get me to try on/but smaller sizes, like they can’t believe I’m actually that big.

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