Husband doesn't want to pay early pregnancy scan

[Newmamak]

My husband doesn't want to pay for an early scan ( I'm hopefully 7 weeks now) because he views it as we are paying the NHS with our taxes for one. He is very tight with money, not stingy but his immediate response is to never spend anything (I'm not complaining, he has good money sense and savings) but his reaction was really hurtful to me as it's only £55 and last week we went out to dinner in a nice restaurant with his friends and our share cost £80 alone so I can't understand why that 1 meal is more important than an early scan. It really hurt me that he is not excited about it like I am. He is all logic and I know I'm more emotional than normal if that's possible, but everything with him is so unemotional that I just feel so alone. Especially because I can't tell anyone. Once I started crying with disappointment, and explained why, he said just get the scan. But I'm so hurting right now. I know he doesn't process like I do and is trying his best, all housework, foot rubs dinner every day but I'm just so disappointed. I've felt so emotionally lonely the past few weeks I can't even being myself to hug him right now... am I completely unreasonable? Does anyone understand?

If the scans don't come back positive then at least the OP would know

It's far better to know you've lost at 6-8 weeks than to get to 12 having spent 3 months planning a life with this baby that they stopped growing weeks ago.

Being pedantic around heartbeat doesn't change the facts that once 'something' beating in that blobs chest is seen after 6 weeks risks of miscarriage drop significantly. From 1/5 to 3/100

That's a massive drop, so let's not pretend the 'non heartbeat' isn't important. Other countries scan this early for this exact reason. In many European countries first scans are between 6-8 weeks.

Totally normal to want to get excited and have a scan, it's a long time to wait for the 12 week one and nerve-wracking. Had an early scan with both of mine but at 9 weeks so could see a baby shape and arms and legs.
I think alot of men don't get as excited as early as pregnant women do. But it's understandable for you to feel a bit down about his lack of excitement.

@Alfenstein I assume you mean pregnant women? I agree though. We get very little in terms of prenatal care in the uk.

Nope I mean pregnant people

Most tend to mean what they write

More important than your first child? I hope it’s the hormones because you come across as very dramatic. The scan isn’t necessary. If it was you’d be getting one on the NHS. Please don’t become ‘that’ pregnant woman.

@Yesthatismychildsigh another poster who seems to think the NHS wanting to save money = the right thing to do

In many other countries scans start at 6-8 weeks

For good reason

PPs who paid ££ for early scans because they are anxious report that the relief was momentary - ie the ££ did not solve the problem. Their money would be more likely to alleviate anxiety if spent on more time with peers and midwifery support.

So the best you get out of it is to find out a week early that you will have a miscarriage (but not before they have stung you for another scan)?

As I keep saying - you have money to burn, fill your boots. But you are promoting exploitation of anxious pregnant women (and yes I mean women) who often struggle to find the money for such scans.

But you got me stumped with your expertise on human embryology.

a) On the one hand I have the input and expertise of specialists in embryology, gynaecology and radiology from one of the world's leading units.

b) On the other hand - a random on the internet who doesn't understand the difference between actual heart development and a machine translating embryonic muscle into heart sounds.

Gosh its a stumper. Whichever should I believe? I'll probably stick with (a) but thanks for the input hun!

In many other countries scans start at 6-8 weeks For good reason

What’s the reason? Apart from putting money in obstetricians’ bank accounts.

I don't think a scan at 7 weeks is worth it honestly.

What is the reason? Apart from detecting ectopic pregnancies which are very uncommon, what is the advantage of an early scan? If there are problems picked up by the scan there is nothing that can be done to prevent it or in response to it.

Lucky for the OP then that this isn't what she has.
She has made it perfectly clear this isn't anything to do with money.

@CakeCrumbs44

Being able to see how viable the pregnancy is

Since miscarriage risks drop significantly from 6 weeks with a heartbeat detected

What do you not understand about early detection of lost babies?

A heartbeat is detected from 6weeks plus, some even from earlier than that

Risks of losing the baby then drop dramatically

I find it so baffling how a service which is known for putting cost savings above best practice is being held up as the barometer for the appropriate level of care.

Many of these are counties with universal healthcare.

@C8H10N4O2 a week early?

No you'd find out 6 weeks earlier

This is a weird thread.

Every female friend I have had an early scan - excitement, reassurance, anxiety - the reason doesn't matter. If the money isn't an issue, why wouldn't you?

Many on here are in an older demographic which does tend to sway the majority on some threads like this

Some even state scans weren't even a thing during their pregnancies so not sure their view is valid.

I don't know anyone who hasn't had at least one private scan who has given birth in the last 10 years.

There are lots of things that can be picked up at an early scan. Nothing that could help to prevent a miscarriage, but certainly things that can point to it being less likely.

The size of the embryo for example can be matched with dates (if known) to work out if it's a correct size, whether the egg sac is a regular shape etc.

They can put your mind at rest (for now) or help you come to terms with the fact it may not be a good outcome.

Those saying blood clots have nothing to do with pregnancy are wrong. Blood thickens in pregnancy and can clot, leading to problems with the placenta. I had 4 miscarriages, followed by 2 successful pregnancies. For the last 2 I took baby aspirin every day. I have no idea if this helped and am not encouraging anybody do the same, but this was my experience.

Have your scan, OP. Try not to get too stressed about your OH reaction at this stage. It's totally different for men as they are so unconnected at this stage. And enjoy your foot rubs and take full advantage. No, pregnancy isn't an illness and you're very early in, but this doesn't mean you shouldn't be pampered and taking things easy.

Good luck and I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy.

I don't know anyone who hasn't had at least one private scan who has given birth in the last 10 years

And I don’t know anyone who has. All that proves is that anecdata is useless and you move in more monied and neurotic circles than me.

Or I interact with people who understand the value of early scans

I had an early scan once because I was bleeding. All seemed fine- embryo was alive and showed a ‘heartbeat’. I fully miscarried the next day.
IME early scans only give reassurance for the day you have the scan, for that moment even - the next day you are back to worrying again.
as nerve wracking as it is not knowing you aren’t going to stop an early miscarriage happening.
just get on with your life op

You don’t know ANYONE who has had a private scan? That seems unbelievable in this day and age

What value? A scan doesn't prevent a miscarriage and the times it's genuinely needed then the hospital will do it. If extra are needed, or heart rate monitoring at a later stage, but then the hospital do that too.

Only one of our group of pregnant mums paid for an extra ultrasound, at a guess your mates were all just whipping each other up into a froth over them. Totally pointless and can actually make individuals MORE anxious, certainly the case with the one from our group (prone to panicking anyway to be fair).

How nice for all the posters are who can’t understand why someone would find hearing the embryonic “heart beat” at 7 weeks reassuring 🙄. Unfortunately many can’t seem to
empathise with women who have experienced loss, infertility or anxiety.
What it means to the person who has the scan is that at that moment they are pregnant with a live embryo. Without the scan you simply don’t know.

It probably comes down to money. In my circles, £70 isn't a big deal at all, and the idea of seeing your baby-to-be is growing as they should be is very very much worth it.

No one is being forced. If you don't want to, don't. It's a bit weird to try to make pregnant women feel stupid for opting for something so benign.

Your experience is unfortunate, but many women experiencing bleeding during pregnancy can be given an explanation of why and often it's something that isn't the start of a miscarriage.

Someone I know had heavy bleeding throughout her pregnancy, she had something which had a name but it escapes me, but think it started with an e 🤔 An early scan detected this and gave her much hope and she went on to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy.