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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?

450 replies

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

OP posts:
achillestoes · 09/08/2022 07:14

‘I’m sure the server with the masters in chemistry has more expertise to offer than “salt isn’t always needed”’

If you’re constantly feeling the need to ‘educate’ people about their salt choices, you need to get a new job. If you actually do it, you’re rude. It’s their food. Maybe they just really like salt.

YesitsJacqueline · 09/08/2022 07:22

Maybe I'm hard work too op ! I totally get you.
I have this at work, if I ask my team to do a task or answer a very specific question they counter with an unrelated question or a mythical scenario. I don't know why they do this. A 2 min conversation can take half an hour and the task is delayed. I'm fed up with it.

ebri91 · 09/08/2022 07:22

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:32

Why would you be ‘mortified’ for someone else? It doesn’t affect you in any way.

Salty!

Siepie · 09/08/2022 07:26

Several posters have had posts deleted for using abusive terms towards the OP. Other posts still stand saying that OP must be menopausal or have PMS, or that they don't believe that the OP has any friends.

And yet the OP is the one being told she's nasty?

I know MN loves a pile-on, but this thread does seem to be going too far imo.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 09/08/2022 07:34

Oh fgs - the world would be a nicer place, if everyone, male and female, could smile a bit more in social interactions. Playing the misogyny card is just ridiculous - people can be pleasant or unpleasant, whatever gender they are.

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 07:37

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie

It’s true, though. People do expect women to smile more than men. That’s misogyny.

And the OP says she was perfectly polite. Should she have to smile to get the salt? Dance for the salt?

ludocris · 09/08/2022 07:46

YABU. You just sound really snappy and grumpy.

If I were to respond like you did in any of your examples it would be because I was having a bad day or was in a huge rush and needed to do things as quickly as possible, and I would feel guilty afterwards.

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 07:59

‘Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.’

And this one is awful. Everyone saying it’s ‘helpful’ (I’m rolling my eyes). Once is helpful, without pulling away the machine from the customer. Twice is obstructive and rude. Some customers don’t like contactless. Some haven’t set it up. Some just like to occasionally use their pin so they remember it, so on the occasions when their bank requires them to use it they know what it is.

I’ve been trained as a waitress. These are examples of serving staff being obtrusive. That’s the opposite of their job.

apintortwo · 09/08/2022 08:00

This is true and is also why no chef will be insulted if you try it and ask for salt after but to ask before says that you don't trust the chef cook according to your tastes

In the unlikely event that someone cared whether the chef would be insulted or not, how would the chef know the OP has asked for salt, if he is in the kitchen? Would the waitress go up to him and spill the beans?

The whole salt and chef debacle is ridiculous

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 08:04

@apintortwo

”Someone... asked for SALT.”

[chef sharpens his hatchet. “Which table?”]

apintortwo · 09/08/2022 08:07

😂

TheRealNanny · 09/08/2022 08:21

I don't think YABU to expect what you asked for. What happened to "the customer is always right "

I would guess a lot of the rude and negative comments are from people in service jobs!

ludocris · 09/08/2022 08:38

TheRealNanny · 09/08/2022 08:21

I don't think YABU to expect what you asked for. What happened to "the customer is always right "

I would guess a lot of the rude and negative comments are from people in service jobs!

And who cares what they think!!

Maggiethecat · 09/08/2022 08:41

TheProvincialLady · 07/08/2022 12:56

I found that HRT reduced the times I was irritated by these kinds of everyday non events by 1000000%

Haven’t read past your post but suspect you’ll be in for a bollocking for offering that unsolicited advice!!!!!

Ukrainebaby23 · 09/08/2022 09:02

I suppose its a bit like the supermarket assistants trying to direct me yo self service tills. Well I don't like them, I'm not good with them, I'd prefer interaction with a human , and one time in Lidl the assistant had to come to aid me 6 times and said next time, use a checkout! But I don't really want to say all this in a busy supermarket so I just say to the advice to use self serve, no thank you I'd rather wait. Some take this response fine, some even open a Till, others want a debate but I stick to no thank you. It can be annoying but I guess I being annoying to them..

CarrieKurz · 09/08/2022 09:04

Can I respectfully ask, why do you prefer interaction with a human?

GirlInACountrySong · 09/08/2022 09:06

Op in All honesty you sound like hated working

And one of THOSE customers!!!

GirlInACountrySong · 09/08/2022 09:08
  • hard work
melj1213 · 09/08/2022 11:16

TheRealNanny · 09/08/2022 08:21

I don't think YABU to expect what you asked for. What happened to "the customer is always right "

I would guess a lot of the rude and negative comments are from people in service jobs!

