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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by a comment my friend made?

689 replies

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Dita73 · 08/08/2022 05:39

In the examples you’ve given,your friend is 100% right. The fact you’ve left the thread shows you don’t like the truth when people tell it to you as you know deep down you’re in the wrong. Bit of a waste of time really

mrsbitaly · 08/08/2022 06:07

Yes she's hit the nail on the head to be honest. I've got a large dog we've had from a puppy and she's old now and it has made me feel I wouldn't get another as lovely as she is. We can't just pop away for a weekend or even a night without planned care for her which if we go on holiday can be expensive too.

You are still going to get the dog as you've seen its cute and squishy face and you've probably melted already 🤣

If its a young pup then initially it will feel like you have a baby. It's hard work initially when they are teething chewing everything, weeing everywhere until trained and crying in the night.

I wish you all the best though genuinely as its also an amazing experience.

PinkSyCo · 08/08/2022 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Squiff70 · 08/08/2022 08:08

phishy · 08/08/2022 04:46

Really, you don”t think has been mentioned in 650 posts?

Show quote history

The fact that French Bulldogs are brachycephalic and have breathing problems HAS been mentioned many times. I was referring to the fact that the OP may struggle to find suitable and affordable insurance for a brachycephalic dog. I haven't seen that mentioned on this thread, but admit I may have missed it if it has.

LovelyIssues · 08/08/2022 08:18

Doesn't sound like she's trying to sway you, you asked a question and she answered with her opinion. All her points are valid, though we have a dog and love him.

MissCrowley · 08/08/2022 08:22

I own a dog, your friend is absolutely correct.
Our dog also has a lot of issues so leaving her with a random pet sitter or kennel is a massive no no for us too.
We have to involve the dog if it means we'll be out of the house for a long period of time. She's not used to being left for hours on end and we wouldn't do that anyway as it's cruel.
Dogs are pack animals and they get lonely quickly if left on their own (not as bad if there's more than one!)
It's a huge responsibility and not to be taken lightly.
You may have unexpected vet bills, they'll need insurance, injections, medications and decent food, especially if the dog has specific dietary req which can also in turn be expensive.
If it's a puppy you'll also need to spend a lot of time training it in all areas, toileting, behaviour, recall etc.
A friend of mine got a "toy" dog and didn't bother training it at all, it's now about 6 years old, shits everywhere and tries to bite kids, she had to get rid of it in the end as it kept trying to attack her DD and her friends!
I think your friend is very realistic, and those comments would only really piss you off if you're in rose tinted glasses about how great having a dog is.

angela99999 · 08/08/2022 08:45

I think dogs need as much care as children but never grow up beyond this stage. You're effectively taking on a permanent toddler.
I agree with everything your friend said @creamysauce And I wouldn't choose a breed with health problems either. She certainly doesn't sound jealous, just realistic.

I'm guessing you'll get a pretty good idea of how many others feel this too, though I've not had time to read the whole thread.

Maybeebebe · 08/08/2022 10:11

Osiansmummy1 · 07/08/2022 18:28

She is being honest.. its a lot
That said I love my dog and don't think it an imposition at all. I wouldn't be without him x she doesn't have that capacity I am guessing

you probably meant "time to devote to a dog" but she doesn't have that capacity I am guessing reads like "she's too emotionally stunted to have a dog, not like us dog owners with big hearts"

(Thats a me thing I know, I have a dm who is just superior to everyone else)

blackcatnight · 08/08/2022 10:48

YABVU for your perception of your friend’s feedback, which you requested, and for getting a French bulldog. What a cruel, superficial thing to pay for one of those poor, poor dogs. I honestly don’t think I could be friends with someone who paid for one of those types of dogs.

LaDamaDeElche · 08/08/2022 11:24

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

You asked her opinion and she gave it. She didn't make an unsolicited comment. You're being weirdly over sensitive.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 11:25

You asked, she answered.

YABU to buy a French Bulldog.

bemusedmoose · 08/08/2022 12:29

She is being honest that's all. I wish more people would be so honest and not get pets instead of getting them and then dumping them when they are inconvenient.

Having a dog is like having a toddler for the next 16 years only you can't take it to so many places unless you live in a really dog friendly area (here it is a no in all shops, banks, cafés, school runs...) where as places like Cornwall they seem to be allowed everywhere people go (probably still not school though). So yes your day will be very much different with a dog and you will need to plan ahead for day trips to have it looked after, when it's a puppy you are looking at not being able to leave it more than 20 mins. Can't leave it in the car to nip in a shop or outside as it will be stolen.

