To wonder how my friend is so wonderfully organised and put together!

[iamspt]

My friend, a new friend, makes me feel a bit scummy! Maybe scummy is too strong a word, but I feel very messy in comparison

She has a disabled DS and a toddler DD.

House smells and looks clean. Not artificial clean. It just smells fresh and crisp.

Kids bedrooms spotless.

She irons everything of the DC. She said she sets aside time once a week and does it watching something good

Her car is clean. Despite kids. Smells wonderful. Her DS has high care needs. She kindly gave me a lift recently. He was hysterical and she gave him some crisps. We got back. He was playing with blocks in the garden. She told toddler she would be 5 minutes and asked her toddler to think of 5 things beginning with P, something like that. In that time she whipped her hoover out, hoovered up all the he had made with the crisps and gave it all a quick go over with some spray and a cloth

Kids have their pjs laid out whilst getting ready for bath. Their beds are immaculately made. Clothes all put away neatly and ironed.

She has all their bags packed and sorted the night before (her DD goes to nursery one day a week). All her son's clothes are labelled with this cute little ink thing that says his name with a little symbol of a bear next to it

Her children are always so clean and fresh. When they get out of the bath they're moisturised with something she's used since they were little babies. Perfectly turned out even for bed! Her DD is SO good! And she's 2.5! A really hard age. She doesn't ask for anything, if she gets upset my friend explains why she can't do or have it, then proceeds to make her daughter feel as if she's in control for example by asking if she wants to play with her bricks when she's home? Since she likes the ones here? Would she like that or to play with her colouring pad? Her DD then feels in control and responds well to this

My 3 DC were nightmares in comparison. My house constantly a mess still and they're 2,7 and 8.

I ask them to do stuff all the time and it's never done. I don't even have an ironing pile. My wash pile is high enough as it is without any additional piles!

Their uniforms have a quick sharpie on them that just about makes out their names. They look bloody scruffy a lot of the time. Their beds aren't made like her DCs. I don't have a 'special' bubble bath they use, I just slap any old thing in. They don't smell beautiful and have special moisturisers. My house is always a mess in some way, never clean really, just about her away with it

I'm never on time for child's activities. Meanwhile my friend juggled her special needs child and her DD's swim and baby dancing class. And her DS swims

Honestly, what's her secret. Everything is so well done and put together

She is a WONDERFUL friend. No judgement. So kind and really listens to me. This isn't a thread to slay her off

I just wonder how I'm such a creature of things better left unsaid whilst she achieves all this

Did I mention her disabled child is awake from 4am? And her H isn't helpful with that so she does it all too? Argh.

post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying details.

[themarketer]

I have high standards but constantly fail to reach them! We live on a small holding and have animals and land to maintain as well as a house and 4 DC. That’s my full time job. I’m constantly stressed trying to keep up with the housework. Have the garden well cared for the land maintained, no weeds, the hedges cut, the plants that I grow for food sown on the right time. Harvesting, preserving. Clean animals always bedded down nicely. I sweep and mop after every meal and vacuum several times a day as I find it easier to do things as I go. Yet despite constantly making the effort I go to friends houses who have less going on and feel the guilt that my house despite my best efforts would fall short of their show home standards. It’s an old farmhouse too. Am I right that sometimes they just never look as clean?! I suppose I feel that I don’t want to let my family down because we have 4 young DC and all the animals that they shouldn’t come from a messy home. I also make sure I find the time for friends and to play and take the DC on adventures. One thing I enjoy is audiobooks and podcasts while I work. I’ve never worked so hard in my life and I’ve given up a serious career! 🤣

[Boomeranga]

I wonder if there’s a correlation between women (sorry) who are slim and women who are tidy.

Seriously?

[danny735]

@RomeoOscarXrayIndigoEcho

OP you sound like a great friend. In awe of your friend. Not jealous. You appreciate her challenges and are complimentary about how she responds to them.

So your friend does sound amazing, but so do you.

I suspect others will disagree with me but you come across as caring and kind in your words.

