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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to live longer

217 replies

AmIAlone52 · 06/08/2022 21:40

Probably not the wisest place to put this but hell, let's do it. I will preface by saying I do have depression, which is managed well but is probably impacting on my thinking here.

Am I the only person who doesn't want to live a "long life"? I exercise and am currently eating in a calorie deficit to try and lose some baby weight (DC is definitely no longer a baby) but a lot of the fitness media I consume has been impacted by the body positivity/neutrality movement and consequently has a big focus on exercising for health and longevity rather than the way your body looks, and yet all I can think when I see this is "I don't want to live that long"

Whilst I'm not doing anything to deliberately endagner my health (non smoker, rarely drink, no drugs or self harm etc) I am not looking to go out of my way to improve things. I don't want to.

Am I completely insane thinking this? Does everyone else want to live as long as possible?

OP posts:
midgetastic · 07/08/2022 10:10

@drawacircleroundit

What I mean is that 9 in 10'people don't need that kind of care

Amazing as it might seem most people don't spend their last 10 years in a nursing home

Many have active lives until they die

Just look at the deaths over the last few years in my mothers street - "but he was only on the shed roof last week" . Most have a short illness. Time to get their affairs sorted.

There is one lady with dementia. The rest of them are gadding about

lemmein · 07/08/2022 10:13

AlwaysAugust · 06/08/2022 21:43

My opinion on this will be VERY unpopular but I've always said I don't want to live past 50 😬
I just don't know how life can get any more fun or interesting past that age and I dread the day tbh.

When I was in my teens I used to think I'd die at 42 (no idea why!) and then I was ok with that, cos I would have had a 'good innings' 🙈

I'm 44 now!

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 07/08/2022 10:17

Omg, I’m 51 and peri menopause aside, life is just getting better & better, more income, less responsibilities and an excellent bunch of mates. I don’t think I will make really old bones , but boy I’m living my best life and tbh I didn’t think 50s was old.

Camomila · 07/08/2022 10:18

There's not much dementia in my extended family...most people seem to live their late 80s early 90s then die after a short illness. I'd be perfectly happy with that.
Hopefully I will get lucky like my nonna (still living independently at 89) and have children/grandchildren popping in to visit me a couple of times a week and a few great grandchildren to cuddle.

lemmein · 07/08/2022 10:29

I do agree with the OP though; I've never regarded life as particularly 'precious' - when people say old age is better than the alternative I smile along, but really, I disagree. It all depends on the quality of life I suppose.

But then, I'm in my 40s, maybe I'll feel differently as I age? An elderly neighbour found out she had skin cancer a few years ago and she wept as she told me - this lady lost her husband about 6 years ago, has dementia and is a staunch catholic; I was surprised tbh about her determination to survive (she did! ), especially as she believes in an after-life. If you believe in heaven why would you want to hang around this shit-hole for a moment longer than you have to? 🤨 she did though, so maybe I will too...I hope not, I like the comfort that not being scared/anxious about dying brings.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 07/08/2022 10:36

I don't think anyone wants to live a long life that is plagued by illness though I'm sure if it happened earlier than expected I'd be happy to be here seeing the people I loved.

I want to live independently for as long as possible and after that I'll consider euthanasia.

My beautiful glamorous aunt 68 has severe dementia she is a shell of herself almost like a zombie.

If I am diagnosed with dementia I'm outta here early.

70billionthnamechange · 07/08/2022 10:59

AlwaysAugust · 06/08/2022 21:43

My opinion on this will be VERY unpopular but I've always said I don't want to live past 50 😬
I just don't know how life can get any more fun or interesting past that age and I dread the day tbh.

50?? How weird! Kids flown the nest and lots of travel opportunities while still relatively young and fit (hopefully). That's sad that you think life is over then, and rather bizarre

Purplepatsy · 07/08/2022 11:02

DirectionToPerfection · 06/08/2022 21:45

I think a lot of people feel this way when they're younger and old age is far away, but feel very different when the time comes.

Yes I agree with this. The trouble is, when you get older, you don't actually feel older in your mind, it's your body that tells you you're not as young as you were. That's why it's great if you can keep fit while you're young.

lollipoprainbow · 07/08/2022 11:07

Lots of posters here with clearly happy and amazing lives, let's not forget not everyone has that. Mine certainly isn't a bed of roses and if it wasn't for my dd I wouldn't mind bowing out early. My mum has advanced dementia, it runs in the family so know that's the fate that awaits me.

FredaFox · 07/08/2022 11:20

I understand, I'm think that partially as I have no idea how I'll afford to live. My future feels very miserable
I enjoy life now but I can't see I'd be happy not having the same quality of life and opportunities, I don't want to just exist

Wooly42 · 07/08/2022 11:34

I want the choice of a medically assisted suicide when my quality of life is reduced to an unbearable level. It is not right for largely healthy people to deny this to someone who clearly want this.

Palliative pain relief is not always effective or properly performed. DIY suicide is legal but potentially painful , messy , and often unsuccessful or causes distress to others.

