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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone else hoards their 'nice' things and buys/uses new not so nice ones?

152 replies

ThatBliddyWoman · 05/08/2022 04:45

For example-for my birthday a couple of months ago I got bought all sorts of lovely things including nice wine, nice beauty products etc

Even further back than that, for birthdays and xmasses I've been bought similar lovely things, I've got some expensive vodkas and gins, gift boxes with all sorts of perfumes and beauty products, ornamental candles, slippers, photo frames,note books, gift sets

My sister bought me a lovely miniature wooden set of drawers, each drawer containing a perfume, make up or beauty product, little candle...in 2017. I've not even opened it.

If I fancy a drink I buy myself some cheap wine or prosecco-I've got stacks of wine and prosecco given as gifts for me, in lovely bottles on top of my fridge or on shelves in my kitchen-untouched some for years. When people came over for a recent family 'do' I bought aldi gins (perfectly nice by the way!)instead of opening the other ones I've already got that are in nice ornamental bottles!

I buy cheap body lotion when I must have 50 bottles of luxury lotion in my bathroom from birthdays and xmasses of the past.

I've got so many eyeshadow palettes of various expense, but if I need an eyeshadow palette I'll get a cheap one from eBay.

WHY do I do this?! I am sure when I die there will be a load of lovely things in their boxes.

When my Grandmother died they found that she'd done the same. Boxes and bags of things she'd 'saved for best' including clothes (I don't do that at least) make up, perfumes and beauty things. BUT she was a 1920s baby, brought up in poverty. I understand that. I was born in the 80s and although we weren't rich, I never wanted for anything.

Does anyone else do anything like this, or do I have some sort of problem?

OP posts:
latelydaydreams · 05/08/2022 04:47

Yes. Me.

Since I was a child. No idea why.

portinahurry · 05/08/2022 04:50

No! Absolutely insane, treat yourself. Put your best bottle in the fridge now and enjoy it this evening in a luxury bubble bath using your best body lotion afterwards. Just because it's Friday. Also use your most expensive glass, do you save those for special occasions too?

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 05/08/2022 04:51

latelydaydreams · 05/08/2022 04:47

Yes. Me.

Since I was a child. No idea why.

Solidarity!

Do you ever buy yourself the higher end items? I never do. Maybe that's a clue as to why. I am not rich by any stretch but I know people far less well off than me who wouldn't dream of buying a 99p body lotion or unbranded beauty things of any sort.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 05/08/2022 04:52

portinahurry · 05/08/2022 04:50

No! Absolutely insane, treat yourself. Put your best bottle in the fridge now and enjoy it this evening in a luxury bubble bath using your best body lotion afterwards. Just because it's Friday. Also use your most expensive glass, do you save those for special occasions too?

Guilty! I've got some beautiful glasses that I've never used.

I think I'd feel guilty doing that? I don't know why. What am I saving them for?!

OP posts:
LadyWithLapdog · 05/08/2022 04:53

What a shame. Take a couple each week to a charity shop or put them on eBay. See how you feel. You won’t miss them and it will feel liberating.

Lifeisbeautiful01 · 05/08/2022 04:58

I used to do this until my Aunty died young of cancer. She had loads of lovely unused things, including expensive toiletries and a gorgeous candle.
By coincidence I read something by Emma Bombeck which included the lines, ‘I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.’ My Mum keeps everything ‘nice’ too but I don’t anymore, I enjoy the transience and light the candle.

maryberryslayers · 05/08/2022 05:01

Do you not think you're worth nice things? The people who bought them for you certainly do.
It's such a waste of their money to keep things in boxes, beauty products go off so most of it will have to be thrown if you don't use it. Start working your way through what you can now. Open and use new things straight away from now on.
'Best' might never come!

Time40 · 05/08/2022 05:01

OP, I've done a couple of house clearances after people have died, and it's so sad finding the unused "best" things. Just get it used up and enjoy it. Truly.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 05/08/2022 05:03

Lifeisbeautiful01 · 05/08/2022 04:58

I used to do this until my Aunty died young of cancer. She had loads of lovely unused things, including expensive toiletries and a gorgeous candle.
By coincidence I read something by Emma Bombeck which included the lines, ‘I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.’ My Mum keeps everything ‘nice’ too but I don’t anymore, I enjoy the transience and light the candle.

That makes sense. Very sad-but I am glad it had such an affect for you. It must have made some feelings change about life and its transience?

One thing I did do recently was use a huge candle I had for a birthday 2 years ago, pear-scented in a pear-shaped ceramic pot with a lid. I was sitting outside with some friends and it was getting a bit dark-funnily enough, when other people are around I sometimes will use the nicer things. Like, they're important enough for them but I'm not?

Also, a friend of mine recently had a friend of hers suffer a bereavement, his wife died (also young :( ) and asked friend to come and get her 'girly' things, (handbags, make-up, beauty stuff etc). My friend couldn't bear to use them or even look at them as it felt wrong to her, so passed them on to me. Again, all unopened/unused.

Even though I didn't know the woman, I find it so sad. I have used some of her things, I feel It's better that they're used. Somehow that feels different.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 05/08/2022 05:05

maryberryslayers · 05/08/2022 05:01

Do you not think you're worth nice things? The people who bought them for you certainly do.
It's such a waste of their money to keep things in boxes, beauty products go off so most of it will have to be thrown if you don't use it. Start working your way through what you can now. Open and use new things straight away from now on.
'Best' might never come!

