Husband doesn't want to pay early pregnancy scan

[Newmamak]

My husband doesn't want to pay for an early scan ( I'm hopefully 7 weeks now) because he views it as we are paying the NHS with our taxes for one. He is very tight with money, not stingy but his immediate response is to never spend anything (I'm not complaining, he has good money sense and savings) but his reaction was really hurtful to me as it's only £55 and last week we went out to dinner in a nice restaurant with his friends and our share cost £80 alone so I can't understand why that 1 meal is more important than an early scan. It really hurt me that he is not excited about it like I am. He is all logic and I know I'm more emotional than normal if that's possible, but everything with him is so unemotional that I just feel so alone. Especially because I can't tell anyone. Once I started crying with disappointment, and explained why, he said just get the scan. But I'm so hurting right now. I know he doesn't process like I do and is trying his best, all housework, foot rubs dinner every day but I'm just so disappointed. I've felt so emotionally lonely the past few weeks I can't even being myself to hug him right now... am I completely unreasonable? Does anyone understand?

@MRex can you honestly not see the value in going from a 1/5 risk of miscarriage to a 3/100 or 1.5/100 (if at 8 weeks)

Can you really not see the value in understanding whether you have a viable pregnancy before spending 12 weeks excitedly pregnant?

Ffs some on here are so challenged

These also seem to be the views of the posters mocking OP for getting foot rubs when she's ONLY 7 weeks. We must remember pregnancy isn't an illness 🙄 Gotta love the empathy from a fellow woman ❤🙄

I get you but he's the man you chose. We have to accept our partners for who they are and you know he is like this and chose to have a baby with him. He may be hands off but you can still have a happy family life together. I get you with the scan, I needed one myself just to see, to "know" this baby was really there. I paid for the extra scan because of this. He's said yes, so take it. HE's who he is and no amount of lamenting will change that. Just act accordingly. Enjoy the life you have with a husband and children. You can't suddenly have an issue with his personality if he's always been this way.

I don't know anyone who hasn't had at least one private scan who has given birth in the last 10 years.

All that demonstrates is what a limited social circle you move in.

Nope, have a large and active social group

But then again most friends don't see the harm in dropping a few £££ to get reassurance

There was a poll on one of the peanut groups the other day, over 2000 votes and 79% had a private scan

It's far more normal than not

Honestly it's pointless. In the nicest way possible as the risk of MC doesn't dramatically decrease until 12 weeks anyway, you could see a heartbeat at 7 weeks and there not necessarily be one at 12 weeks. If you think it's for reassurance then most of these private scans are "just for fun" as the ultrasound techs aren't usually medically trained. If you're worried about anything you need to be contacting EPU.

I fully accept that finding out you have miscarried at 6 weeks is better than having a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks (which is not as common as people seem to think and that’s based on the fact I see this data as part of my job).

I understand why on a personal level some people may want the reassurance of a scan. It will increase their hope a bit more.

However, we don’t in general provide mass investigations in pregnancy unless they are proven to improve outcomes. Eg we know why we do full blood count, 12 and 20 week scans, BP etc.

On an individual level eg where there’s a known condition and someone might need medication etc early scanning may be helpful. On a macro level though, early scanning doesn’t improve outcomes because regardless of what you find you usually can’t do anything with that information to improve the chance of a healthy baby. It just tells you sooner. It may benefit you emotionally but unless it is causing you a severe mental health problem (as opposed to feeling anxious which is a reasonable reaction to early pregnancy) then it isn’t a clinical benefit and therefore I don’t think it should be paid for by the nhs when people can’t get care and treatment for actual clinical issues.

That doesn’t mean I don’t think anyone should pay for it themselves if they want. Up to you what you spend your money on.

Wrong

Miscarriage risks go from 1/5 to 3/100 after 6 weeks and 1.5/100 after 8 weeks with a heartbeat detected

But the scan doesn't actually prevent miscarriage.
IF you see a heartbeat at 8 weeks then the future likelihood of miscarriage is lower, but that's not caused by the scan. Miscarriages will happen whether or not the scan occurs, they would just know in advance that it's more likely to happen if no heartbeat is found at 8 weeks. Wouldn't that just make women really anxious?

Well no, as if no heartbeat is found then you can begin to come to terms with the fact you will likely miscarry. If you stay pregnant, it's a bonus you weren't expecting.

book it tell him the time/date and he can come or not🤷🏻‍♀️ I paid for monthly scans when pregnant not for reassurance as I'm well aware that just because things are fine at that point don't mean they will remain, but because I wanted to and enjoyed seeing my baby🤷🏻‍♀️

This. Why do you feel it's necessary.

Why does it matter what her reasons are? Do we really think a pregnant woman needs her husbands permission to have an early scan that she can pay for herself?

God there's no worse quality in a person than tightness with money. YANBU. Tell him to wisen the fuck up.

The husband has never said she can't have the scan ffs stop trying to imply things that aren't there. He simply thinks it's a waste of money at this stage and that's his right to his opinion. He hadn't told her she can't spend her own money however she wants or that he won't support her going.

The op is quite clear that she wasn't asking for permission. She just talked with him because she feels they're a team. Initially he was against it but when he saw that he'd upset her, he backtracked and agreed with her.
There's no issue of control or permission.

He is right it's a money making scheme ffs you want it so bad you pay for it

It's pretty obvious OP can and will pay for it herself (if she doesn't have access to money that's a whole other issue). She was simply upset her OH didn't feel it was a priority.

There's been some harsh replies on here. Whilst I think you are overreacting a bit, I do think early scans aren't uncommon. I think your partner doesn't fee like it's real yet, so didn't think it was a sensible us of money. He's agreed now so just go.

Early scans absolutely can be reassuring. I'm under a recurrent miscarriage clinic and they do them from 6+3 every 2 weeks for ages. I know that's for completely different reasons. At 7 weeks you can see if there's a heartbeat (that is a massive deal!) and if the baby is in the right place. Miscarriage rates dramatically drop after a heartbeat has been seen.

Sorry if I wasn't clear.
I wasn't implying you had only a small group of friends, what I was pointing out was that it clearly isn't diverse in terms of economic status.

Exactly.

Loved my early scan! 6 weeks and heard a heartbeat and saw a little bean. Jeez if qe want to spend £200 on an extra scan let us! I think another scan has been introduced recently which has saved a few babies. Scans are good. Missing the issue!

How are scans saving babies?

As in really early scans, I know how later scans do, obviously

I said the newly introduced scan saved lives, which it definitely has.

Tbf my early scan put my mind at rest so I only see positives for them.