To wonder how my friend is so wonderfully organised and put together!

[iamspt]

My friend, a new friend, makes me feel a bit scummy! Maybe scummy is too strong a word, but I feel very messy in comparison

She has a disabled DS and a toddler DD.

House smells and looks clean. Not artificial clean. It just smells fresh and crisp.

Kids bedrooms spotless.

She irons everything of the DC. She said she sets aside time once a week and does it watching something good

Her car is clean. Despite kids. Smells wonderful. Her DS has high care needs. She kindly gave me a lift recently. He was hysterical and she gave him some crisps. We got back. He was playing with blocks in the garden. She told toddler she would be 5 minutes and asked her toddler to think of 5 things beginning with P, something like that. In that time she whipped her hoover out, hoovered up all the he had made with the crisps and gave it all a quick go over with some spray and a cloth

Kids have their pjs laid out whilst getting ready for bath. Their beds are immaculately made. Clothes all put away neatly and ironed.

She has all their bags packed and sorted the night before (her DD goes to nursery one day a week). All her son's clothes are labelled with this cute little ink thing that says his name with a little symbol of a bear next to it

Her children are always so clean and fresh. When they get out of the bath they're moisturised with something she's used since they were little babies. Perfectly turned out even for bed! Her DD is SO good! And she's 2.5! A really hard age. She doesn't ask for anything, if she gets upset my friend explains why she can't do or have it, then proceeds to make her daughter feel as if she's in control for example by asking if she wants to play with her bricks when she's home? Since she likes the ones here? Would she like that or to play with her colouring pad? Her DD then feels in control and responds well to this

My 3 DC were nightmares in comparison. My house constantly a mess still and they're 2,7 and 8.

I ask them to do stuff all the time and it's never done. I don't even have an ironing pile. My wash pile is high enough as it is without any additional piles!

Their uniforms have a quick sharpie on them that just about makes out their names. They look bloody scruffy a lot of the time. Their beds aren't made like her DCs. I don't have a 'special' bubble bath they use, I just slap any old thing in. They don't smell beautiful and have special moisturisers. My house is always a mess in some way, never clean really, just about her away with it

I'm never on time for child's activities. Meanwhile my friend juggled her special needs child and her DD's swim and baby dancing class. And her DS swims

Honestly, what's her secret. Everything is so well done and put together

She is a WONDERFUL friend. No judgement. So kind and really listens to me. This isn't a thread to slay her off

I just wonder how I'm such a creature of things better left unsaid whilst she achieves all this

Did I mention her disabled child is awake from 4am? And her H isn't helpful with that so she does it all too? Argh.

post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying details.

Its not polite to tell pther people how to post.

Giving tips on cleaning is boring

No, not people who view things differently to me. People who proclaim anything they don’t do as ‘unnecessary and ridiculous’ while sneering then yes, I’d presume they’re upset since they have overreacted to something as simple as somebody choosing to iron. Most people can accept that sometimes people do things they personally don’t find necessary.

@Kanaloa

I accept they do them whilst also thinking its unnecessary

Like watching marvel films

So maybe scroll on by past a thread that is largely based around such tips. You don't have to weigh in, it's not compulsory.

The op was clearly about the value judgement of this women meeting the imaginary ideal of self, home children being immaculate

I'm commenting on that part.

If you don't like that I suggest you take your own advice

Or start another requesting cleaning tips

So you think watching marvel films is ridiculous too? Do you really think that about every single thing you personally don’t do?

Maybe a good coping mechanism for you would be just like you’d do with marvel films. Say you clicked on a thread saying ‘who is your favourite marvel superhero?’ You would presumably think ‘ah I find watching those films and shows unnecessary although I accept that others like to watch them. I will find a thread full of comments about whether people prefer the comic book or film representation of Clint Barton boring. I have nothing to add to this topic.’ And click off that thread.

If you find cleaning tips boring then perhaps you could do just the same - accept that others like having a clean car and watching The Punisher but that you personally do not like those things and find them boring, therefore probably won’t enjoy a thread about them.

Rimmeritis (as it’s known in our house, from Rimmer in Red Dwarf. He couldn’t pass the officers exam because instead of studying he made beautifully colour coordinated revision timetables, carefully balancing rest, exercise, study etc etc. only in the study periods, he worked on the timetables!)

You can say you’re doing housework etc etc without having to the actual cleaning. You feel better about it.

Generally speaking, we have it down pretty good here now. Just in time for me to be giving DD more autonomy and thus have to lower my standards. Oh well.

Yeah I still don't get what you think is old fashioned

To think , because your kids are sorted and go to your mum's or whatever, that knowing your OH's schedule is being a PA . Kind of making an underhand little wife jibe.

When the reality of modern work makes it for most people ( obvs not lucky you ) almost essential.

You with your arrangements seem sheltered and out of touch. And judgemental.

Oh FFS. I was quite enjoying this thread and the various tips people had about making life that little bit easier.

Couldn't agree more. was really enjoying.

@sunglassesonthetable

Not quite the same as old fashioned

I dont mind I admit judging women who make themselves responsible for all domestic chores and for keeping their homes immaculate.

