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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by a comment my friend made?

689 replies

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Allthecoloursoftherainbow · 07/08/2022 20:54

I think the friends comments have got the OPs back up about the reality of owning a dog. Good luck to them.

Ace7 · 07/08/2022 20:55

You specifically asked her if she would have a pet, not whether she thought you should have one. She answered- I cannot see how this is trying to sway you. You are definitely being unreasonable!

FallOutPloy · 07/08/2022 20:59

YABU You asked a question, she answered it. And she answered very honestly and realistically BTW.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 07/08/2022 21:00

notforonesecond · 06/08/2022 18:26

Sounds like you have a smart friend who tells the truth and gives good, sound advice.

Perhaps you should listen to her.

i think she’s got your back, a good friend is priceless

QueenCamilla · 07/08/2022 21:01

OP, you're not some risk-taking hedonistic adventurer that everyone's envious of.

More a definition of Foolhardy. And the synonyms of Foolhardy paint an even better picture.

She sounds like a good friend - trying to stop you from fucking up.

Fushiadreams · 07/08/2022 21:11

It’s so utterly tragic, fheir life span is just over four years, they can’t breath, to actually buy an animal like this, to watch it suffer and to die an early death, is so distressing, especially for children who need to witness it.

www.newscientist.com/article/2318084-french-bulldogs-are-the-shortest-lived-dog-breed-in-the-uk/

WinterDeWinter · 07/08/2022 21:13

creamysauce · 07/08/2022 09:56

I'm just going to bow out of the thread. Thank you everyone for giving me your honest opinions. But I didn't not want a thread to be about criticising my choice of dog. I have already brought the dog, my children are excited that we are going to get a puppy in the next few weeks. I can't just say "oh sorry, I've decided not to get the dog anymore because I'm worried about its health risks..." my DC's will be upset and it's cruel to the dog. I'm sorry, I won't do it. I have made my bed and decided to lie in it. I would give the dog the best life I could give it- even with associated health risks.

Op, it's not the health 'risks', it's the fact that it's cruel to encourage the breeding of dogs who are more likely than not to suffer.

Scrambledeggz · 07/08/2022 21:17

Well she isn’t wrong…

N1no · 07/08/2022 21:17

I think you got a very good explanation why she doesn’t want a dog. I have only had cats in the past and have decided that I no longer want one because of the commitment and extra cleaning needed.

I would also be concerned about the extra time and money a French Bulldog costs in special food and medical expenses. I have friends who had them and they regretted getting this breed due to lack of good health. I hope you have chosen the breeder carefully and know what it means to own this type of dog. It would not be for me.

If ever I choose to have a dog I would want to take my dog jogging and not push it in a baggy down the tow path.

BeverForget · 07/08/2022 21:19

Dogs are not children, but they are very like children.
The amount of attention, the care, the love, the time.
Your friend is not wrong about the loss of all spontaneous plans.
Plus the worry when they are ill.
A dog is a major commitment, but if you are up for it, totally worth it.
But they are incredibly complex emotional creatures that deserve your time and attention.

PearlyShamps · 07/08/2022 21:28

Hi. Congratulations on your new puppy... I'm sure you'll all have lots of fun with him/her when they arrive with you.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but you need to stop asking people things and being upset/offended if the answer isn't what you wanted to hear. You didn't like your friend's answer, so you came here to ask us about it. Overwhelmingly you were told that YABU and you didn't like that, so you've flounced off (I am writing this on the off-chance that you're still on the thread). Have the courage of your convictions and stand by your opinions but perhaps don't invite others to give theirs if you're not prepared to consider them.

Tuskanini · 07/08/2022 21:29

God, you lot do over-egg your arguments! Yes, a dog is a commitment. But my family had a dog, plenty of our friends had dogs. They weren't THAT much trouble or THAT much expense.

Does seem an unfortunate choice of breed though.

DottyYy · 07/08/2022 21:31

Sad that you’re teaching your children that animals are nothing more than a cute fashion accessory and their well-being does not matter.
Getting that breed of puppy is pretty much advertising to the whole world that you don’t care about their suffering because all you care about is the cute factor. Which is either cruel and selfish or incredibly stupid.

SunshineLaughter · 07/08/2022 21:36

She's not jealous. She just told you her opinion.

ilyx · 07/08/2022 21:36

I hope you have chosen the breeder carefully and know what it means to own this type of dog

A good breeder will not help the dog. It’s their squashed faces that make it so difficult for them to breath.

71Isla · 07/08/2022 21:37

Your friend is just being honest with you. Everything she says makes sense. Would you prefer her to simply agree with you on everything? If you don't like the potential answer, don't ask her opinion.

bluesapphire48 · 07/08/2022 21:42

Dogs are a HUGE commitment. I’m a cat-lover, and they are more independent: I could never handle the kind of demands dogs make on their owners, but some people love them.
You asked your friend and she gave you a direct answer. You should treasure a friend like that.

WulyJmpr · 07/08/2022 21:42

Sounds like a good friend. Rather than a person who just agrees with you all the time.

MsRosley · 07/08/2022 21:43

I think you need better boundaries, OP. She was talking about her life and priorities, not yours.

PrinnyPree · 07/08/2022 21:44

Reading your OP and subsequent examples of "comments" your friend makes I think YABU.

Your friend has given you an honest reason she doesn't want a dog, illustrating the realities of dog ownership and the reason I myself wouldn't get a dog even though I grew up with dogs and love them.

She also gave you bloody solid advice regarding your living arrangements with your partner. I think you should stop projecting your insecurities onto your friend just because she doesn't bullshit you when you ask.

teanbiscuitio · 07/08/2022 21:45

I haven't read all the posts so I'm sure this has been said before but your friend is absolutely correct. Having a dog is like having a 4 year old for the next 10-15 years.

Although in your case probably less than that as you are looking at getting a French bulldog. Are you aware of the health issues they have? Have you not seen the announcements from animal welfare groups asking people to avoid getting these dogs to prevent their inevitable suffering?

You seem quite oblivious to the massive responsibility coming your way. I'd take your friends advice and have a life instead.

franbrad · 07/08/2022 21:46

I can't see what is offensive about her comment. She's absolutely correct hence why I don't currently have a dog. I have 4 cats and they are still restrictive although I can go away for a couple of days at a time without too much worry. I don't think she is jealous just straightforward and honest. Maybe you just didn't want to hear that.

Shudahaddogs · 07/08/2022 21:46

Mollymalone123 · 06/08/2022 17:34

As a dog owner I say she’s right though! And honestly I would never own a brachycephalic breed either

This . she sounds like a good friend to me

RainLover · 07/08/2022 21:48

Cheeseandlobster · 06/08/2022 17:37

This in spades. She is absolutely right. And don't get me started on the French bulldog puppy. Do you know how many health problems these dogs have? But they are designer innit 🙄

Show quote history

Another one who came to say all of this.

TheDarkSideOfTheMoon · 07/08/2022 21:48

I think she is just being honest, but if you don’t want to hear honest opinion, don’t ask?
Both, my kids and l would absolutely love a dog, but l will not get one for all the reasons your friend mentioned.