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Original poster

... wondering about the worst thing done to you by a so called "friend" *Content warning added by MNHQ - just flagging that some of these are quite upsetting*

331 replies

PieRSquared · 05/08/2022 18:20

Waiting in the airport to collect my DD from her flight (seriously delayed!) at the end of a great trip she's had travelling abroad with a close friend of hers.

It brings up some very unpleasant memories for me. The plan was to travel for a few weeks in south east asia with my long term best friend, first time I'd ever travelled there. On the 3rd day of our trip she met someone "special" and went travelling with him instead!! It really caused me a huge amount of trouble and stress, traveling alone there was not easy, a few bad incidents, trying to make some other friends along the way. It was also a bit more expensive not sharing a room, and deciding on some safer/more expensive locations.

We're not in contact any more, but I'm feeling angry and agitated as I write this, and think about it again. No more coffee for me!

Any other bad things done by friends were relatively minor for me thankfully.

OP posts:
whydoesithurtsomuch · 07/08/2022 17:52

Group of friends, been friends since primary school. The plan had been to go pick up our A level results together. The night before, "best" friend rings me up and says everyone is now going separately as it was getting too difficult to settle on a time. Naive me thought it a bit odd, but blithely accepted it.
My dad dropped me off at the school to get my results, but on the way there I spotted my friendship group walking away from the school. I got out of the car and dashed over to them, not even realising then what was happening, excited to hear their results.
I'll never forget the sneering, angry look on my best friend's face as she asked me "don't you get it? Nobody wanted you here. You fuck off to your fancy university, nobody wants to see you ever again, everyone hates you!" I can remember every detail of it, other friends looking uncomfortable, a couple of them smirking.
I went in to get my results in a state of shock. My dad knew something had happened but I felt ashamed to tell him what. I was too hurt and embarrassed to go to the celebratory drinks later that day, and I went off to university and never heard anything again from my so called friends. It has affected me for decades. I always think that people won't want to be friends with me, question why they would like me, and find it hard to make friends as I don't trust people.

SmugglersHaunt · 07/08/2022 18:20

Thorilicious · 05/08/2022 21:40

At Secondary School, there was a group of us who were friends. We'd all sit together, go out at weekends, I felt really close to them all.
Came to us getting our leavers book signed, and 2 of the group basically wrote 10 pages worth of how they were never my friends, and they'd basically pretended to be my friend so they could take the piss out of me privately. They even wrote something along the lines of 'you're reading this right now, thinking you'll read in a second that we're joking, but we mean every word of it.'
As someone who was bullied badly in school, this really affected me for years....

I'm so, so sorry those evil people did that to you. That's genuinely one of the nastiest things I've ever read.

Theimpossiblegirl · 07/08/2022 21:10

These stories are heartbreaking and point very much to jealousy and bitchiness from the so called friends. It's so sad that these events leave long term emotional scars. Teens can be such wankers sometimes.

Soproudoflionesses · 07/08/2022 22:50

Ladyof2022 · 06/08/2022 08:46

Trying again!

During the first lockdown April-May 2020.

Came home to find my 40-yr-old female lodger who was also a close friend sobbing her heart out, red-eyed, hardly able to speak. I comforted and cossetted her, till she was able to explain what had happened.

As I doled out tea and sympathy she told me that she had just heard that her 7-yr-old goddaughter had been killed by a hit-and-run driver. She was inconsolable and burst into uncontrollable sobbing again and again.
The child and her mother still lived in the village in which my friend had grown up.

I comforted her and supported her over the next few days, and put my own work aside to spend a lot of time online on her behalf trying to work out what the lockdown laws were in relation to her travelling 100 miles to comfort the child's mother (a single mum living alone with no other kids) and stay with her for a week to support her through the funeral and for a few days afterwards. I looked up various possible train and bus journeys, how to get the cheapest ticket, and what lockdown requirements were in relation to travel and funerals and staying in someone else's house and "bubbles" and her unwillingness to wear a mask because of her asthma.

Then she came to me again sobbing hysterically -- the driver had been caught and it was a man she and the bereaved mum went to school with. He'd been arrested for causing death by dangerous driving. His wife and kids were horrified.

She told my other lodger all about it and he offered a shoulder to cry on and lots of sympathy and attention, asking her daily for over a week how she was feeling etc.

I found the experience of consoling and supporting my lodger daily for about ten days through all this until she left, mentally and emotionally draining, saying all the right things without just saying the same things over and over. Struggling to find any words of comfort or consolation. I too was affected by the horrible way the poor little child had died and how awful the driver's wife must feel and her poor kids seeing their dad go to jail.

Long story short there was no godchild. There was no death. She simply fancied going to see an old schoolmate back in her home village for a few days and wanted me to approve the trip which was illegal during lockdown -- to work out how she could get away with breaking lockdown laws and to plan her train and bus journeys for her.

