Page 26 | To be offended by a comment my friend made?

creamysauce · 2022-08-06T16:31:27+00:00

Hello :) So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit [confused] I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility". I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

pimlicoanna · 07/08/2022 23:05

I think your friend was just factually correct! Why do you think it was offensive? I find your reaction odd.

Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 07/08/2022 23:05

I wouldn’t take offence. It does change your life having a dog, not drastically but enough that you will notice. I know loads of people that love dogs but they won’t get one for the exact same reasons as your friend. I’ve had a dog my whole life so for me it’s normal, I’ve not really experienced life without a dog. We still go out, we still go on holiday, I love buying my dog toys, she’s almost got as many as the kids, but that’s my personal opinion. The dog walking is what gets me especially after being at work and doing the school run, but we move and the dog still gets walked 3 times daily and she runs around with the kids. You adapt because you want to.

Girlmama · 07/08/2022 23:12

I think you both sound very young and neither of you have experienced true responsibility for someone/thing other than yourselves. That said, your friend is far more reasonable as she seems to understand the responsibility you're taking on and has shared that's not something she wants right now, which is fine.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 07/08/2022 23:12

AMindNeedsBooks · 07/08/2022 23:00

Dogs are extremely hard work and limit your life even more than children. You can take children abroad on holiday at a moments notice for example, not your dog. Or take your kids to restaurant but not your dog. Ok, dogs once old enough can stay at home themselves younger than kids can but they also can't use the bathroom without a human there (unless you are happy for them to relive themselves in your house).

Everything your friend has said is right. I'm guessing you just don't like how she says it, so just don't be her friends anymore. It's really that simple.

100% agree with this. I can never understand people who think children tie you down/restrict your life etc, but then they get a dog. WAY more of a tie and a restriction than a child. You can do most things with your child with you. You CAN'T do most things with your dog with you!

And they can live (potentially) for 12-15 years. Cats are much less restrictive, but still a bit of a bind. I would take cats over dogs any day though. That said, when our one cat we have left (aged 15 now) shuffles off her mortal coil, we shall not be getting any more. (The last 2 died 3 and 5 years ago, at a similar age.)

Indeed we won't be getting any more pets at all.

Dancingwithhyenas · 07/08/2022 23:14

Those are all the reasons I don’t want a dog.

YouOKHun · 07/08/2022 23:23

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:04

I am a bit offended as I feel like she always has a say on things I want to do in my life. When I told her that I was considering getting a dog. She was like "....personally I wouldn't, you have two teenagers with one who has significant needs, and the other you are homeschooling, it would just be an extra strain for you. Your boys may be excited about the dog but the novelty would wear off and they would want to be doing their own thing. But it's your life".

Then another situation where I told her that myself and my partner were saving up to buy a house, she said "creamy?! Are you crazy! Why would you want to buy a house with a man who doesn't bother paying for the bills and racks up so much debt. It wouldn't get better when you own a house, in fact, the stress would be entirely on you as you would be the one fretting about mortgage payments".

Sometimes I don't tell her things as she always rains on my parade.

Yes, this would be my first time dog and and about the French bulldog. I have researched loads about the animal and have went to a respectable breeder. I am very conscious about the health needs of these dogs but I feel the money would be worth plus, myself and my partner, are in a comfortable financial position to pay the upcoming costs, concerning, health needs that the dog may eventually have.

Are there any respectable French Bulldog breeders? Sounds like a contradiction in terms to me.

You should listen to your friend. She’s right about dogs and it sounds like she is right about feckless partners. Perhaps she is worried about you and means well.

Dogs are a long commitment though French Bulldogs less so as they usually die young on account of being cruelly bred. I find it heartbreaking and I wish something could be done to stop these animals being so compromised they lead short, painful and miserable lives.

AMindNeedsBooks · 07/08/2022 23:27

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps thanks for reading through my typos (also love the user name!)

I love my dog and my cats. However, I doubt I'll get another dog because they absolutely need to be 100% part of your family. Holidays will be dog friendly unless you have someone they are comfortable staying with. They really are the best pets if you are able to put the work in and deal with the restrictions. I think too many people think 'oooh they look cute!' without realising how smart they are and all the care they need. They are literally part of the family.

tiersta · 07/08/2022 23:31

Why would your friend want to put a downer on your exciting time though!?

Maybe "God no they're hard work"
But to go on and on about the negatives is uncalled for.

At the end of the day yes it will be hard work but it'll also be great!!

Ineke · 07/08/2022 23:42

Only ask opinions of other people if you are prepared to hear something you don’t agree with or don’t like.
Dogs are a big commitment, some people rather not take that on which is totally understandable.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 07/08/2022 23:45

AMindNeedsBooks · 07/08/2022 23:27

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps thanks for reading through my typos (also love the user name!)

I love my dog and my cats. However, I doubt I'll get another dog because they absolutely need to be 100% part of your family. Holidays will be dog friendly unless you have someone they are comfortable staying with. They really are the best pets if you are able to put the work in and deal with the restrictions. I think too many people think 'oooh they look cute!' without realising how smart they are and all the care they need. They are literally part of the family.

I honestly didn't notice any typos!

And yeah as for dogs, as I said earlier, they are lovely animals and make wonderful pets, but you have to be verrrry committed (and have a decent amount of spare cash for vet bills!) Cats bills cost £££ but dogs around 3 to 5 X more IME. (Depending on size of said doggo.... Cats are pretty much nearly all the same size... roughly!)