Because the customer is very often not right, starting with your use of the quote to infer that the customer is always correct in what they are saying and service staff should just do as they're told because God forbid they ever defy a customer who is being entitled, rude or condescending and using "the customer is always right" as justification.

I work in retail and the only customers who ever utter that phrase are the same customers spouting things like: "The price on the shelf was £X but it scanned at £XX You have to sell it to me for £X, it's the law!" (Hint: It isn't) or "I bought this item for £YY, theres nothing wrong with it, I don't want an exchange, I don't have a receipt and its showing on the system as £Y in the sale but you have to refund me the £YY I paid!" (Hint: no we don't) "You're a stupid cow, just do your fucking job ... what do you mean you aren't going to serve me because I'm being abusive? You have to!" (Hint: no I don't)

The full quote is: "The customer is always right in matters of taste" which doesn't mean customers word is law, it means that whatever items a customer wants are the items you need to be selling. So if you work I a fashion boutique and a customer wants a maroon top hat, purple boots and lime green suit and your company sells all of those items then you ensure you have them in stock and sell them to the customer when they want them, even if you personally think its a fashion crime.

Maverickess · 09/08/2022 11:37

TheRealNanny · 09/08/2022 08:21

I don't think YABU to expect what you asked for. What happened to "the customer is always right "

I would guess a lot of the rude and negative comments are from people in service jobs!

What happened to the customer is always right is that so many people use it as an excuse to abuse the staff, or to set up an 'us and them' situation where they're determined to show the staff just who's superior, regardless of the actual service being delivered.

It's an excuse to treat people badly and be congratulated, compensated and encouraged for doing so. It's a good way to be as unreasonable as you like and think that someone else is duty bound to meet whatever you decide and take any way you decide to treat them without issue.

It's a way to feel superior to other people and demand they do your bidding, decide what they're thinking for them and change any meaning of words they say to suit your agenda and then have a go at them and feel the aggrieved party.

You're paying for an item or a service, not a piece of someone's soul or a lackey to stroke your ego.

BeverlyHa · 09/08/2022 12:35

I work in good retail company. They teach us to be talkative at till point, offering help and advice or chat.

Yesterday another one of you complained to me I'm crushing the clothes she is buying. I was still scanning the barcodes. She started shaking and her tears filled with tears. I asked her is she ok and does she still wants to proceed with payment. She did. I asked her what she means crushing clothes because we give the following advice: buy new clothes, wash them and iron them. All this is happening in front of a colleague and manager working next to me. I'm just looking with her with a loving smile. She shakes even more, starts telling me I'm laughing at her and turns to my manager and complains of me in front of me. 🤣🤣

Complaining making up evil lie but remember my manager is already there and sees the mental state of the woman.

Did you have enough Mumsnet ....

MibsXX · 09/08/2022 12:36

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 23:17

Well I do know, because a) I got the phone direct from my service provider, so I know it was brand new and b) as I state in my OP, when he asked how old it was, I replied ‘Four months; why?’ Surely he would then have said ‘Because XYZ….’?

I brought this up as I used to work for a company that handled customer returns from all sorts of outlets, you'd be amazed maybe at just how many new items get returned for various reasons in various states of appearance and repair, they are then usually checked over, parts replaced and repackaged as new again.... hence my comment.

StreetwiseHercules · 09/08/2022 12:39

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 07:37

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie

It’s true, though. People do expect women to smile more than men. That’s misogyny.

And the OP says she was perfectly polite. Should she have to smile to get the salt? Dance for the salt?

I think that a total social media trope/myth.

in 40 years on this planet I have ever encountered anyone with the expectation that women should smile more than men.

SleepingAgent · 09/08/2022 13:02

wooda180 · 08/08/2022 18:22

Always taste the food before asking for salt. It's actually insulting to the chef as you're insinuating that you know the food will be under seasoned.

The chef is in the kitchen cooking the next table's meals, will never see OP or what she does with the food, and probably doesn't care, why would he give a fuck whether she has salt or not?

SleepingAgent · 09/08/2022 13:14

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 07:09

I’d bet my house on it that this is because the OP is a woman. Women aren’t allowed to have objections to poor service. Women must smile and ‘grease the social wheels’ even when they’re paying for the salt, want the salt, have asked politely for the salt and are being questioned about the salt.

Just get the damned salt.

😂

Yes! All the people pleasers are out in force in absolute horror that a woman dare to ask for efficient service! Grin