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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by a comment my friend made?

689 replies

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

OP posts:
duvetfan · 07/08/2022 21:48

I don't think she's jealous at all. Why would you think that? I am with her 100%. I like dogs to.an extent but I don't want one. I had them growing up and they are hard work. I have a cat and even that is limiting. You asked her and she replied. Not everyone wants the same things in life, she's not being offensive. Just telling you what she wants/doesn't want.

MadAntonia · 07/08/2022 21:49

It’s the way she phrased it that’s obnoxious.

If she’d said, ‘No, it’s too great a responsibility, and I prefer to be able to be spontaneous,’ or just, ‘No, it’s not for me,’ that would have been one thing.

But ‘No! I want to enjoy my life’ is kind of snide.

If you love animals and enjoy their companionship, you might understandably feel kind of stung.

Bangolads · 07/08/2022 21:50

She’s just giving your her opinion. You’re reaction is about your insecurities. We all have them!

JocelynBurnell · 07/08/2022 21:53

But I didn't not want a thread to be about criticising my choice of dog.

No. You wanted this thread to be about everyone criticising your friend.

keffie12 · 07/08/2022 21:59

YABU she gave an opinion which is correct regarding being a responsible pet owner.

It is also the reason we don't have pets. We value our freedom too much. It wouldn't be fair on the pet either.

Perhaps your getting nervous now with with she said and your thinking twice. You may not recognise it. Just a thought. I'm not saying I'm correct.

Minecraftatemychild · 07/08/2022 22:01

Yabu to be “offended”.

Yanbu to feel that her comment was odd.

I suspect that the two of you get a bit competitive, you got a bit boastful aniut your amazing new dog so she got a bit bitchy and started saying well she doesn’t want one anyway.

It’s like a bride going on and on about how great her wedding is gonna be, and then being surprised when her permanently single 38yr old bridesmaid says something catty like “I couldn’t imagine only sleeping with one guy forever.”

astorsback · 07/08/2022 22:09

Good luck finding somewhere to rent with a new puppy. Most landlords will put you at the back of (the very long) queue.

Perplexed0522 · 07/08/2022 22:12

I haven’t read the full thread as I immediately had to respond with this:

Jealous 😂😂😂

Im now going to go and read the full thread.

FWIW OP - the answer your friend gave is a totally normal one.

Chicaontour · 07/08/2022 22:12

She's being a good honest friend to you, I'd question your decision making skills based solely on the information that you provided. I don't think that she's jealous of you, I think that she's being a voice of reason and you don't like hearing the truth.

Fushiadreams · 07/08/2022 22:15

Minecraftatemychild · 07/08/2022 22:01

Yabu to be “offended”.

Yanbu to feel that her comment was odd.

I suspect that the two of you get a bit competitive, you got a bit boastful aniut your amazing new dog so she got a bit bitchy and started saying well she doesn’t want one anyway.

It’s like a bride going on and on about how great her wedding is gonna be, and then being surprised when her permanently single 38yr old bridesmaid says something catty like “I couldn’t imagine only sleeping with one guy forever.”

um what, it’s nothing like that 🤪

wobblyweasel · 07/08/2022 22:22

Offended?! By your friend just saying what she thought? Oh dear. People get offended by the silliest things these days. I’m a dog owner, everything your friend said is absolutely correct. Dogs are a bind, but mine fits into my lifestyle perfectly and I wouldn’t be without him.

Buffs · 07/08/2022 22:28

YABVU. i completely agree with your friend, don’t ask her opinion if you don’t want.

shadypines · 07/08/2022 22:39

🤔

becoming3 · 07/08/2022 22:46

I think she was just being honest. And it's why I don't have a dog at the moment either. My mother in law has a French bulldog and it cannot be left alone. It's worse than having a child for her, it goes everywhere with her or has to be dropped to a family member. It depends what nature of dog you end up having but it's a huge commitment. They do bring so much happiness though. Enjoy your new puppy 🥰

Bogofftosomewherehot · 07/08/2022 22:48

You asked a question, she gave you an honest answer!! No jealousy, no trying to sway your decision - just (correctly) expressing why SHE doesn't want a dog!

And she's not wrong is she? They're a massive commitment and burden for years. I say that as a dog owner for the last 30 years with my pooch sleeping at my feet.

