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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Girl tried to pull down my son’s shorts

297 replies

dontwanttooverreact · 05/08/2022 14:10

My son is 4 and he went to a 3 hour camp at our sport’s club today. He had been yesterday with a school friend and today with the same friend. After pick up today he told us that a 10 year old girl had tried to pull down his pants and shorts “to see if he was a girl or a boy”.

he is upset, this was his first experience of camp and he is quite shy. Additionally the school friend independently told her mother the exact same story so i believe it (I believed it anyway but you never know with 4 year olds and details.

he told the supervisor who apparently said something to the girl but no one told us at pick up.

AIBU to be furious? I had assumed initially the girl was also 4/5, but 10?!? Surely that’s not on? What, if anything, can I do?

[Title edited by MNQ at poster's request]

OP posts:
Bubblegum2022 · 06/08/2022 10:58

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 06/08/2022 10:51

Where have I said that didn't happen? A couple of sensible year 6s reading with younger kids isn't the whole school playing on the same playground is it?

It’s not sensible year 6s it’s all the class that gets paired up, you don’t seem to know much about what goes on in schools.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 06/08/2022 11:07

Bubblegum2022 · 06/08/2022 10:56

It’s does offend you as you are choosing to argue about a fact and even if I was wrong why does it bother you so much? Many schools have mixed playgrounds even if you don’t like it or agree.

It obviously offends you then as you are choosing to argue about a fact.

Most schools only have 2 age groups on a playground. Even if you don't like it or agree.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 06/08/2022 11:07

Bubblegum2022 · 06/08/2022 10:58

It’s not sensible year 6s it’s all the class that gets paired up, you don’t seem to know much about what goes on in schools.

Haha oh the irony 🤣🤣🤣

dontwanttooverreact · 06/08/2022 11:13

Bubblegum2022 · 06/08/2022 10:37

Odd reason to pick a school 🤨😳. You are being unreasonable and the people that agree with you and also being unreasonable but please you can draw a line under it and move on.

It’s not “the reason”
I picked the school - their level of supervision and small class sizes are one of many reasons. It’s a pretty normal factor to take into consideration, tbh

OP posts:
dontwanttooverreact · 06/08/2022 11:21

Thankfully the people who think a 10 year old trying to pull down the shorts of a 4 year is completely fine/par for the course are far and away the minority on this thread, and thankfully the club agree it’s not acceptable.

i guess the people who think it’s ok are the ones with children who do this sort of thing - I would rather appear “uptight” for wanting my child to not be exposed to this sort of behaviour aged 4 (where it can reasonably be prevented, as I think was the case here) than as feckless as parents who think it’s totally fine, but that’s just me! 😉

OP posts:
Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 11:23

dontwanttooverreact · 06/08/2022 11:21

Thankfully the people who think a 10 year old trying to pull down the shorts of a 4 year is completely fine/par for the course are far and away the minority on this thread, and thankfully the club agree it’s not acceptable.

i guess the people who think it’s ok are the ones with children who do this sort of thing - I would rather appear “uptight” for wanting my child to not be exposed to this sort of behaviour aged 4 (where it can reasonably be prevented, as I think was the case here) than as feckless as parents who think it’s totally fine, but that’s just me! 😉

About 1-2 people have said it's fine

People have however said you're overreacting about multiple things

Maybe get a grip before your son starts primary

blebbleb · 06/08/2022 11:33

@Alfenstein more than 1-2 people have said it's not acceptable! Where are you counting? Stop making things up to suit your narrative.

blebbleb · 06/08/2022 11:34

blebbleb · 06/08/2022 11:33

@Alfenstein more than 1-2 people have said it's not acceptable! Where are you counting? Stop making things up to suit your narrative.

I misread. Op does not need to get a grip though! Stop making this out to be nothing.

Badgirlriri · 06/08/2022 12:02

You’re raising a bunch of snowflakes.

Isitsixoclockalready · 06/08/2022 12:11

Badgirlriri · 06/08/2022 12:02

You’re raising a bunch of snowflakes.

What do you mean?

