... wondering about the worst thing done to you by a so called "friend" *Content warning added by MNHQ - just flagging that some of these are quite upsetting*

[PieRSquared]

Waiting in the airport to collect my DD from her flight (seriously delayed!) at the end of a great trip she's had travelling abroad with a close friend of hers.

It brings up some very unpleasant memories for me. The plan was to travel for a few weeks in south east asia with my long term best friend, first time I'd ever travelled there. On the 3rd day of our trip she met someone "special" and went travelling with him instead!! It really caused me a huge amount of trouble and stress, traveling alone there was not easy, a few bad incidents, trying to make some other friends along the way. It was also a bit more expensive not sharing a room, and deciding on some safer/more expensive locations.

We're not in contact any more, but I'm feeling angry and agitated as I write this, and think about it again. No more coffee for me!

Any other bad things done by friends were relatively minor for me thankfully.

@Perple Thank you, very kind of you to say.
@SeptemberGurl I completely understand that it is difficult for others to understand disability, particularly with ‘uncomfortable’ aspects. However I have gone out of my way to ensure that my friendships were not unduly impacted, and given them more time and energy on their lives, their worries, often not talking at all about mind in case it is ‘too much’. What they have done goes beyond merely not understanding, they have actively excluded me and cut me out of their lives. Not because I have impacted their life, not because they don’t understand, but because they don’t want to be anywhere near us. It’s like a silent discrimination that we can’t even speak, I see it in so many families like mine.

As with others, I've also had the strong suspicion of situation of a friend cheating with my boyfriend of the time. It was never admitted, and she was welcome to him!! He was a lovely looking guy, but gone in 60 seconds. I was going to end it anyway.

In many of the posts above the friend is blamed, but it in reality it is both the friend AND the partner that did it.

I was dropped by my best friend, when I asked why I was told 'because the new girl has a horse'... lovely!

As an adult I had agreed to help collect my friends children from school and drop them home while friend was away on holiday. Shortly before my car broke down, it was checked by our mechanic and we were told it wasnt worth spending the money to fix - we were literally weeks away from applying for a mortgage at this point, so having to buy a new car put us back almost a year in our house buying journey. Ultimately the 'friend' dropped me because she thought I had made up the whole situation to get out of dropping her kids home...she seemingly couldnt see how my head was focused on us affording to buy our first home was more important to me than her holiday plans

@CherryBlossomAutumn Thanks for the additional clarification, I do get where you are coming from. In my case there are certain things that make arrangements with friends complex, I need more time to arrange things, and at the end of the day I'm probably too much bother? At least with respect to my friends I feel that is the case, rather than discrimination. However there is no doubt about broader discrimination with respect to disabilities.

Did she have a partner? My abusive ex sent nasty messages to one of my friends from my Facebook account.

She blamed me for not stopping him, when I explained what had happened. Though not sure what I was supposed to do to prevent it, since he'd already broken my previous laptop by throwing it on the floor, knew all my passwords, and controlled my internet access at home, and my life in general.

I lost my dad when I was 12 and my mum took my sis and I out of school for a 2 week holiday abroad to give us some space and time to grieve. When I got back to school my 'best friend' had apparently moved on, now sat next to their new best friend and I spent every break and lunchtime alone for months until I finally made new friends. Even though it was so long ago, this still hurts ridiculously. My new friends have actually lasted 30 years since school so maybe it was a blessing in disguise!

A school gate mum I'd really bonded with, we'd have each other over for meals, share birthday parties, got on really well for the first few years our kids were in school.
Then she cancelled a few things last minute, forgot to invite me to her 40th and basically ditched me for the alpha mums.
Last time I saw her she was all like "We used to do so much together, I really miss that."
Fuck off, I've moved on.

Ten years ago an old school friend asked me to meet her in Thailand for the last six weeks of her holiday as the friend she was going out there with couldn't do the whole trip. Told her I couldn't afford it at such short notice, so she offered whole heartedly to lend me the money once I was out there. Decided to go as sounded like trip of a lifetime. I managed to get the time off work unpaid, worked overtime for six weeks, earned enough to pay £600 return flight and take £500 spending money. My money ran out about half way through, but rather than lend me a lump sum, she paid for everything as we went along and wrote it all down on a note pad, down to the last penny. When we arrived back her boyfriend phoned me up and told me I had to pay her the money back asap and had a cheek going on holiday without taking enough money! I worked overtime and paid her back every penny one month later, and even gave her an extra £50 as a thank you, which she never acknowledged. I then head through the grapevine over the next few years that she had been bitching about me to mutual friends saying that I'd gone on holiday without enough money leaving her to pay!

