To wonder how my friend is so wonderfully organised and put together!

[iamspt]

My friend, a new friend, makes me feel a bit scummy! Maybe scummy is too strong a word, but I feel very messy in comparison

She has a disabled DS and a toddler DD.

House smells and looks clean. Not artificial clean. It just smells fresh and crisp.

Kids bedrooms spotless.

She irons everything of the DC. She said she sets aside time once a week and does it watching something good

Her car is clean. Despite kids. Smells wonderful. Her DS has high care needs. She kindly gave me a lift recently. He was hysterical and she gave him some crisps. We got back. He was playing with blocks in the garden. She told toddler she would be 5 minutes and asked her toddler to think of 5 things beginning with P, something like that. In that time she whipped her hoover out, hoovered up all the he had made with the crisps and gave it all a quick go over with some spray and a cloth

Kids have their pjs laid out whilst getting ready for bath. Their beds are immaculately made. Clothes all put away neatly and ironed.

She has all their bags packed and sorted the night before (her DD goes to nursery one day a week). All her son's clothes are labelled with this cute little ink thing that says his name with a little symbol of a bear next to it

Her children are always so clean and fresh. When they get out of the bath they're moisturised with something she's used since they were little babies. Perfectly turned out even for bed! Her DD is SO good! And she's 2.5! A really hard age. She doesn't ask for anything, if she gets upset my friend explains why she can't do or have it, then proceeds to make her daughter feel as if she's in control for example by asking if she wants to play with her bricks when she's home? Since she likes the ones here? Would she like that or to play with her colouring pad? Her DD then feels in control and responds well to this

My 3 DC were nightmares in comparison. My house constantly a mess still and they're 2,7 and 8.

I ask them to do stuff all the time and it's never done. I don't even have an ironing pile. My wash pile is high enough as it is without any additional piles!

Their uniforms have a quick sharpie on them that just about makes out their names. They look bloody scruffy a lot of the time. Their beds aren't made like her DCs. I don't have a 'special' bubble bath they use, I just slap any old thing in. They don't smell beautiful and have special moisturisers. My house is always a mess in some way, never clean really, just about her away with it

I'm never on time for child's activities. Meanwhile my friend juggled her special needs child and her DD's swim and baby dancing class. And her DS swims

Honestly, what's her secret. Everything is so well done and put together

She is a WONDERFUL friend. No judgement. So kind and really listens to me. This isn't a thread to slay her off

I just wonder how I'm such a creature of things better left unsaid whilst she achieves all this

Did I mention her disabled child is awake from 4am? And her H isn't helpful with that so she does it all too? Argh.

post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying details.

I mean I would think saying you absolutely can’t believe even the concept that other people iron clothes or care what their children wear is taking it to the extreme. Surely that’s taking it literally- if you can’t believe anyone cares what their kids wear surely clothing shops really confuse and worry you. Why do you think they’re selling all those colours and options if you really can’t even believe anyone cares?

I am similar to your friend - always thinking of the next thing to do!

I cannot abide by mess or chaos so live an ordered life in order to keep on top of things. It does mean being on my feet a lot, however it more than pays off for me.

Mine and dcs clothes are hung out the night before once I know we are leaving the house the next day. I check the weather to identify appropriate wear.

Dcs footwear and bags are by the door. If we need to bring any additional items they are also placed in the car I.e. fold up chairs, swimwear when going to the beach.

I give the bathroom a quick clean every evening after dc has a shower.

When I receive invitations in hard copy or via WhatsApp/text, I input the details into my phone.

All appointments are placed in my phone immediately with reminders a few days before.

I set reminders for everything, from calling a friend for a chat to returning a book to the library.

Really it’s just the same attitude that has women looking down on other women/bashing people like cleaning ‘influencers,’ and sneering at women who they perceive as dressing up too much and such. The idea that ‘I’m not like those silly women and girls, I don’t care a jot what my kids wear and I can’t believe anyone does!’ To the point of one poster being disbelieving that anyone could possibly ever need to know their husband’s or partner’s schedule unless they were a put upon house wife. When in fact if we’re realistic most people care what their kids wear to some extent. Most people do have (or want to have) an idea of when their spouse will be working/who will be doing xyz jobs/who will be at home. Most people want to live in a clean and organised home. It’s not extraordinary and unbelievable to think someone might want to iron clothes and know what hours their spouse works.

*I'm not defensive

There's nothing to be defensive of.

I just dont agree that that kind of lifestyle is aspirational*

Great.

You sound defensive. And sneery.

see PA
see Ironing

But why defensive?

Sneery?

Maybe a bit. Cause I think most of it is unnecessary and a bit ridiculous

But nope, not defensive.

Defensive implies I think I should be doing these things and having to justify why I don't

And that's not the case

Maybe a bit. Cause I think most of it is unnecessary and a bit ridiculous

What ? For you?

You can't wrap your head round other people finding satisfaction in other things to you?

Very judgemental.

So it just comes over as defensive tbh.

