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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?

450 replies

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

OP posts:
NotSoSlimShady8 · 08/08/2022 22:15

Absolutely 100% with u OP , people are too opinionated and get too involved … just do your job 🙄 don’t really understand other posters responses either tbh. I love a good bit of banter with staff members everywhere I go … can’t stand the jobsworth type that get involved

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 22:27

She didn't give you an opinion though, she asked you a question.

But why did she ask the question? She didn’t need the information. The only reason to ask was because she had an opinion on the fact that I was asking for salt. Given that, to have tried it without her seeing, I would have had to take a mouthful in the split second it took her to put my friends’ plates down, she almost definitely knew I hadn’t. So it wasn’t really a question at all, was it?

OP posts:
Mumclub · 08/08/2022 22:33

Wow you seem extremely passive aggressive so no wonder you keep getting in these little arguments with service staff. I bet you’ve never worked customer facing before because clearly you can’t handle being asked questions

Corcory · 08/08/2022 22:41

Well, I can't say this happens to me, could it just be you and the way you interact with people?

MibsXX · 08/08/2022 22:46

He MIGHT have been about to tell you that your 4 mth old phone was in fact a repaired older model that you weren't aware of... it would be obvious to him form seeing the insides.. but now you might never know

CarrieKurz · 08/08/2022 22:53

I found online that 'salt cravings are common and are usually the result of factors such as boredom or stress'...

Chouetted · 08/08/2022 23:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Chouetted · 08/08/2022 23:13

I have a card from a bank that does contactless, but not until first activated - which you do with a chip and PIN transaction.

I would definately get a bit irritated internally if someone tried to make a song and dance when I just wanted to activate my card. It's like when the people at the train station barrier won't inspect your ticket until you've proved that it won't scan, it just makes me feel... not believed. And then you go on another day and get one who thinks you're an idiot for clogging up the queue trying to scan it because that particular type of ticket never scans (yes, I know...).

People are difficult to fathom, sometimes,

Anele22 · 08/08/2022 23:14

Goodness, what a hard time PP are giving the OP. I don’t think you sound abrupt or rude at all; just asking for normal service. Everything you listed would have annoyed me too. Sadly we Brits aren’t known for good service and as for the poster suggesting YOU should be smiley and chatty 🤦‍♀️

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 23:17

MibsXX · 08/08/2022 22:46

He MIGHT have been about to tell you that your 4 mth old phone was in fact a repaired older model that you weren't aware of... it would be obvious to him form seeing the insides.. but now you might never know

Well I do know, because a) I got the phone direct from my service provider, so I know it was brand new and b) as I state in my OP, when he asked how old it was, I replied ‘Four months; why?’ Surely he would then have said ‘Because XYZ….’?

OP posts:
FormAnOrderlyQueue · 08/08/2022 23:18

OP I'm with you 100%.
Actually pissing me off how many negative comments and insults towards you there are!

What is with people being so condescending??
Same people who can't see the point that OP is making?? 🤔

Pisses me right off when shop assistants tell you smugly that you're on your last day or last few days.
Yeah, so??!!
I agree OP, they infer that you're a naughty child and I've even had the classic condescending line of all time, 'I'll do it for you, THIS time!!

I don't advocate violence but I like to imagine their heads to be on a coconut shy stall, and I knock it off with my first strike 😅.

Totally uneccessary comments and they're wanting their 5 seconds of power.
Yawn.

Itwillworkifyoutryit2222 · 08/08/2022 23:44

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

Yes all v annoying- but, I’m going to go deep with this take.

I think a lot of people in service are young people who are simultaneously getting educated to a higher level than ever, while they are also being paid a pittance compared to what money for those sorts of jobs used to get you in the world 20 or 30 years ago and are given pretty limited responsibility. They are adults but it seems like they haven’t been given the usual trappings of adulthood in many ways- just the crap parts. They’ve also sort of been told “so sorry, no more social mobility for you- we need another recession unfortunately, to eh protect your future”.

