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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?

450 replies

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

OP posts:
thegcatsmother · 11/08/2022 00:10

Choutted Boots in Tavistock, after I had recently returned to the UK in 2019. After she spouted the bollocks about it being illegal, I explained that banks did issue cards that were not contactless, and I could pay with cold hard cash if she preferred. Her comment was so odd that it has stayed with me.

OriginalUsername2 · 11/08/2022 00:26

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 10/08/2022 23:56

People do expect women to smile more than men

I think this is utter bollocks.

I’ve had:

“Smile love!”
“Cheer up, it might never happen”

along many other comments from men who are complete strangers several time in my life, it’s not a made up thing.

I still brace myself when walking past groups of me or guys on their own that seem to be making eye-contact. They wouldn’t dare shout to a random male to “Smile, mate!”

J578 · 11/08/2022 06:43

You sound very highly strung. Just forget about it and get on with your day.

Beelezebub · 11/08/2022 07:57

Just curious, is the phrase ‘highly strung’ ever used for men?

Mississipi71 · 11/08/2022 08:27

SleepingAgent · 10/08/2022 23:17

I agree with the chef. It's ruining a decent bit of steak. Grin

It is, to be fair but that is the customer's choice.

Mississipi71 · 11/08/2022 08:28

Beelezebub · 11/08/2022 07:57

Just curious, is the phrase ‘highly strung’ ever used for men?

👏 👏

palygold · 11/08/2022 10:39

PalourGamer · 10/08/2022 23:16

what ever happened to “be kind”?

To be honest, I mentally check out when I hear this. It’s just so hackneyed now, and tends to be used as a catch-all way to minimise bad behaviour.

I don’t think expecting a waitress to bring salt without having to justify myself is being ‘unkind’. I don’t think asking for a basket at a cloakroom is unkind. I just want what I’ve asked for without having to make the same request repeatedly or explain myself.

I have to agree with 'be kind' which is usually used amongst women and can be used to minimise, excuse and/or shut down.

Can't believe this thread's still going, but I admire the OP's tenacity in defending herself!

ldontWanna · 11/08/2022 10:50

Purple52 · 10/08/2022 22:35

Oh dear OP. you sound like someone who just likes to be annoyed! I bet you’d moan if a “service person” didn’t attempt conversation.
they can’t do right for doing wrong!

what ever happened to “be kind”?

How is it unkind to ask for salt and shock,horror actually expect to get the salt?

gatehouseoffleet · 11/08/2022 10:54

thegcatsmother · 09/08/2022 19:37

The contactless thing irritates me. I don't have contactless, and don't want it; every time I go to pay, I say it needs to be with a PIN, and am told not necessary for contactless. In Boots once the assistant told me it was illegal not to have contactless and was most put out when I told her that was a lot of rubbish.

Retailers are guilty of the most ridiculously poor training on legal issues, especially consumer and data protection law.

Although I suspect that was just this particular shop assistant's prejudice.

As for #be kind - that definitely only applies to women!

PalourGamer · 11/08/2022 11:21

As for #be kind - that definitely only applies to women!

It only seems to apply in one direction too. I apparently wasn’t #bekind enough when simply asking someone to do their job… but the people who called me a bitch, ‘beyond horrible’, awful etc., or suggested my life must be empty to even care? That’s fine apparently. No unkindness there…

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 11/08/2022 11:42

ParlourGamer, I too admire your tenacity and patience explaining to some apparently quite stupid posters who are denying your lived experience. The 'be kind' trope really has become a parody now but just some keep on spouting it for lack of anything relevant to say.

Every time one of them pops up with their insulting twaddle, you shut them down with precision and courtesy. Grin

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 11/08/2022 11:47

Beelezebub · 11/08/2022 07:57

Just curious, is the phrase ‘highly strung’ ever used for men?

Yes - mostly French chefs ime.

I've never been told to, 'Smile, love' btw. And the only time anybody said, 'Cheer up, it might never happen' to me was a builder in about 1983. I firmly believe we're living in a slightly different world now.

OriginalUsername2 · 12/08/2022 12:33

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 11/08/2022 11:42

ParlourGamer, I too admire your tenacity and patience explaining to some apparently quite stupid posters who are denying your lived experience. The 'be kind' trope really has become a parody now but just some keep on spouting it for lack of anything relevant to say.

