Calling all LATE PEOPLE

[scoobycute]

Have a few genuine questions for people who are consistently late...(not strictly an AIBU thread)

What is it generally that makes you late? (e.g no time awareness of how long things/travel takes, being slow at tasks, poor planning??)

Would you be offended if a friend pulled you up on your lateness? (Consistent 15-30mins late per social meeting say, not the odd 5mins)

Do you get annoyed when you have a friend that "out-lates" you? Or do you just accept that time isn't an issue?

I'm really struggling with a late friend these days and just don't know if/how to address it. She is the sweetest girl ever but her time keeping is shocking and usually has me frustrated by the time she arrives thus setting the get-together off to a bad start.

People who are consistently late - have you ever missed a flight/train because you were late?

I am usually a bit late to work but I am not customer/client facing and I always stay late so work do not miss out. I would love to be an early bird but being someone who hates mornings means I always get out of bed later than I should.

Re flights/trains - have not missed anything as I make sure I am super early.

Similarly I try not to be late fr friends - and rarely am. I am very apologetic if I am late.

My husband always leaves late but somehow always manages to be on time - I think it's because he is happy to rush whereas I hate it - I get flustered and make mistakes. Over the years I have got him to move more to my timings when we are doing something together but he still leaves it till the last minute if he is on his own. Interestingly he is early for flights and actually stresses me out - I suppose the plane isn't going t wait for him but friends will.

I used to be late and sometimes can be but am much better these days.

Often overly ambitious as to what I can do in a certain amount of time. Am better now at re-evaluating what I have left to do and reprioritising.

I always communicate when I am going to be late though, but it is a rarer occurrence.

I don't know if it is part of it but I am dyslexic and poor time management is apparently part of dyslexia.

I am always late. For everything. I have no concept of time or how long things take. Even repeated routines like getting out of bed, having a shower and getting dressed. I do that every singe day. And yet, every single day, I think “oh it will only take me 30 minutes” even though experience tells me it will take closer to double that. It drives me MAD. My brain just can’t help itself, it’s like an internal competition to prove myself wrong, to ‘win’ by doing the task quicker than I did it yesterday. Even though I never, ever do and I am in a perpetual state or stress trying to rush everything.

if I am going to something non-routine, like a meet up with a friend or a hair appointment or something, I make extra special effort not to be late because I HATE letting people down or making people wait for me. So I will estimate how long I need, double it, and plan a sequence in my head of what I have to do. But something random will always go wrong to make me late. Like I can’t find my car keys, which live in the same spot every other day of the year, but this day, they are in an inexplicably random other place.

I remember one particularly infuriating time when I managed to make an impossible knot in my shoelaces and I couldn’t undo it. Literally spent about 10 minutes cursing my shoes and missed my train. I had been on time up to the point of putting my shoes on….

it doesn’t matter how much contingency time I plan in to my routine. Something always fucks it up.

I wouldn’t mind friends pulling me up on it, and they would accept it’s not deliberate on my part and I certainly don’t think my time is more valuable than theirs. It’s just one of my flaws.

My friends are all very easy going about it, we’re often up to half an hour later than we say. Sometimes things take longer than expected or things come up. If we have a restaurant booking or similar then we’re generally on time. Anyone that was that bothered about timekeeping wouldn’t really fit in with us I suppose. My mum was obsessed with being on time, it ruled her life, I couldn’t live like that.

Lateness is completely and utterly rude IMO. Obviously there is the odd exception emergency etc but consistent lateness is just so bloody rude.

Lateness drives me insane. My parents were always late for everything, flights, weddings, funerals, and I think I’ve gone the other way. I just find it rude - it’s essentially saying that their time is so much more important than yours.

I have a friend who is always about an hour late when I invite her for dinner, so I now invite her for an hour earlier. We were meeting at a restaurant last night. I’d booked the table, and she was about 50 minutes late. We had ordered starters and wine and were just finishing our starters by the time she and her husband turned up. I’d texted her when we had been there 20 minutes and she said “Just finishing a cup of tea, we’ll leave in 10 minutes.” I just don’t get it.

I don't know if it is part of it but I am dyslexic and poor time management is apparently part of dyslexia.

Yes and dyspraxia, autism and ADHD too. All executive function issues.

Also just arrange a time with them 30 minutes before you intend to get there.

The whole plot twist is I used to be a chronic late person. My husband pretty much told me it was annoying him beyond belief and I valued my time more than his making him sit around like a dick. I stopped pretty much instantly because I felt bad.

@Rosehugger I hear what you're saying but I've waited alone like this in a really fancy restaurant for her and felt like a lemon. This also doesn't work if you're waiting with your baby who is just getting more restless/grabbing every item in sight as the minutes tick by.

I have a friend who would tick most MN approval boxes (very prissy about cleanliness for instance) but she always runs late for social events. I just plan my time so that she can't actually inconvenience me. So if she says she'll leave at 5:30, I try to go to her house at that time. We can chat and socialise while she is still getting ready.

If it's something where I truly can't wait then I tell her that, and (amazingly) she'll be waiting out front when I arrive.

It’s completely reasonable to say “Your time keeping is a bit hit and miss, and the baby gets fractious. So let’s meet in the park/museum between one and half past one and go on to eat when we’re ready.” Just be nice about it.

I'm occasionally a few minutes late to stuff, just because I have so much fucking stuff pulling me in a hundred directions. It can be impossible to juggle unfortunately.

