Girl tried to pull down my son’s shorts

[dontwanttooverreact]

My son is 4 and he went to a 3 hour camp at our sport’s club today. He had been yesterday with a school friend and today with the same friend. After pick up today he told us that a 10 year old girl had tried to pull down his pants and shorts “to see if he was a girl or a boy”.

he is upset, this was his first experience of camp and he is quite shy. Additionally the school friend independently told her mother the exact same story so i believe it (I believed it anyway but you never know with 4 year olds and details.

he told the supervisor who apparently said something to the girl but no one told us at pick up.

AIBU to be furious? I had assumed initially the girl was also 4/5, but 10?!? Surely that’s not on? What, if anything, can I do?

[Title edited by MNQ at poster's request]

It's incredibly inappropriate to ask for information the club is not able to release to you

@RoseslnTheHospital

i don’t know re OFSTED but it’s a pretty well known club so I would have thought so. They’ve actually been in the news a lot recently so their reputation is very important to them.

I agree. Police at that age is way too much but certainly camp shod be looking into it. No way should parents details be passed on.
4 and 10 is a bit old to mix but sometimes ar camp they have breaks and lunch all together to allow the supervisors to have a break.

It is inappropriate but they are all kids at the end of the day, the girl just needs to be told.

You make a formal complaint to the club now. In person or over phone and in writing. If you don't get adequate response then contact regulating body who oversees the club - local authority etc.
Contacting police is not the correct route.

@namechanged4it

should a 10 year old not already know that?! If it was a 5/6 year old I would be a lot more like “well they are just children” but 10? Come on

I am not going to contact the police, obviously

but I do think this is pretty outrageous as a situation

And also perhaps training needs to be given to staff and procedures put into place so this doesn't happen again.

This is quite a serious incident and needs to be dealt with. I would firstly find out if the club is registered with Ofsted (not all summer clubs have to be). If it is, I would complain directly to them, and also state that your complaint was not taken seriously by the club when you reported it.

If it is not registered with Ofsted, send a formal complaint to the club using their complaints procedure (they have to have a specified procedure for complaints) Ask what safeguarding procedures they have in place to ensure children's safety, why children of these ages groups are allowed to mix together with adequate supervision. State your concern about the complaint not being taken seriously and ask what safeguarding training their staff receive. State you will refer the matter to whatever body they are regulated by (if applicable) and to the police if they do not reply in a timely manner or if their reply does not satisfy you that your child is safe in their care.

I would also ask what their safeguarding procedure for dealing with signs of sexualised behaviour in children.This is a sign of sexualised behaviour in the 10yo child, and this should be reported to someone, maybe to the safeguarding lead at her school, as well. She could potentially be at risk herself, depending on where she is learning this behaviour from.

@spirit20

I would also ask what their safeguarding procedure for dealing with signs of sexualised behaviour in children.This is a sign of sexualised behaviour in the 10yo child, and this should be reported to someone, maybe to the safeguarding lead at her school, as well. She could potentially be at risk herself, depending on where she is learning this behaviour from

I did also think this

Are you sure she is 10? How do you know her age or is this based on what your son told you? 4 year old are not very good at estimating ages of other children. Also although she is 10, she is still a child and probably not a budding sex offender.

the club is registered with OFSTED

Sorry but I don't think this was a "sexual assault". It was bullying behaviour and very inappropriate - yes. The child just needs to be told and disciplined. Unless she has a history of this I would also be mindful of making her feel like an utter villan. Who knows what her circumstances are. That doesn't take away from OPs child but still.

Woah no, not ok at all. Big safeguarding concern in my opinion. Tell the police.
Some people saying that’s OTT would no doubt think differently if a 10 year old boy tried to pull up a 4 year old girl’s dress to look at her genitals.

Those who aren't saying it's sexual assault are very wrong. A 10 year old knows exactly what they are doing.

@saveforthat

my son (and his friend who told his mother the exact same story word for word independently) both said she was 10. she apparently said she was. He also described her as “a much bigger child”.

He said she said she was 10*

Those who are saying it's not sexual
Assault are very wrong*

@TailSpinner

i agree re the gender reversal

If it's a family members club why don't you speak to the family member in charge and ask how they have dealt with it?

Exact definition from Rape crisis

Sexual assault happens when someone touches another person in a sexual manner without their consent. Or when someone makes another person take part in a sexual activity with them without that person's consent. It includes unwanted kissing and sexual touching.

Pulling someone's trousers down is not sexual assault

It would be sexual harassment at the most

Well you know its inappropriate whichever way around the sexes are and presumably will put in a written complaint?

Why was a sports club running a session for such a wide age group? I remember some degree of mixing of ages, usually with in a boundary of a couple of years, but never 4 year olds and 10 year olds in the same group (its a safety risk apart from anything else).

The legal obligation is to protect the data.

You have the option to report the assault to the police who can obtain the data.
Or you can sue the Gym and the unnamed person and the court will instruct the gym to disclose the data so that you can issue the legal papers.

The Gym can have a provisions to allow them to disclose the data however they leave themselves open to litigation from the data subject as they have made a judgement of guilt (without due process) as to what exactly happened.

Children's data is also given additional protections. And the organisation have a safe guarding obligation to the 10 year old and cant control what the OP would do with the data.

Is it Grass Roots??

They have a big social media presence too so if they try to downplay or cover up the whole thing then I'd take it public.

This does need to be looked into further by the club and then their actions reported to you, poor boy.

Pulling someone's trousers down is not sexual assault
Pulling someone's trousers down to have a look to see if they are a boy or girl, as was clearly stated in the OP, is definitely sexual assault. Unwanted revelation of someone's genitals absolutely fits the definition you posted.