To wonder how my friend is so wonderfully organised and put together!

[iamspt]

My friend, a new friend, makes me feel a bit scummy! Maybe scummy is too strong a word, but I feel very messy in comparison

She has a disabled DS and a toddler DD.

House smells and looks clean. Not artificial clean. It just smells fresh and crisp.

Kids bedrooms spotless.

She irons everything of the DC. She said she sets aside time once a week and does it watching something good

Her car is clean. Despite kids. Smells wonderful. Her DS has high care needs. She kindly gave me a lift recently. He was hysterical and she gave him some crisps. We got back. He was playing with blocks in the garden. She told toddler she would be 5 minutes and asked her toddler to think of 5 things beginning with P, something like that. In that time she whipped her hoover out, hoovered up all the he had made with the crisps and gave it all a quick go over with some spray and a cloth

Kids have their pjs laid out whilst getting ready for bath. Their beds are immaculately made. Clothes all put away neatly and ironed.

She has all their bags packed and sorted the night before (her DD goes to nursery one day a week). All her son's clothes are labelled with this cute little ink thing that says his name with a little symbol of a bear next to it

Her children are always so clean and fresh. When they get out of the bath they're moisturised with something she's used since they were little babies. Perfectly turned out even for bed! Her DD is SO good! And she's 2.5! A really hard age. She doesn't ask for anything, if she gets upset my friend explains why she can't do or have it, then proceeds to make her daughter feel as if she's in control for example by asking if she wants to play with her bricks when she's home? Since she likes the ones here? Would she like that or to play with her colouring pad? Her DD then feels in control and responds well to this

My 3 DC were nightmares in comparison. My house constantly a mess still and they're 2,7 and 8.

I ask them to do stuff all the time and it's never done. I don't even have an ironing pile. My wash pile is high enough as it is without any additional piles!

Their uniforms have a quick sharpie on them that just about makes out their names. They look bloody scruffy a lot of the time. Their beds aren't made like her DCs. I don't have a 'special' bubble bath they use, I just slap any old thing in. They don't smell beautiful and have special moisturisers. My house is always a mess in some way, never clean really, just about her away with it

I'm never on time for child's activities. Meanwhile my friend juggled her special needs child and her DD's swim and baby dancing class. And her DS swims

Honestly, what's her secret. Everything is so well done and put together

She is a WONDERFUL friend. No judgement. So kind and really listens to me. This isn't a thread to slay her off

I just wonder how I'm such a creature of things better left unsaid whilst she achieves all this

Did I mention her disabled child is awake from 4am? And her H isn't helpful with that so she does it all too? Argh.

post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying details.

I used to be like that when mine were little and I had 4 close together but now the youngest is 16 it’s completely different.

I used to be a bit like this when my children were young and life was busy. Now they’re grown up, my working hours have dropped significantly and I’m not juggling 150 plates in the air at once my inclination to maintain such high standards has pretty much disappeared, even though it would be so much easier now it’s only me and DH here. Maybe it’s a case of ‘the less you do, the less you want to do’? Or maybe I just got bored with it after so many years…

Maybe it’s the only bit of control she has in her life?
my ds1 was a delightful toddler. Rarely tantrumed. DS 2 was a horror.
now ds2 is a lovely teen. ds1 more of a challenge.

My great aunt was like this. Still pulling her cooker out to clean behind it when she was 89.

I also had a friend who kept her large home and 4 dc spotless. Dressed beautifully, fantastic figure and a very sweet yet fun person.
Unfortunately it didn't stop her s**t of a dh cheating on her and tricking her into remortgaging their home before he left.
She would have been a lot better off with a salary than a clean home.

Ask her.

Ask her.