Every time one of them pops up with their insulting twaddle, you shut them down with precision and courtesy. Grin

Agreed!

gezelligheid · 13/08/2022 15:42

You sound absolutely exhausting tbh

cansomebodygivemeahoya · 13/08/2022 16:01

This reply has been deleted

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Mama2910 · 13/08/2022 16:57

Love it how original poster is asking AIBU in original post but then gets hostile and defensive when 99% of person says yes she is. Don't want people's opinions? Then don't ask for it. Very few people agree with her and she is NOT happy about it 🙈🤷🏻‍♀️😆 She sounds like hard work to me!

ldontWanna · 13/08/2022 17:00

Mama2910 · 13/08/2022 16:57

Love it how original poster is asking AIBU in original post but then gets hostile and defensive when 99% of person says yes she is. Don't want people's opinions? Then don't ask for it. Very few people agree with her and she is NOT happy about it 🙈🤷🏻‍♀️😆 She sounds like hard work to me!

They didn't just say she's unreasonable though ,have they? They called her names, made her out to be unstable,hysterical,hormonal, having no friends etc.

isittheholidaysyet · 13/08/2022 17:11

I agree op

DF in Bank: Hello, I need to tell you that I am going on holiday and will be using my card abroad.
Bank person: you don't need to inform us of that anymore, we will just ring your mobile to check.
DF: No, you won't.
BP:
DF:
BP: You don't have a mobile phone do you?
DF: no
BP: So you do need to tell us about it.
DF: That's what I said in the beginning.

I've had a similar conversation with them about opening an account for my son, which was a five minute conversation where I was saying I need to do one thing and they were saying I needed to do something else. Only for them to decide I was right.

Which companies have money to pay staff to have these pointless conversations?

SleepingAgent · 13/08/2022 18:39

Beelezebub · 11/08/2022 07:57

Just curious, is the phrase ‘highly strung’ ever used for men?

Quite! The misogyny on this thread is just ... depressing.

SeamsLegit · 13/08/2022 19:39

I totally get it... And my vote just tipped YANBU into 51% :-) maybe not for long, but it made me smile anyway. Definitely, I do NOT want someone's opinion, and I don't expect to be given it when I haven't asked for it. Yes, these incidents are small, but when you add them together, I could get annoyed too!

SeamsLegit · 13/08/2022 19:52

And if I was caught on the wrong day, my response to the waitress might well have been sharp... I wouldn't expect my own mother to question my bloody seasoning choices, never mind a stranger!! Asking someone to do their job is not rude at all.

PalourGamer · 13/08/2022 21:18

Mama2910 · 13/08/2022 16:57

Love it how original poster is asking AIBU in original post but then gets hostile and defensive when 99% of person says yes she is. Don't want people's opinions? Then don't ask for it. Very few people agree with her and she is NOT happy about it 🙈🤷🏻‍♀️😆 She sounds like hard work to me!

99%?! I think you need your eyes tested. It’s been one side or the other of 50:50 the entire time this thread has been running. Loads of people have agreed with me. Plus, several of those who haven’t clearly didn’t read the original post.

You’ve just made yourself look stupid, frankly.

OP posts:
Wonkytoothedcrone · 13/08/2022 23:03

Of course YANBU OP.

Most infuriating things on this thread:

  1. Tedious posters saying you’re ‘hard work’. Do they think that’s even vaguely original?!

  2. You’re ‘over-thinking’ 😂News flash:lots of people think about stuff ! Not just about headline news and worldwide catastrophes, but also low-level, everyday stuff! There is literally no such thing as ‘over-thinking’ - it’s just a bullshit phrase used by under-thinkers.

  3. The idea that it’s rude in a restaurant to add salt to your food before tasting 😂😂Maybe it is rude in someone’s private home where they’ve cooked for you… but in a restaurant, the chef is hardly likely to be looming over you to check you’re not over-riding his seasoning decisions! And the waiting staff won’t give a flying fig, will they?! Honestly, the reaching that goes on just for the purposes of berating an OP.

I’m with you OP. You were perfectly polite.

Madmama10 · 13/08/2022 23:53

I agree with you. I think you should always be polite to service staff but in the in the end it is their job to to serve. I say this coming from a service background. If a service person disagrees with what a customer is asking for they should be bepolite and explain. E.g. with the contact less.,the server could ask is it OK to use contactless? Some people don't like and some banks have restrictions. The salt instance is snobby. Yes she should try it before adding salt but the the use of salt consumed is down to OP.

Flutterbybudget · 14/08/2022 00:23

YANBU to not want people to make small talk with you, but YABU to expect them to know that. It’s literally part of the training in service industries, to be friendly, helpful, smile, give information that MAY be helpful etc
I remember having to ask people if they had a loyalty card when they came into store. And some would snap at us about it. Trust me, it’s far more frustrating for the staff having to try to think of something to say to EVERY customer, than it is for a customer having to deal with one conversation, however bad a mood they may be in.

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