Needless to say, she no longer lives with me and we are no longer on speaking terms.

What the actual fuck??!!
That is mental.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 10/08/2022 01:30

WarnerSisters · 07/08/2022 10:19

If you look at the corridors of Westminster, many of those men would call each other friends and are godfather to each other’s children, married to each other’s siblings etc and behave abominably to one another. As PP says, it’s called politics and business when they do it.

Show quote history

Yes, I agree that male frenemies exist - but was responding to the comment quoted, about Russian soldiers in Ukraine.

Musti · 10/08/2022 02:22

whydoesithurtsomuch · 07/08/2022 17:52

Group of friends, been friends since primary school. The plan had been to go pick up our A level results together. The night before, "best" friend rings me up and says everyone is now going separately as it was getting too difficult to settle on a time. Naive me thought it a bit odd, but blithely accepted it.
My dad dropped me off at the school to get my results, but on the way there I spotted my friendship group walking away from the school. I got out of the car and dashed over to them, not even realising then what was happening, excited to hear their results.
I'll never forget the sneering, angry look on my best friend's face as she asked me "don't you get it? Nobody wanted you here. You fuck off to your fancy university, nobody wants to see you ever again, everyone hates you!" I can remember every detail of it, other friends looking uncomfortable, a couple of them smirking.
I went in to get my results in a state of shock. My dad knew something had happened but I felt ashamed to tell him what. I was too hurt and embarrassed to go to the celebratory drinks later that day, and I went off to university and never heard anything again from my so called friends. It has affected me for decades. I always think that people won't want to be friends with me, question why they would like me, and find it hard to make friends as I don't trust people.

I’m so sorry op. What a bunch of spiteful and jealous bitches.

Lofari · 10/08/2022 02:41

I have a disabled DS too. Lost so many people when he was diagnosed. Shocked how many of us are in the same lonely boat.

IfICouldHelp · 10/08/2022 07:48

@whydoesithurtsomuch, it really says a lot more about your friends than you. It sounds like they were very jealous of your achievements, and that can be the case in life. Maybe that happens when you are younger? These days I deliberately try to celebrate success of friends, and be genuinely happy for them.

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 10/08/2022 08:24

Never had anyone do one ‘big’ thing to me but had someone do a low level of nastiness over a long period of time which ended the friendship (of 16 years) The straw that broke the camels back was her calling me a scrounger for claiming JSA for 8 months (I should add I was also volunteering 3 days a week) She conveniently forgot the fact that she also claimed it for about a year. I was so upset about that given that I’ve worked all my adult life and that’s the only ever time I’ve had to claim benefits. After all the other, low level bullying, I finally realised that she wasn’t my friend and ditched her.

JubileeTrifle · 10/08/2022 08:50

I actually posted about this on netmums and got my arse handed to me, which still annoys me.

BF, had moved abroad a couple of years before and had met someone new. Whenever she came home she stayed with us (even for long periods).
Recently had married and we couldn’t go, very very far and I was very pregnant. She wasn’t happy and told me I could ‘sneak onto the plane’.
Honeymoon was planned to come and stay with us and then 2 other countries so new husband could see Europe.
For context I had a small baby and it was Christmas. I spoke to her less than a week to go about getting here and she had been a bit off. Instead she just never turned up. Left phone messages and emails and nothing!
We had planned all of Christmas and new year around them and cancelled everything else. The next county they were going to I have family connections and I had paid for a wedding present there.
She called the day before she was moving she rang so she could pop by (basically to get info for next part of trip). Baby and I were unwell though so I wouldn’t let her. She wasn’t happy as we were meant to be organising the next part of the trip. I did have a phone call booked in with a relative for that bit but she hadn’t showed. She never even mentioned not coming.

At the time I was upset because she would never see my baby. She had children I had been very involved in. She had always been a bit selfish but this was too far. She’d had an offer to stay with a relative and just stayed with them.
I heard from her a year later where basically she wanted us to meet her on another trip to Europe and basically pay for the accommodation. Never replied.

user1583920194858592910103848559201 · 10/08/2022 22:15

So many horrific stories here.

I have so many but I don't think I can go there, I'm feeling pretty rejected tonight and no idea why.

Mamai90 · 11/08/2022 04:58

A 'friend' invited me to Edinburgh for the weekend for her birthday. I hadn't wanted to go as I was skint but she begged me. Her dad had booked the hotel room and another friend that I didn't know was coming too. This second girl was a really forceful character and was very possessive of my friend. She just didn't want me around, three's a crowd and all that. The other girl moaned and complained and then cried and said she missed friend and wanted to spend the weekend alone with her.

