To wonder how my friend is so wonderfully organised and put together!

[iamspt]

My friend, a new friend, makes me feel a bit scummy! Maybe scummy is too strong a word, but I feel very messy in comparison

She has a disabled DS and a toddler DD.

House smells and looks clean. Not artificial clean. It just smells fresh and crisp.

Kids bedrooms spotless.

She irons everything of the DC. She said she sets aside time once a week and does it watching something good

Her car is clean. Despite kids. Smells wonderful. Her DS has high care needs. She kindly gave me a lift recently. He was hysterical and she gave him some crisps. We got back. He was playing with blocks in the garden. She told toddler she would be 5 minutes and asked her toddler to think of 5 things beginning with P, something like that. In that time she whipped her hoover out, hoovered up all the he had made with the crisps and gave it all a quick go over with some spray and a cloth

Kids have their pjs laid out whilst getting ready for bath. Their beds are immaculately made. Clothes all put away neatly and ironed.

She has all their bags packed and sorted the night before (her DD goes to nursery one day a week). All her son's clothes are labelled with this cute little ink thing that says his name with a little symbol of a bear next to it

Her children are always so clean and fresh. When they get out of the bath they're moisturised with something she's used since they were little babies. Perfectly turned out even for bed! Her DD is SO good! And she's 2.5! A really hard age. She doesn't ask for anything, if she gets upset my friend explains why she can't do or have it, then proceeds to make her daughter feel as if she's in control for example by asking if she wants to play with her bricks when she's home? Since she likes the ones here? Would she like that or to play with her colouring pad? Her DD then feels in control and responds well to this

My 3 DC were nightmares in comparison. My house constantly a mess still and they're 2,7 and 8.

I ask them to do stuff all the time and it's never done. I don't even have an ironing pile. My wash pile is high enough as it is without any additional piles!

Their uniforms have a quick sharpie on them that just about makes out their names. They look bloody scruffy a lot of the time. Their beds aren't made like her DCs. I don't have a 'special' bubble bath they use, I just slap any old thing in. They don't smell beautiful and have special moisturisers. My house is always a mess in some way, never clean really, just about her away with it

I'm never on time for child's activities. Meanwhile my friend juggled her special needs child and her DD's swim and baby dancing class. And her DS swims

Honestly, what's her secret. Everything is so well done and put together

She is a WONDERFUL friend. No judgement. So kind and really listens to me. This isn't a thread to slay her off

I just wonder how I'm such a creature of things better left unsaid whilst she achieves all this

Did I mention her disabled child is awake from 4am? And her H isn't helpful with that so she does it all too? Argh.

post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying details.

Some things are no extra work though are they.
I mean she uses the same bubble bath since tiny, and you ‘ just Chuck any old thing in’. It’s the same time to buy the liquid and squirt in, just she chooses to stick to one brand she likes and you don’t.

Our home is pretty organised. Only one toddler. But dh and I are busy day to day, so we live fairly minimal so it’s easy to tidy in 5 mins. There’s no clutter, everything has its place. So toddler toys everywhere easy to tidy at the end of the day.

My parents in comparison moan about lack of storage in hallway, and the mess there. But have about 20 pairs of shoes each and every coat, hat, bag known to man. My house would also be a mess if we had that much stuff, and take forever to even half tidy.

@MaxOverTheMoon

Let's not pretend that it's not being said that being like the op is the ideal.

The thread is a majority of people saying they are like that, it's easy to be like that or they wish they were

I note the distinct lack of male ohs being like that or even contributing to this immaculate lifestyle.

Its polarising because it reinforces ridiculous sexist stereotypes

@MidnightLibrary

So do we.

What needs to be done is subjective though.

And your dh (and mine) are definitely the minority

I've never heard a man described as keeling his home and children 'immaculate '

I think I was a bit like this as busy working Mum of 2 primary age DCs.
My alarm goes at 5:30 on school days, streches/ pilates everyday before the shower.
Cosmetics on subscribe and save on amazon
All meals including after school snacks planned a week ahead
Baking goes in with Sunday roast so there is cake/ flap jacks/ brownies through the week.
Kitchen cleaned before bed and after breakfast.
Mufti day outfits planned at least 2 weeks ahead.
Activity bags eg: swimming or judo always packed.
Spare hair bands, hair brush, tights(for both me and Dd), tampax and paracetamol in the glove box at all times
Fully stocked present drawer, including teacher's gifts bought on special offer in Noevember
Drawer of requirement at home containing safety pins, needle and thread, more tights, more tampax and sellotape.

I'm sure I'll think of some more.

To be honest, she sounds like your alter ego. Like that’s whom you want to be based off the details like smell and special soap. It also sound to me that you have been watching too many insta reels where life is incredibly edited.

if so, rest assured no one is 100% perfect. For every good day there are 10 bad days. Clean house is usually a way of keeping ‘in control’. Even Monica from Friends had a secret cupboard. Attentive parenting sometimes is what comes out of our own childhood trauma. I don’t invite people over unless my house is spotless- I fear being judged. When I clean and tidy I feed bad that I don’t play with my kids or make special memories so I prefer to tidy as I go along. My boy is 100% most amazing child out and about or when someone else apart from me or my DH are at home. People always comment on his behaviour. However, when it’s just us - he can often be angry shouty demanding monster. I practice gentle parenting and the reason why I do it is because of my own upbringing and things my own parents didn’t do.