I think they are probably just trying to feel valuable and powerful, like they’re equal to you or even the expert in the situation. I’m sure the server with the masters in chemistry has more expertise to offer than “salt isn’t always needed” but no one is going to ask her about that are they? She possibly feels she may never be asked about that. Having said that I would have been pretty outraged if someone said that to me, and pretty rude. They’ve been taught all this confidence, given all this knowledge - but they’ve not been given anywhere (appropriate) to go with it.

SamSoSer · 08/08/2022 23:57

Goodness.... ummm.
You have never been told that you come across as officious and superior in
the past?
Its not just the post that instructs us that you don’t want unsolicited advice or comments but also the replies to comments that give it away for me.
You really seem difficult, obstructive, aggressively reactive and completely unaccepting that you might possibly be in the wrong..... probably ever.
Of course that is an assumption based on your interactions here.
Another theory is that none of this happened and that the nature of the post generates the kind of response you enjoy.
If you really see these scenarios as poor service or impudence on the part of the lowly employees of the service industry yes YABU.
I realise I’ve broken the rules with my unsolicited commenting.
Its never too late to change you know but I suspect that even a visit from the ghosts of past, present and future might not be enough here.

Nanof8 · 09/08/2022 00:08

Most sound like small talk. The phone, he may have been asking as possibly your type of phone has been brought in for repairs often and he was going to give you a friendly heads up.

MyBabiesAreCute · 09/08/2022 00:11

I don't think you sound awful. I really enjoyed reading your op because it reminded me of a sitcom, something like fleabag :-)
The leisure centre one sounds particularly annoying!

BabyDreamers · 09/08/2022 00:15

Yanbu!!!! I am always nice to people's faces then after ponder why they are such dicks. You are my person op.

PixieLaLa · 09/08/2022 00:17

the split second it took her to put my friends’ plates down

You have friends?! 😂😂😂

Anele22 · 09/08/2022 00:22

Brilliant post! I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading this and your responses to some astonishingly idiotic comments is done with intelligence and class. Brilliant OP!

PalourGamer · 09/08/2022 00:37

PixieLaLa · 09/08/2022 00:17

the split second it took her to put my friends’ plates down

You have friends?! 😂😂😂

Oh dear. I know it’s the school holidays, but still…

OP posts:
MrsClatterbuck · 09/08/2022 02:01

HellaFitzgerald · 07/08/2022 12:47

Due to covid, many venues are encouraging contactless over PIN entry. In fact, the contactless limit increased specifically because of covid which may be why he told the OP "you can for that amount" because she might not have known.

I guess some people just go out of their way to be difficult.

I know that the limit was changed to 100 but I am able to change it down on my banking app so
would require my pin if I did that but server wouldn't know that.

Aprilx · 09/08/2022 06:54

Anele22 · 09/08/2022 00:22

Brilliant post! I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading this and your responses to some astonishingly idiotic comments is done with intelligence and class. Brilliant OP!

I didn’t see any intelligence. Just nastiness and contempt to other posters, which gave me an idea of how she behaves and feels towards the low paid workers she has encountered.

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 07:04

‘It greases the social wheels if we’re all a bit friendly!’

So tell the waitress.

“Can I have some salt please?”

”Of course.”

Everyone’s smiling.

The obvious hypocrisy here is that people only expect the OP to smile. The waitress seems to be permitted to be rude.

achillestoes · 09/08/2022 07:09

I’d bet my house on it that this is because the OP is a woman. Women aren’t allowed to have objections to poor service. Women must smile and ‘grease the social wheels’ even when they’re paying for the salt, want the salt, have asked politely for the salt and are being questioned about the salt.

Just get the damned salt.

😂

wooda180 · 09/08/2022 07:11

This is true and is also why no chef will be insulted if you try it and ask for salt after but to ask before says that you don't trust the chef cook according to your tastes.

BerthaBetty · 09/08/2022 07:12

You are very easily annoyed.