To wonder how my friend is so wonderfully organised and put together!

[iamspt]

My friend, a new friend, makes me feel a bit scummy! Maybe scummy is too strong a word, but I feel very messy in comparison

She has a disabled DS and a toddler DD.

House smells and looks clean. Not artificial clean. It just smells fresh and crisp.

Kids bedrooms spotless.

She irons everything of the DC. She said she sets aside time once a week and does it watching something good

Her car is clean. Despite kids. Smells wonderful. Her DS has high care needs. She kindly gave me a lift recently. He was hysterical and she gave him some crisps. We got back. He was playing with blocks in the garden. She told toddler she would be 5 minutes and asked her toddler to think of 5 things beginning with P, something like that. In that time she whipped her hoover out, hoovered up all the he had made with the crisps and gave it all a quick go over with some spray and a cloth

Kids have their pjs laid out whilst getting ready for bath. Their beds are immaculately made. Clothes all put away neatly and ironed.

She has all their bags packed and sorted the night before (her DD goes to nursery one day a week). All her son's clothes are labelled with this cute little ink thing that says his name with a little symbol of a bear next to it

Her children are always so clean and fresh. When they get out of the bath they're moisturised with something she's used since they were little babies. Perfectly turned out even for bed! Her DD is SO good! And she's 2.5! A really hard age. She doesn't ask for anything, if she gets upset my friend explains why she can't do or have it, then proceeds to make her daughter feel as if she's in control for example by asking if she wants to play with her bricks when she's home? Since she likes the ones here? Would she like that or to play with her colouring pad? Her DD then feels in control and responds well to this

My 3 DC were nightmares in comparison. My house constantly a mess still and they're 2,7 and 8.

I ask them to do stuff all the time and it's never done. I don't even have an ironing pile. My wash pile is high enough as it is without any additional piles!

Their uniforms have a quick sharpie on them that just about makes out their names. They look bloody scruffy a lot of the time. Their beds aren't made like her DCs. I don't have a 'special' bubble bath they use, I just slap any old thing in. They don't smell beautiful and have special moisturisers. My house is always a mess in some way, never clean really, just about her away with it

I'm never on time for child's activities. Meanwhile my friend juggled her special needs child and her DD's swim and baby dancing class. And her DS swims

Honestly, what's her secret. Everything is so well done and put together

She is a WONDERFUL friend. No judgement. So kind and really listens to me. This isn't a thread to slay her off

I just wonder how I'm such a creature of things better left unsaid whilst she achieves all this

Did I mention her disabled child is awake from 4am? And her H isn't helpful with that so she does it all too? Argh.

post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying details.

This thread has made me tidy up before I go out with my friend tonight 😂

If you are on top of things, it creates loads of free time. I've been sat watching 1st day of premier football for the last 5 hours, mn'ing at the same time. Haven't barely moved. I'm naturally lazy but do enough.

The only thing I can think is that either she can bend time, or every day, she whistles a merry tune, and a bunch of woodland creatures come in and clean the house for her.

Comparison is the thief of joy! You will have other strengths.

Some people take a lot of pride in a clean house so they put in the necessary work to keep it that way. Just like some people spend hours at the gym to maintain a certain level of fitness. Personally, I don’t have a lot of time for housework because it’s too hard to keep it clean and tidy. I clean one room and another one gets messy instead, or I undo it by having to cook or something. Most of my time atm is taken up by work (2 jobs) or studying though.

It's a personality thing too. There no way in hell I'd be giving my toddler something engaging to do for a free 5 minutes and using that time to hoover. Different things are important to different people.

She sounds like everything I've read about Carole Middleton and look how that worked out for her kids.

Amazing.

this afternoon I’ve thrown the kids swim stuff in the car (probably still damp from the beach yesterday and definetly still sandy) and have made more of a mess in the house. Trying to tidy up.

dm is an organiser. And a doer. I’m a wannabe.

dm never worked when I was a kid though so struggles to see how I can’t manage.

Op there could be so many reasons for this. She may just have a brain that works that way, some people are more spontaneous, some people struggle with organisations for a whole array of reasons like adhd, adverse childhood experiences, depression etc, you have more children than her, it might be her coping strategy, she might have anxiety and can't rest easily. I'm sure people could post a million reasons.

I think what might be useful for you is to get practical tips on how you could easily bring some organisation to your life. For example, you mentioned ironing, if you aspire to thus pick a time of the week when you could watch TV and iron and make sure there is always some ready. Or pay someone to do it I used to do this when my kids were little and I had less free time. I am naturally a bit disorganised but aspire to be more so and like to magpie ideas from more organised people. It helps and over the years lots has become routine. Just pick one small thing at a time.

I know someone like this. They are amazing, but at the same time it makes sense.

When you are very organised there's so many things you don't have to think about as they are part of the routine. I waste time looking for crap that hasn't been put away or put away in the wrong place, or still in the wash. It all eats into productivity.

