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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?

450 replies

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2022 14:23

Oh my, the vacuous sound-biters have arrived.

FatBettyintheCoop · 07/08/2022 14:26

NoSquirrels · 07/08/2022 13:10

I could not get worked up about the small talk with the return - that’s all it was, small talk.

Salting food you haven’t tasted is rude. Of course, it’s your prerogative and probably the waitress should have just brought it with no comment as you’re a paying customer. But it’s rude to salt food you haven’t tried so… suck that one up, OP.

The phone - meh. You sound really defensive. Why can’t he ask? Why wouldn’t you answer? He might have been able to tell you something useful, like it’s only really possible to repair a couple of times, or the repair you got last time looks dodgy. But you’ll never know.

The basket is the only possible one I’d think to be a bit irritated by.

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

The OP asked for the Salt pot. You obviously don’t realise this but for the benefit of your future house guests, I’d like to point out (very condescendingly), that it’s quite normal to expect the condiments to be sat on the table in all restaurants, even Michelin starred ones. 😱

It’s highly unlikely that the OP, being a grown up, was planning to taste her food before decided how much salt she might need to add to it.

Obviously, I don’t expect you to get worked up about my helpful comments in the slightest. 🤔

NeedAHoliday2021 · 07/08/2022 14:30

Missing the point of the thread entirely… which cards don’t allow contactless? Even my daughters student account has contactless.

FatBettyintheCoop · 07/08/2022 14:30

LoveMyPiano · 07/08/2022 14:21

When everyone you meet is an ahole - then you're the ahole.

Oo, you’ve forgotten to BE FUCKING KIND.

ilyx · 07/08/2022 14:32

Maybe an unpopular opinion but I agree OP. But I am a complete introvert.

KaroH · 07/08/2022 14:32

These all sound like really annoying encounters and I don't blame you for getting pissed off.

I encounter the same thing occasionally and it has nothing to do with how polite or assertive I have been. I work in customer service myself so can do pleasant assertiveness pretty fucking well. What it comes down to is whether the person serving you is a dick, and these people were.

Not sure how you have gotten so many comments from people saying the opposite.

RedHelenB · 07/08/2022 14:32

You sound very unreasonable and prickly OP.

ilyx · 07/08/2022 14:33

When everyone you meet is an ahole - then you're the ahole

Right so does this apply when someone grows up in an abusive family environment? Or they’re bullied?

JemimaPuddlegoose · 07/08/2022 14:35

LoveMyPiano · 07/08/2022 14:21

When everyone you meet is an ahole - then you're the ahole.

That's overly simplistic and ignores context.

I changed careers about eight years ago and constantly meet assholes and get dragged into conflict.

Yet I worked in my previous career for more than a decade without ever having one single conflict with anyone and there wasn't a single person I'd consider an asshole, I liked and was on good terms with absolutely everyone.

My new industry is well-known for being extremely toxic and competitive, literally everyone I know in my industry says they have the same experience. If I'd not had the experience of being in another industry I'd assume it was my fault.

Doesn't sound like the OP is having conflict with everyone or thinking the other people are assholes, she's just fed up with arsey customer service people spoiling for a fight, which is absolutely a problem in this country.

mycatisannoying · 07/08/2022 14:35

When I read posts like this, I do sometimes wonder how some people manage to get through life.

Natty13 · 07/08/2022 14:36

mycatisannoying · 07/08/2022 14:35

When I read posts like this, I do sometimes wonder how some people manage to get through life.

They do like the rest of us but with much higher blood pressure (and not because of the salt they add to their food 😉)

OneTC · 07/08/2022 14:37

NeedAHoliday2021 · 07/08/2022 14:30

Missing the point of the thread entirely… which cards don’t allow contactless? Even my daughters student account has contactless.

Any of them if you choose not to enable it

JemimaPuddlegoose · 07/08/2022 14:39

NeedAHoliday2021 · 07/08/2022 14:30

Missing the point of the thread entirely… which cards don’t allow contactless? Even my daughters student account has contactless.

I don't know the technical side but the contactless feature of my Barclay debit cards used to constantly stop working, and would only work when inserted with PIN. I got through about three cards in the space of a few months before I realised that I was storing my debit card in my Oyster wallet (would open the wallet fully when swiping onto transport to ensure only the Oyster got swiped) and somehow the two cards being rubbed together was de-whatevering the contactless element.

It's very possible to have a card that doesn't work contactless or where the contactless part if broken but the card itself still works.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 07/08/2022 14:39

You sound like you're looking for opportunities to be annoyed.