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 12:11

@blebbleb no one is making this out to be nothing

Maybe you can read properly next time

blebbleb · 06/08/2022 12:18

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 12:11

@blebbleb no one is making this out to be nothing

Maybe you can read properly next time

Yes I admit I didn't read it properly but you're still being very rude to the op and minimising what happened.

blebbleb · 06/08/2022 12:19

@Alfenstein and also being rude to me and many others!

nokidshere · 06/08/2022 12:32

I wasn’t going to comment again because I do think some of the comments on here have gone way too far but I just wanted to add that DS volunteered today that someone told him yesterday if he wanted to be a girl they would have to cut his willy off. Presumably this is all joking but it’s pretty unimpressive that this is the sort of shit that’s been discussed at a children's summer camp

What your child knows, listens to, talks about when he's at school, in the park, in the garden with his friends, even at 5yrs old, will continue to leave you horrified I'm afraid. Supervised or not, willys, bums, poo, and boobies, along with current swear words are always a topic for hilarity and stupidity regardless of the age of the child. No 10yr old is going to stop and think 'oh I shouldn't swear because he's only 4'.

I don’t think 10 year olds should be mixing socially with 4 year olds they don’t know if they aren’t going to be supervised enough to be directed away from discussing their genitals. I think that’s completely reasonable as an assertion

It's really not reasonable at all. You cannot supervise a group of children so minutely that you can direct their discussions, it's just an unrealistic expectation. Also you can never police what other children say or do, you can only teach your child the behaviours you want them to model and how to walk away from topics they find uncomfortable.

Keep discussions about this sort of stuff matter of fact and factual. Hopefully things like wedgies, kegging, kiss chase etc won't happen as much now people are more aware of how unacceptable they are but there will always be something that takes their place.

None of us want our 'sweet little children' to be exposed to the horrors of the world but they will be and it's your job to teach him how to deal with this stuff. Children, despite many people's assertions that their child is kind, sensible and moral, do unpredictable, daft, silly and stupid things for no other reason than they are children.

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 12:35

@blebbleb again, where have I minimised anything?

You've proven your lack of reading before, no reason to think the same issue isn't plaguing you throughout the thread

blebbleb · 06/08/2022 12:50

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 12:35

@blebbleb again, where have I minimised anything?

You've proven your lack of reading before, no reason to think the same issue isn't plaguing you throughout the thread

I see you don't deny being rude.

CheGuevaraandDebussy · 06/08/2022 12:51

Badgirlriri · 06/08/2022 12:02

You’re raising a bunch of snowflakes.

I hate the use of this term as it's completely and utterly misused. It's used to insult those who are tolerant and kind, yet it's those using the word who tend to melt fucking down because they can't abuse those they call snowflakes.

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 12:52

@blebbleb if you're being ridiculous I'm going to call that out

If you want to not read properly and make absolutely ridiculous comments based on your misinterpretation I'm going to call that out

blebbleb · 06/08/2022 13:04

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 12:52

@blebbleb if you're being ridiculous I'm going to call that out

If you want to not read properly and make absolutely ridiculous comments based on your misinterpretation I'm going to call that out

Please stop going on about not reading properly. I admitted that with the first part you wrote but through this entire thread your posts you're being very rude , aggressive and antagonistic towards most people and making out that we're all over sensitive.So you seem to be clinging on that I can't read.Just go away.

Alfenstein · 06/08/2022 13:50

@blebbleb

Nope, you haven't read other posts properly if you can sit there and claim I'm minimising this

I have said from the start this needed to be reported and escalated

I also have said the users claiming this is sexual assault need to give their heads a wobble

jewishmum · 06/08/2022 17:02

I just wanted to add, my four year old (nearly 5) thinks nothing of stripping and flashing in public, despite having talks with her about why it isn't appropriate. I don't think she would be traumatised if someone threatened to pull her shorts down, she'd probably find it very amusing and run around with glee making them chase her. So I don't really get the whole 'poor boy, what a traumatic experience' thing at that age.

londonlass71 · 06/08/2022 22:03

Greenleaf22 · 05/08/2022 19:14

What procedures should you suggest as kids are kids and do silly things within seconds for no reason? For it not to happen each child would need to be supervised by an adult each at all times and that’s never going to happen.

I known what you mean - I was more speaking about if you have a regular issue with a child. So for example if a child kept pulling childrens trousers down or was targeting a particular child. They would need to be shadowed. I think this situation was just a joke that got out of hand - just my opinion.

Things are always going to happen with children.

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