I didn’t say someone who doesn’t iron is a safeguarding concern. I was responding to a poster who said they ‘couldn’t believe anyone cared about what their kids wear.’ Realistically we all care. Most of us (at least most people I know) send their kids out in clean, well fitting, weather appropriate clothing. Because if they were regularly dirty and messy without appropriate clothes for the weather then THAT would be a safeguarding concern. So most of us (if we’re halfway decent parents) care what our kids are wearing. And unless you just grab the first thing from the first aisle of the closest clothes shop then you also care one way or the other about the ‘style’ of clothing. Very few people just pick plain grey joggers and sweaters of the cheapest type because they really don’t care. It’s just a way of bashing down and saying ‘who cares what their kids wear, how pathetic’ when realistically we all care what our kids wear.

Goodskins list is sensible. Not that I get up at 5.30! I roll out of bed at the last possible minute!

But we all prep the night before. Boys pack books for school. Make a sandwich. I take a chinese container meal out of the freezer - bok choi and broccoli or a chicken Kiev and mash. Or leftovers from dinner. Then you go to bed more settled. I believe you sleep better. Because you are at least partly prepared. Then even if you did oversleep you can be quickly ready. I think people underestimate how calming this is to the brain.

On say a Sunday night? I view my calendar on my phone. And say to all: right ds2 you have dentist/orthodontist/optician on Tuesday at 4pm. I'm doing abc. Any work issues for Dh, any school meetings /open days, A'level results say...it just prepares your mind. This takes less than 10 seconds. You'd be surprised how a reminder settles the brain.

@Oblomov22

Not everyone's brain needs settled.

I'm not unsettled or stressed because I dont pre pack bags.

Also, I'm not the only person living here with a functioning brain.

My kids are perfectly capable of picking their own clothes and of getting dressed and packing their own bags.

I'm not dh PA so why on earth would I care what his schedule is?

Fuck me @Topgub I wasn't writing to You! So just ignore if you don't like my suggestions to OP.

My dc pack their own bags. I'm not Dh's PA. Where did I say I was? Jesus you are skilled at picking everything apart. And misinterpreting everything.

You are the only person picking on everyone else on this thread, you do realise that don't you?

@Oblomov22

Who were you writing to then?

Did you not mean to imply everyone?

@Oblomov22 agree with you. I've recently started getting the family using the family calendar and knowing what we've all got coming up.

It gets everyone on the same page. We know if we have clashes, it shows the DCs that they have responsibilities just like adults. And I agree it settles the mind as I'm not sat there wondering if I've forgotten something. I don't need to check with everyone before making arrangements - I can see if and who is free.

Also I mentally decided what I was wearing the night before, if feeling superorganised got it ready too including jewelry and accessories, helped me at least feel pulled together. Also the last 10 minutes before we leave the house is mine to run upstairs do teeth and make up, quick squirt of scent and out the door

I'm not unsettled or stressed because I dont pre pack bags.

Great top stuff. Takes all types.

An old tip from here, teeth in school polo shirts then into jumpers(by the door) so they don't dribble on their school sweat shirts.

Topgrub I needed DH's schedule so that someone is around to pick up DC take them to activities and cook dinner ? How do these things happen in your life ? Granted DCs are 15&18 now so less critical.

You can be clean and tidy and organised without giving a shit what anything looks like. Totally. And your life can run like clock work however scruffy.

cant believe people waste time ironing clothes or caring how their kids are dressed
But you can also enjoy and get satisfaction from your environment looking and feeling a certain way . And equally you shouldn't be diminished for that .

Your kids can turn up for nursery ironed and coordinated or festival ready. Each to their own without judgement.

@sunglassesonthetable

Except that's not what's being said at all.

What's being said is the 'immaculate/put together/overly organised is the ideal everyone should aspire to.

I'm not dh PA so why on earth would I care what his schedule is?

um don't want to state the bleeding obvious but school pick ups? lifts for kids? sharing out stuff 🤷‍♀️

What's being said is the 'immaculate/put together/overly organised is the ideal everyone should aspire to.

really? didn't read that all.

And 'overly organised' is your value judgement.

@Goodskin46

When they were small we worked opposite to each other.

Now they either go to my mums after school or let themselves in.

@sunglassesonthetable

You haven't read all the posts saying they wish they were like this or they went abd did xyz after reading?

Yup.

Same as folk look a state or need to calm their brains is.

@sunglassesonthetable

Sharing stuff out implies I'm project manager doling out tasks.

I'm not.

But where does it say 'everyone' should aspire to it.

As an individual you can aspire to whatever makes you comfortable.

This is so true. The more things you can do on automatic, the less energy you expend doing them.

*Sharing stuff out implies I'm project manager doling out tasks.

I'm not.*

great stuff. But tbh I think you saying you don't need to know your OH's schedule is really disingenuous.

If you share a house with someone and have kids yeah you pretty much need to know wha each other are doing.