Husband doesn't want to pay early pregnancy scan

[Newmamak]

My husband doesn't want to pay for an early scan ( I'm hopefully 7 weeks now) because he views it as we are paying the NHS with our taxes for one. He is very tight with money, not stingy but his immediate response is to never spend anything (I'm not complaining, he has good money sense and savings) but his reaction was really hurtful to me as it's only £55 and last week we went out to dinner in a nice restaurant with his friends and our share cost £80 alone so I can't understand why that 1 meal is more important than an early scan. It really hurt me that he is not excited about it like I am. He is all logic and I know I'm more emotional than normal if that's possible, but everything with him is so unemotional that I just feel so alone. Especially because I can't tell anyone. Once I started crying with disappointment, and explained why, he said just get the scan. But I'm so hurting right now. I know he doesn't process like I do and is trying his best, all housework, foot rubs dinner every day but I'm just so disappointed. I've felt so emotionally lonely the past few weeks I can't even being myself to hug him right now... am I completely unreasonable? Does anyone understand?

Take care OP.
I was utterly exhausted with all three of mine during the first trimester, and found it much easier to get by with very early nights and lots of rest.

Enjoy your pregnancy and stay well x

Okay. For the sake of full validity.

My second pregnancy was unexpected. I was 13 weeks pregnant before anyone realise or knew, myself included.

I suffered terrible pre natal depression - is there such a thing? About 6 months after my child was born, it was post natal depression except it took a sinister approach and jumping off the roof of the house was less painful then the mental anguish I was going through.

What I am very clumsily trying to say is: Take it easy. Don't plan for early scans or tests. Let it all happen naturally. The NHS are brilliant and dealing with any problems. Don't let your beautiful pregnancy be clouded.

YABU, from what you have written there is no need for an early scan. The blood clot in your leg doesn’t indicate an early scan, if it did you would be offered one on the NHS. The problem these days is people gets scans for complete jolly’s and think they are entitled to do so, hence private places have sprung up happy to grab the $$ given the NHS quite rightly won’t tolerate it. The purpose is a medical diagnostic tool and people seem to have lost sight of this.

Wait till your 12 weeks @Newmamak .

I had an early scan for dates that showed a missed miscarriage. Then 9 years later I had an early scan due to the previous MMC, which showed that again there was no heartbeat.

Might as well wait until it's more likely to be definitely good news.

Both my scans were on the NHS though.

If you’ve got the money and would like a private scan, then get one.

If you don’t agree with private/early scans then don’t get one.

Your not agreeing with them doesn’t trump another person’s desire for one. ‘I don’t agree with chocolate, therefore no one should eat chocolate’

Stingy and tight are the same thing.

I wouldn't have an early scan tbh otherwise you will end up having multiple through out the 9 months.

@SQLserved OP has asked for our opinion.

I think having an early scan is a lovely idea. Something to keep and special.

I'd happily pay for it myself.

A stingy tight husband and upcoming maternity leave is never a good mix.

I understand and I don't think your reaction was too much. But I think your husband has seen how important the scan is to you so it's time to put his initial thoughts behind you and go get the scan.
And congratulations 🎊

A clot on your leg has nothing to do with a baby
You dont need a 7 week scan
you also dont need it for reassurance.

Just breathe and wait til your 12 week scan. Like all of us.

I got a scan at 7 weeks because I was a paranoid wreck. And again at 11 weeks for the same reason. I had my NHS 12 weeks scan. Then another private at 16 weeks for sex which didn’t work so got another at 18 weeks which my partner wasn’t even at as he was away working. He also wasn’t at my 20 week one. Nor any of the other I had to check baby’s growth.

I wanted all the scans, he paid for the gender one and that was it. He wasn’t as bothered as me so I wouldn’t have expected him to pay. Or even book one tbh.

If you work full time, I'm amazed you even have time to think about a scan. At 7 weeks, I was so tired, all I wanted to do was go finish work and go home.

7 week scans don't show anything, other than you are pregnant, which you already know.