On the second night my so called friend told me I'd have to book a separate room. When I said I couldn't afford it she still kicked me out knowing I had nowhere else to go. I was 20 and I'd never been to that city before and at 10 pm on a sat night I found myself wandering the streets, it was before you could access the Internet on your phone so I tried two hostels but they were full and I only had £25. The streets were getting scary so I went to a bar alone and I'm not proud of it but I went home with the first guy who gave me attention, I thought the risk was better than sleeping on the streets. I felt dirty the next day because I hadn't even found this guy remotely attractive but I felt desperate.

18 years later I'm still angry. I'm still ashamed of sleeping with that man, and even writing this brings back bad memories. She knew I couldn't afford a room but left me out on the streets. I had been really upset and embarrassed saying I'd nowhere else to go but she told me she'd known the other girl longer so had to go along with what she wanted.

At the time I'd fallen out with my parents so thought I couldn't phone them but in hindsight I should have.

Suffice to say I never spoke to her again.

goldfinchonthelawn · 11/08/2022 06:19

ManAboutTown · 07/08/2022 07:15

In my long experience I have never known men do the sort of shit to each other that the ladies have reported on this thread

Female friendships seem way more toxic

Baffling ignorance. Men trick and backbite each other - watch Succession or House of Cards or A Very British Scandal - dramas based on how real mean lie, manipulate, bully as they interact with each other. Have you read any of the boarding school memoirs of indescribable cruelty and bullying that have left men scarred for lifetimes? And as PPs have said, you've heard of war, right?

ZombeaArthur · 11/08/2022 14:13

We’d been friends our whole lives, our families knew each other very well. When I was 18 I was invited to go on holiday with the family and their friends (paying my own way entirely). Half way through the flight I started to feel really ill, sick and shivering. By the time we landed I was shaking with cold, even though it was Florida in July! I ended up spending the first week in bed, in and out of consciousness, having to crawl to the bathroom to be sick. I was so ill I dropped a dress size in a week!

My friend and his family couldn’t have cared less, couldn’t even manage to ask how I was and made it clear I was an inconvenience to them. The only thing I asked of them the whole time was for a bottle of water from the vending machine right outside the room (the tap water in the room was undrinkable and I couldn’t stand long enough to reach the tap anyway). My friend refused to take two minutes out of his day to buy me a bottle of water before they all left to go to a theme park. I was stuck without anything to drink for the 10 hours or so they were out. We continued to be friends but, looking back, l don’t think I ever really forgave him.

AgnestaVipers · 11/08/2022 14:19

We continued to be friends but, looking back, l don’t think I ever really forgave him.

I'm not sure why anyone stays friends with people after this callous behaviour. You clearly meant nothing to them. You deserved better.

Pinkandwhitestripes · 11/08/2022 14:31

Mamai90 · 11/08/2022 04:58

A 'friend' invited me to Edinburgh for the weekend for her birthday. I hadn't wanted to go as I was skint but she begged me. Her dad had booked the hotel room and another friend that I didn't know was coming too. This second girl was a really forceful character and was very possessive of my friend. She just didn't want me around, three's a crowd and all that. The other girl moaned and complained and then cried and said she missed friend and wanted to spend the weekend alone with her.

On the second night my so called friend told me I'd have to book a separate room. When I said I couldn't afford it she still kicked me out knowing I had nowhere else to go. I was 20 and I'd never been to that city before and at 10 pm on a sat night I found myself wandering the streets, it was before you could access the Internet on your phone so I tried two hostels but they were full and I only had £25. The streets were getting scary so I went to a bar alone and I'm not proud of it but I went home with the first guy who gave me attention, I thought the risk was better than sleeping on the streets. I felt dirty the next day because I hadn't even found this guy remotely attractive but I felt desperate.

18 years later I'm still angry. I'm still ashamed of sleeping with that man, and even writing this brings back bad memories. She knew I couldn't afford a room but left me out on the streets. I had been really upset and embarrassed saying I'd nowhere else to go but she told me she'd known the other girl longer so had to go along with what she wanted.

At the time I'd fallen out with my parents so thought I couldn't phone them but in hindsight I should have.

Suffice to say I never spoke to her again.

That's absolutely appalling. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

lioncitygirl · 11/08/2022 15:38

I had a bunch of friends in school, popular girls who would pay me pennies to be their gofer - get them drinks, carry shoes etc. i thought I would be popular too. I wasnt. One of them pushed me in the pond and I broke my arm.

my cousin slept with my boyfriend while I was still with him, resulting in her falling pregnant.

