To wonder how my friend is so wonderfully organised and put together!

[iamspt]

My friend, a new friend, makes me feel a bit scummy! Maybe scummy is too strong a word, but I feel very messy in comparison

She has a disabled DS and a toddler DD.

House smells and looks clean. Not artificial clean. It just smells fresh and crisp.

Kids bedrooms spotless.

She irons everything of the DC. She said she sets aside time once a week and does it watching something good

Her car is clean. Despite kids. Smells wonderful. Her DS has high care needs. She kindly gave me a lift recently. He was hysterical and she gave him some crisps. We got back. He was playing with blocks in the garden. She told toddler she would be 5 minutes and asked her toddler to think of 5 things beginning with P, something like that. In that time she whipped her hoover out, hoovered up all the he had made with the crisps and gave it all a quick go over with some spray and a cloth

Kids have their pjs laid out whilst getting ready for bath. Their beds are immaculately made. Clothes all put away neatly and ironed.

She has all their bags packed and sorted the night before (her DD goes to nursery one day a week). All her son's clothes are labelled with this cute little ink thing that says his name with a little symbol of a bear next to it

Her children are always so clean and fresh. When they get out of the bath they're moisturised with something she's used since they were little babies. Perfectly turned out even for bed! Her DD is SO good! And she's 2.5! A really hard age. She doesn't ask for anything, if she gets upset my friend explains why she can't do or have it, then proceeds to make her daughter feel as if she's in control for example by asking if she wants to play with her bricks when she's home? Since she likes the ones here? Would she like that or to play with her colouring pad? Her DD then feels in control and responds well to this

My 3 DC were nightmares in comparison. My house constantly a mess still and they're 2,7 and 8.

I ask them to do stuff all the time and it's never done. I don't even have an ironing pile. My wash pile is high enough as it is without any additional piles!

Their uniforms have a quick sharpie on them that just about makes out their names. They look bloody scruffy a lot of the time. Their beds aren't made like her DCs. I don't have a 'special' bubble bath they use, I just slap any old thing in. They don't smell beautiful and have special moisturisers. My house is always a mess in some way, never clean really, just about her away with it

I'm never on time for child's activities. Meanwhile my friend juggled her special needs child and her DD's swim and baby dancing class. And her DS swims

Honestly, what's her secret. Everything is so well done and put together

She is a WONDERFUL friend. No judgement. So kind and really listens to me. This isn't a thread to slay her off

I just wonder how I'm such a creature of things better left unsaid whilst she achieves all this

Did I mention her disabled child is awake from 4am? And her H isn't helpful with that so she does it all too? Argh.

post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying details.

@sunglassesonthetable

We just don't work like that

🤷‍♀️

But do you get that loads and loads of people do? Have you noticed? They know what the other person is doing, so which one is picking up the kids etc? The juggle.

But because you don't iron
"you can't believe people do"

because you don't know your OH's schedule
"why on earth " would other people?

You sound very judgemental. Your way or the highway.

When they were small we worked opposite to each other.

In order to do that you must have known each other's schedule. * *

@sunglassesonthetable

Yes but I was replying to a pp who was saying everyone should do xyz to help relax their brains.

I didnt just randomly say no one should.

Maybe read the context of the comments?

@Goodskin46

Well he needed to know mine.

I didnt need to know his.

Agree with this, however, in this thread, 'not caring how your kids look' has been equated to dirty children in ill-fitting clothes that would cause safeguarding concern

6 of one half a dozen of the other

@Goodskin46

No. Its not.

And it's not the case now

Agree with this, however, in this thread, 'not caring how your kids look' has been equated to dirty children in ill-fitting clothes that would cause safeguarding concern

Yep one poster.

Who then explained herself better the 2nd time. She didn't mean that.

*Well he needed to know mine.

I didnt need to know his.*

Well loads of people need to know each others. But that might take a leap of imagination. I've spent years being aware of OH's schedule and he of mine.