Depends sometimes I am like this and it is all organisation and training. I’m better in the winter than the summer.

eg in the winter heating set to come on at 5 am. Each child puts their school shirt, trousers, pants, socks etc on the radiator the night before and bags made and left by the front door. If it is really cold outside, coat, scarf, hats and gloves also on radiator. Kids get up and get changed into nice warm clothes. PJ put on the radiator for when they get home. Whilst they get dressed I make porridge and hot chocolate etc

in the holidays I am more relaxed but generally only water bottles are allowed in the car and hoovered once a week etc

same with dogs 🐕 it’s routine. We don’t have tv Monday to Friday in term time and that helps and no gadgets

I wish I was her! But alas, I spend all my time working, scrolling, looking after my kids or procrastinating!

And in terms of behaviour first was a delight never ever did anything wrong and then hit 14 and her middle name is grumpy now. Youngest was a nightmare and has just turned a corner - 90% of their meltdowns are related to boredom, food, water and tiredness

I am just the same. Organisation helps me feel peaceful and calm, I enjoy pressed clothes and a clean car and spotless house. She isn’t judging you btw - she loves you as you are.
A clean calm life is really healthy.
My dc are older now and help a lot - I always do things immediately too. Not tomorrow or another time. Be happy being you,

It's certainly made me look at the hairy forest between the sofa, the coffee table and the wall! Maybe tomorrow......
I found that when I was working full time and had the children at home I got through things far more quickly than now I'm retired, widowed and the children off my hands, I spend a lot of time looking at what needs doing, between the Commonwealth games and, at the mo, Quantum Leap!
I did attack a few weeds earlier, in my defence!

I do expect everyone to play their part though, so I have time to relax and play. She will burn out if she doesn’t make time to do that
I don’t watch Netflix or TV very often so that makes a difference.

You don’t really need to wonder how she does it - you’ve explained how in the op. She cleans up as soon as there’s a mess. She takes time out to do all ironing. She sets things out in advance etc. That’s how she does it - by doing it!

I know two people like this! One does not really cook so the family eat a lot of ready meals (no judgement it is about what each person cares to prioritise, what works for them).

The other does cook from scratch as well and volunteers for others and now, at sixty plus, is a bit burned out and depressed.

I am not saying your friend will be op, if this way of living calms her and keeps her organised and motivated. There is a lot to be said for it. But the person I mention above is rather put upon by her husband and son.

A lot of it will be routine. if you do things automatically you avoid the thinking about what you need to do, what needs doing most and where everything is to do it, times.

And if you do things as you go along, it's much easier to keep on top of it, than getting into a rut where you can't see where to start.

Take the washing. I put a load in the washing machine as soon as there are enough dirty clothes to need one, it washes overnight and I hang them to dry while the kettle is boiling for my morning cuppa. Then at night, when I get in from work, I put dinner in the oven and go and take the washing down and fold it up. That's 2 lots of 5-10 minutes in otherwise "dead" time and the washing keeps to a manageable level. And because it's a nearly daily thing I just do it without thinking about it.

This thread just motivated me to do 2 jobs I've been putting off all day. Thank you OP and wonderfriend.

I used to be like this, but I only achieved it consistently and not just sitting down when I really wanted to, by telling myself how disgusted my clean freak stepmother would be if she turned up, what she would say to people about how lazy I am and how filthy my home is etc.

I had a very set routine of take the eldest to Playschool, bring the younger one home, set her up playing in one corner and a set list of jobs in a specific order all done daily before picking up from Playschool etc. Deeper cleans of one room each day, towels changed as a complete set like clockwork on ‘bathroom day’. I meal planned the entire week, I’d set my oven to switch itself on and off with a casserole or something in it a couple of days a week so I had time to do other jobs.

We were quite poor at the time too so we had very minimal possessions and very little clutter or lots of clothes. Ironing was done in the evening when the children were in bed.

I was thin as a rake and actually quite depressed underneath it all.

My home now is a bloody midden, I’m surrounded by clutter, I put everything but essential jobs off till later. I hate the mess and often myself because of it but I can’t seem to keep on top of everything. I got out of the habit of a clean regime when I became physically incapacitated 10 years ago, even though my health has improved now, I am NC with the step mother and that devil on my shoulder is gone that used to push me through tiredness or laziness.

