To wonder how my friend is so wonderfully organised and put together!

[iamspt]

My friend, a new friend, makes me feel a bit scummy! Maybe scummy is too strong a word, but I feel very messy in comparison

She has a disabled DS and a toddler DD.

House smells and looks clean. Not artificial clean. It just smells fresh and crisp.

Kids bedrooms spotless.

She irons everything of the DC. She said she sets aside time once a week and does it watching something good

Her car is clean. Despite kids. Smells wonderful. Her DS has high care needs. She kindly gave me a lift recently. He was hysterical and she gave him some crisps. We got back. He was playing with blocks in the garden. She told toddler she would be 5 minutes and asked her toddler to think of 5 things beginning with P, something like that. In that time she whipped her hoover out, hoovered up all the he had made with the crisps and gave it all a quick go over with some spray and a cloth

Kids have their pjs laid out whilst getting ready for bath. Their beds are immaculately made. Clothes all put away neatly and ironed.

She has all their bags packed and sorted the night before (her DD goes to nursery one day a week). All her son's clothes are labelled with this cute little ink thing that says his name with a little symbol of a bear next to it

Her children are always so clean and fresh. When they get out of the bath they're moisturised with something she's used since they were little babies. Perfectly turned out even for bed! Her DD is SO good! And she's 2.5! A really hard age. She doesn't ask for anything, if she gets upset my friend explains why she can't do or have it, then proceeds to make her daughter feel as if she's in control for example by asking if she wants to play with her bricks when she's home? Since she likes the ones here? Would she like that or to play with her colouring pad? Her DD then feels in control and responds well to this

My 3 DC were nightmares in comparison. My house constantly a mess still and they're 2,7 and 8.

I ask them to do stuff all the time and it's never done. I don't even have an ironing pile. My wash pile is high enough as it is without any additional piles!

Their uniforms have a quick sharpie on them that just about makes out their names. They look bloody scruffy a lot of the time. Their beds aren't made like her DCs. I don't have a 'special' bubble bath they use, I just slap any old thing in. They don't smell beautiful and have special moisturisers. My house is always a mess in some way, never clean really, just about her away with it

I'm never on time for child's activities. Meanwhile my friend juggled her special needs child and her DD's swim and baby dancing class. And her DS swims

Honestly, what's her secret. Everything is so well done and put together

She is a WONDERFUL friend. No judgement. So kind and really listens to me. This isn't a thread to slay her off

I just wonder how I'm such a creature of things better left unsaid whilst she achieves all this

Did I mention her disabled child is awake from 4am? And her H isn't helpful with that so she does it all too? Argh.

post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying details.

[lickenchugget]

Little things like load washing machine as you go and have it on timer so its ready to unload as kids are eating breakfast etc. Breakfast table laid the night before so DC can help themselves.

[GrandRapids]

Some people are just naturally organised and motivated to stay on top of things whilst also managing those nice little extra touches!

I am none of those things. I get shit done but I'm usually playing catch up.

[GrandRapids]

And yes, social media, MN etc has a lot to answer for! When I think about all the things I could accomplish if I weren't so distracted by my damn phone....

[Isittrueornot]

She ENJOYS it, that’s the difference, I used to be like that too, I loved it. But after 8/9 years less so.

[EmeraldShamrock1]

It comes natural to your new friend naturally.

My Dsis is the same, perfect hair, jewellery, outfit, sunglasses, car, beautiful home and immaculate DC.

Her wardrobe is organised and her underwear drawer items are neatly laid out.

She is naturally organised and always has been, she had her soft toys lined in neatly, would polish her own shoes as a child, our home life was messy and chaotic.

My Dsis can clean a room to an Instagram standard in minutes, there is a place for everything, she is a must for organising a clear out or deep clean.

I'm the opposite. 😂

[Wombat27A]

My Pil are super-organised.

I have adhd.

I am quite organised but it's dependent on the day, time, pets, pet's injuries, my stress levels, the phase of the moon, my bowels, my hormones, my batshit family, trauma levels, whatever fixation I have currently, DH's mood and food.

My Pil have very similar days. Mine is a riot of doing what's interesting or urgent...if i remember what needs doing.

[whatwasIgoingtosay]

Well, it's not a secret, is it, because you've observed her carefully and described exactly what she does to keep on top of everything. You could try copying what she does in order to be more like her - e.g. you could ask her what bubble bath she uses and buy some, instead of 'slapping any old thing on'. Or you could make peace with yourself and accept that you do things differently and have different priorities. Some people are simply more prepared to put in the considerable time and effort it takes to be super-organised - your friend is one of them. Don't beat yourself up because you're not (yet?).

[UWhatNow]

@Topgub

I dont find any of that aspirational or anything to be jealous of. Especially not the dickhead dh

Why do we always judge women on how they, their children and their homes look?

No thanks.

Agreed. The Stepford wife life is not something I aspire to.

[Naughtyperson972]

She sounds wonderful! Don’t envy her, I’m
sure you’ll see cracks soon, to achieve that level of general organisation and loveliness other areas must suffer, surely?!
I also have a high needs disabled child who I am a carer to full time. My house is definitely not like hers and I am not that well organised. When I have time away from my child I spend it doing stuff completely unrelated to parenting or domestic chores. No ironing ever gets done. That’s my choice, that’s what makes me happy. Your friend obviously enjoys the stuff that she does, good for her.

[crosbystillsandmash]

@Desmondo2021

I think I'm probably in your friend's category to be honest. It's truly just a case of being organised, motivated and disciplined.

This.
I have 3 close female friends and we all work, have similar aged dc etc
Your friend is me. I'm wired this way and at times it's exhausting but I'm highly, organised, full of energy and mentally cannot stop unless everything is done (to a high standard!!)

