To wonder how my friend is so wonderfully organised and put together!

[iamspt]

My friend, a new friend, makes me feel a bit scummy! Maybe scummy is too strong a word, but I feel very messy in comparison

She has a disabled DS and a toddler DD.

House smells and looks clean. Not artificial clean. It just smells fresh and crisp.

Kids bedrooms spotless.

She irons everything of the DC. She said she sets aside time once a week and does it watching something good

Her car is clean. Despite kids. Smells wonderful. Her DS has high care needs. She kindly gave me a lift recently. He was hysterical and she gave him some crisps. We got back. He was playing with blocks in the garden. She told toddler she would be 5 minutes and asked her toddler to think of 5 things beginning with P, something like that. In that time she whipped her hoover out, hoovered up all the he had made with the crisps and gave it all a quick go over with some spray and a cloth

Kids have their pjs laid out whilst getting ready for bath. Their beds are immaculately made. Clothes all put away neatly and ironed.

She has all their bags packed and sorted the night before (her DD goes to nursery one day a week). All her son's clothes are labelled with this cute little ink thing that says his name with a little symbol of a bear next to it

Her children are always so clean and fresh. When they get out of the bath they're moisturised with something she's used since they were little babies. Perfectly turned out even for bed! Her DD is SO good! And she's 2.5! A really hard age. She doesn't ask for anything, if she gets upset my friend explains why she can't do or have it, then proceeds to make her daughter feel as if she's in control for example by asking if she wants to play with her bricks when she's home? Since she likes the ones here? Would she like that or to play with her colouring pad? Her DD then feels in control and responds well to this

My 3 DC were nightmares in comparison. My house constantly a mess still and they're 2,7 and 8.

I ask them to do stuff all the time and it's never done. I don't even have an ironing pile. My wash pile is high enough as it is without any additional piles!

Their uniforms have a quick sharpie on them that just about makes out their names. They look bloody scruffy a lot of the time. Their beds aren't made like her DCs. I don't have a 'special' bubble bath they use, I just slap any old thing in. They don't smell beautiful and have special moisturisers. My house is always a mess in some way, never clean really, just about her away with it

I'm never on time for child's activities. Meanwhile my friend juggled her special needs child and her DD's swim and baby dancing class. And her DS swims

Honestly, what's her secret. Everything is so well done and put together

She is a WONDERFUL friend. No judgement. So kind and really listens to me. This isn't a thread to slay her off

I just wonder how I'm such a creature of things better left unsaid whilst she achieves all this

Did I mention her disabled child is awake from 4am? And her H isn't helpful with that so she does it all too? Argh.

post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying details.

[Sidge]

@Topgub no but when you’ve got a disabled child (or any children to be honest!) you know if you don’t hoover up the mess it will only get worse and actually you might not have time to hoover it later or the next day so you might as well do it now.

I don’t want to drive around in a car full of crumbs and dirt. I don’t care what anyone else thinks, it would bother me. So I clean it.

[iamspt]

@SummerLobelia

I have just put on some washing. spent 30 mins downstairs after dinner tidying and have ordered some iron on name labels from Amazon on the strength of this thread!

(Now to implement a daily internet ban for myself as well as the DCs)

So is this what being an influencer is all about? Would Amazon cut me a percentage if I added #ad

[iamspt]

@Pumasonsatsumas

I'm inspired! What is this cute little ink name thing? A label?

I have this one, think my friend does have the actual stamptastic one but it's like £25! This is less than half price

Can't comment how well it works after you've washed the clothes. I was inspired by her, bought a load of shirts for new school year and got a bit stamping happy



Name Stamp for Clothes Kids,Custom Name Stamp,Kiddo Stamp,Kiddo Space Stamp,Personalised Clothes Name Stamp for Kids https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09XB53VT6/ref=cmswwrcppapip_zAhhzeeqgyLnA

[Topgub]

@Sidge

You implied disaster was round the corner for anyone not like the op.

That's not the case.

My car has sand/grass and crumbs in it. Nothing bad will happen of its not hoovered immediately.

