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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to live longer

217 replies

AmIAlone52 · 06/08/2022 21:40

Probably not the wisest place to put this but hell, let's do it. I will preface by saying I do have depression, which is managed well but is probably impacting on my thinking here.

Am I the only person who doesn't want to live a "long life"? I exercise and am currently eating in a calorie deficit to try and lose some baby weight (DC is definitely no longer a baby) but a lot of the fitness media I consume has been impacted by the body positivity/neutrality movement and consequently has a big focus on exercising for health and longevity rather than the way your body looks, and yet all I can think when I see this is "I don't want to live that long"

Whilst I'm not doing anything to deliberately endagner my health (non smoker, rarely drink, no drugs or self harm etc) I am not looking to go out of my way to improve things. I don't want to.

Am I completely insane thinking this? Does everyone else want to live as long as possible?

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 07/08/2022 02:46

I'm 56 & severely disabled. Ican't stand the thought of another 30 years of this, if it wasn't for ds & my mum I would be happy to go now.

antelopevalley · 07/08/2022 02:47

I used to want to live to 100. After seeing a relative do this I changed my mind. Not because of health, she was remarkably healthy until very late on. But because life becomes about loss. All your peers die. You make new friends your age and they die too. Your social life becomes funerals, again and again. I do not have the mental strength to live this.

maddening · 07/08/2022 02:49

It is not necessarily about length of life, rather quality - whatever age you go you don't want to spend 20 years in v poor health

antelopevalley · 07/08/2022 02:54

Poor health does not automatically mean life is not worth living. Poor health is a vague statement.
,y DP has poor health - a genetic condition. He has a full life with work and teenage children and a loving wife.

DomesticShortHair · 07/08/2022 03:06

Me neither. I have the opportunity for an annual heath check through work with their occupational heath doctor. I always turn it down, because I don’t want them to find something until it’s too late to do anything about it.

Friends keep on suggesting I increase my pension contributions from the minimum that I’m making at the moment. I don’t tell them the reason I won’t, is because I’m not planning on being around long enough to collect it.

antelopevalley · 07/08/2022 03:13

Health campaigns never seem to understand that some people do not want to live a long life.

cariadlet · 07/08/2022 03:23

AlwaysAugust · 06/08/2022 21:43

My opinion on this will be VERY unpopular but I've always said I don't want to live past 50 😬
I just don't know how life can get any more fun or interesting past that age and I dread the day tbh.

You must know a lot of boring 50 year olds. It doesn't have to be like that.

I'm 55 and am sitting in the house in Costa Rica which my partner and I bought last year.
I'm a teacher and it's the summer holidays so I've come out for 5 weeks.
My partner couldn't come out with me so I've brought my mum who is in her 80s.

It wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea but being in your 50s isn't old and life certainly doesn't have to stop being interesting.

Riapia · 07/08/2022 03:42

I don’t want to live to be a hundred.
Unless I get to be 99.

WonderingWanda · 07/08/2022 03:57

I don't think I agree, I would like to stay healthy and have lots I want to do, and certainly want to be healthy enough to enjoy my 60's and 70's. I guess I'd like to get old but also like to be well and enjoy it. I have lots of old lady hobbies like knitting, crochet and sewing that I don't have much time for right now. Also love walking travelling, food and babies....although I don't want any more of my own but think I would love to be a grandmother one day. What I don't want is to live regardless and suffer with ill health or severly restricted mobility that might prevent me enjoying all those things.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 07/08/2022 04:02

A very close relative died last week, after suffering for three years with MND. He was in his 40s and left behind two little kids. So I've probably read this thread at the wrong time, because he certainly deserved and desperately wanted more time.

And as for life being no fun once you are fifty, I've never ready anything more ridiculous. I'm in my 50s and having a brilliant time. If your life feels crap and boring and you are in reasonable health, maybe try doing something about it.

Fairyliz · 07/08/2022 06:33

I’m in my 60’s, always lived a healthy life and look slim and fit. However I’m still starting to get some aches and pains and minor illnesses.
Ive seen every single elderly member of my family go through years and years of pain and illness. It seen inevitable whatever you do.
I’m actually really scared about it because there’s no way to ward it off. I think we need a proper conversation about how we keep old people alive; it must be a dreadful way to live.

WishIWasOnHolidayAgain · 07/08/2022 06:33

I'm scared of losing my faculties and have told my family that once I need to rely on others' for help with certain stuff I don't want to be here. I have a health condition that will most likely cause those kind of issues for me so it's sort of always in the back of my mind. I don't want to live to be like 100 or whatever tho even if still healthy.

