To ask if anyone else hoards their 'nice' things and buys/uses new not so nice ones?

[ThatBliddyWoman]

For example-for my birthday a couple of months ago I got bought all sorts of lovely things including nice wine, nice beauty products etc

Even further back than that, for birthdays and xmasses I've been bought similar lovely things, I've got some expensive vodkas and gins, gift boxes with all sorts of perfumes and beauty products, ornamental candles, slippers, photo frames,note books, gift sets

My sister bought me a lovely miniature wooden set of drawers, each drawer containing a perfume, make up or beauty product, little candle...in 2017. I've not even opened it.

If I fancy a drink I buy myself some cheap wine or prosecco-I've got stacks of wine and prosecco given as gifts for me, in lovely bottles on top of my fridge or on shelves in my kitchen-untouched some for years. When people came over for a recent family 'do' I bought aldi gins (perfectly nice by the way!)instead of opening the other ones I've already got that are in nice ornamental bottles!

I buy cheap body lotion when I must have 50 bottles of luxury lotion in my bathroom from birthdays and xmasses of the past.

I've got so many eyeshadow palettes of various expense, but if I need an eyeshadow palette I'll get a cheap one from eBay.

WHY do I do this?! I am sure when I die there will be a load of lovely things in their boxes.

When my Grandmother died they found that she'd done the same. Boxes and bags of things she'd 'saved for best' including clothes (I don't do that at least) make up, perfumes and beauty things. BUT she was a 1920s baby, brought up in poverty. I understand that. I was born in the 80s and although we weren't rich, I never wanted for anything.

Does anyone else do anything like this, or do I have some sort of problem?

No, that's ridiculous. Use the nice things, you might get hit by a bus tomorrow.

There was a thread about the same thing a while back. There were lots of posters like this OP, so don’t feel bad.

Definitely drink the wine/prosecco. It won't keep (We've just tipped bottles of the stuff down the drain as it had all gone musty🙁) I have a LOT of fairly expensive gin, there is far more enjoyment in drinking it than looking at it ! Get it drunk (not saying you have to share it 😉) and put lights in the empty bottles/put flowers in them/turn them into soap dispensers so that you can still enjoy the pretty bottles.

A few years ago, there was a thread about us all using our nice things and having the pleasure now. I think it was at a Xmas time, maybe someone can link it.
Please use the things! My sister died in January at 54, she had Parkinsons for 12 years and the last 6 months, spent most of the time in a hospital with only her husband allowed to visit.
I did the clearing of her things, over 200 sets of earrings in boxes, bags and bags of unused makeup and toiletries, holiday clothes for a cruise cancelled in lockdown and then she was too poorly to travel,just heartbreaking. She just loved a freebie and a bargain, this week, I was going through some of the things I had brought home to sort and found a Dior set of perfume, creams and lipstick. My heart just broke at how excited she would have been to get this and it never got used.
I am currently wearing Dior perfume and the most exciting thing I will do today is take my car to the garage.
Tomorrow is not promised, use the things today and have the pleasure now to remember.

Did- and last year stopped. What the feck am I keeping it for? A nice cording display? I get something nice, I use something nice because I deserve to and keeping it for good is a waste of my time!

I am like this to a larger extent. The clothes I wear every day at home have holes in them. I have so many unworn things in my wardrobe. I used to take clothes out just to have a look, admire then put back. Now that I’m too large for them all, I am making an effort to wear the few clothes I’ve bought for myself that do fit. But it’s still hard to dump the clothes with holes in them. Old habits die hard. I used to be the same with shoes. I’ve had to get rid of all of them, hardly worn as I can’t wear heels anymore due to ill health. Besides my feet have grown half a size.

I am also the same with stuff but improving. I bought some new Royal doulton everyday plates and am using them. The crystal glasses are never used though. I had to bin hardly used branded make up of over a decade old.