Latenightreader · 17/08/2022 23:16

My best friend since playschool days, a friendship which lasted me moving 65 miles away when I was nine. When we were 13 she was staying with me for a week during the holidays and we were walking home after a nice afternoon out. A girl in my year at school walked towards us and shouted something at me, which I ignored. She stopped, picked me by the hair and began to shake me (I had very long hair at the time and it was a joke among the bullies to pull it about shouting ‘nit nurse’). I yelled at her to stop (she was much taller than me and my toes were only just touching the ground) and she continued to taunt me. I screamed until a woman crossed the road from the bus stop, at which the bully stopped at once and left me alone with a painful scalp and horrible shaking. My so called best friend had walked away and said nothing. She didn’t know the girl and there was no danger of repercussions. She asked me not to tell my mum because she ‘didn’t want to be involved’.

As I got older, I became more and more angry/upset/humiliated that she hadn’t tried to intervene. It took a different friend sticking up for me a few months later, and defending another friend myself to think that her behaviour really wasn’t on. Fine if you don’t want to get physically involved, but she could have shouted at her, or even asked someone for help, rather than just walking away. The friendship fizzled and died over the next few years. In my mid twenties I was back in my home town for my MA and I bumped into her parents. They were delighted to see me and were very keen for me to get in touch with her, but I never did. I still remember screaming for what felt like ages until a stranger walked over to help.

Dazedandconfused0 · 18/08/2022 22:04

My dad committed suicide
I was meant to be meeting a friend that night and I had to cancel on her last minute
I told her a family emergency had come up as at this point he was not dead. He was in hospital. I never tell anyone about my fathers previous mental health issues.

Three weeks later still dazed from the expierence I see a text thread between her and another 'friend' speculating why I had been quiet and what 'shenangians I was upto now'.

I am shaking with anger as I am even typing this.

Never spoke to either of them again

Ohahjustalittlebit · 19/08/2022 09:23

Jumped on me hitting me, screaming at me, pulling my hair out, giving me bodily bruising and cuts on my face. Police were called and she begged not to have her charged so I did not as I was afraid if I did something would happen to her kids. She then went and told people I had beaten her up (someone dragged her off me and punched her in the face causing massive bruising) and that apparently I am the unhinged crazy one and has completely slandered me to people when in reality I did not even try to hit back. I was too terrified and I hate violence. I hope karma finds her and beats her up next time. We were friends for over 30 years.

CanIusethisnameplease · 05/03/2023 02:08

Reading all of these makes me wonder why we keep making friends.

having just fallen out with my best friend (and I really don’t think we can come back from it )

im lied awake thinking about everything I did wrong or could have done different (silly thing is I’m fairly sure I’m not in the wrong !)

if people just move on or let us down and break our hearts why do we keep going back for more ?

maybe the only person that we can trust is ourselves.

thats really sad , but I’m tired of being pooped on.

Northernsouloldies · 05/03/2023 02:31

I wonder what is wrong with some people, reading through pp the cruelty shown by some knows no bounds. The girl being left to wander the streets of Edinburgh and the girl on the collection of gcse results were shocking and very brutal. As an outsider looking in I don't know how anyone could be so evil.

BobSacamono · 05/03/2023 06:28

CanIusethisnameplease · 05/03/2023 02:08

Reading all of these makes me wonder why we keep making friends.

having just fallen out with my best friend (and I really don’t think we can come back from it )

im lied awake thinking about everything I did wrong or could have done different (silly thing is I’m fairly sure I’m not in the wrong !)

if people just move on or let us down and break our hearts why do we keep going back for more ?

maybe the only person that we can trust is ourselves.

thats really sad , but I’m tired of being pooped on.

This. I’m currently helping my DD through some awful situations at school, and it made me realise how early on people can become so horrid. The key lesson I share with both DC is that they need to be their own best friend first, and that good old adage that they will have friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for life.

KimberleyClark · 05/03/2023 07:06

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 05/08/2022 21:51

God, the school years were awful for me also as I was clearly "different"

What fucks me off now is that as an adult, I have seen at least 4 people who were bullies at school complain about their darlings being bullied OR in a really weird scenario re-encountering someone from school in a work capacity and hearing her falsely claim at length to have been bullied, and when I brought up her fucking nasty best friend said "but oh, that was years agoo" as if we were 90.

People really do like to rewrite history.

Yes it’s funny how everyone remembers being bullied at school but no one remembers being a bully. I’ve bumped into several people who bullied me at school and they were friendly as anything.

Latenightreader · 05/03/2023 16:02

KimberleyClark · 05/03/2023 07:06

Yes it’s funny how everyone remembers being bullied at school but no one remembers being a bully. I’ve bumped into several people who bullied me at school and they were friendly as anything.

Show quote history

A few weeks ago I had a message out of the blue from one of the people who bullied me at school over many years, apologising for her behaviour. I was really stunned, but she was incredibly contrite. I always assumed she and others like her had never given me a second thought, but she actually sought me out to apologise. I don't know anyone else this has happened to.