I'm amazed nobody else is concerned more about the clot in your leg?!
Have they actually diagnosed a blood clot? When they found my blood clot at 21 weeks pregnant I was put straight on to blood thinning injections
If this hasn't been discussed please go get a second opinion

I found out I was pregnant on 26th March 2021, the 16th of April I had an early ultrasound and yes it did reassure me, not quite sure why everyone is telling the OP it won't reassure her. Something could still happen after the scan yes but for the time being, it would reassure her

You are not unreasonable. He is a stingy, scabby cunt. Sympathies.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope all goes well. Mind yourself.

I would also say OP if you are anxiety prone it is worth speaking to the midwives about it as each stage may give you something to stress about. The scans were trigger points for me in my first pregnancy but otherwise I had things under control. Hypo birthing was good for me as was pregnancy yoga/relaxation so I’d have a think about classes you can access. I have other friends who really suffered badly with anxiety during their pregnancies and needed proper support from the midwives.

In my last pregnancy I paid for an early private scan (used Groupon to make it cheaper). It reassured me and I didn't pay for another scan.
By my last pregnancy I had accepted bleeding and spotting in early pregnancy for me was normal, but I still wanted reassurance. However, I didn't want to sit and wait in early pregnancy unit (I have had bad news there). So I went for an option that was less stressful for me.

If you can afford it, choose the least stressful option.

For a lot of men, they don't connect until they hold the baby or see it in the scan. It just is what it is. This don't mean they love the baby any less. He might also be worried about transvaginal scans. What if they cause anymore bleeding? Is one question dh asked the person who scanned me with ds1.
Your dh might also just be worrying about money. Which is a valid concern. Kids are expensive and maybe he wants to spend money and tick stuff of his own tick list. Some babies/ children are nightmares to take to restaurants. More and more stuff are becoming adults only. Good quality babysitters are/ can be very expensive.

You sound very black and white. Not everything the NHS does is the perfect way of doing things.

People are free to pay for extra care if they think it's beneficial for them.

Private clinics provide a service for a cost. £50 is hardly excessive. No one is being preyed on any more than any other unnecessary cost to do with babies (i.e. most of them)

And fear is justifiable when it comes to pregnancy. It's a risky business and there's a lot that can go wrong. Many or even most people have complications of some sort. It's not unusual or unreasonable to be anxious.

I can see it from both sides. I get you feel unsupported and I know if it were my DH he would agree if it made me feel better but in all honesty an early scan might make you feel more anxious as you might not see a heartbeat yet and if the hospital were concerned when you were there regarding your clot, they would have sent you for one. The first scan is at 12 weeks for a reason so as bars as it is especially with your first, I would wait until then. Good luck

I thought this @TeddyisMydog - it doesn't ring true for me, I'm afraid. Blood clots are potentially very dangerous, they don't just leave them. I've had potential blood clots twice in my life - once last year and once about 20 years ago - and they take it very, very seriously because blood clots can and do kill.

Maybe OP means that it was a suspected blood clot?

My take on this though is that OP tends to being over-dramatic, as evidenced by several of her comments here. I'm finding it hard to believe that she's had an actual blood clot, if I'm being honest.

My experience in early scans is that I would never do it again. It doesn't give you reassurance, it gives you false hope. We had one at 9 weeks, saw a baby moving about. Got all excited, told people. 12 week scan we were hit with news that baby wasn't healthy, v.high NT etc. The scan made me think everything was OK when it really wasn't. It's too early to check if baby is actually healthy.

The a&e told me I had a blood clot, however it was less than 5cm in diameter and not near enough to my thigh to do anything about it.

And the European countries that start scams at 6/7 weeks?

Why do you think the NHS is giving what women medically need and many other countries are not?

Have you ever considered the NHS are putting women's health and maternal care last to save costs?

You're being incredibly obtuse on this thread and making yourself look to be a bit of a fool.

You're yet to comment on the fact miscarriage rates drop dramatically once a heartbeat is detected between 6-8 weeks

These are 'medical facts' so why wouldn't a woman be reassured to know she has gone from a 1/5 risk of miscarriage to a 3/100 risk (or 1.5/100 risk at 8 weeks)