It doesn't impact my life in any way.

@Arizonian

I cant believe people waste time ironing clothes or caring how their kids are dressed

🤷‍♀️

[Oblomov22]

@Topgub
Sidge implied nothing of the sort. That's your own paranoia reading something into something that wasn't there.

[Topgub]

@Oblomov22

What do I have to be paranoid about?

They specifically used the words disaster.

So yeah, they did imply it.

[Sidge]

I said no such thing, Topgub.

I said tomorrow could bring a disaster, which for me and my children was not beyond the realms of possibility. So I liked to keep on top of things.

[Mally100]

It sounds like she is organized. Tbh anyone can be if they put in the effort. You listed all the ways that she is amazing so why don't you just do that yourself? She sounds in control of her life and her kids seem to take her lead. You can be that too. I'm a very organized person, proactive, plan A and B type person. My dc seems to follow that too.

[Topgub]

@Sidge

Same difference.

You're implying being on top of things in the way the op is is necessary to cope with 'disaster'

Its not

[freezerdinners]

@MaxOverTheMoon I want your life! Sounds great!

[sunglassesonthetable]

OP I LOVE how everything about your friend smells so good. Her house, her kids, even her car.

I'd like that for myself.

It was a lovely OP you've written about your friend. You both sound so nice. There's no meanness or bitterness in your comparisons, no resentment. And she sounds a very nice friend. Quite astounding tbh, just the 4am start would have me floored. Never mind the lovely smelling, ironed and organised environment and moisturised kids.

Some people are just good at that stuff. And it seems effortless. She's one of those.

I'm not a natural. The organisation of my home has been hard won. I've had to really concentrate on it.

I don't want or like too much stuff. I feel 'crowded' and pressured when rooms or cupboards are too full.

I hate piles of stuff.

I always 'put the kitchen to bed' at night. Dishwasher running, counters clear and wiped, food bin emptied. Start the day fresh.

I prefer to do 'little and often' than let stuff build up.

I have a place for everything. And try to keep organisation as simple as possible. No complicated systems.

I enjoy having a clean, calm environment not just as the end in itself but because it makes me feel good. I want my home to support me not drain me.

[aloris]

I'm really taken with those stamps and now I'm going to see if I can buy some.

[SummerLobelia]

I have been enormously inspired by this thread. :)

I already have a wash on.

To answer a pp, I always but always iron my DCs clothes. Not my own half the time-I pay really careful attention to how they look. but DS1 has learning issues and a range of developmental difficulties and my parenting gets judged every which way to Sunday so it is something I do to try and - i don't know- limit the judging and criticism. It may be my percetion but I don't think so really.

I am not a natural organiser but it was amazing to come down this morning to a spotless kitchen where even the floor had been vacced and mopped. Uusually I do counters and put away food then that is it.

[wibblewobbleball]

Honestly - it's because she prioritises it, and you don't. That's all it boils down to!

[Kanaloa]

I cant believe people waste time ironing clothes or caring how their kids are dressed

@Topgub

I would think most decent parents care how their children are dressed. If a child comes into nursery regularly messy/dirty/in ill fitting or weather inappropriate clothing then that’s a safeguarding concern for us who work there and would be noted. When my kids get dressed if they are wearing something unsuitable or dirty I would make them change. Most of us would. Unless you would allow your kids out in old dirty clothes that don’t fit then you are also ‘wasting time caring what your kids wear.’

[MaxOverTheMoon]

@freezerdinners do it, find your joy and put your energy into that. Although I did tidy up because of this thread and it is very nice to not wake up to muddles 😂

[Needwine999]

Some people are happier with having a routine and being organised i think, i must admit i am a bit like that, when my kids were young Id have the beds made and the pjs laid out, and special child bubble baths and creams etc. I just prefer to be that way , if I'm not on top of everything i panic!
Im sure she crumbles now and again with a few glasses of wine, only human x

[Needwine999]

To add, unmade beds are my pet hate, as with stuff and clutter everywhere ! PLus no wearing pjs in the daytime!