My dd is the complete opposite. Unlike my parenting, I haven’t brought her up to keep her things for best. I’ve brought her up to wear her best things. I’ve bought her so many things over the years she’s liked then decided not after one or two wears. As a young child, I was given no choice and have a school photo from when I was 5/6 wearing a much hated hand me down top… I struggled to look half decent in very few clothes. This was more common for children born in or before the 70s whereas dd is a perfectionist. Dd otoh wears her favourite necklace and earrings every single day along with her pandora bracelet, even to school, tucked into her blazer.

During lockdown, right at the start of the pandemic, I looked around my living room and thought 'I have all this stuff saved for best but never used and if I die what will have been the point of it?'

I've got all the crystal, table linen, place mats, posh dinner service, best cutlery and I never use it. Can't have anyone around anyway as I have an hoarding issue as well. I try to remember that moment of clarity as I attempt to sort my house.

This is a nice thread. Hope it’s been helpful for you, OP 💐

Weirdly, it’s spurred me to put some nice things on my What I Want From Father Christmas list 😬 I’m usually hard to buy for as I treat myself a lot (!) and don’t need anything… but my family like to give so they can treat me instead. I’m inspired. I’ve been hoarding the last few squirts of my favourite perfume. I’ll use it then demand some more 👸🏽

definitely drink the good wine!

No. I realised ages ago I'm not a hoarder in any way and I love to use nice stuff. You can actively choose not to feel guilty.

It's something I've been working on for years as part of a general hoarding problem. Trying to figure out and change unwanted behaviors.

Quite a bit is down to it's too good for me, I'm not good enough to wear it, I'll ruin it, I'll never be able to replace it, etc. People will think me ridiculous if I wear jewelry, nicer clothes, bright colors, etc. I'll be 'mutton dressed as lamb.' (this is associated with dishonesty as well as ridicule)

I assume all these sorts of things are down to a lack of self esteem and how I was raised.

I grew up raised mainly on leftovers and handmedowns, but surrounded by stuff in encroaching squalor, but with very little that was mine and explosive rage if I touched, or worse still damaged, anything. Very much speak when spoken to and things held greater value than I did.

Others decided what I was worthy of having or not, and I accepted their valuation. Went straight into marriage that was a further extension of it all.

There was also lot of emphasis on not drawing attention to myself. No explanation was ever given of what might happen, but it was world ending.
I'm beginning to see that it was also probably about not drawing attention to what was going on.

When people have given me anything nice, I've probably valued it and their gesture far more than they intended. It becomes 'special.'

However I've found one thing that doesn't quite fit:
The joy of receiving it/the giver will be forgotten when I don't have a visual memory of it any more.

I do get a lot of joy at looking at things and good memories, and while I know this isn't the solution, I am afraid of forgetting good and happy memories, exacerbated by the knowledge that it's unlikely I'll be building many in my future.

Until recently I've intentionally mainly focused on anything good in my life rather than reflect on the bad that I can't change. A better balance might have served me better.

ThatBliddyWoman Only you know how much of a problem it is and how much distress or discomfort something causes you. But do it for long enough, it will become your way of life. Use and enjoy as best you can, life is short.

Interesting thread OP. A couple of PPs have touched on it but 1) did you grow up in a poor / miserly home, 2) what's your family script on the 'worth' of nice things?

No I don't do this. Dh does and it drives me absolutely mad.

He will get a nice new pair of trainers or a lovely new top then he won't wear it for fear of it getting ruined. Nice shower gels in his wardrobe unopened.

Enjoy your nice things op, they were bought to be used and enjoyed, live in the moment a bit more or your lovely things may go to waste.

To add, I'm not sure about the psychology behind this.

I grew up very poor, most things I had were hand me downs. Even my bed was given to us and when one of the legs broke I had to prop it up with books, that how bad things were. But I very much want to enjoy things, I'm not irresponsible but i believe life is for living.

Dh on the other hand is the hoarder but he grew up wanting for nothing so I'm not sure why he is like this?