I'm nearly always on time, although 9/10 I arrive early.

I have combined ADHD and set multiple alarms, visual cues etc.

I also have small children, twins of 4.5, both of whom have suspected ADHD/ASD. So, I factor in their needs, as well.

If I'm not running to time, I'll let the person know.

I'm incredibly intolerant around poor time-keeping and I won't pursue friendships with people who are persistently late.

I just find it rude - it’s essentially saying that their time is so much more important than yours.

This really bothers me as I am somebody who just can’t time manage and the thought that people might think that of me is mortifying.
Knowing I have form for being late, I will plan things to the minute. So for example, if I know I need to leave at 1pm, I’ll plan to finish in the shower for 12:15. Then do make up until 12:25. Then I’ll do hair until 12:40. Etc etc. and I even set alarms sometimes for each of these time brackets.
Somewhere in all this, I’ll end up leaving 20 minutes late. It’s not even that it takes me long to get ready - I’m quite low maintenance.
Its really not through a lack of effort - the older I get the more I read about ADD/ADHD and I’m fairly certain that had I been at school now I’d have been investigated for it.
Luckily, my friends know that it really isn’t through lack of me trying and they always tell me a slightly earlier time to meet than needed.
If I’m getting a flight then I try to get to the airport about 3/4 hours prior otherwise I know I’d miss the flight.

I do often wonder about people who are persistently late before they have children - and who say they can’t help it - what happens if and when they have young children who need to be on time for school?

Are the children invariably late, too, or does the parent who ‘couldn’t help it’ somehow find a way to be on time?

And what about e.g. flights or hospital/GP appointments/job interviews? Do they somehow manage to be on time for those?

I really struggle to get out of bed. Always have done. Especially in the winter.
I try not to make plans for too early in the day.

I may well be on time if it's before 11am but if I am, chances are my hair isn't dried and I have no make-up on!

I would indeed be late for flights and work if I framed it myself that “I have to be at location A at time B”. So I don’t do that

Would you mind sharing how you do frame it in your head please HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd? It's that whole concept of having to be there I seem to struggle with so tips would be gratefully received!

I'm a great time keeper so is my DD but my DH DS and in-laws are awful.

That tells me it rubs in the DH family and my daughter gets her time keeping from me.

After years of exasperation I can see their brains just experience time differently and they don't feel the same way about tardiness or have fear of being late.

I lie all about what time we really need to go. It's the only way to get out the door.

I think it's been rude to be consistently late. I'm sure most of these people wouldn't be late for work daily. I knew someone who would turn up 2 hours late to social things but managed to get to work on time. Is there really a medical definition for this kind of thing?

I know there can be genuine reason for lateness but being consistently late for things is ultimately a choice. I'm naturally disorganised and forgetful so I overcompensate to make sure it doesn't matter.

I've politely told a couple of friends that it annoys me and they now keep to times. No one minds if things crop up or if people occasionally run late as long as they keep everyone informed of there lateness but consistently doing it is really rude.

Most people who are habitually late aren't late for things that they think are really important like work or flights.

A lot of lateness cold be avoided by writing lists, planning to arrive early, alarms etc etc

Continually being late is stressful and chaotic.

I find that being painfully organised makes me feel calm and relaxed which means I find it easier to be organised. It's the same with timekeeping. If I always make sure I'm on time it means I'm calm and relaxed. If I were continually late I'd feel stressed out.

I find that to be on time working backwards helps. Say I have to be somewhere at 1pm. I think OK the bus will arrive nearby at 12.50 so I need to be at the bus stop 5 minutes before it arrives at my stop at 12.45. So I need to be there at 12.40. It takes 10minutes to get to my bus stop so I’ll leave my house at 12.30. All my stuff will need to be ready at 12.20. So I need to be dressed by 12.15 etc.

XMIL would be consistently late to meet us, to the point where I'd tell her an earlier time just so that we wouldn't be kept waiting. After staying with her, I worked out that it's because she simply doesn't have a clue how much she has to do before leaving the house or how long it'll take: getting changed - whoops, clothes need ironing - sort out cats and dog - damn, car needs fuel - that kind of thing. She was just massively disorganised.

For a flight, I follow the normal rule of getting to baggage check in two hours before flight time, add the journey time to the airport, add an hour for airport SNAFUs, add another hour for traffic, add a third hour for my executive function issues and so, being two hours from the airport, I leave seven hours before the flight time.

I persuade myself not to “borrow back” or chip away at any of the extra time by taking a two hour film to watch on my tablet if everything goes smoothly (or work to do if things are hectic) and just persuade my brain that chilling in airport terminals watching films before a flight is normal.

For a big trip I have to do the same for the flight prep.

I do versions of this for everything and I am never Kate any more. I do work a lot, watch a lot, read a lot while waiting for things when I’m early but that’s fine. Nice actually, like stolen time.

I have a friend who is always late usually at least 45 mins. Sometimes will call to say that's she's going to be late, usually after the time we agreed to meet, as she hasn't left the house yet. Ive told her how much it annoys me but she doesn't give a shit. The last twice we were supposed to meet she didn't turn up and didn't even let me know the second time. I'm now letting our relationship slide.

Don’t be a dick. Either read the thread or don’t.

OFC if people struggle, things they do every day (work, school run) are better ingrained, timed and practised as routines than one offs. Can you really not apply any critical analysis to this?