And for the record 'the stressed' jibe. Not quite sure what you were getting at. But There are probably just as many un project managing stressed out people as 'project managing' types.

But why is it unnecessary and ridiculous to hoover your car and make sure your kids are clean and neat? Why is that so ridiculous you feel the need to ‘sneer’ at it? Do you just sneer at any lifestyle choice anyone makes that you personally don’t think is necessary?

Painting your toenails isn’t necessary. Going to see the latest Batman movie isn’t necessary. Eating ice lollies on a hot day isn’t necessary. But they all make somebody feel good so why sneer? Clearly being on top of things makes this lady (and lots of others) feel good. What’s there to sneer about in a mum of a disabled little boy finding some joy in being organised and stamping her kids’ clothes with their name?

That’s what makes you seem defensive. There’s no other normal excuse for being so sneery over something that is so harmless and helps someone feel more organised.

@Kanaloa

Because I think its sexist and judgemental from the other side.

To judge women on how organised they are and how they, their homes and kids look

And don't tell me you don't judge, your comments make it clear you do

Telling women they should be adhering to these ideals of perfection and they're failing if they don't is definitely sneer worthy imo

*Because I think its sexist and judgemental from the other side.

To judge women on how organised they are and how they, their homes and kids look

And don't tell me you don't judge, your comments make it clear you do

Telling women they should be adhering to these ideals of perfection and they're failing if they don't is definitely sneer worthy imo*

Bollocks to judging.

The OP is particularly unjudgemental.

You are the judgemental one. "I'm not a PA..." etc You sound so old fashioned. Leaping to the defensive the moment ironing, and shit is mentioned.

Again with the defensive while claiming to not judge

I'm not sure where old fashioned cones into it either.

I think its old fashioned to judge un ironed clothes.

Or to manage your ohs diary.

Topgub

It was a decision DH and I took together when the DC were 5 and 7 that we would all eat together whenever practical as it has so many proven benefits.

That isn't important to you, fair enough. For us it was worth a 10 minute conversation. You do you

Nobody has said women should be doing any of this. The op is specifically asking ‘how does she do xyz’ and people are answering ‘this is how I keep on top of these things.’

Absolutely nobody is saying women must be house slaves with immaculate kids/homes/cars. They’re simply answering the op’s question. If op’s question was ‘should I be doing all this that my friend does’ I’m sure the answers would be along the lines of ‘do what you feel for yourself and your family not trying to compete/feel you need to do things because your friend does.’

And nobody has said they judge unironed clothes (nobody I can see anyway). They were simply responding to your disbelief that anyone would iron clothes. Of course some people do. That’s why they sell irons and ironing boards.

www.parents.com/recipes/tips/unexpected-benefits-of-eating-together-as-a-family-according-to-science/

Benefits of eating as a family

@Kanaloa

I didnt express disbelief that anyone irons clothes

I said it was waste of time.

Which it is.

If women want to waste their time on unnecessary tasks so they can feel 'put together' and organised, thats up to them

@Goodskin46

I work 12 hour shifts.

I'm not here to ear as a family on the days I work.

On the days I dont, I eat with the kids as does dh on the days he is here

The op is asking how she can do what the friend does.

Implying its the ideal she should be striving for.

Its not.

I have to wear ironed clothes at work, both DCs have uniforms that need ironing. Dd does the ironing here but it's not a waste of time.

A*gain with the defensive while claiming to not judge

I'm not sure where old fashioned cones into it either.

I think its old fashioned to judge un ironed clothes.

Or to manage your ohs diary.*

Who's'managing' their OH's diary?

Who the fuck is judging un ironed clothes? They're talking about ironed clothes. Don't give a shit about un ironed .

Those are such old fashioned ideas.

Your judgement rings out loud and clear.

You said you ‘can’t believe’ anyone does it. That’s an expression of disbelief. But again, why does it matter if someone else is ‘wasting their time’ on things you personally don’t do? Do you get this upset over people who watch marvel movies? That’s a waste of time really. Or people who journal? Or people who go on Instagram?

So there is then some coordination, you are being disengenous.

Nobody has mentioned the hardening, the shed the garage as well as the house. There is work to do all the time.
If your working all the time you can't be enjoying yourself. What was that saying all work and no play makes ?????

@Kanaloa

I'm not upset.

Do you always think people who view things differently to you are upset?

@sunglassesonthetable

Yeah I still don't get what you think is old fashioned

People on this thread have definitely judged not ironing

There is masses to keep on top of. How about your car, your garden, your shed, your garage.

Oh FFS. I was quite enjoying this thread and the various tips people had about making life that little bit easier.

Look. Here is how life is. People do things in their ways and sometimes look for tips as to how to make life generally a little bit easier. I do. i had never somehow thought of iron on nametags and now I have some wending their way to me, thank you Mr Amazon. I was enjoying reading about how people make things easier and more organised for themselves.

The sneering is boring. Fine. Don't do whatever or implement whatever in your own life. But don't shit all over other people who do want to know about it and don't shit over someone else's thread, please. It's not polite.