Outlyingtrout · 07/08/2022 14:40

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2022 14:20

Outlyingtrout
I would remind you that people in service roles are rarely well-paid and do not deserve to be treated poorly or on the receiving end of anyone else's bad attitude or rudeness.

What point exactly are you making? That, if staff are paid NMW they should be tolerated to witter on and provide a poor service? That if they were paid more then they would be happier to have rude customers?

Most customers, I won't say 'all', but definitely most, just want to get in, get whatever they need doing, done - and then go. They don't want or need a discussion about it. Sometimes customers have an off-day, sure. So do service staff, they're not immune to that.

People just want quick, efficient service wherever they are. I'm not in the service industry but it's the same for me in my job; quick hello and then get on with it, that's the expectation and I'm happy to oblige.

I'm making the point that these jobs are shit enough, being largely very underpaid among other things, without having to deal with needlessly rude people too.

I'm not sure why the thread seems to have become purely about service staff who chit chat and make too much small talk. That's not really what the OP was about.

I worked in the service industry as a young girl/woman (16 to mid-twenties) and this type of customer is instantly recognisable to me. I'm taking OP's version of events with a pinch of salt. If there is ageism and sexism at play here, it's in the way that young people (especially young women) in service roles are treated disrespectfully by exactly this kind of awkward customer precisely because of their age and sex, although clearly some rude people will be equally as rude to whoever is in front of them.

You calling people "vacuous" for daring to express an opinion that differs from yours is a bit of a giveaway RE the way you treat strangers and why you don't see the issue.

Pluto46 · 07/08/2022 14:42

mycatisannoying · 07/08/2022 14:35

When I read posts like this, I do sometimes wonder how some people manage to get through life.

Agreed, the one reason I look at Mumsnet - makes me feel very 'normal' (assuming of course that 99.9% of these threads aren't
made up)

palygold · 07/08/2022 14:43

LoveMyPiano · 07/08/2022 14:21

When everyone you meet is an ahole - then you're the ahole.

There's some truth in that...

Bretonbear · 07/08/2022 14:43

Bubbafly · 07/08/2022 12:26

Mortified for you. You sound salty enough without asking for more in a restaurant.

Exactly ! 😂

palygold · 07/08/2022 14:44

ilyx · 07/08/2022 14:33

When everyone you meet is an ahole - then you're the ahole

Right so does this apply when someone grows up in an abusive family environment? Or they’re bullied?

No, definitely not.

mam0918 · 07/08/2022 14:45

This reply has been deleted

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BronwenFrideswide · 07/08/2022 14:46

But people who work with food - chefs, waiting staff - generally want their work to be appreciated. Adding salt before tasting says you don’t think it will be any good.

No it doesn't it just means you want salt. The Chef has produced the food to his/her taste their job is done, the waiting staff have taken the food to the table their job is done. What the person eating it adds to it or not is down to the person eating it which is their prerogative and none of any one else's business or concern.

OP can ask for salt, the waitress shouldn’t have commented. But the reason she commented is that it’s generally accepted to be rude/ignorant to add salt before tasting.

Is it? The waitress was the rude one here, not her job or her business to police how people want their food and whether or not they've tasted it first.

Siepie · 07/08/2022 14:47

My company card doesn't have contactless and I can't tell you how many times I've had the PIN conversation. I'll say "sorry this card can't do contactless. I need to put in the PIN" and shop assistants will insist "just tap it on the end! The contactless limit's gone up!" I've worked in both retail and hospitality in the past, and never would have argued with customers about their payment method.

I've also had a couple of judgemental comments from beauticians recently. I assume they're trying to make me come back more often but exclaiming "oh my god how could you go THREE MONTHS without being waxed!" and calling women who don't wax regularly "disgusting" is more likely to make me find a new waxer.

user1497207191 · 07/08/2022 14:48

NeedAHoliday2021 · 07/08/2022 14:30

Missing the point of the thread entirely… which cards don’t allow contactless? Even my daughters student account has contactless.

Lots of people DON'T WANT contactless due to risk of theft/fraud, so ask their bank for a non-contactless card which most banks provide upon request.

ilyx · 07/08/2022 14:49

@JemimaPuddlegoose Wow what industry is this? (So I know to avoid) 😳

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 07/08/2022 14:50

NeedAHoliday2021 · 07/08/2022 14:30

Missing the point of the thread entirely… which cards don’t allow contactless? Even my daughters student account has contactless.

Company cards. At least none of mine have contactless

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