We didn’t have the internet in my clean freak years either. That helped massively 😂

Yeah with a whole fascinating world out there who wants to be spending all their time whipping the hoover out every five minutes? It’s priorities - housework ain’t mine. Never heard of anyone saying on their death bed oh if only I spent more time hoovering….

She sounds amazing with her kids though

Okay - honestly I am just going to say. I am fairly chaotic. My life and my house is chaotic. But I have some things that I decided were non-negotiables and they have made a huge difference.

First Monday of every month i get the car washed and vacuumed.

Every MOnday I wash all the dog beds and throws.

Every Tuesday I sort the dcs rooms and wash everything. Every Saturday I do ours.

Those things are sort of set in stone for me. It has become a habit. I am hoping to add a few more useful habits into my life.

It's made a dent in the chaos.

I guess that your friend does things out of habit.

If looking after your children is your entire life, it's much easier to fine tune the running of your home. In the 1950s, my grandmother used to wash and iron more than fifty shirts every Monday.
As a child, a friend's mother always impressed me with her effortless household management - five neat piles of dinner money laid out on a Sunday evening, every piece of school uniform washed and ironed - it was many years later that I learned that the organisation was a product of a breakdown after the birth of her youngest.
Do the best you can and prioritise loving your kids over cleaning up after them - if you manage both on the same day, well done.

Getting up early and planning really is key. I’m definitely your friend expect I work full time and it’s all about the planning, these are my go to.

Put a wash on every night before bed, tidy the lounge, put the washing up away and clear the kitchen sides.

Get up an hour before the kids get up to hang the washing on the airer, have a coffee, get breakfast ready and make pack lunches.

Do a weekly meal plan then an online food shop so you don’t waste precious time going to the supermarket.

Try to use your slow cooker a few times a week so you don’t have to cook that night.

Whilst the kids are getting bathed and running around upstairs, sort their clothes for the morning and pack any school bags needed.

I get up early and do my ironing on a Sunday morning whilst watching something on tv, that’s not for everyone but it works for me.

You need to work out what your priorities are and start with those x

I’ve been like that. It was….not fun. Sure everything looked great and got done, but it was like that because I knew that nothing could slip, ever. If I missed a load of laundry, or needed to do an extra shopping trip there was no way for it happen. No slack. Every second (and some I should have been sleeping) was accounted for in My Sanity Saving Routine. In my defence, we did survive it, which is never thought I would.

I often muse that if I could keep house like a military campaign because I worked fifty hours a week, why can’t I do it now I don’t work full time and have fifty hours a week to chill in an immaculate house? I swear I spend longer on the house now, and it doesn’t look as good! (Of course, we’re all
in it a lot more). I keep vowing to do an experiment where I don’t chill, I do the things that need doing for a week or two, until they are done. (Except I don’t think they never would be! Also, school holidays…)

Also, I would never hoover the car instead of drink wine in the garden with a friend. This may explain the state of my car, and also the state of my friends……

My mum was like this. She worked, cooked from scratch, made all our clothes, ran a showplace home, played educational games with us etc etc. From the outside she was wonder woman. As her child I know she was a controlling, neurotic bully and total bitch. She absolutely took us to stately homes but our childhood was a living hell.

Carry on as you are OP. All that matters is that your D.C. are happy. The rest is gravy.

Redsky:

"Take the washing. I put a load in the washing machine as soon as there are enough dirty clothes to need one, it washes overnight and I hang them to dry while the kettle is boiling for my morning cuppa. Then at night, when I get in from work, I put dinner in the oven and go and take the washing down and fold it up. That's 2 lots of 5-10 minutes in otherwise "dead" time and the washing keeps to a manageable level. And because it's a nearly daily thing I just do it without thinking about it."

That's exactly how I do it. Every other day, or as soon as there's enough for a load.

It makes utter sense to me. No stress, no it's builds up and then becomes a mammoth task. Just bit by bit. So easy.