To ask if anyone else hoards their 'nice' things and buys/uses new not so nice ones?

[ThatBliddyWoman]

For example-for my birthday a couple of months ago I got bought all sorts of lovely things including nice wine, nice beauty products etc

Even further back than that, for birthdays and xmasses I've been bought similar lovely things, I've got some expensive vodkas and gins, gift boxes with all sorts of perfumes and beauty products, ornamental candles, slippers, photo frames,note books, gift sets

My sister bought me a lovely miniature wooden set of drawers, each drawer containing a perfume, make up or beauty product, little candle...in 2017. I've not even opened it.

If I fancy a drink I buy myself some cheap wine or prosecco-I've got stacks of wine and prosecco given as gifts for me, in lovely bottles on top of my fridge or on shelves in my kitchen-untouched some for years. When people came over for a recent family 'do' I bought aldi gins (perfectly nice by the way!)instead of opening the other ones I've already got that are in nice ornamental bottles!

I buy cheap body lotion when I must have 50 bottles of luxury lotion in my bathroom from birthdays and xmasses of the past.

I've got so many eyeshadow palettes of various expense, but if I need an eyeshadow palette I'll get a cheap one from eBay.

WHY do I do this?! I am sure when I die there will be a load of lovely things in their boxes.

When my Grandmother died they found that she'd done the same. Boxes and bags of things she'd 'saved for best' including clothes (I don't do that at least) make up, perfumes and beauty things. BUT she was a 1920s baby, brought up in poverty. I understand that. I was born in the 80s and although we weren't rich, I never wanted for anything.

Does anyone else do anything like this, or do I have some sort of problem?

I do this too! Have done since I was a child. Remember novelty bath toiletries I was given. I thought it was so special and saved it for years.
I saved lots of nice creams for best (when is that?)

But since I haven’t much money I have gathered all similar things together and shocked myself at how many creams / lotions / mascaras I have. I’m using these up bit by bit. I chose something small to start with.

Partly I think, as you said op, that I might never own that again as I couldn’t or wouldn’t buy it for myself so I keep it.
And maybe a side if I’m not worth it.

@LaQuern aww that's so sad :( what kind of things did they have (if you don't mind sharing, don't worry if you'd rather not).

I am actually finding these answers really interesting. I am a therapist believe it or not, and I'd be saying exactly the same things to a client with this sort of problem. I guess perhaps I am ready to deal with this 'issue' of mine now that I've been in a bit of a river in Egypt about.

@littlelovely what do you think it was about your upbringing, again only if you don't mind sharing. I wonder if it was something in mine, too...

Give them to the charity shop of you're not going to use them. It'll all be deteriorating in scent and quality, and will be an absolute waste.

It was mostly tea sets, tablecloths, bed linens, towels and cutlery back from the days that you went from your parents home to your married home, so wedding gifts were things to start your home life.

I'm careful with clothes and I'm sparing with spraying expensive scent too liberally and too often but otherwise I try and enjoy and use stuff. Occasionally I wait to use something as a treat but I do use it. For example - I'll use the cheaper gifted handcreams I like the smell of less and then eventually go onto the lovely one as a mini reward- but I do make sure I use it. I think I'm worth it. This is why I currently have a naice candles stash whilst i burn through a less nice but still generously given home made gift batch. They're sweet but not what I'd choose, so I'll enjoy them but will then go back to and really enjoy my other ones, rather than be "left" with ones I like less. Unless I really dislike something I probably will use it if it's useful, thoughtful and saves me money. Even then if I can, I regift to save cash.

In reality though, stuff more often ends up waiting a bit for use here because I have other stuff to use up first which is already open or older than because I can't bear to break the precious. The only exception is maybe nice booze- as we do purposely keep nicer bottles and champagne for guests and/or special ooccasions.

Yes and no. I wouldn't use a gifted luxury product to go to work or to drown myself drunk after a terrible day. I would save them until I had some time to appreciate what they are. Lounging around with a glass of wine, pampering myself,maybe if I was going to a special occasion. Some of those perfumes and makeup will be unusable now though as they have use by dates. Sad really.

Most of the things you mentioned have a shelf life.... they'll go off and be unusable for anyone.
That means the people who thought you were worth it... Will have wasted their money.

I buy nice things and use them because I grew up not having any. I bought some lovely furniture recently and it gives me pleasure every day. It took me a couple of years to get around to buying it and I’m so glad I did. Use your nice things.

Try and reframe how you think about it. Surely it is more logical to feel guilty for not using lovely things that people have spent their money on and spent time picking out for you, rather than feeling guilty for using them.

I used to be like this especially when I was a child/teen. Eventually all my nice soaps went white and brittle and my perfumes etc changed/lost their scent. Since I moved into my house a few years ago it’s completely different. I don’t want to be accumulating loads of stuff so I use things. It’s so nice to use fancy things for everyday. There will be more fancy stuff in future to replace the ones you use.

