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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?

450 replies

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

OP posts:
TeapotTitties · 07/08/2022 12:27

Bubbafly · 07/08/2022 12:26

Mortified for you. You sound salty enough without asking for more in a restaurant.

So true! 😂😂

HeddaGarbled · 07/08/2022 12:28

Oh well, all customer service staff will be replaced by robots eventually - then you’ll be fine.

BronwenFrideswide · 07/08/2022 12:29

Oh yes. Serving staff should Know Their Place shouldn't they?

Not a case of knowing their place a case of serving the customer.

Card machine guy - you could have said at the first exchanged you needed to use PIN with that card instead of playing tug of war with the machine.

Do you have a problem with reading comprehension or did you miss this bit?

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

OP did exactly what you said she should have done.

Waitress has probably had loads of people asking for salt before trying food then complaining it was too salty.

So? Still not up to her to give her opinion and admonish the OP for not trying the food first.

Leisure centre - why didn't you just ask for a basket first?

Op did.

Phone guy - impressed it's only your first repair. He sees loads of mangled phones younger than yours.

And the relevance of that to the OP is?

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:30

toffeechai · 07/08/2022 12:22

I think you may be contributing to these situations with your manner to be honest OP.

Yes, in an ideal world people would do exactly what you want and not question you. But it seems like you could help yourself a bit more in some of these situations. And some are just making conversation.

Some thoughts. Including tips on how you could have made these exchanges go more smoothly, which isn’t exactly what you asked but is probably more realistic.

Shop return: maybe just making conversation, maybe letting you know in case you didn’t realise and might risk missing the window in future, who knows, I’d just nod and smile.

Asking for salt: sounds like you were really brusque to the waitress. Should you have to ask twice? No, but you could have been nicer about it.

Chip and pin: why not just clearly tell him the card doesn’t do contactless, instead of faffing around saying “I need to use the PIN”?

Leisure centre: you sound like you were being very brusque. I would have said something like: “I’d still love a basket actually please - I just worry about things falling out, thanks so much.” You sound like you were cold and rude.

Mobile phone: maybe it was relevant? Maybe he was just making conversation. No idea why you’re so offended at being asked.

What would you suggest as a nicer response to the waitress re: the salt? I didn’t say ‘Just bring it’ - I explained why I wanted the salt and asked again (which as you point out, I shouldn’t have had to have done). Should I have made a show of trying the food before asking again, just to appease her?

I was perfectly polite when I asked for the basket - the first two times. I only became ‘brusque’, as you put it, because I was fed up with her continually questioning me when she could have just given me the basket. The only person who created more work there was her - she could have done it five times over in the time she spent arguing about it.

OP posts:
toffeechai · 07/08/2022 12:31

BronwenFrideswide · 07/08/2022 12:29

Oh yes. Serving staff should Know Their Place shouldn't they?

Not a case of knowing their place a case of serving the customer.

Card machine guy - you could have said at the first exchanged you needed to use PIN with that card instead of playing tug of war with the machine.

Do you have a problem with reading comprehension or did you miss this bit?

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

OP did exactly what you said she should have done.

Waitress has probably had loads of people asking for salt before trying food then complaining it was too salty.

So? Still not up to her to give her opinion and admonish the OP for not trying the food first.

Leisure centre - why didn't you just ask for a basket first?

Op did.

Phone guy - impressed it's only your first repair. He sees loads of mangled phones younger than yours.

And the relevance of that to the OP is?

Actually there’s a world of difference between “I need to use the PIN” (ambiguous, brusque, rude) and “Actually this card doesn’t do contactless, so I will need to put my PIN in, thanks”

Beelezebub · 07/08/2022 12:32

Fimofriend · 07/08/2022 12:26

They were not being helpful at all. They were all clearly the "there are two ways of doing things: my way and the wrong way" kind of people. If they don't want to be service minded they shouldn't work service jobs.

This

Dobbysgotthesocks · 07/08/2022 12:32

I'm with you OP. I don't think so sound hard work.

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:32

Bubbafly · 07/08/2022 12:26

Mortified for you. You sound salty enough without asking for more in a restaurant.

Why would you be ‘mortified’ for someone else? It doesn’t affect you in any way.

OP posts:
Sunshineona · 07/08/2022 12:32

Some of it like the ‘last day of returns’ is just bored lonely people trying to make conversation. In other situations you mention, it seems that the person was confused by you. If this is happening to you a lot, I wonder if maybe you’re being abrupt in your initial requests and actually making it all take longer than it need? Eg if I had a card that needs a pin and wanted the card machine, but I was spending an amount that’s usually contactless, I wouldn’t just grab for their machine, I’d say “this card can’t do contactless, so annoying” and then reach for their machine. Or with the salt I wouldn’t just say “Can you get the salt” (which in a nice restaurant is insulting the way the chef has seasoned the food) I’d more likely say “We usually add a lot of salt so could you bring some please.”

Just if this is happening to you a lot, but it isn’t happening to other people a lot, it sounds like you need to change something you’re doing.

toffeechai · 07/08/2022 12:33

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:30

What would you suggest as a nicer response to the waitress re: the salt? I didn’t say ‘Just bring it’ - I explained why I wanted the salt and asked again (which as you point out, I shouldn’t have had to have done). Should I have made a show of trying the food before asking again, just to appease her?

I was perfectly polite when I asked for the basket - the first two times. I only became ‘brusque’, as you put it, because I was fed up with her continually questioning me when she could have just given me the basket. The only person who created more work there was her - she could have done it five times over in the time she spent arguing about it.

You may as well have said “Just bring the salt.” I would have tried it first, but if you couldn’t do that, you could have said something about how you like a lot of salt.