I find that old fashioned

@Kanaloa

No, I'm good thanks

That’s why I stopped doing it. My mother once said to me ‘why not just get it done, you’ve got to do it anyway now or later, it might as well be now’ and I said I if I took that view I would never stop. And I didn’t want to be always doing. So I prioritise. There a bit of juggling. Sometimes it’s more stressful. Everything is never done. But I can rest.

Please tell me no one else feels that they ever get everything done either? Like you have your allotted tasks, do them, and the rest of the day is your own? I have never felt like this, although I aspire to, and I’m telling myself it’s because I’m adult. Not just because I’m me…

*Not quite the same as old fashioned

I dont mind I admit judging women who make themselves responsible for all domestic chores and for keeping their homes immaculate.

I find that old fashioned*

Yep old old fashioned.

I'm not bothered about what you care to admit tbh just what you've already demonstrated on this thread.

Some old fashioned defensive reactions to the arena of housekeeping etc.

And judgemental. Old skool.

So when DD asks (as mine just has) if she can go to bowling at 11am on Tuesday, what do you answer? Granted, I've answered "I can't take you, but I can pick you up if it's after 3 so you can go as long as you can get a lift from someone else or DH can take you" ... and left her to go and sort out how she's getting there. But she's 16. If she was 6, this would involve DH and I telling each other about our schedules to see if we could jointly make it work.

I am very very organised but I go to bed quite early - usually by 9. Then I get up early and have loads of time to prepare for the day.

A couple of times when friends have commented/asked me how I do it, they say they don't want to go to bed early and get up early as that's their drinking time.

Making time to get things done properly means saying no sometimes to other peoples stuff. I always question what it’s going to cost in terms of remaining relaxed, not rushed and stressed - the impact on my own routines and life, and decide if it’s worth it or not. We can’t do it all.

to dd16 it would be a provisional yes if she is able to help beforehand

@redskyatnight

Is she not capable of getting a bus?

If my 13 you asked if they could go bowling I'd say yeah, give them money and leave it at that.

If my 11 yo asked I'd say yeah I'm off Tuesday I can take you or nope I'm working. Ask your dad

I dont need to know in advance.

If my 13 you asked if they could go bowling I'd say yeah, give them money and leave it at that.

No who are you going with ?
No when will you be back ?
Is this 13yo end of Yr 8 or end of Yr 9 either way I think they need a little bit more from you at this age to keep them safe.
Look you are clearly more laidback in your general style of parenting/ life management than me. Neither of us are right or wrong and it is not a feminist issue.

@Topgub no sadly not capable of getting the bus. or more precisely, is capable of getting the bus but not walking the mile that it takes to get to the bus stop without spending an hour doing it and needing to rest for the next hour.
And the bus that goes more close by is a bit sporadic and unreliable.

Sounds like your children are old enough to sort themselves - my point was with younger children they can't do that so some semblance of knowledge about who was taking them where when is normal.

@redskyatnight

I've never said otherwise.

Just that we don't really work like that.

Not sure why that's so annoying for some.

Also, I'm sure the comment I originally responded to was something about organising an appt for their dh but maybe I misread and I can't be arsed going back to check.

She just does it. She doesn't obsess or complain or think everything's too hard or too tiring. It's just good habits.

I don't have to decide magically to hoover up or put my kids in clean clothes. I just... do. Putting them in scruffy clothes doesn't occur to me. Leaving a room messy isn't really an option.

There's a difference between knowing your DH's diary down to the last minute (which I agree is a job for their PA) and having some general awareness that they will be out with friends on Wednesday night so not back until late, and need to leave early on Friday morning. Which is why we have a family calendar.

I reckon the key to it is that she has really good quality sleep and a bed that is perfectly comfortable.

If she gets between 4.5 - 6.0 hours (if not more) of solid, uninterrupted sleep every night, she's getting enough for the health of her mind and body, particularly if she falls into deep sleep very quickly.

As a result, if she wakes up feeling refreshed, not hurting from lumps and bumps in a crappy mattress and scratchy, itchy bedlinen, she's able to get up and on with her day, getting things done as she sees they need doing, planning, preparing and responding appropriately, and then, because she's planned for routine, contingencies (such as a child not being compliant or a sudden cleanup job) and is all sorted for the morning, she then gets another few hours of true rest for the next day.

Which is why we have a family calendar.

Yes this is also a good idea. We have a big one in the kitchen - everyone can write on it as soon as they have anything. So ds every one of medical appointment gets written up as soon as it’s made and then at the beginning of the week DH and I can look and say who is free to go that day? Same with ballet classes and rehearsals, football and karate, rainbows and school dress up days and bake days and this and that and the next days. Then we’re never stuck scrambling. Also means the kids can start learning to take responsibility by checking the calendar and being aware of what they’ve got coming up.

Always reminds me of that episode of the middle where the neighbour comes over and asks the family why they’re all floating round in the pool on a Friday and it turns out school started earlier that week but they just didn’t know!

No idea but I wish I was as organised as your friend! My house looks like a tornado ripped through it 5 minutes after I finish tidying and I can’t even blame the baby yet 🤣. I’ve saved your story as there are some good tips in there!