Now get off MN and go and do something that your friend would do. What would friend do? #WWFD

love this answer 🥰

[Itsconfessiontime]

It’s the same as some people being slim I think. It either comes naturally to them or they just put the effort in to make it that way.

I wonder if there’s a correlation between women (sorry) who are slim and women who are tidy. I am sadly neither!

[sunsetsandsandybeaches]

@Comtesse

I bet no one lies on their death bed wishing they had done more dusting/ hoovering/ wiping the skirting boards etc…..

Maybe not, but I don't want to live my life in a messy, dusty, dirty home.

If you keep on top of it, it's not hard or time-consuming either.

[sunglassesonthetable]

I had a friend like this - many years ago
She got up at 4am to clean her house. Her children weren’t allowed to “play”, because it made a mess.

Tbh she doesn't sound like your friend. It doesn't sound like a case of tidy/unhappy v messy/but happy.

[Flutterbybudget]

I had a friend like this - many years ago
She got up at 4am to clean her house. Her children weren’t allowed to “play”, because it made a mess. They never used paint or play dough. They never baked. Their toys were reduced to one small tub of toys, which they had to put away the moment they stopped playing with them.
My own home was like a bomb site in comparison. Still is, come to that. But we are happy.
Who cares what anyone else does. As long as the kids are looked after, live and let live.

[TheOriginalClownfish]

Are we still living in the 1950s?

Well no, but we aren't quite at the automated lifestyle of the Jetsons yet so some poor fucker has to keep the gaff clean.
In our house it's actually DH that does the school runs and the after school activities. He does the laundry, all the outdoor stuff, the bins, because he likes those things, and I hate them, groceries, meal planning and meal prep is what I love and he hates so we are happy with the division. Everything else is probably 50/50 or 60/40 with him taking the increase because I've a long commute and he's got none.

But I do want our household to run smoother for all of us, and this thread has already inspired me to start a checklist for DS because he loves to be organised and to feel 'ready' but just needs to learn how so I'll begin teaching him good habits.

However DH has been unwell lately so hasn't really been able to pull his weight as usual. And until he's back to full health again, I'll need to take on more, so this thread has been great for me to plan how to keep on top of things for the next while. And if it was me getting all the tests and appointments and feeling shit, he'd be the first to take on everything and demand I stay resting. So while I might appear to everyone to be a throwback to the 50s, and probably judged to fuck for it nobody knows what's really going on in a household either.

[RomeoOscarXrayIndigoEcho]

OP you sound like a great friend. In awe of your friend. Not jealous. You appreciate her challenges and are complimentary about how she responds to them.

So your friend does sound amazing, but so do you.

I suspect others will disagree with me but you come across as caring and kind in your words.

Now get off MN and go and do something that your friend would do. What would friend do? #WWFD

[EmeraldShamrock1]

@Kanaloa Exactly it is hard to ever shake off that feeling once you grow up in a chaotic disorganised home.

[Carrieonmywaywardsun]

I'm a bit like this- it's just how I've decided to be. I'm good with my time and use it wisely so that I have time to myself, time to focus on DD etc. I don't get in a flap when something goes wrong, I don't have a temper or get upset easily so if there's a problem like crisps in the car or DD having a tantrum I just deal with it. It doesn't work with everyone but you may find people with SEND children are more in control of the rest of their lives to make things easier.

[Nunckybunchchuck]

Reading the opening post has given me a headache 😂

[Kanaloa]

And I also share your experience of growing up in a disorganised home and that affects you whether you think about it on your deathbed or not. Kids know they look scruffy compared to their peers. They know they’re always late to activities. It causes stress and discomfort.

[Kanaloa]

@EmeraldShamrock1

Exactly the same for me. People are always happy to say ‘oh on your deathbed you won’t wish you worked more/cleaned more.’ No, but in life (where you spend most of the time rather than the short period on your deathbed) you’ll surely be happy to have had a good environment and have provided a good environment for your kids. Maybe you won’t have wished you worked more either - but you’ll definitely remember all the wonderful trips and lovely times you had paid for by… work! These are things that need to be done, so why not do them effectively and make a good job of it?