Thank you. I will try. I'll have to have a real rummage to figure out what I've got.

'Best may never come' is so true. :(

Thinking about it, I'd hate for any friend/family member of mine to not use something nice I'd bought them because they felt they weren't worthy, but I have never thought about that before. Somehow I just know other people aren't like me!

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 05/08/2022 05:06

I used to. Actually would go one step further and buy cheaper worse quality stuff as I could buy the more luxury version ‘later’.

then I realised one day that I wanted to have the nicest things now, I can afford it and I deserve it. Otherwise I spend my life buying big ticket items for friends and family and putting myself at the bottom of the list all the time!

so slowly one by one I’m buying what I want and enjoying the best version of everything.

Wallywobbles · 05/08/2022 05:11

My kids give my DH really lovely well thought out gifts and like you he never uses/opens them. They are so hurt by this.

Please use the things you are given. The givers are really hurt by your actions.

DaysLikeThis1 · 05/08/2022 05:17

I do this with so many things from clothes to cutlery! I'm at my worst with art supplies though. Beautiful sketch books, gold leaf and expensive paint brushes are hoarded because I love them too much! It's not that I'm saving things for 'best' I just can't bear to alter them in any way, I think.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 05/08/2022 05:22

DaysLikeThis1 · 05/08/2022 05:17

I do this with so many things from clothes to cutlery! I'm at my worst with art supplies though. Beautiful sketch books, gold leaf and expensive paint brushes are hoarded because I love them too much! It's not that I'm saving things for 'best' I just can't bear to alter them in any way, I think.

That definitely rings true. I am not artistic, but I've got lovely notebooks and an ex from years back gave me a book of post it note type things, but really pretty ones, floral or with little birds etc on. It's in a drawer in my desk, untouched. I really should use it. I agree, it feels like I am spoiling the item somehow :( I don't know why I think like that.

Thank you @Wallywobbles , that's sad. Does your DH know that they are hurt by it? I don't think I could not open something if I knew people were hurt that I hadn't. But they probably are..

I am trying to think of things I do use now...

OP posts:
Icedbannoffee · 05/08/2022 05:22

I used to but not anymore!

Pinkspice · 05/08/2022 05:24

My mum used to do this. Save lovely things and put out the horrible stuff. They had a cottage in the country and we bought nice towels and sheets for it, so it was nice when we went to stay. Every time the nice stuff was hidden away and we were back with the cheap polyester sheets and worn towels. It was infuriating.

Trying20 · 05/08/2022 05:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

florianfortescue · 05/08/2022 05:28

To quote Nora Ephron, "use the good bath oil". Life's too short!

Not least because fragranced products ie candles, perfumes, body lotions, lose their scent over time. Enjoy them now before they become pointless.

YukoandHiro · 05/08/2022 05:33

No, I never do this but my mum does. She'll buy a new dress and then never wear it because it's "saved for best". Can you try to force yourself to stop and start using up some of the lovely things you already have?
Start tonight and open a nice bottle of wine with your dinner?

YukoandHiro · 05/08/2022 05:36

"funnily enough, when other people are around I sometimes will use the nicer things. Like, they're important enough for them but I'm not?"

I think this is very self aware and you've got to the heart of it here. How does it manifest in other areas of your life? Is this something you can work on?

TarpaulinEyes · 05/08/2022 05:44

When I moved house and was packing everything up I found clothes I had bought and never worn along with jewellery. Some of the former no longer fitted me so went to a charity shop. Any of the rest I could and wanted to wear I kept and have been wearing. Same with nice toiletries especially soaps. I am using them up. It's saved me a lot of money as well as the pleasure of feeling slightly extravagant and having lots of new things.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 05/08/2022 05:57

@Trying20 that is a good way of looking at it. I guess with the nicer things, I'm afraid I'll never have them again if I use them? I realise that makes little sense. If I drink the nice wine, I have no choice but to buy myself cheap wine next time I want some-as I'd always buy myself the cheaper stuff. Same with make-up, anything really.

@florianfortescue true. I'd hate for that to happen when I do come to use something.

@YukoandHiro Maybe if I fancy wine tonight I will. Or next time I do definitely. It's silly isn't it, being like this. I am not sure really. I'll have to do some naval gazing. I have definitely suffered low self esteem in the past but I thought I'd improved greatly. Not if this is anything to go by, I suppose.

OP posts:
littlelovely · 05/08/2022 06:11

I used to save things for ‘best’, probably conditioned by my upbringing, but I hated the feeling of being encumbered by too much stuff. So I use everything now and give away what I don’t. It is liberating!

IAmAWarrior · 05/08/2022 06:15

Definitely use your lovely bits. I'd be thrilled to have lovely items to use and feel special when using them. Treat yourself

LaQuern · 05/08/2022 06:31

I used to, until I sorted through my parents house after they moved into a nursing home.

Loads and loads of beautiful wedding presents from their wedding 50 years prior, all untouched 'for best' and all now both out of fashion and unusable for anything fabric that had gone too brittle.

All that money wasted, only fit for the bin.

I started using my 'nice' stuff immediately