[NippyWoowoo]

@Kanaloa

I cant believe people waste time ironing clothes or caring how their kids are dressed

@Topgub

I would think most decent parents care how their children are dressed. If a child comes into nursery regularly messy/dirty/in ill fitting or weather inappropriate clothing then that’s a safeguarding concern for us who work there and would be noted. When my kids get dressed if they are wearing something unsuitable or dirty I would make them change. Most of us would. Unless you would allow your kids out in old dirty clothes that don’t fit then you are also ‘wasting time caring what your kids wear.’

Not caring how your kids are dressed doesn't mean they're dirty! I'm a nanny and so see a range of this.

To me, 'caring' how a kid is dressed means they are aesthetically 'pleasing' ie they wear brands like Boden, everything coordinated and matching, brand new. They could be in a magazine.

'Not caring' means hand-me-down, basic, mismatched.

Both clothes serve the same purposes, neither parent is wrong, they just have different priorities.

[NippyWoowoo]

Oh and I personally think that ironing kids clothes is pointless, you cannot tell the difference.

But like I said, different strokes. Doesn't make the non-ironer kids a safeguarding concern 😂

[MaxOverTheMoon]

It really doesn't need to be a polarising topic of who does what better or cares more about their dc.

Start with the premise that everyone on this thread loves their dc and that has nothing to do with organisation.

People have different priorities and needs. Some people need to feel they have control in their lives by being organised. Some don't. Priorities can also change, like I said I was this organised when dc were young and my dd was in really nice clothes that were ironed - because I was a young mum and felt I would be judged, similar to what other posters have said about their dc having additional needs. I care less about what others think now and prioritise adventures and myself rather than how tidy my house is. What works for you at this moment in your life doesn't mean it works for others or that you are better or worse than them.

@freezerdinners Do it. Prioritise your joy and happiness. Go watch a sunset on top of a hill tonight and be adventurous on a Sunday night rather than letting Sunday evening blues take over!

[Mally100]

@NippyWoowoo

Oh and I personally think that ironing kids clothes is pointless, you cannot tell the difference.

But like I said, different strokes. Doesn't make the non-ironer kids a safeguarding concern 😂

You absolutely can tell. Same with adults. I iron everything though so I do notice. It's not the most important thing but it is something that is not unnoticeable.

[Leafy3]

@Elsiebear90

I know a few people like this, they’re perfectionists, they get extremely stressed by mess or clutter so have to deal with it straight away so they can feel calm and in control.

I wish I was a bit more like this tbh as it would motivate me to do more around the house!

This resonated.

I'm a perfectionist with inattentive adhd. Some parts of my house are spotless others a bit forgotten!

What struck me most about your post op, is that has two young children who both require a lot of time, attention and care. I think she must naturally be good with her children in terms of behaviour and emotion management but as far as her organisation goes, I think there's an element of needing to be prepared and in control.

I don't mean she's controlling. There's a difference.

I have a life threatening medical issue and everything associated with it I have planned and polished to the nth degree. I have planned for every unexpected situation. Hospital bag always ready, with lovely overnight things in.

It's the only way I can have any sense of control over something frightening and uncontrollable.

So I suspect there's an element of this in her approach to her day to day life if she has a child with high care needs. It's her way of coping and ensuring she lives a life that feels normal and safe, for her and her children. I imagine she experiences anxiety and worry for her children that she doesn't voice (because what would be the point?).

She's found a way of coping that works well for her, but she probably has no idea how to do it differently (and the idea of being less together is probably very scary).

[Topgub]

@Kanaloa

I think it was clear I kesnt in terms of styles, not dirty or ill fighting although I wouldnt change a child that was dirty half way through the day.

My kids dressed them selves as soon as they could

Dd frequently went to preschool dressed (as her nursery teacher put it) like she was going to a festival.

Funnily enough no one ever raised a safeguarding concern.

[Topgub]

@NippyWoowoo

@Mally100

No you can't. It definitely depends on the type of fabric and how it's washed and dried