And. You don’t sound perfectly polite tbh

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:36

toffeechai · 07/08/2022 12:33

You may as well have said “Just bring the salt.” I would have tried it first, but if you couldn’t do that, you could have said something about how you like a lot of salt.

And. You don’t sound perfectly polite tbh

Neither do you…

OP posts:
BronwenFrideswide · 07/08/2022 12:37

You may as well have said “Just bring the salt.” I would have tried it first, but if you couldn’t do that, you could have said something about how you like a lot of salt.

Ah so now the OP has to explain and justify why she wanted the salt, does she? Can't just make a simple request for salt and have it brought to the table without judgement?

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:38

Or with the salt I wouldn’t just say “Can you get the salt” (which in a nice restaurant is insulting the way the chef has seasoned the food)

Would it be okay in a horrible restaurant? 😆

Once I’ve paid for a meal, the chef doesn’t get a say in how I season it. If you buy a dress, do you ask the designer for permission to accessorise?

OP posts:
stayinghometoday · 07/08/2022 12:39

I agree with you OP. I'm often irritated that I get lots of advice and DH never does. He's a big bald guy with resting "bitch/intimidating" fase so it's purely because I look like a pushover.

And I like my food saltier than anyone I know. I don't need to taste the food first. It will need more salt. Might have something to do with my really low blood pressure.

MarshaMelrose · 07/08/2022 12:39

Just if this is happening to you a lot, but it isn’t happening to other people a lot, it sounds like you need to change something you’re doing.

This.

Isaidnoalready · 07/08/2022 12:40

Ahh it's annoying isn't it like when I asked for a gluten free menu for me and the kids menu tried ordering the kids food only to be told THATS NOT GLUTEN FREE I know its not for me its for the kids (indicating said children) continuing to order, but you do realise it runs in the family don't you?....my kids arnt gluten intolerant I am (tries again) ahhh so it's a fad diet then? No I'm gluten intolerant my children are not then he got interrupted ffs Steve serve the lady your getting a queue "I'm just telling her" thank you for your medical opinion can I order now? 🙄😁

Oblomov22 · 07/08/2022 12:41

I agree with OP on most of it. I wouldn't say anything, but in some instances they are going above the norm. The basket in the leisure centre wound piss me off. I'd just say : (once pushed, narked after repeated asking I'd probably turn curt) : I'm not asking for your opinion. Could you please just pass me a basket.

stayinghometoday · 07/08/2022 12:41

@toffeechai

Actually there’s a world of difference between “I need to use the PIN” (ambiguous, brusque, rude) and “Actually this card doesn’t do contactless, so I will need to put my PIN in, thanks”

But surely that means that the waiter shouldn't argue anymore? Even if it sounded rude, you don't argue with a customer about using a perfectly valid way of paying.

MsBallen · 07/08/2022 12:41

This sounds like such a series on none issues and normal interactions. I have no idea why your giving head space at all.

And yes it's probably relevant how many times your phone has been fixed there could be original issues from each fix that need to be accounted for.

Tiani4 · 07/08/2022 12:44

OP that sounds annoying

You sound like you are being polite and getting fed up of constantly being questioned and mansplained to, when you've asked politely and repeatedly

I understand this

itrytomakemyway · 07/08/2022 12:45

I think the overexplaining, or the assumption that they know best gets worse as you get older.

Please don't assume that just becuase I am in my 50s I don't understand how tech works.

If you really want to see this in action try being a 50 something women trying to buy a car. I really should not have to explain to the sales rep why taling to my husband instead of me is a waste of time because first of all the car is for me, and secondly what my husband knows about cards could be written on a postage stamp.

HellaFitzgerald · 07/08/2022 12:47

stayinghometoday · 07/08/2022 12:41

@toffeechai

Actually there’s a world of difference between “I need to use the PIN” (ambiguous, brusque, rude) and “Actually this card doesn’t do contactless, so I will need to put my PIN in, thanks”

But surely that means that the waiter shouldn't argue anymore? Even if it sounded rude, you don't argue with a customer about using a perfectly valid way of paying.

Due to covid, many venues are encouraging contactless over PIN entry. In fact, the contactless limit increased specifically because of covid which may be why he told the OP "you can for that amount" because she might not have known.

I guess some people just go out of their way to be difficult.

MrsMontyD · 07/08/2022 12:47

itrytomakemyway · 07/08/2022 12:24

I had similar in the bank - the one that has decided to shut on Saturdays and late afternoons 'in order to improve customer service' according to the poster on the window!

I went in to pay a cheque into my account. I was asked "You do know you can pay this in using the atm , yes." Yes, yes I do know that, but I am choosing to pay it in over the counter because I want to. I don't need you looking at me like I am a relic from the past because I am choosing not to use the atm.

This annoys me slightly, I go to the counter usually because I want to do something else while I'm there, not just make a deposit, so you end up explaining what you want to do and then being told you need the counter, which wastes everyone's time. Not a big deal but slightly irritating.

BatshitBanshee · 07/08/2022 12:50

People are getting ruder and more entitled by the day though, so if you're in a public-facing role all day everyday, you're probably going to be a bit on the defensive.

However you are the common denominator here and to be fair, you do sound a bit rude. The card machine debacle could have been sidestepped for example by just saying "my card isn't contactless so can I have the pin pad please" instead of trying to swipe the machine.

Bubbafly · 07/08/2022 12:53

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:32

Why would you be ‘mortified’ for someone else? It doesn’t affect you in any way.

Can't help it, I just cringe when I hear rude people trying to justify it. I

Hang on..wait... nope still mortified for you. Does that music come on from the Wizard of Oz when the aul wan goes by on the bike when you go into a shop?

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?
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