Start using things now! It might feel liberating.

A few years ago my mum and i were looking at jewellery, she wanted to buy me a nice piece for a big birthday. I had chosen a lovely necklace, it wasnt insanely expensive, but it was for us iykwim. I said i would save it for 'best'. Mum instantly said 'in that case i won't buy it, i want you to be able to wear it whenever you want to.
I reminded her i am clumsy etc and might break it, she just smiled and said' Darling, if it breaks, it breaks, at least you will have enjoyed it!'
Five years on, i am still wearing it every day, i love my necklace, not least because of the love with which it was given.
We really should enjoy best every day and believe we are allowed nice things.

I am going to start using things. Definitely.

I actually don't know where to start! With the oldest items I guess? Or the ones that are more perishable? It feels really quite overwhelming.

My partner works for a designer clothing company and gets a huge discount. For some reason, I am okay with wearing expensive clothing that I'd never buy for myself. I am not sure if I understand that about me.

That's a nice story 😊thank you. And very true.

I have always been somewhat clumsy myself.

@Bunnynames101 regarding booze, that's how I feel too. If I fancy a few glasses of prosecco, I am not going to open one that's in a beautiful bottle just for myself? I'll go buy some cheap plonk from the shop! 😂 I did take one to a friends' birthday to share with her some time ago, I felt better about that. And I didn't miss it afterwards thinking about it

I also was given a bottle of limited edition 'pride' vodka in the rainbow bottle, and I took that to a party on new year's eve. Id have never opened it myself-and okay t wasn't insanely expensive of course, but I loved the bottle and I'd had it some years. Daft really.

Light the candle
Drink the wine
Spray the perfume
Wear the clothes

You will benefit far more than their storage locations

And don't save things for 'best' as 'best' is the here and now

Think lifespan / perishable with toiletries. I do the same by the way but just started to use stuff- like lush body cream (not super luxury either but I bought myself some Aldi body lotion when I had two pots of the Lush stuff)
Fascinating psychology and I may wear some nice perfume today or an item I may not otherwise wear.
Likewise on holiday I take my nicer stuff but hold off wearing it in case there's a nicer "thing" or meal I may need it for ?? WTF is wrong with us?

When my auntie died, we too found loads and loads of things that she had saved for best. It was such a waste. It would have been much better if she had actually got the enjoyment out of using them.

If you used something up, you could include it on a list of future gift ideas knowing that you had enjoyed it.

I was like this for a very long time, until I realised that all the clutter and "stuff" was getting me down. Now every time I'm given a gift, I find myself on a mission to use it all so that I can get it out of the house and I try not to be too sentimental with anything that isn't a product you use up. Helped me move on from my hoarding tendencies.

The gifts you were given were bought by people who had worked hard to earn the money to buy you the gift. They obviously think you’re worth it, do you really want to waste their money?

Also used to be like this.

now I wear my party clothes snd pretty dresses most days

ny ex gf used to be like you op and it was soul destroying getting her presents.
when we split I had to give her back every carefully chosen present I had ever got her as she had shoved them all in a cupboard in my house and never taken them home.
fancy chocolates I’d had made specially. Best eaten in 3 months, more than 2 years out of date.
fancy wine from a place we had been together
jewellery I had bought her on holiday that some how still ended up at mine(we did not live together)

I stopped getting her nice things after a carefully chosen based on what she specifically had asked for so expensive I spilt the cost with someone else to afford it… was thrown into the floor inside her bedroom and left there for weeks

she didn’t mean to be cruel but I made so much effort to try and get something she would love and every time it felt so hurtful I just stopped getting her stuff

I am like this with pretty notebooks. Feel I need to face a good reason to use them rather than just use them for say work.

Then someone offers sone on Facebook local and I go and get 5 more -and it's the big standard reporters notebook I'd use first as it's not "ruined" by using it.

I used to op but now l just burn nice candles, drink nice wine and stop saving stuff for best.

I do this, especially with clothes and shoes. I have a friend who is "mentoring" me out of this habit.

My husband does this. I got him some ltd edition trainers and he won't wear them. Which annoys me as I paid a lot for them. He doesn't want to ruin them.

I'm the other way. Every day is a day to use best stuff. In my mind what enjoyment do I get out of it sitting in a box not being used. Life is too short.

I used to. But vowed when I got married that I didn't want to get a set of nice crockery only for it to sit in a cupboard. So we use it every day, and it gives me pleasure every day.

Using my best kitchen equipment made me realise how much better quality it is. So now I try and buy the best quality stuff I can afford (and save up for it) instead of having more stuff of lesser quality in the house. Hopefully most of it will last for life.

Saving perfume is silly, it will go off!

No! I use all my lovely things - because I deserve it. And you do too!

Open a bottle of special fizz, treat yourself! What a waste and rejection of all the money that has been spent on you otherwise!