My aunt is laughing that her dd is engaged to a married man...

[BarbaraPickle]

I am so When she told me, it was with a giggle & comedy 'oops'. I wanted to stand up to her and say behind your dd's engagement is a woman beside herself with distress (the man has two dc, 5 & 4). The reason my aunt found it funny was because she herself pinched another woman's dh. She said 'apple doesn't fall far from the tree' & giggled like it was 'naughty'. She justified her own behaviour because my aunt & uncle had a very long & happy marriage until he died. The rest of the family is falling in line behind the new couple. I just feel ick about the whole thing. The divorce is barely underway & they've already chosen a honeymoon in the Seychelles.🙁

I'd think "trashy", but there's no point in saying anything, unless you don't mind causing a rift in the family. It's a sign of who they are, though, both your aunt and your cousin, which probably means I'd never be very close to them. The kind of person who does that or laughs about it is classless, imo.

It's always this misogynistic double standard. MM runs off with OW. OW deserves for him to cheat on her and be humiliated and bereft, MM deserves to have yet more illicit sex

Most people would say exactly the same if it was the woman who cheated with another bloke. I don’t see double standards at all.

I am truly baffled that anyone male or female, heterosexual or otherwise would want a partner who they knew was a cheat.

if that’s misogyny then fair enough. I see it as common sense and self respect otoh.

Most people would say exactly the same if it was the woman who cheated with another bloke.

"Ha ha, just wait until she cheats on him and he's left heartbroken, when a woman marries her male affair partner she creates a vacancy!"

No. They don't and you know they don't.

Firstly I would have said she can't possibly be engaged to an already married man and then , secondly, id tell her that she'll be laughing on the other side of her face when he cheats on her daughter when he trades her in for a newer model!

I had a friend who got engaged to a guy who proposed to her immediately after formal divorce. He met he a few months after they split. His ex wife and him were not on good terms and he ‘took her to the cleaners’ financially. It screams to me of red flags but who am I.

I would give these people a wide berth.
not very nice and probably hugely hypocritical. Would be an entire different narrative if it happened to them.

Lots of jumping to wild conclusions here without much information from the OP.

Was the cousin the OW? How long have they been separated? Was it an it amicable or nasty split? If not OW, how long have cousin and him been together?

All pertinent information before deciding who (if anyone) is in the wrong.

In what way “can’t she possibly” be engaged? Engagements aren’t legal formalities.

We don’t know the circumstances. Also clearly it worked out for the aunt.

depends on the details- perhaps the exw in this case cheated and they were long separated. Who knows

Engaged to be married. He is already married to someone else. So he can’t be engaged to anyone else. Just screams of desperation.

Hmmm, this does read like yoire being disingenuous, it’s clear they have split, and as long as it started after that then I’ve no issue. At that point thr marriage is a technicality

Plus no one “pinches “ someone’s husband, they are not a possession to be stolen, it’s fairly sick to use those terms.

Nope, still not making sense.

Engaged to be married is a formal declaration that a marriage will happen at some point. You can be in ANY marital status and still be engaged.

The fact he’s still married is entirely irrelevant and the smugness of some saying hE CaNT bE EnGAgEd is quite embarrassing and comes across as astonishingly bitter

OP are you still there to provide more context?

Desperation? What do you mean?

He's not free to marry if he's not legally single, but there's nothing to stop him making an agreement to marry in the future once he is.

This thread is really funny. Op gives half a story, people tie themselves in knots trying to paint the narrative they want to hear. Op will probably be back with a dramatic telling of how she knew both wives and how their lives absolutely fell apart over these dastardly affairs.

1. unpopular opinion but I think some people are married to the wrong person and don't see a problem if they leave that spouse for someone else. As much as it hurts the original spouse it is what it is. Sometimes these people find their actual other half, leave their spouse and remarry and remain happily married until death like ops aunt. I know a couple like this, perfect in every way left their original spouses for each other and have been married 40 years with two kids and three grandkids. Not an ideal start but the right decision overall.

2. a private laugh about the apple not falling far from the tree doesn't make you an arsehole. It's literally just a comment about the coincidence that her daughters relationship has started the same exact way hers did. Find it crass all you want it's no big deal.

3. don't see how they are pricks for booking a holiday together without his kids there.

The man might technically be married but they've split up haven't they? They are single?

We have numerous threads about women enabling gambling, drinking, negative role models for children etc etc. Walk away as you are enabling the behaviour.
But for some reason people say women can not enable infedelity as that is all donwn to the cheating husband.
Of course you can not steal a man and the final decision to cheat is their's.
But you can put alot of effort into making cheating a very attractive option for them and plenty of women do. So actively perusing a man in a relationship can be judged the same as we judge men who actively persue when they are in a relationship.

How do you know the wife is in despair? She might have been the one who chucked or cheated on the bloke

I agree with the sentiment it’s wrong and distasteful but there’s no such thing as ‘pinching’ someone’s husband.

some people have long and happy marriages but others don’t change. Fingers crossed he doesn’t leave your cousin for someone else!

But you can put alot of effort into making cheating a very attractive option for them

Indeed you can. So what? If he keeps his commitment it won't mean a sodding thing.
You choose to make a commitment. The world isn't obliged to remove all temptations for you. Stop blaming women for shit men.

Bitter?

why would I be bitter, doesn’t involve me I was just giving my opinion , the same as you have given yours. If you would be happy to be engaged to someone married to another person then that’s your prerogative however it’s not for me.

I certainly wouldn’t want to be with never mind engaged to someone who is already married to someone else.

“Already married to someone else” is what many people are, whilst also being single. Divorces are expensive and, until recently, were not easy to go through if the other party wasn’t fully on board and engaging in the process (which in many cases is a controlling or abusive ex, so not exactly holiday a valid reason for not getting divorced).

Divorces are a legal process and so they take time too.

I dated a guy who’d been separated for quite some time when I met him, and was the whole time we were dating as he couldn’t track her down after she did a bunk with his mate / this was pre social media so not easy to trace someone. I certainly didn’t pearl clutch at the thought of dating him, mostly because I’m normal and understand how the world works.

I’ve known people be separated-but-still-married twice as long as they were married for. And people who’ve become engaged to their partner of 5 years whilst still legally married to their ex because of various innocuous reasons. If I said to those very happy people “Ooh you’re not really engaged because Lucy is still married” i’d, rightfully, be labelled a massive weirdo. And completely wrong to boot. I can’t think of any reason at all someone would (incorrectly) state ‘you’re not engaged if you’re separated from someone else’ unless they were bitter, jealous, a bit dim or just plain bloody odd.

The man is already divorcing his wife . So it is not like she is stealing him.
Its weird that aunt laughed and made it sound like something fun though