Right, this thread has inspired me to get off my arse and sort stuff out. Laters mumsnet!

She sounds a lovely mother and friend. Also an amazing person. Gosh I wish I was more like that. Weirdly I am much more organised when DH is away, he is very hands on when he is here so I probably take that for granted .

I am not naturally organised though, or patient.
A couple of my friends are like your friend, one also has a child with a disability, the other is a very competent and organised person. Both of them have been wonderful mothers to small children, who are grown up now.

Your friend sounds really organised and together and certain doesn’t have it easy.
I am very organised and hate stuff everywhere , I live in a really old house which is beautiful but a little imperfect so that can annoy me a bit. I have all toys etc in wicker baskets and clothes neatly put away as soon I can. I’m not a relaxed person though so I honestly feel like I’m actually wasting my life constantly cleaning up and tidying all day as I can’t look at it when I could just do it at the end of the day.
I will say that I found it easy easier when my dcs were small, now that they are all physically bigger it’s way harder and way more wear and tear. Also have 3 dcs and we work absolutely loads and no family support at all.

Weirdly one of my cousins grew up in a really laid back house , the mum was really laid back re house and schooling and activities and her and her siblings are all super successful career wise. Random anecdotal tale but sometimes think of it when I’m trying too hard.

All I can say is that I am very much like your friend, and in my case it stems from crippling anxiety and the need to assert control where I can. My DS has health issues and we need to be ready to go into hospital at the drop of a hat. The only way I cope is by having hospital grab bags constantly packed, a house that is meticulously cleaned and organised, his clothes, and ours, organised and folded away at all times. I lay out his pjs and sleeping bag every morning when I get him up and ready for the day. I lay out his clothes for the next day each night when he goes to bed. Again, it comes from a very unhealthy place. I obsess and cannot settle if I think there’s something out of place. I physically cannot relax or go to sleep at night if there’s even a cup on the counter downstairs. Everyone sees me as someone who is very calm and happy and smiley but… if only they knew how neurotic I am! I see a therapist to help with OCD and I’m very medicated… but it’s an exhausting and unhealthy obsession for me!

She sounds amazing, but my mum is a bit like this. Very experienced primary teacher. She's like a toddler whisperer and having wrangled 30+ of them professionally her motto is never leave anything till tomorrow you can do today.

My husband would totally have left the crumbs. I am trying very hard to manifest my mum as the slope downwards is too steep otherwise.

Imho it needs a lot of forethought and strategies/getting the house ready over time so everything needed is to hand and nothing extraneous.

This was my mother - always super organised and tidy. Even at eighty everything is immaculate. I try my best and like a tidy, clean home but have never been as organised as my mother - she’s an almost impossible act to follow.

Or it can also be something that’s totally controllable and makes you feel better about things that are not. I’m not pathologising that, it’s a genuine way of feeling better about a lot of other shit in my experience (at least up to a point)

I do feel better when the house is clean. only it’s hard to to translate that feeling better later into actual effort now, sometimes. Whereas before, I knew later would be much, much worse if I didn’t. Now, I can just do it tomorrow. And we all know tomorrow never comes…

I used to be like this, somewhere over the years I lost the energy and I’m not like it anymore. Thing is when I was I was happy doing all this, I just like to live in an organised world - how other people and their houses are makes no difference to me but I like my own to be tidy, clean and organised. My standards have slipped now and it doesn’t feel as comfortable at all.

I do not have any high needs children but I imagine her attitude of just getting on with things has helped her to adapt to her son’s needs.

I'm inspired! What is this cute little ink name thing? A label?

I have just put on some washing. spent 30 mins downstairs after dinner tidying and have ordered some iron on name labels from Amazon on the strength of this thread!

(Now to implement a daily internet ban for myself as well as the DCs)

@Pumasonsatsumas it’s stamptastic name stamp. We have them too

We also use stikins.

I am/was like this and really resent the Stepford Wives comment.

I had 3 children, one who is disabled with complex special needs. I worked 20 hours a week and my then husband was away at sea for weeks and months at a time. I HAD to be organised. Life was busy, and stressful, and demanding and living in chaos would have magnified that tenfold.

I’m naturally clean, tidy, organised, logical and calm. But I also needed to be or life would have been even harder. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today (or right now) as tomorrow might bring a new disaster, drama, or nightmare. It is far easier to keep on top of stuff than play catch up.

@Sidge

There's a difference between living in chaos and being 'immaculate' and 'well turned out'/'put together'

You can be clean and tidy and organised without giving a shit what anything looks like.

No disaster will befall anyone cause they didn't hoover the car daily

I’m rather like this and I don’t understand why more people aren’t/or why it seems so alien to others. I see so many ‘wasting’ time scrolling on social media and their kids/home/selves look a right state!