Even assisting someone to travel to Dignitas risks prosecution or forfeit of inheritance.

My Body My Choice should apply here as for abortion.

userxx · 07/08/2022 11:38

AlwaysAugust · 06/08/2022 21:43

My opinion on this will be VERY unpopular but I've always said I don't want to live past 50 😬
I just don't know how life can get any more fun or interesting past that age and I dread the day tbh.

50!! My mum who is mid-70's was saying she'd love to be 50 again as she had a fabulous time.

butterflied · 07/08/2022 11:55

Wooly42 · 07/08/2022 11:34

I want the choice of a medically assisted suicide when my quality of life is reduced to an unbearable level. It is not right for largely healthy people to deny this to someone who clearly want this.

Palliative pain relief is not always effective or properly performed. DIY suicide is legal but potentially painful , messy , and often unsuccessful or causes distress to others.

Even assisting someone to travel to Dignitas risks prosecution or forfeit of inheritance.

My Body My Choice should apply here as for abortion.

I completely agree with this.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 07/08/2022 12:48

Tbh I want to live forever and I can't actually imagine not being alive. The thought terrifies me. Really terrifies me. But seeing the decline of my dad from a big tough but lovely man to frail and not being able to hardly walk I don't want to become old and unable to do things either.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 07/08/2022 12:56

Most people in my family including parents died before 70.

None needed carers.

My parents lived on the same Street for 50 years like most of the neighbours who bought the house straight after marriage when age 20.

Many have already died.

I'll be happy if I make it to 70 yesrs old. I'm constantly worrying lately about dying while my DC are young.

Sleepinggreyhounds · 07/08/2022 13:24

50? I do think you need to rethink your life. I’m 57, have kids still at school / college, have a very challenging and stimulating job where I travel widely and am well respected- I know plenty of people similar. I don’t think many people want to live at all costs but if you’re lucky enough to be in readi health there’s no reason why older age can’t be fun.

drawacircleroundit · 07/08/2022 13:31

midgetastic · 07/08/2022 10:10

@drawacircleroundit

What I mean is that 9 in 10'people don't need that kind of care

Amazing as it might seem most people don't spend their last 10 years in a nursing home

Many have active lives until they die

Just look at the deaths over the last few years in my mothers street - "but he was only on the shed roof last week" . Most have a short illness. Time to get their affairs sorted.

There is one lady with dementia. The rest of them are gadding about

Oh I seeee! I hadn’t thought of that. My mind goes immediately to my DDs being made homeless.
Longevity is in my family, though… it’s going to be a care home and sold house, or the train tracks, I think. Switzerland if the cancer returns.
but it would be better if I could move to your mum’s street and become one of those quick deaths following a short illness! 😆

Dalaidramailama · 07/08/2022 13:40

@lollipoprainbow

Its also mindset. I won’t start with my “story” or poor me act but on paper I should be seriously depressed and miserable.

I am not though, as despite what life has thrown at me I decide to be happy.

Happiness is always a choice, irrespective of the curve balls and that comes down to mindset.

There have been many studies whereby elderly people are asked their number one regret and the same thing always comes out on top and that is “they decided not to be happy in their lives and they realised at the end it was a choice”.

FastnetLundyRockall · 07/08/2022 13:42

Well I'm 51 and having a cracking time. I got married aged 48, bike 10 miles to work and am planning to move abroad in 5 years or so. I have languages to learn, friends to see and places to see and general good times to have.

Plus, I've promised myself I'll start smoking again aged 90, plus try all the drugs so there's that to look forward too as well 🙂 so 90 might be the age it goes downhill for me

midgetastic · 07/08/2022 13:43

There's a house up for sale soon 😀

Tougherpolicies · 07/08/2022 13:48

So many different attitudes here, must depend so very much on individual circumstances.

midgetastic · 07/08/2022 13:50

It's quite sad that so many don't enjoy living and can only envisage a painful degrading future

LikeAStar1994 · 07/08/2022 13:53

Personally I don't want to live past 50. I can't tell people this in real life because they will never get it and they will automatically assume I'm mentally ill. Which I'm not.

I would never end my life but will not be attending any health check ups or do anything that will make me live longer than I have to.

Dalaidramailama · 07/08/2022 13:54

@Tougherpolicies

I think optimism levels have a genetic component. I remember having to research something of the sort during my degree. People have a “baseline” level. My mother and nan were both incredibly optimistic despite my nan having to be admitted to the psychiatric hospital on a good few occasions. As soon as she was stable she was back to her happy self again despite a childhood filled with trauma etc.

My kids are very happy go lucky too.

LikeAStar1994 · 07/08/2022 14:00

AlwaysAugust · 06/08/2022 21:43

My opinion on this will be VERY unpopular but I've always said I don't want to live past 50 😬
I just don't know how life can get any more fun or interesting past that age and I dread the day tbh.

Not unpopular at all. I feel exactly the same way.

Don't listen to anybody else. Your opinion and feelings are valid.

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