A few years ago I bought Irish linen bed linen off eBay. It was clear when it arrived ( some in original department store packaging ) that it had been kept in a bottom drawer for best and never used. Some of it I could date as it had post war utility marking, so nearly seventy years old, some I think was even older, pre war. All probably sold on when relatives cleared out a house. I would like the previous owners to know that while I appreciate their thriftiness in caring for their lovely things I am really sorry to think they never experienced the joy of sleeping in their hope chest sheets.

Always use your good stuff, my daily plates are wedgewood bone china ( ok slight seconds) and my daily cutlery is Alessi ( Tesco offer some years ago) , I put florid bath essence in my bath ( eBay again) in Marie Kondos words these things spark joy.

Think about why you just want to look at them or just own them.
What is the point of having things if you don't intend using them at all?
Make up products and bubble bath stuff do expire over time, and end up with chemicals only.
It is exciting buying something new, but first use the ones you have first. Treat yourself to using the luxury items you already have.
Who will you leave all this stuff to, when you leave the house one day? Whoever inherits them, will bin them or donate them.
Gift them to charity if you have no use for it. It will be one good deed of the day 😊

Floris not florid!

I'm fascinated by this thread. I had no idea people did this as I'm the complete opposite. I hate clutter or having things in storage - I like to use things up and not be wasteful. I always use the best things first to enjoy them now (instant gratification!) whereas the cheap versions I leave until I have nothing else left. The only thing I have saved is a bottle of expensive champagne I got as a gift. I've been waiting for a good enough reason to celebrate but it's been sat on a shelf for 2 years now. And now I'm pregnant so definitely won't be using it soon. I wish I had enjoyed it prepregancy instead of saving it.
I think I get it from my grandma. She was incredibly poor growing up, but always wanted to be posh. So she would always wear her best jewelry and clothes, have the best alcohol out at parties etc. She lived life to the full.

No! You're crazy! Use the nice stuff!!!

We occasionally have special wine that we feel we should save. But if it hanging round a long time then we'll just randomly open it on a Friday night in. Definitely not saving any toiletries, make-up etc. But I don't buy or get given much.

@Cinemaandsweets

Dh on the other hand is the hoarder but he grew up wanting for nothing so I'm not sure why he is like this?

Could it be because he grew up wanting for nothing and fears being in a position where he finds he can't afford what he needs?

I ask because I hoard and suspect that it's because I'm always thinking forward to a time when I might not be able to afford anything. I buy things/can't let go of things 'just in case'. I never went without as a child.

I also grew up with parents who were born before WW2 and grew up with rationing. As a child I remember my Dad always ensured we had extremely well stocked food cupboards thanks to the good old cash and carry card.

No I'm the opposite. I can't stand having nice things just sitting for decoration or stored away so once I get something good like Jo Malone or Molton Brown I will use it until it runs out. I put these things on my Christmas and birthday lists each year (when I am running low) so I don't have to buy them for myself.

I don't see much point in having nice, luxury things if you're not going to use them. Plus, cosmetics go off so get them used! I'd be really upset if I'd spent £25 on a body wash for someone (because in my mind it's bonkers to casually spend this on soap) and found they'd kept it stored away for years 🤷‍♀️ I'd be asking them to gift it to me so I could use it myself 🤣

I looked this up after you mentioned it. Others on this thread might also like to read

Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live over would I change anything.

My answer was no, but then I thought about it and changed my mind.

If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, I'd have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten popcorn in the "good" living room and worried less about the dirt when you lit the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.

I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and never worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television ... and more while watching real life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband which I took for granted.

I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the Earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for a day.

I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical/wouldn't show soil/ guaranteed to last a lifetime.

When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now, go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more I love yous ... more I'm sorrys ... more I'm listenings ... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.

In fact, I think this was ingrained in him too as his own father came from absolute poverty but was successful in business. A bit of a wheeler-dealer. When he died the family found a suitcase packed full of top-dollar mens underwear - years old - brand new in yellowed cellophane. All silk. I presume kept against the day things might change for the worst.

• worse (not worst)

Meh, you only live once ... you could get run over by a bus tomorrow, so all your nice things will just have been wasted ...
Drink that wine, wear that perfume (if it's not out of date) x