There is another thread at the moment about daily cleaning routines that made me think of a good tip (which is so simple that people never think to say it) which is do it every day. I used to dread Saturday when all the household stuff would be waiting. Now it’s so much easier because I do things as a go along. Of course it’s also helped that the kids are older and I’m with DH now so not trying to manage alone, but things like wiping and cleaning kitchen while cooking rather than cooking all week then trying to ‘blitz’ it on a weekend day, putting a load of washing on as it needs to be done rather than running a wishy washy warehouse all Saturday etc.

[EmeraldShamrock1]

People always say this dust if you must type stuff but whether you think of it on your deathbed or not this stuff needs to be done. And (for most people) life is more pleasant in a clean and organised environment.

I'll be proud on my deathbed that I done my best to give them a comfortable happy home, a sock drawer with matching pairs clipped together, hair accessories, a clean non wrinkled school uniform, plenty of toiletries for self cleaning.

My mum didn't prioritise these things, I went to school upset many mornings because our home was disorganised, finding a pair of socks or a school copy in the morning was stressful, going to school looking a bit scruffy with greasy hair really impacted on my self esteem.

I don't blame DM now I see she had no organisational skills and accepted herself as disorganised.
Nor did I but I have fought hard to change things for my DC.

It takes me hours I'm a natural scatter brain but it makes me happy.
If they bring a friend home they've no worries about being embarrassed by mountains of crap everywhere.

[sunglassesonthetable]

People always say this dust if you must type stuff but whether you think of it on your deathbed or not this stuff needs to be done. And (for most people) life is more pleasant in a clean and organised environment. For me I like being organised specifically because it allows me more time to enjoy myself and have all the necessary things done.

Yep.

It's because my home environment has a big effect on me. I want it to be relaxing and nurturing.

It's not because I 'love' house hold chores. On my death bed I hope I think back on my home that way.

[Dalekjastninerels]

I find if I do bits here and there it helps; if I'm going for a wee I'll put dry dishes away or dry laundry away.

That way the pile of either stays small.

I don't mind some mess if I am at home; but if I am leaving the house I like things to be in their places.

[Kanaloa]

@Comtesse

I bet no one lies on their death bed wishing they had done more dusting/ hoovering/ wiping the skirting boards etc…..

People always say this dust if you must type stuff but whether you think of it on your deathbed or not this stuff needs to be done. And (for most people) life is more pleasant in a clean and organised environment. For me I like being organised specifically because it allows me more time to enjoy myself and have all the necessary things done.

[Michellelovesizzy]

I have a friend just like this and her need to clean drives her mad. I said to her once your amazing ur house is so clean. She told me she hates it and juts can’t stop. So there is always positive and negatives isn’t there.

[Comtesse]

I bet no one lies on their death bed wishing they had done more dusting/ hoovering/ wiping the skirting boards etc…..

[Llamasally]

Also here for tips! Wish you bickering lot would bugger off, hard to find the posts that are actually on topic 🙄

[xmaswiththeinlaws]

Does she work? In my experience, people like that often get up ridiculously early or have OCD. Some of the cleanest houses I've been impressed was told "don't be fooled, they have crippling OCD and an barely function beyond the cleaning." Different people have different priorities. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Those kids might be terrified to play properly in case they make a mess. Or she might just be super amazing.

[lemmein]

Haven't RTFT but I'm more like you OP. I think the difference is, I go about my day making mental notes of shit that needs doing, whereas people like your friend just do it. Her way is probably best because she isn't filling her brain full of mindless lists, so less stressful I would imagine, but I'm just not made that way, I'm a top procrastinator (hence me responding to this post about a strangers organisational skills 🤦🏻‍♀️😂)

I wouldn't dream of cleaning up around guests though, I think that's rude. I'd never leave a visiting friend to go and hoover my car - I think that's a bit weird tbh.

[sunglassesonthetable]

You're clearly defensive over it though 😇

And? It's so tedious.

[NippyWoowoo]

@sunglassesonthetable

Jeez so much Hinch angst on this thread - sooo depressing. Are we still living in the 1950s?

FFS "soooo depressing" You're depressed by this???

IGod

You're clearly defensive over it though 😇