To wonder how my friend is so wonderfully organised and put together!

[iamspt]

My friend, a new friend, makes me feel a bit scummy! Maybe scummy is too strong a word, but I feel very messy in comparison

She has a disabled DS and a toddler DD.

House smells and looks clean. Not artificial clean. It just smells fresh and crisp.

Kids bedrooms spotless.

She irons everything of the DC. She said she sets aside time once a week and does it watching something good

Her car is clean. Despite kids. Smells wonderful. Her DS has high care needs. She kindly gave me a lift recently. He was hysterical and she gave him some crisps. We got back. He was playing with blocks in the garden. She told toddler she would be 5 minutes and asked her toddler to think of 5 things beginning with P, something like that. In that time she whipped her hoover out, hoovered up all the he had made with the crisps and gave it all a quick go over with some spray and a cloth

Kids have their pjs laid out whilst getting ready for bath. Their beds are immaculately made. Clothes all put away neatly and ironed.

She has all their bags packed and sorted the night before (her DD goes to nursery one day a week). All her son's clothes are labelled with this cute little ink thing that says his name with a little symbol of a bear next to it

Her children are always so clean and fresh. When they get out of the bath they're moisturised with something she's used since they were little babies. Perfectly turned out even for bed! Her DD is SO good! And she's 2.5! A really hard age. She doesn't ask for anything, if she gets upset my friend explains why she can't do or have it, then proceeds to make her daughter feel as if she's in control for example by asking if she wants to play with her bricks when she's home? Since she likes the ones here? Would she like that or to play with her colouring pad? Her DD then feels in control and responds well to this

My 3 DC were nightmares in comparison. My house constantly a mess still and they're 2,7 and 8.

I ask them to do stuff all the time and it's never done. I don't even have an ironing pile. My wash pile is high enough as it is without any additional piles!

Their uniforms have a quick sharpie on them that just about makes out their names. They look bloody scruffy a lot of the time. Their beds aren't made like her DCs. I don't have a 'special' bubble bath they use, I just slap any old thing in. They don't smell beautiful and have special moisturisers. My house is always a mess in some way, never clean really, just about her away with it

I'm never on time for child's activities. Meanwhile my friend juggled her special needs child and her DD's swim and baby dancing class. And her DS swims

Honestly, what's her secret. Everything is so well done and put together

She is a WONDERFUL friend. No judgement. So kind and really listens to me. This isn't a thread to slay her off

I just wonder how I'm such a creature of things better left unsaid whilst she achieves all this

Did I mention her disabled child is awake from 4am? And her H isn't helpful with that so she does it all too? Argh.

post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying details.

OP I was like this when dd was younger. My house was spotless, ironed clothes, nice bubble baths, never sat down, mopped my floor every day!

I wasn't happy, not happy like I am now. My house now has the loft ladder permanently in the hallway as we're up and down it getting life jackets/tents/adventure equipment in and out (no garage unfortunately). There are going away bags dotted around half emptied and washing everywhere currently. I'm not sorting it, I've been paddle boarding this morning instead and going out for food with a friend later. I could have done it yesterday evening but I went to pilates and then drank cocktails, tomorrow I'm off swimming and then for a walk. What sort of life do you want? If you want immaculate then go for it but it's pretty repetitive and boring cleaning all the time. I'd rather be having adventures!

Does she also work outside the home ?

Is she religious? Baptist Christian?

No, she's a carer

This post just made me go and vacuum my car!

That was as soothing as a bedtime story! I’d love to be like this but I suspect you and I are kindred spirits OP.

The condescending comments 🙄

A lot of women commenting here identify with OP’s friend yet here they are shriek online!

Well there you have it!

Her life is dedicated to caring for her son presumably, at home.

It may make her happy for all you know, and give her an element of control (with apologies for pathologising her). I have a pre-schooler and baby twins. My house is clean when visitors call, my daughter is a model child, meals are cooked and the babies are in matching outfits. It makes me feel like I have a handle on my life, so I do it.

I dont find any of that aspirational or anything to be jealous of. Especially not the dickhead dh

Why do we always judge women on how they, their children and their homes look?

No thanks.

@Tillsforthrills yes but that's clearly work - harder job than I do anyway

He's very very high care needs. Smearing. Can't communicate. Constantly trying to break thing etc. I definitely couldn't juggle that type of commitment and be so flawless house and life wise

I am clearly just a slob it seems

Sounds like she ought to read some Betty Friedan to me - more to life than living without crumbs! But seriously she has a lot to deal with and if high levels of order make her feel good, fair enough. (A little 2.5 year old who always needs to put others feelings first isn’t necessarily healthy at all….)

I know a few people like this, they’re perfectionists, they get extremely stressed by mess or clutter so have to deal with it straight away so they can feel calm and in control.

I wish I was a bit more like this tbh as it would motivate me to do more around the house!

Are you asking how she does it? Do you want to be like her?