NowYouTellMe · 07/08/2022 22:49

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

She’s telling you the situation you’ll be in exactly as it is!

Reigateforever · 07/08/2022 22:50

You say in the future you may want to save for a house Have you costed buying the pet at £2,000 plus. Expect to pay on average £1,700 in maintenance costs each year. This can include food, insurance, vet bills, toys, and many more expenses

Please do not encourage breeders by buying a French bulldog. These dogs are gasping for breath all the time

Bogofftosomewherehot · 07/08/2022 22:51

"I'm not sure if I'm being clear. But it's sort of like having a friend who gives an opinion in all aspects of your life. It's draining."

But you invited her to comment!!!!

Beelezebub · 07/08/2022 22:51

She sounds like she’s got her head screwed on.

The only reason I can think that you’d take the hump with what she’s said is if deep down you know she’s got a bit of a point.

NowYouTellMe · 07/08/2022 22:53

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:04

I am a bit offended as I feel like she always has a say on things I want to do in my life. When I told her that I was considering getting a dog. She was like "....personally I wouldn't, you have two teenagers with one who has significant needs, and the other you are homeschooling, it would just be an extra strain for you. Your boys may be excited about the dog but the novelty would wear off and they would want to be doing their own thing. But it's your life".

Then another situation where I told her that myself and my partner were saving up to buy a house, she said "creamy?! Are you crazy! Why would you want to buy a house with a man who doesn't bother paying for the bills and racks up so much debt. It wouldn't get better when you own a house, in fact, the stress would be entirely on you as you would be the one fretting about mortgage payments".

Sometimes I don't tell her things as she always rains on my parade.

Yes, this would be my first time dog and and about the French bulldog. I have researched loads about the animal and have went to a respectable breeder. I am very conscious about the health needs of these dogs but I feel the money would be worth plus, myself and my partner, are in a comfortable financial position to pay the upcoming costs, concerning, health needs that the dog may eventually have.

She’s a very good and astute friend. You’d be a fool to lose her

Hadjab · 07/08/2022 22:58

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:04

I am a bit offended as I feel like she always has a say on things I want to do in my life. When I told her that I was considering getting a dog. She was like "....personally I wouldn't, you have two teenagers with one who has significant needs, and the other you are homeschooling, it would just be an extra strain for you. Your boys may be excited about the dog but the novelty would wear off and they would want to be doing their own thing. But it's your life".

Then another situation where I told her that myself and my partner were saving up to buy a house, she said "creamy?! Are you crazy! Why would you want to buy a house with a man who doesn't bother paying for the bills and racks up so much debt. It wouldn't get better when you own a house, in fact, the stress would be entirely on you as you would be the one fretting about mortgage payments".

Sometimes I don't tell her things as she always rains on my parade.

Yes, this would be my first time dog and and about the French bulldog. I have researched loads about the animal and have went to a respectable breeder. I am very conscious about the health needs of these dogs but I feel the money would be worth plus, myself and my partner, are in a comfortable financial position to pay the upcoming costs, concerning, health needs that the dog may eventually have.

If this was anymore a reverse it would be a gear in a car...

AMindNeedsBooks · 07/08/2022 23:00

Dogs are extremely hard work and limit your life even more than children. You can take children abroad on holiday at a moments notice for example, not your dog. Or take your kids to restaurant but not your dog. Ok, dogs once old enough can stay at home themselves younger than kids can but they also can't use the bathroom without a human there (unless you are happy for them to relive themselves in your house).

Everything your friend has said is right. I'm guessing you just don't like how she says it, so just don't be her friends anymore. It's really that simple.

SVRT19674 · 07/08/2022 23:01

I would have told you that the only dog i would consider having is the kind you take the batteries out of and stick on a shelf. Your friend is the sound of logic, you asked her what SHE would do and she told you, live with it. Different people have different interests. Not remotely 'jealous' I can assure you 😂

christmascrackers22 · 07/08/2022 23:02

Dogs are a huge responsibility. My boy is 16 months and I didn't realise how my your life changes . It's exactly like having a baby . Nothing is the same .

AMindNeedsBooks · 07/08/2022 23:03

Hadjab · 07/08/2022 22:58

If this was anymore a reverse it would be a gear in a car...

Show quote history

I also think it must be a reverse but giving the OP the benefit of the doubt. If it is then her 'friend' is wrong, but so is she for giving false information to put down said 'friend'.