So I see her point as a dog owner for 12 years it does make things a lot harder. Also Frenchies are the fashionable breed so very over bred with breathing issues due to the short nose and dilute colours like blue and lilac come with skin and health issues so be prepared for special diets and vet bills!

But I wouldn't be without my dogs! I love them to bits but it does make just packing up on hols and popping out for the day more of an operation than a whim which isn't for everyone. She has clearly given it a lot of thought which is really responsible.

smilingontheinside · 08/08/2022 12:43

She is being absolutely honest. I have two dogs left with me when family members moved out. I love them to bits but they are a tie and an expense especially as they age. I like to go away as now retired, so my time is my own, but petcare is expensive and stressful trying to find the right type of care. You can't lie in, have to walk them in all weathers and can't /shouldn't leave them for long periods on their own. Training is time consuming and hard but necessary and vet bills can add up. My two are old now and I worry about their health but both OK at the moment. Your friend really has thought about pet ownership and decided it's not for her, hopefully you have really considered all the negatives as well as the positives (of which there are many). Good luck with your pup and enjoy the good stuff.

rightonthyme · 08/08/2022 12:57

She's not jealous lol.

Blacksheepcat · 08/08/2022 14:03

Everything she said is true!

Have you really considered what a massive commitment it is to have a dog or did you just like the idea of having a trendy, frenchie pup? Are you financially able to pay for all the vet bills, food, dog-sitters etc for the next 13-15 years? Are you home most of the day to look after your pup and walk it and train it properly? If you are, that’s great but she obviously isn’t.

Kins2 · 08/08/2022 15:54

Hi
I don't know your friend, but it sounds like she is being honest with her feelings.
I feel a bit the same about pets.
Even goldfish need a sitter at times of going away ect. although that's much easier.
I do love animals but don't have the time or inclination to have one.

xmaswiththeinlaws · 08/08/2022 16:37

She's not remotely jealous, you just have different ideas of what brings you happiness. My parents wouldn't have a dog either, for the same reasons, they don't have "the lifestyle for a dog" not that they are remotely spontaneous with holidays. I have friends who have dogs and either go to dog friendly places, book ahead or get their other dog owning friends to sit for them and reciprocate when they go away. Don't be offended just don't expect them to dogsit either and accept you might miss out on few things because of the dog.

Lolabray · 08/08/2022 16:40

She didn’t want a pet herself. It’s not a reflection of your decision

Pliudev · 08/08/2022 20:22

Agree with the above. Everything she said is true. And you are being unreasonable spending a large amount on a dog whose selective breeding means it is unlikely to live a long and healthy life. There are many dogs that need homes who do not have in built health problems and you would be far more reasonable to choose one of them.

angelfacecuti75 · 08/08/2022 20:34

So in essence ...you want a dog and she does not and was honest about a dog being a huge commitment and you think somehow that reflects on you , how? Her life choices are just different , it does not mean she is not happy for you it just means she is honest with you.

PinkSyCo · 09/08/2022 06:45

BiscuitLover3678 · 06/08/2022 18:37

Also people who love dogs can go on them a bit too much and seem to assume anyone who doesn’t has one, wants one!

OP doesn’t live dogs though. No person who did would be happy to watch one suffer every day.

HarryBlaster · 09/08/2022 07:39

I’m currently trying to book a weekend away for my 40th birthday and top of the list is dog friendly and dog walks. If we were going abroad it would be finding someone to take care of her. Dogs do take away some freedoms, they are a big commitment and even on a daily basis with two good long walks, very time consuming. You need to be ready to commit fully. Your friend is absolutely right.

blackcatnight · 09/08/2022 08:48

Yes, but she has assured us she has the money to pay for its treatments for all of the ailments and suffering its breed experiences its whole life. She can pay to prolong its suffering to truly get her money’s worth for buying this designer French bulldog…

sue20 · 09/08/2022 13:14

It's not a handbag. Have you owned a dog before? If not have you researched the pros and cons? Pet ownership comes with responsibilities, exercising twice a day, correct diet and medical treatments, organising for the dog to be looked after when you are away, behavioural problems possibly needing attendance. Assuming you know all this, you would then appreciate varied response to your excitement from other people? Well you did ask. Her and this site.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 09/08/2022 13:16

My frenchie is now just over 1 and everything your friend has said is true. If those words cause the slightest bit of inkling knowing they are true please dont do it. The financial commitment is also massive, whilst i love my pup and wouldnt be without her if i had a friend who had been so honest i probably would have re-considered.