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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?

450 replies

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

OP posts:
Chouetted · 09/08/2022 13:44

StreetwiseHercules · 09/08/2022 12:39

I think that a total social media trope/myth.

in 40 years on this planet I have ever encountered anyone with the expectation that women should smile more than men.

Really? Ask the men in your life if anyone has ever stopped them in the street to tell them they've dropped something (their smile), or advise that "it may never happen".

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 13:46

@BeverlyHa

’I asked her what she means crushing clothes because we give the following advice: buy new clothes, wash them and iron them. All this is happening in front of a colleague and manager working next to me. I'm just looking with her with a loving smile.’

She’s in tears and you’re giving her advice about washing and ironing, and smiling at her (lovingly? Whatever you mean by that). Of course it looked like you were laughing at her.

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 13:47

‘You're paying for an item or a service, not a piece of someone's soul or a lackey to stroke your ego.’

A service. Like ‘please get me some salt’. It’s not asking someone to be a lackey, it’s asking them to be a waitress (or waiter). Which they are.

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 13:54

‘in 40 years on this planet I have ever encountered anyone with the expectation that women should smile more than men.’

Really? You’ve never met anyone who asks women to ‘be kind’, or ‘grease the wheels of social interaction with a smile’, who simply never asks men to do the same?

ldontWanna · 09/08/2022 13:56

Yes! All the people pleasers are out in force in absolute horror that a woman dare to ask for efficient service!

Not even that... just some frikking salt.Grin

Mississipi71 · 09/08/2022 14:02

Totally agree with OP. My annoyance is that I buy the little bottles of prosecco. I like them, they are easy to carry to parties and I dont have to open a big bottle and leave half of it to go flat. I am always being asked, in the shops, why don't you buy the big bottles? I know they do this in pubs as well. That is almost ok because they are trying to save me money. f I wanted the big bottle, I would be buying it.

GirlInACountrySong · 09/08/2022 14:08

All shop staff should stay SILENT and become robots the moment a suspected MNer walks through the door

Mississipi71 · 09/08/2022 14:12

In a restaurant: "how would you like your steak cooked"? Well done please. "I will put it through but the chef won't like cooking it that way.

StreetwiseHercules · 09/08/2022 16:05

Chouetted · 09/08/2022 13:44

Really? Ask the men in your life if anyone has ever stopped them in the street to tell them they've dropped something (their smile), or advise that "it may never happen".

I don’t honestly believe that happens to women either. Just a trope.

StreetwiseHercules · 09/08/2022 16:05

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 13:54

‘in 40 years on this planet I have ever encountered anyone with the expectation that women should smile more than men.’

Really? You’ve never met anyone who asks women to ‘be kind’, or ‘grease the wheels of social interaction with a smile’, who simply never asks men to do the same?

Absolutely never.

apintortwo · 09/08/2022 16:09

In a restaurant: "how would you like your steak cooked"? Well done please. "I will put it through but the chef won't like cooking it that way.

Absolutely infuriating!

Chouetted · 09/08/2022 16:20

StreetwiseHercules · 09/08/2022 16:05

I don’t honestly believe that happens to women either. Just a trope.

I assure you it's happened to me, many many times, in many different places.

gatehouseoffleet · 09/08/2022 16:24

Mississipi71 · 09/08/2022 14:12

In a restaurant: "how would you like your steak cooked"? Well done please. "I will put it through but the chef won't like cooking it that way.

"I'm the one paying for, and eating it" with a big smile

TBH I wouldn't go to the sort of restaurant where the chef is like that though.

gatehouseoffleet · 09/08/2022 16:28

Mumclub · 08/08/2022 22:33

Wow you seem extremely passive aggressive so no wonder you keep getting in these little arguments with service staff. I bet you’ve never worked customer facing before because clearly you can’t handle being asked questions

I don't think the OP is unreasonable, and I have worked in customer facing roles. Although I think it makes you less entitled if you've had to deal with the public, it also makes you less tolerant of poor service as you know how it is meant to be delivered.

Nekomata · 09/08/2022 16:29

I used to work in a bar. A guy came in and ordered the most expensive brandy with coke. The bartender was 😤 but we never said anything to the customer.

BronwenFrideswide · 09/08/2022 18:50

wooda180 · 09/08/2022 07:11

This is true and is also why no chef will be insulted if you try it and ask for salt after but to ask before says that you don't trust the chef cook according to your tastes.

How does the Chef know everyone's tastes? Is he/she psychic?

The Chef cooks to their taste.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 09/08/2022 19:21

I’m with you OP. If I want advice, I’ll ask for it. Otherwise, I do expect servers to…well…serve. I used to and I did it well. If they want salt, ketchup, mayo, mustard - you bring it with a smile. You don’t comment on their meal choices. You don’t tell them that you wouldn’t have it in that style. You provide service.

thegcatsmother · 09/08/2022 19:37

The contactless thing irritates me. I don't have contactless, and don't want it; every time I go to pay, I say it needs to be with a PIN, and am told not necessary for contactless. In Boots once the assistant told me it was illegal not to have contactless and was most put out when I told her that was a lot of rubbish.

Chouetted · 09/08/2022 20:07

thegcatsmother · 09/08/2022 19:37

The contactless thing irritates me. I don't have contactless, and don't want it; every time I go to pay, I say it needs to be with a PIN, and am told not necessary for contactless. In Boots once the assistant told me it was illegal not to have contactless and was most put out when I told her that was a lot of rubbish.

Even if that were true (big if), what did she expect to happen - a police officer to turn up and arrest you for not using contactless?

It's illegal to write on banknotes, but I've never had a cashier point this out to me when trying to pay with a marked note.

Wheelyweddingwipedout · 10/08/2022 14:51

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 08:04

@apintortwo

”Someone... asked for SALT.”

[chef sharpens his hatchet. “Which table?”]

Chef hears someone asking for salt

Purple52 · 10/08/2022 22:35

Oh dear OP. you sound like someone who just likes to be annoyed! I bet you’d moan if a “service person” didn’t attempt conversation.
they can’t do right for doing wrong!

what ever happened to “be kind”?

PalourGamer · 10/08/2022 23:16

what ever happened to “be kind”?

To be honest, I mentally check out when I hear this. It’s just so hackneyed now, and tends to be used as a catch-all way to minimise bad behaviour.

I don’t think expecting a waitress to bring salt without having to justify myself is being ‘unkind’. I don’t think asking for a basket at a cloakroom is unkind. I just want what I’ve asked for without having to make the same request repeatedly or explain myself.

OP posts:
SleepingAgent · 10/08/2022 23:17

Mississipi71 · 09/08/2022 14:12

In a restaurant: "how would you like your steak cooked"? Well done please. "I will put it through but the chef won't like cooking it that way.

I agree with the chef. It's ruining a decent bit of steak. Grin

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 10/08/2022 23:53

StreetwiseHercules · 09/08/2022 16:05

Absolutely never.

Same - never.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 10/08/2022 23:56

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 07:37

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie

It’s true, though. People do expect women to smile more than men. That’s misogyny.

And the OP says she was perfectly polite. Should she have to smile to get the salt? Dance for the salt?

People do expect women to smile more than men

I think this is utter bollocks.