I'm not saying I'm like her, but I am a bit. I'm just naturally very organised. I keep things clean and do tidying as I go is easy. A quick clean in my house takes minutes.

It's actually better time management. If your house is clean to start with, keeping it so takes minutes. Eg what she did with the crisps, if you have a small Dyson handheld, and a spray and cloth easily to hand, it takes less time in the long run to just do it there and then.

I'm a lot like this - it helps that I enjoy tidying/cleaning/organising. Since I started working full time 2 years ago it has all gone to shit though 😂(I used to work 10 hours a week). To be fair you might find she is anxious/has loss of control in other areas of her life and this makes her feel better. So not necessarily something to be envied.

And all this - bet she doesn't spend any time on mn is bullshit too. I do. I mn a lot, all the time. I work, I batch cook, I deal with all kids school emails immediately. So, I then have loads of spare time. I don't rush around last minute trying to get birthday present or mufti day outfit, because I've had them weeks ago.

One of my friends is always running out of stuff, cat food etc. always needing other friend ti pick some up if she's ill. But I don't run out of stuff, when I use the last flour/eggs/shampoo it goes straight on the shopping list and I buy 3 more.

It's easy to become organised, if it doesn't come naturally to you.

If honestly spent far less time on my phone, I'd far, far more productive! Scrolling MN and SM means I achieve fuck all!! I really despair myself sometimes!

"I know a few people like this, they’re perfectionists, they get extremely stressed by mess or clutter so have to deal with it straight away so they can feel calm and in control. "

Nope. That's extremist. I only do enough to have a house that's lived in, but I wouldn't die if someone popped round.

" it helps that I enjoy tidying/cleaning/organising. "

I'm not sure I like it. I just do enough to make life easier. If you can grasp that it makes life easier, then you wouldn't NOT do it.

to be organised and tidy with kids you literally don’t stop- wash on in the morning whilst eating your breakfast standing up, hoovering the stairs whilst your kids eat dinner, have them
play in their bedrooms after bath whilst you clean up the dinner stuff. And get them to bed early.

For someone who asked, sorry can't remember who now, yes I would like to be like her! At least a lot more like her

I'm currently Julia from Motherland, exception being I only work PT (9.30-3)

I know why I do it, I can't relax until everything is perfect. It's not a good thing. This is quite outing but when my children were young I would clean everything, every day including skirting boards and have the paint there to touch up any marks. The DC were always immaculate, usually in designer clothes too and my car would be valeted if it looked anything other than new.
It was exhausting but I did it because I was terrified of the judgement of others. I grew up in a very large family with parents who were farmers so our clothes and home were pretty vile compared to my friends.
I'm still guest ready but I don't work through illness now, DH helps and DC are more or less grown up (youngest is 16) and it's easy to keep on top of things.

I have a friend like this who, same as your friend, is also absolutely lovely and never judges my own chaos. As others have suggested, she doesn't procrastinate or timewaste. If something needs doing she does it straightaway whereas I tend to add it to my mental list of things that need doing until things get to the point I can't ignore them any longer. By then ofc the list is quite long so takes ages and that's more time wasted.

As your friend is a carer she will be very busy on any given day so has probably just got used to moving and thinking at speed, plus there's possibly a personality aspect to it; some people are just not as lazy as others.

Don't give yourself a hard time though. I'm sure she's not judging you. Just enjoy your friendship.

Reading the post had made me stop scrolling on Mumsnet and clean my living room.

I am a bit like this, but it’s borne out of necessity. DH works extremely long hours and leaves early morning and returns mid evening. No parents nearby so I had to be fastidiously organised at all times. The thing with the house, is you have to be able to get on top of the whole house, in order to be able to stay on top of it. Could you get a cleaner in to do a whole house deep clean? Then it’s much easier to keep on top of. Have less stuff generally, put it away as soon as it’s washed, throw something old out or give to charity when kids get new toys/clothes etc. A bag of everything you need for kids left at door and topped up regularly so I don’t have to think about it. Always have emergency snacks and colouring in etc. I am not smug, I just couldn’t cope any other way!

I have a friend who has three children, the eldest has severe Cerebral Palsy. When I look at her- I just admire her. She always looks good when I see her, she juggles her DC's activities whilst juggling her disabled DC activities and appointments. Her DC has a difficult meltdown in public, all eyes were on her, but she didn't care or bat an eye lid, all she did was tell her child "No", gave her something to calm down and escorted her into the car. Also, Twice a week, my friend puts time for herself, goes out for meals, goes on holiday.

Subconsciously, we feel that the people who have more challenging lives, disabled DC, mental health needs, teen parents, ex father not on the scene, are not coping-some aren't. But some just get on with their lives and try to find joy in it. They realise that life doesn't always go to plan, so instead of fretting and worrying, and getting stressed, the find the joy in life.

I don't know. That's what I think anyway.