Suetodo88 · 07/08/2022 06:40

AlwaysAugust · 06/08/2022 21:43

My opinion on this will be VERY unpopular but I've always said I don't want to live past 50 😬
I just don't know how life can get any more fun or interesting past that age and I dread the day tbh.

@AlwaysAugust

See how you feel at 49 and 364 days

Fairislefandango · 07/08/2022 06:47

Completely agree. Same shit day in day out. Bit depressing but I'm not even enjoying life now so why would I be in 15+ years time?

That's not about age though, it's about your own situation and/or your own mental state!

I'm 50, fit and healthy and having a very nice life. Great family, nice hobbies, learning new things and starting a new job next month which I'm genuinely really excited about! Aside from my own fun stuff, I have 2 teenagers and am looking forward to seeing what they make of their lives! And, much as I'll miss them when they leave home, I'm also looking forward to doing things and going places with dh as just us again. The thought of being 'old' or life being over would not remotely occur to me. I don't feel old at all!

RustyShackleford3 · 07/08/2022 06:51

I want to be in good health and happy for as long as possible. I have no interest in slowly withering away in a nursing home for 20 years.

So yeah, an extra 20 years on my life sounds fabulous, but only if it's a good 20 years. If it's going to be miserable I can't be arsed with it.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/08/2022 06:53

AlwaysAugust · 06/08/2022 21:43

My opinion on this will be VERY unpopular but I've always said I don't want to live past 50 😬
I just don't know how life can get any more fun or interesting past that age and I dread the day tbh.

My life improved hugely after 50. Divorced a horrible man, had a lot of great sex (!), great job, my own house, freedom!!

rocketfromthecrypt · 07/08/2022 06:56

butterflied · 06/08/2022 21:49

You're not alone. I don't want to. Chronic pain influences it. Why would I want to endure that for another 40 years?

Snap. Chronic pain that's going to get worse - I don't want to live to 100, thanks.

Ansjovis · 07/08/2022 07:13

The day I was told that diet and exercise were big factors that influence what kind of menopause you have (along with genetics which I can do zero about), that was the day I committed to improving both. You may not want to have a long life and that's your choice but I value making improvements where I can so that the life I do have is as well lived as possible.

RuthBrenner · 07/08/2022 07:25

Quality over quantity has always been my motto.

diamondpony80 · 07/08/2022 07:53

Some very depressing posts on here. I would love to live a long life. I can't believe how fast time is going and there's so much I want to do. My nan is 90 and still reads, paints, gardens etc. She's obviously getting frailer, but still has goals she wants to achieve. I hope to be able to spend a long time with my children, grandchildren and maybe even great grandchildren. I want to start new businesses, travel, volunteer etc. Life is way too short.

RealBecca · 07/08/2022 08:20

I'd quite like to euthanise myself before significant rreversible illness sets in but if i want to live as long as I can while I'm healthy as life has so much to offer and I want to be a part of it.

YouAreNotBatman · 07/08/2022 08:22

Agreed.

Although I’m in my mid 30’s and I’m so done with life already.
Actually been done for years, maybe decades.
I’m really scared to live just to see that everything is still horrible.

BeeCyber8net · 07/08/2022 08:49

"I don't want to live past 50"

Wow !

I am over 50
I love life !
I work FT
I too have recently seen Mick Jagger 79 Rolling Stones on tour (he has amazing energy)
I've been to a festival
I've been on some city breaks with friends
I enjoy my sporting hobbies

I have made a 10 year plan of what I would like to do next & have plans for the later years too

I have relatives in their late 80s who live independently & are still going strong

I am NOT ready to give up yet !

drawacircleroundit · 07/08/2022 08:57

Being old is hard emotional work. Daily I’m guilty - for my children not receiving the life insurance that would see them comfortably into a house deposit, for not having saved hard enough for them, for knowing that, as I age, my home (which is all I have for them, and with only half the mortgage paid off at that) will be sold to pay for my care, for the inevitability of becoming the burden that they feel obliged to visit…
I had life-saving treatment a few years ago. Now that my DC are older, I’m not sure I would.

RaininSummer · 07/08/2022 08:59

Since I can't retire until 67, I don't really want to check out until about 80. I would actively seek to change that if very infirm and in pain. Am at a festival thus weekend and still working full time at almost 60 so 50 is very young to me to be thinking like 0P. When I was 16 I used to say I didn't want to live past 30 but I changed my mind