Otherwise someone didn't get picked up. Or dropped off. Or there was no dinner. Or packed lunches.

So disingenuous @Topgub

"What's being said is the 'immaculate/put together/overly organised is the ideal everyone should aspire to."

Nope. Wasn't my reading of it at all.

My house isn't immaculate. I do only enough. I'm not overly organised. I'm just organised. Enough.

OP asked how she could be more organised.

Is she wealthy? The only women I know like this are well off

@sunglassesonthetable

Nope.

I have no need to know what my oh is working this week.

Or when he'll be in.

Others do, especially when they project manage. Maybe that's why they're so stressed?

Whose stressed? Not me. I'm sat watching yet more football, having decided with Dh that nothing needed to be done for tomorrow. No stress here.

I’m like this but it’s because of my OCD and anxiety - it’s the only way I feel in control if everything is “perfect”. I am naturally a very organised person but I just can’t relax until everything is sorted, packed, cleaned etc. I also work full time and have a 1 year old so I basically never stop but that’s just me, I can’t imagine being any different.

• have no need to know what my oh is working this week.

Or when he'll be in.

Others do, especially when they project manage. Maybe that's why they're so stressed?*

Oh dear still struggling to make that leap of imagination that other people's lives are different to yours.

I know my OH's schedule and guess what I'm not his PA or project managing him.

Stressed? Any more subtle digs at people on this thread ? You sound quite defensive tbh.

I'd say she's organised as she has to be to survive.
When I had 2 DCs under 5 - one with complex needs, the other who was later diagnosed with asd - I would say I was pretty much like your friend. I worked 2 days a week at the time too.
Those of you who said 'well she's a carer' clearly don't understand how much extra works a disabled child brings - not just in the care, but all the appointments with professionals, hospital appointments, form filling etc. It's basically sink or swim and your friend is clearly swimming.

Who does cook dinner in topgrub's house ?

I'm not defensive

There's nothing to be defensive of.

I just dont agree that that kind of lifestyle is aspirational

@Goodskin46

Who ever is in at dinner time

Including the kids

Sometimes no one is, we get dinner at work or make our own when we get in.

Once again, that is not what I said at all. You’re equating it to that to support your point. I responded to a poster who said they ‘can’t believe anyone cares what their kids wear.’ I simply said of course people (most people) care in one way or the other about what their kids wear. If you genuinely did not care whatsoever what your kids wore then you’d be happy for them to go out in an old, dirty ripped sundress and mismatched sandals two sizes too small in the pouring rain. You presumably wouldn’t be happy with that - so you (and the poster asserting they don’t care at all) do in fact care what your kids wear. You just don’t iron. But you do care what they wear, and it’s normal to care.

@Kanaloa

And again, I've clarified I meant in terms of style.

I'm also not hugely fussed at weather appropriate

That's not a hill I die on

The op doesn’t say the friend dresses her kids in stylish clothes. Just that they’re always clean and smell lovely while her own children don’t. And that she’s always on time while op is frequently late to her kids’ activities, has a clean home while op’s is often messy etc. People are somehow whipping the friend up into an insta mum who has kids kitted out in designer wear when in fact op has just said they’re clean and neat while her own children often look ‘scruffy.’

And that’s fine if you’re happy to have a messy home and send your kids out scruffy - but op isn’t happy with it. She wants to be more like her friend/aspires to be more organised. That’s why people are giving tips/talking about getting more organised. Because op seems to want to be more organised and tidy etc, not because they want to force everyone to dress their kids in matching stylish outfits.

If you genuinely did not care whatsoever what your kids wore then you’d be happy for them to go out in an old, dirty ripped sundress and mismatched sandals two sizes too small in the pouring rain.

But that isn't true. I know people who bring their kids up with the idea that clothes are there to serve a function and aren't meant to be aesthetic. That's what is meant by posters saying they don't care what their kids wear. You've taken it to an extreme and very literally.