Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult son wants to move back mon - fri to ‘get a night’s sleep’

762 replies

HippPippy · 05/08/2022 13:58

DS 27 and his gf recently had a baby. As you’d expect they are being woken up during the night. DS has asked if he can move back in mon - fri so he can get a proper night’s sleep so he can concentrate on going to work and do his job effectively.

DH thinks the idea is outrageous and he should just ‘get on with it’ , I feel a bit confused as to why he is even asking. Surely other new parents don’t do this? I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea. But I don’t want to be unsupportive either - how would you respond?

OP posts:
Cinderella1 · 07/08/2022 22:43

*@HippPippy Sorry, that should be "does get pregnant... by accident"

OldFan · 07/08/2022 23:12

I don't think him saying he does the evenings is the same as doing some of the stuff at night. Nights as I understand it from what I've heard, is the worst bit.

Stripedbag101 · 07/08/2022 23:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Mybumlooksbig · 07/08/2022 23:36

Can you have baby for a night or 2?

Dotcomma · 08/08/2022 02:55

The OP is unlikely to come back because The Sun has published the story

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/19435925/new-mum-man-move-back-home-parents-sleep/

MsBucket · 08/08/2022 05:50

Tessasanderson · 06/08/2022 13:24

My helpful suggestion to you is to speak to them and ask what extra help YOU can give. Can they BOTH come and stay with you with baby and YOU do all the little jobs for a weekend once in a while?

Could you go around to their house every so often through the day and do the cleaning so mum can catch her breath.

There must be hundreds of little jobs you could do which would aleviate the pressure on both of them. I know when i was a new mum, any little gesture to help and make if easier made a huge difference to my relationship with my partner

@Tessasanderson I think you’ll find that the OP did suggest that?

This was written by @HippPippy:

Although I’ve told my son he can’t stay here, that’s not the solution, I’ve invited them for Sunday dinner so maybe we can all chat openly and see if we can help either by looking after the baby or if all of them want to stay here once or twice a week or whatever.

MsBucket · 08/08/2022 05:52

Dotcomma · 08/08/2022 02:55

The OP is unlikely to come back because The Sun has published the story

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/19435925/new-mum-man-move-back-home-parents-sleep/

Is that even journalism? 😂

It sounds like a kid wrote that article.

MoodyTwo · 08/08/2022 07:24

OP I hope the talk was ok !
To be fair I think a lot of these are unkind ...
I have a newborn and as I am BFing baby my husband cannot do nights, so I do nights he does days (when he is home from work)
I go to bed with baby around 8pm, do all night feeds, and hand him over to DH at 5:30 when baby wakes.
I then have 2 hours sleep , get showered get dressed have coffee, he hands baby over to me while he gets ready and goes to work ... and I throw the baby at home when he gets home ☺️
I'd rather DH slept well so he's in the spare as he drives a lot so would like him rested... this works for us

For the phone usesge, when I have visitors I take that as time to zone out (I'm not responsible for a living baby fully, I have help) maybe that's what's happening

MissyM96 · 08/08/2022 08:25

To be honest I do agree that him sleeping away is outrageous! But I do pretty much everything for my baby (day & night) and my partner brings the money in. Even over the weekend she is really my responsibility. But he never leaves my side when he is home and supports me no matter what so I actually really enjoy doing it all. However, I believe that if my partner decided to go and spend 5 nights away from us a week to ‘get some sleep’ he’d have another thing coming 🤣🤣🤣🤣

QueenBee70 · 08/08/2022 08:42

HippPippy · 05/08/2022 13:58

DS 27 and his gf recently had a baby. As you’d expect they are being woken up during the night. DS has asked if he can move back in mon - fri so he can get a proper night’s sleep so he can concentrate on going to work and do his job effectively.

DH thinks the idea is outrageous and he should just ‘get on with it’ , I feel a bit confused as to why he is even asking. Surely other new parents don’t do this? I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea. But I don’t want to be unsupportive either - how would you respond?

Like everyone else has said I’d have a chat with him about being supportive for the sake of his partner and child . Maybe also check that he’s ok though as he may be struggling and might need some support and reassurance from you , men can suffer from post natal depression too.

wonderstuff · 08/08/2022 08:48

I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable, my dh never moved out, but he struggles with limited sleep and was driving long distances every day, I really worried about his safety when our first was tiny as she was a rubbish sleeper.

jillybeanclevertips · 08/08/2022 15:12

WHAT A SELFISH INDIVIDUAL,Tell him to man up/ grow up and get real. Off his G/f a sleepover,while he looks after the baby, but I wouldn't trust him with a baby either. What a git.

impossible · 08/08/2022 16:33

I hope your chat went well. These situations are always complicated but you sound really kind and supportive. I hope you managed to find a way to support them both and also to get to the bottom of what's going on, especially at night.