Glad you like my username! I like yours too. I love books!!!

Hawkins001 · 07/08/2022 23:50

It does seem like an accurate analysis, of the prospect of having a pet.

ellyeth · 07/08/2022 23:58

Why would she be jealous? Presumably she could get a dog herself if she wanted one.

You asked for your friend's take on it and she told you. And she's right! A dog can be a great source of pleasure and companionship BUT unless you have someone upon whom you can rely to look after your dog if you want a holiday or even a day out, it is a tie - and it does kill spontaneity. If you have to rely on any form of paid care, it can be very expensive - and a worry that your dog will be unhappy or not properly treated. Then there's vet bills, insurance, food, grooming, etc, etc ............

Chloe1973 · 08/08/2022 00:03

Aw I think you took it the wrong way to be honest
I don’t know her but I doubt that she was jealous. Pert are like having children for the most part and require a lot of care and responsibility x

StaunchMomma · 08/08/2022 00:31

She doesn't sound jealous or like she's trying to sway you - pets are a big responsibility, she's just speaking the truth!

Kate0902900908 · 08/08/2022 00:32

What your friend has said is 100% accurate have you had a puppy/dog before?
Have you researched the breed? They are looking into banning the breed due to the chronic over breeding and health problems that plague these poor dogs. A close relative is a vet and it's the only breed she currently advises adamantly against paying for as it's funding the mass breeding of ill-health animals for financial gain.

Lancrelady80 · 08/08/2022 00:35

PrinnyPree · 07/08/2022 21:44

Reading your OP and subsequent examples of "comments" your friend makes I think YABU.

Your friend has given you an honest reason she doesn't want a dog, illustrating the realities of dog ownership and the reason I myself wouldn't get a dog even though I grew up with dogs and love them.

She also gave you bloody solid advice regarding your living arrangements with your partner. I think you should stop projecting your insecurities onto your friend just because she doesn't bullshit you when you ask.

This. 100%.

The only exception being if she is always, always negative and judging.

Is the issue perhaps that she thinks you are closer as friends than you do, so is very open and honest in the way v close friends are, rather than being more diplomatic as you would be with someone not as close to the centre of your friendship circle?

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 08/08/2022 00:37

She was explaing why a pet would not fit in her current lifestyle. It sounds like dh & I. We would love a dog but it just would not work at this time in our lives.

KentuckyDerbyandJoan · 08/08/2022 00:46

PurpleMarie · 06/08/2022 17:33

You’re being ridiculous. As some one who owns a dog, everything she said is true. she also didn’t volunteer this - you asked her point-blank and she answered with valid reasons.

Also - fuck off with the “tad jealous” - it’s a dog, not the mega millions.

this
Give your head a wobble OP.

ChellyT · 08/08/2022 01:11

This! 👏👏👏

AzraiL · 08/08/2022 01:34

OP she's being perfectly honest. And I'll add - dogs can be expensive if they have health issues and you're constantly having to take them to the vet.

LizzieW1969 · 08/08/2022 01:48

I can’t see anything wrong in what she said either, it’s why I wouldn’t ever have a dog despite liking them. (I have cats, which involve some commitment but not nearly so much.)

I definitely don’t think she sounds jealous, after all she’s presumably free to get a dog herself. (The OP hasn’t suggested that any reason that she can’t have one.)

I suspect the truth is that she’s competitive with her friend and wanted her to be envious of her, hence she’s trying to convince herself that it’s the reason for her comments.

Wetblanket78 · 08/08/2022 01:49

Dog's are a big responsibility, as are any pet. You have to have the time, patience and money to own one.

They really are like having another child to take care of. French Bulldogs are lovely dog's but I do feel sorry for them when I see them struggling to breathe.

Have you not considered adoption rather than giving money to a greedy breeder?

Julia234 · 08/08/2022 01:50

I would have replied in exactly the same way as your friend. Her reasons are the same reasons I would not have a dog or other pets (do have a cat though).

I also completely understand however that other people are okay with the level of commitment a dog brings and don’t feel the way I feel.

Squiff70 · 08/08/2022 02:32

I don't think it has been mentioned yet but good luck with vets bills and/or getting insurance for a French Bulldog! They are brachycephalic dogs, meaning they have been bred to have short noses and muzzles to look 'cute' (except the don't due to their resulting difficulties in breathing). A vet on ITV's This Morning was explaining 2-3 months ago that he was having to perform surgery on brachycephalic dogs such as Pugs and French Bulldogs to remove their voice boxes to open their airways in order to allow them to breathe. If you don't find that utterly barbaric then there really is no hope for you or your puppy.

phishy · 08/08/2022 04:46

Squiff70 · 08/08/2022 02:32

I don't think it has been mentioned yet but good luck with vets bills and/or getting insurance for a French Bulldog! They are brachycephalic dogs, meaning they have been bred to have short noses and muzzles to look 'cute' (except the don't due to their resulting difficulties in breathing). A vet on ITV's This Morning was explaining 2-3 months ago that he was having to perform surgery on brachycephalic dogs such as Pugs and French Bulldogs to remove their voice boxes to open their airways in order to allow them to breathe. If you don't find that utterly barbaric then there really is no hope for you or your puppy.

Really, you don”t think has been mentioned in 650 posts?