I came back from a flight and developed a pulmonary embolism. I called my ‘best friend’ from A&E as they are a consultant haematologist specialising in clots and they live less than 10 mins away. They expressed surprise at the call, told me I’d have a series of tests and then I next heard from them 3 days later to say they were off for the holidays and hoped I’d have a good Christmas (by text)

@SeptemberGurl That sounds rough on you, as all you are asking is for a little more time to prepare. It’s quite a punch in the guts sometimes isn’t it that the world is hard enough with disabilities, but at the very least we think our friends could cut us a little bit of slack. At first I just thought it must be because I’ve become more ‘difficult’. But now I’ve some perspective, and I realise how much slack they give each other, and I give them e.g. one likes to be host always, one doesnt’ like to spend too much, other has kids she doesn’t like to leave, one is often ill. Even in conversations in communal messages I have noticed that I’m more invisible, recently I said it has been quite a hard year and no one even commented. My child had quite a big new disability 2 years ago, and most of the group didn’t even remember when I met up with them. Even though we all listened in detail and responded to support everyone else’s kids anxiety troubles. Having said this, one friend is keeping up some kind of interest, it’s not a lot, but I decided to stop trying with everyone but her. This seems to be my one saving grace, one person cares! I treasure them!

I’ve got another one. * warning SA*

same friendship group this time our first “18-30” holiday. We got separated on the way home from a club, two of the girls walked home via the beach and said it felt like there was a group of young men surrounding them at one point giggling and it was really scary because they “thought they were going to get raped” although nothing happened at all and they safely walked home.

at the exact same time I was texting my mum goodnight, trailing behind the big group I was with. A young man ran up behind me, picked me up, dragged me up an alleyway where two other boys and a girl were, lifted up my skirt and pants despite my best efforts (I was trying to kick him away) and painfully sexually assaulted me. I ran off screaming and crying whilst the assailant and the other two strangers fell about laughing.

Plucked up the courage to tell my so called girlfriends the next day. The response? “So what? Me and X almost got raped it was a lot more scary!!”

Why did I stay friends with those people?

Happily cut them off years ago and not looked back 😄

@Peachyroll this story sounds familiar. Imagine if I'm the bisexual girl lol. Could be a very very similar story so I apologise if it's not you but if by some chance it is, it's not exactly how it went down...like I said...I'll never know if it's you or not...

It's bizarre isn't it. She was more than welcome to take my disability, I didn't want it,

My mum got cancer and my friends completely dropped me. I was no fun anymore. Mum was in and out of hospital for years so I was considered boring for not wanting to go out and get hammered in town and go clubbing. I stopped going out and stopped having friends. I don’t have many friends now but the ones I do have are lovely.

@Midnightblack thank you, yes, she recovered after 2 years and a lot of painkillers.

she broke up a 22 y relationship when i was in a nervous breakdown

im 41 and only ever had the 1 relationship/sexual realationship,he was the same

we got together whne he was 17 me 18,2 kids ok they have a range of complex disabilities and need 24/7 care but we were hapy and never had a problem in all the years together,even at the early year

we never married as dont beleive or agree with it

we had a nasty toxic social woker involved though no fault of our own(really it wasnt,she got involved becasue of a fake referal and used her own beliefs as a way to try and bully us,she dont agree with home education and atachment gentle parenting,it lasted 2 and half years and i did all the complaits up to level 3,she personnally harrasmend me to the point i had a non molestation order on her and she lost her job)so when i was using al my energy and fighting a corept system through no fault of my own(ie SS had not remit or reason ro be involved but she lied and had zero evidence and used the system against me )

becasie of said above i had a emotional breakdown(new term for nervous breakdown)instead of supporting me she saw a Opportunity to talk him in to going with her instead.he has asd and adhd and is very easily led

obviously he made the choice but if she wasnt drip driping a better life infront of him he wouldnt have gone.

boy did it back fire as she has 8 kids by 8 diffrent men in a 8 year period(9 now) and none of the dads involved (alll kids have a disaibility)and the amount of stress and shit they have had since oct 2020 is very satisfiying as karma hit them major.

they have had 4 social services referals that casued loads of stress(it wasnt me)
a new baby at 40(her 8th) and no end of money worries and stress

karma certainly hit them.

she was as close to me as a sister for 5 years and no way in the world would i think they both did what they did

its been october 2020 and im still very angry, shocked and bitter that i was betrayed by 2 people i trusted the most

im still not fully recovered over the betrayal,being made a single mother let alone a single adult as ive never been one. now im a single carer to kids that need 24/7 care as we home educate and hes gone from a 24/7 carer to seeing him 1-2 hours month,i also get zero money off him

im still trying to get over my emotional breakdown casued by the SW'S harrasment and stalking

i will never ever forgive let alone forget either of them as the only time i was vulnerable and needed help in my adult life they both betrayed me.