Notwiththebullshizz · 08/08/2022 17:23

Firm no from me. Regardless of his job role. There are plenty of people around the world who Work in crucial roles who have children and manage. Is something else going on? It seems such an extreme decision to make, to leave your new baby and partner to 'sleep'. The shock of the actual baby stage is alot, most ofbis get that but I couldnt think of anything worse than my partner just deciding to leave me5 days a week just so he could sleep

Threeandfour · 08/08/2022 17:29

I would maybe say to him he could stay the odd night but I would also offer, if his gf is willing, that he also stays an odd night at the weekend now and again with the baby to give his gf a break and so she can get a good night's sleep. That way you are supporting them all?

user850301848172 · 08/08/2022 18:33

You made the papers op.

Hopefully your son reads the articles.

Pumpkinpie1 · 08/08/2022 21:26

Don’t enable your son to be a deadbeat dad. He needs to man up and care for his child. He made a baby he needs to remember that.
listen to your husband

Mrsmozza123 · 08/08/2022 23:42

You sound like a lovely lady and so supportive. Of both of them, not just your son.
Sleep deprivation can really do a number on your mental and physical health. No matter how many people before have managed parenthood it doesn’t make it easy at all. Even though the gf isn’t working, doesn’t mean she doesn’t need sleep. In the daytime it’s often a choice whether to shower, eat or sleep. Some days none of those things happen.
Here are some things I would have found helpful if I hadn’t had my baby during lockdown.

  • someone who turned up to take the baby out in the pram for an hour or so so that I could sleep after a bad night.
  • someone who came with dinner and an extra pair of hands to hold a fussing baby so that I could have a hot meal or better still, a hot meal with my husband.
  • someone to talk to.
  • someone to carry stuff upstairs or bring stuff downstairs. (In the chaos of a fussy phase things would end up in totally the wrong room and having tidiness and order made me feel calm)
Dotcomma · 09/08/2022 02:54

I raised this with admin a few weeks ago - stories on here being copied & published in daily online rags, apparently it's perfectly legal. Very sad journalism though, they must be so desperate for material.

ellie09 · 09/08/2022 07:33

Trying to stay balanced here. Sounds like they both may be struggling. Let me first make clear that allowing your adult son to stay at home while leaving his GF and newborn at their home is completely off the table.

If you want to help (and are physically able to do so), I would offer to take the baby maybe once or twice a week for the first few months to allow the two of them a night to themselves to get some rest, or have a date night. Even, just to take the baby for a few hours during the day to give a break.

If possible, I would pop by their house during the day, or the evening or weekends to help out if they need with any chores they may be struggling with. When I had my LO, I was eternally grateful for anybody who brought me dinner made and I just had to heat up, or coming home after work and my washing had been done etc. Made things so much easier.

I certainly wouldn't be doing this long term if I were you, but the first few months are challenging for any parent and it is a case of getting into a routine. Once LO is a bit older and starts sleeping for longer bouts of time, this will get easier for them both.

gamerchick · 09/08/2022 08:58

Dotcomma · 09/08/2022 02:54

I raised this with admin a few weeks ago - stories on here being copied & published in daily online rags, apparently it's perfectly legal. Very sad journalism though, they must be so desperate for material.

We aren't the customers of Mumsnet. We are the product..

JenniferBarkley · 09/08/2022 09:55

Dotcomma · 09/08/2022 02:54

I raised this with admin a few weeks ago - stories on here being copied & published in daily online rags, apparently it's perfectly legal. Very sad journalism though, they must be so desperate for material.

Posting anything on MN is equivalent to putting it on a billboard

NerrSnerr · 09/08/2022 13:43

Dotcomma · 09/08/2022 02:54

I raised this with admin a few weeks ago - stories on here being copied & published in daily online rags, apparently it's perfectly legal. Very sad journalism though, they must be so desperate for material.

It's been happening for years. I have been around about 9 years and it's been going on that long.

Post on a public webpage at your own risk.

Dingdong90 · 09/08/2022 15:43

For the sake of his relationship with his girlfriend and child, you should be telling him not under any circumstances. Did his father move out when he was born so that he could get a good night's sleep ?? Parenthood is hard, sleepless nights are hard but it's got to be done and it's not going to be like that forever either. Tell him to suck it up and get on with it ,his baby is his responsibility and he can't leave his girlfriend to deal with that on her own all week!