She may envy you?
We take it turns to drink, eat etc at each other's houses every weekend. It's my turn this weekend and our house is spotless, I look immaculate, I'm completely organised for later etc
At my friends last weekend, it was the polar opposite and I do feel a little annoyed that I can't be like her!!

[Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse]

its just about being organised. I have a set routine and I stick to it. I have a schedule of jobs I do everyday. Just basics like cleaning bathrooms, kitchen, making beds and a quick Hoover if needed. Everything has a place and things go back in there place once finished. I regularly declutter as this makes it easier to keep on top of things and deep clean once a week. Washing done everyday and clean washing put away. I have set bath routine every other day for youngest Dc. Ironing I do once a week or the night before needed. I can then relax sort of. However before I go to bed I make sure everything is semi clean and ready for the next day, no dirty dishes, dishwasher emptied, toilets are clean and have bleach down, sofa cushions plumped and DC things are back in there places.

[Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse]

I have to point out I don’t sleep much and get up early.

[Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas]

Place marking to find out the answer. I suspect higher standards and more effort. The cute stamp is stamptasic and is so much quicker than writing a name label.

[MsFannySqueers]

I think youth must be a large part of it. I was exactly like this in my youth as a PP said naturally organised and motivated. I worked full time and was a single parent. My house was immaculate and my child beautifully turned out. I always went the extra mile at work also. I think there was an element of having so much on my plate I had to be super busy and organised at all times. I am retired and old now. I am permanently knackered and lack any motivation.

[aloris]

People are just different. I think some of it is natural talent. Maybe your friend is just very good at multitasking. That is a skill that, in part, can be learned, but it also depends on having the sort of brain that can keep track of two things at the same time. But there are other aspects too.

The other thing you have to keep in mind with your friend is that having a child with a disability might have changed her house priorities. For example, if I had a child with mobility issues, then decluttering my house would be a higher priority because having a lot of clutter around would be a problem for him. As it is, my children do not have mobility issues so it's just a different situation. Clutter is an annoyance rather than a health risk.

Having an unhelpful husband is not always a detriment, it depends on how well you work together. If he stays out of her way and does not interfere with the way she organises her home, then it may actually be LESS work than having a husband who "helps" but whose approach conflicts with hers.

[mam0918]

People are different.

Me and my Dad are both disabled he has a hyperactivity condition and can't sit still for 2 seconds (will sweep the floor 3 times in 5 minutes if theres nothing else to do) whereas I have cerebal palsy and Im constantly fatigued because the simplest jobs (like opening a door) take 100% concentraition and energy just to make my limbs move correctly.

[naturemumma]

I’ve felt like this seeing some of my friends and felt really down that I can’t seem to manage the same. But I’ve been listening to this book on Audible called How to keep house while drowning and my house has been a lot tidier since. The basic premise is that you can’t shame yourself or other people into a clean house - everyone is different and some people find it much easier than others to motivate themselves - but has some simple strategies and a general philosophy to help. The main point of the book is that it’s not about laziness. I guess, in reality, if it was just as simple as get on with it then we’d all have perfect houses, slim bodies and be in peak fitness, but I’m guessing not many of us fit that description.

[dworky]

Different people, different priorities. You shouldn't idealise others lives, least of all in regard to house cleanliness/messiness.

[naturemumma]

@aloris

People are just different. I think some of it is natural talent. Maybe your friend is just very good at multitasking. That is a skill that, in part, can be learned, but it also depends on having the sort of brain that can keep track of two things at the same time. But there are other aspects too.

The other thing you have to keep in mind with your friend is that having a child with a disability might have changed her house priorities. For example, if I had a child with mobility issues, then decluttering my house would be a higher priority because having a lot of clutter around would be a problem for him. As it is, my children do not have mobility issues so it's just a different situation. Clutter is an annoyance rather than a health risk.

Having an unhelpful husband is not always a detriment, it depends on how well you work together. If he stays out of her way and does not interfere with the way she organises her home, then it may actually be LESS work than having a husband who "helps" but whose approach conflicts with hers.

Such a good post.

[AdoraBell]

I had a friend like that when lived overseas, highly organised and always punctual. Never judgemental either.

Don’t worry about the difference between yourself and your friend OP

[goldfinchonthelawn]

I have known people like this. And they are lovely and their children have lovely, happy homes and childhoods. But there isn;t time for everything. After a long time in their presence, I realised I played more with my children, we made creative mess more - junk modelling, mud slides, dens, big abstract paintings, cake baking etc. I read to mine and played for hours with them in the bath - silly made up games. the time I spent not cleaning the house I spent with them. There will be things about the way you parent that she admires.

[Applegreenb]

I am probably that mum, a few tips I learnt ages go was the one touch. So it a cup needs to go into the dishwasher, it’s only once get moved straight into the dishwasher, never left on the side. That’s the principle; it doesn’t always work but I try and to have the same rules for my kids.

i also do high traffic speed cleaning, can I wipe round the bathrooms in 10mins etc. it keeps on top of it without having to spend any extra time (it would then take an hour if I left it for a week vs 30mins every week as I’ve done some light cleaning during the week).

[Stravaig]

Those Stamptastic name stamps look wonderful, I want to rewind time, just so I can use them!

[InFiveMins]

My mum was/is like this. The woman is a machine. She managed to hold down a job, look after three kids, and the house was spotless. She cooked meals from scratch every single night, ironed everything, and she always looked immaculate as well. It baffles me how she had the time and energy.

[CornishTiger]

@secular39

Reading the post had made me stop scrolling on Mumsnet and clean my living room.

@secular39 I did the laundry and food shopping.