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My aunt is laughing that her dd is engaged to a married man...
153

BarbaraPickle · 06/08/2022 12:13

I am so Shock When she told me, it was with a giggle & comedy 'oops'. I wanted to stand up to her and say behind your dd's engagement is a woman beside herself with distress (the man has two dc, 5 & 4). The reason my aunt found it funny was because she herself pinched another woman's dh. She said 'apple doesn't fall far from the tree' & giggled like it was 'naughty'. She justified her own behaviour because my aunt & uncle had a very long & happy marriage until he died. The rest of the family is falling in line behind the new couple. I just feel ick about the whole thing. The divorce is barely underway & they've already chosen a honeymoon in the Seychelles.🙁

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 06/08/2022 12:18

I guess it depends on the circumstances although your aunts behaviour does sound distasteful

But some couples split and then only finally get round to sorting out their divorce when one of them meets another partner

So I suppose it depends on whether your cousin is the other woman, or if the previous marriage was already over

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LizzieSiddal · 06/08/2022 12:19

I know a couple who did similar. They had an affair then got married and last year they were laughing about their DD who was being messaged by her boyfriend on the morning of his wedding to another women!
I really can’t stand people like this, no morals at all.

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Butchyrestingface · 06/08/2022 12:21

Presumably you KNEW this about your aunt beforehand? It can't be a huge surprise that she doesn't have a problem with her daughter doing likewise.

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OhNoWhatYouGonnaDo · 06/08/2022 12:23

If her fiancé has separated from the STBXW and is going through a divorce, I'm not sure there's anything morally wrong with this. Divorces are expensive so people often put them off until they want to remarry, then they take ages (my divorce was very uncontentious but still took 18 months). I personally wouldn't have become engaged to someone else until my divorce had gone through - engagement is a promise to marry, and they are not yet free to do so - but I wouldn't hugely judge someone who did.

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Ponoka7 · 06/08/2022 12:23

As said it depends on the details. Did the marriage actually end well before they were dating? How do you know that the ex wife is distressed about the actual divorce (rather than the split and has since recovered?).

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35965a · 06/08/2022 12:23

I’d be steering well clear of them all. Morally deficient people who should not be trusted.

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RuthBrenner · 06/08/2022 12:25

I wanted to stand up to her and say behind your dd's engagement is a woman beside herself with distress

So why didn't you? Also do you know that that's actually true?

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girlmom21 · 06/08/2022 12:26

I'd tell her it'll be hilarious when he does the same to her daughter too...

How can you possibly expect a man to stay faithful to you in these circumstances?

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2orangey · 06/08/2022 12:28

Would she be laughing is another woman did this to her daughter?

Sounds like she is one of those vile women who thinks women can prove their attractiveness by 'stealing' someone else's husband. (Of course the husband is more at fault for entering into the affair).

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SeemsSoUnfair · 06/08/2022 12:34

Anyone getting engaged to someone who isnt even divorced yet just makes them look like a complete and utter fool. Add on laughing about it shows immaturity and ignorance. You cant change who people are but be pleased they give you a heads up. Not much else to be said.

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BeanieTeen · 06/08/2022 12:35

I guess they’re separated? People often get into new relationships before their divorce goes through.
You’re aunt does sound like she’s being a bit twattish about it - as you say thinking it’s funny or a joke because it’s ‘naughty’. Attention seeking, immature twattishness. Does she think she’s some kind of femme fatale off a movie? Tell her to get over herself. This is real life, not a soap opera.

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BeanieTeen · 06/08/2022 12:38

As said it depends on the details. Did the marriage actually end well before they were dating? How do you know that the ex wife is distressed about the actual divorce (rather than the split and has since recovered?).

I was thinking the same. My DM set the ball rolling to divorce my DF - their relationship had fizzled out a while ago. She was quite happy to be on her own, my dad found someone new within a few months. But monetary things made the divorce take a while to go through. I can assure you my mum didn’t care about the new lady friend.

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BabyDreamers · 06/08/2022 12:42

My ex had an affair 12 years ago. They are still together and married with 2 kids so I hear. Worked out for him I guess.

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ThisThreadCouldOutMe · 06/08/2022 12:48

Like others have said it depends on the circumstances.

My friend got engaged when she was still married to her 1st H. He was refusing to sign the divorce papers so it was dragging on.

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Prokupatuscrakedatus · 06/08/2022 12:51

You cannot pinch men (or women). They are not a commodity.

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PersonaNonGarter · 06/08/2022 12:59

YABU. Unless you know the wife, and all the details, just take this without judgement.

Rushing in to pearly clutch is a waste of your time and energy and just creates more bad vibes for no purpose.

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CloseYourEyesAndSee · 06/08/2022 13:00

Did they have an affair? It's not clear from your OP.

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CthulhuInDisguise · 06/08/2022 13:04

Like other PP, I think a lot depends on the state of the marriage between the couple as to whether your cousin has been unethical. I'm dating a married man. His decree nisi was granted the week after we met, the financial settlement has been agreed, the house has been sold and he's just waiting for the absolute. The divorce was filed last year, months before we met. I don't think we are doing anything wrong. His ex knows about me and isn't bothered.

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rnsaslkih · 06/08/2022 13:07

She’ll have another chuckle then, when this cheating scumbag does the same to her daughter. Oops.

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BeanieTeen · 06/08/2022 13:14

You cannot pinch men (or women). They are not a commodity.

Indeed. My DH went out with his friends on a stag do - me and one of his friend’s wives who I’m close with went out for a drink that night too, just to the local pub. She started going on about worrying when her DH goes out incase another woman tries to come on to him and if I feel the same. I said no - they can come on to him all they want, I don’t expect it makes a difference to him. If he wants to cheat he’s not the man I thought I married and he can crack on and I’ll file for a divorce. It’s not the ‘other woman’s’ fault - even if like the OPs aunt she likes to think so for the sake of her own ego. You can’t ‘steal’ a man from a woman he actually loves and respects. If someone cheats then there are already cracks in the relationship. And it’s very much the mans choice if he cheats.

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AlwaysAugust · 06/08/2022 13:18

I think you should mind your own business and keep quiet for the sake of family relations. You don't know the circumstances behind the divorce and it's absolutely not your place to "stand up" to your aunt just to "defend" a random woman you don't even know. Very bizarre.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 06/08/2022 13:19

Idk if your aunt’s marriage was a mistake. They didn’t go about it the right way though. Some people learn that they would like themselves or their children to do better, others don’t.

My dd is 14. I want better for her than I had. I unwittingly (as I was so naive) got involved with married or living with partner men when I was 16-20. They were only flings, albeit I was really hurt by one and didn’t last as it soon became obvious they were attached. That didn’t stop them from using me.

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RosiePosie27 · 06/08/2022 13:19

God they sound vile! If I were you I would steer clear. Some people don’t have consciences do they!

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Mummyoflittledragon · 06/08/2022 13:20

I should say, they were only flings for them. I was looking for a relationship.

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 06/08/2022 13:29

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 06/08/2022 12:51

You cannot pinch men (or women). They are not a commodity.

Absolutely this. Why do some people persist in this utterly daft notion. Somebody who doesn't want to cheat, doesn't.

Several posters have made the points that getting an actual divorce can take time and exes have found other partners in the meantime.

The gleeful, "Just wait until it happens to her daughter, will she be laughing then?" Do you think it's 'karma'? What about the women (and men) who don't cheat and find that their husband/wife has. Is that deserved as well?

So many protectors of male privilege on this site - and gloaters of women's downfall. Awful to read.

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