My so called friend and my then husband had an affair, I am now divorced, they are living together and he has realised that the grass isn't any greener on the other side of the fence and is looking for a way out. My other friends who found out about it and told me are still my friends, the ones who knew about it and never said anything are no longer my friends (my choice).

Had an affair with my husband
Then suggested I let my DC live with them full time
When that didn’t happen did everything possible to disrupt ex DH and I attempts to remain civil - sort out maintenance fairly etc

I was in a group of friends with children at nursery. One woman took lodgers for extra income, and she knew that occasionally I would too.
she phoned me one day to ask if I’d be able to take a lodger who couldn’t stay at her house any longer, giving a vague reason that she needed a room. Anyway I couldn’t take him.
Shortly afterwards another woman from the group told me a story about the dreadful lodger that this woman was trying to get to leave asap. He’d broken things, and she suspected him of stealing money and other items. When I told her this woman had tried to foist him on me, she found it funny. ….

Isn't my story but few years back I was flying home with my family and saw a teenager crying on the plane.
Turns out she had gone on holiday abroad for first time with her best friend. That friend had invited another friend, who she didn't get along with very well. They had spent the whole time being horrid to her and leaving her out. She had called her mum who booked her a flight home, but she was alone and sad on the plane. She hadn't even told her friend she was going and so friend would wake later that day to find her gone.
I hope she found better friends and her mum sounded great.

So many friends cheating with DPs, what are we doing wrong? I've often fancied a friend's partner, or BIL, but would never actually do anything...

My best friend in secondary became my bully. Isolated me, lied about me, turned everyone against me. Messaged me every day anonymously with the same evil phrase that still rings in my ears. She messaged every day for TWO YEARS.

I've forgiven her now. Turned out she had BPD. She acknowledged her wrongs and asked me to forgive her and I have completely.

I struggle to be close to friends now though. I'm always ready to cut ties and be gone. Makes friendship hard, but it's weirdly helped me in a way. I'm never caught in drama as I simply walk away without tears.

My best friend: we were doing our A Levels, I had plans to train as a teacher and he suddenly turned cold on me and said that he ‘couldn’t be associated with me anymore because he was going to be a doctor and would be embarrassed to tell his coursemates about his friend with such low ambitions.’

I tutored his younger sister while I was in sixth form (she’d signed up to the group tuition class I ran) and she was very quiet one day so I asked what she was wrong and she told me he’d said he didn’t want her to ‘end up like me’

He didn’t actually get in to med school and is now....a teacher at a crap school.

I am not a teacher but I am a specialist nurse in the field of medicine he always wanted to practice in, entirely by accident but it still makes me feel better that karma bit him so squarely on the arse! Over a decade ago now and still miss him and hate him in equal measure, even though I don’t know what I ever did to deserve to be treated the way I was. He became a different person literally overnight.

I just wanted to say to some of your teenage selves that when people treat you badly or sour without a reason, it's not about you and your inadequacies, it's about them and theirs.

Ex best friend ghosted me after my first baby was born, we’d been friends for 16 years and he was born at the start of the pandemic, then posted on social media about cutting out anyone who didn’t “bring anything” to her life. Found out through mutual friends she’d used any and every opportunity for years to bitch about me and had deliberately tried to sabotage a friendship between me & a male friend she had always fancied. She’d been my maid of honour two years before and it’s tainted the memory of my wedding, knowing her friendship was never real, and makes me feel like a total idiot for not seeing it sooner. I wondered at first if I’d not made enough effort or been too focused on my baby, but he was born when lockdown started so I couldn’t have gone out and seen her anyway and I recognise now how unrealistic it is to expect a brand new mum to be able to focus on anything but their baby in those first few months.

I can’t understand the motivation to maintain a “friendship” with someone you clearly have no real love for, for so many years. I can only assume some people don’t really know what friendships are supposed to be and are deeply miserable in their own lives.