To ask if anyone else hoards their 'nice' things and buys/uses new not so nice ones?

[ThatBliddyWoman]

For example-for my birthday a couple of months ago I got bought all sorts of lovely things including nice wine, nice beauty products etc

Even further back than that, for birthdays and xmasses I've been bought similar lovely things, I've got some expensive vodkas and gins, gift boxes with all sorts of perfumes and beauty products, ornamental candles, slippers, photo frames,note books, gift sets

My sister bought me a lovely miniature wooden set of drawers, each drawer containing a perfume, make up or beauty product, little candle...in 2017. I've not even opened it.

If I fancy a drink I buy myself some cheap wine or prosecco-I've got stacks of wine and prosecco given as gifts for me, in lovely bottles on top of my fridge or on shelves in my kitchen-untouched some for years. When people came over for a recent family 'do' I bought aldi gins (perfectly nice by the way!)instead of opening the other ones I've already got that are in nice ornamental bottles!

I buy cheap body lotion when I must have 50 bottles of luxury lotion in my bathroom from birthdays and xmasses of the past.

I've got so many eyeshadow palettes of various expense, but if I need an eyeshadow palette I'll get a cheap one from eBay.

WHY do I do this?! I am sure when I die there will be a load of lovely things in their boxes.

When my Grandmother died they found that she'd done the same. Boxes and bags of things she'd 'saved for best' including clothes (I don't do that at least) make up, perfumes and beauty things. BUT she was a 1920s baby, brought up in poverty. I understand that. I was born in the 80s and although we weren't rich, I never wanted for anything.

Does anyone else do anything like this, or do I have some sort of problem?

I used to do the same, but when COVID hit, I started using the gifts. It was really nice to have something lovely to look forward to and to take my mind off the situation. It really was the “rainy day” I’d been waiting for…

I do this a lot. I grew up without much money, and I have a weird fear of using my nice things as a result, if I'm given a nice gift I can't bring myself to use it.

I get this mentality and actively try to work against it. Especially with things like our wedding gifts, we got nice chopping boards and I was scared to chop anything because they wouldn't be nice and new anymore!

I try to manufacture more opportunities to justify using 'best'. So invite people round and share the posh drinks, host a wine tasting or make guests a posh signature cocktail. Go on a nice night out where you'll feel extra fancy if you've used the nice body lotion and eyeshadow and perfume. Treat yourself and make those things worth it!

If they run out, well you can't use them anymore, how is that any different to not using them now? Think of all the things you've had in your life that you no longer do - and that's fine isn't it?

Oh and if you're more of a stick than a carrot person:

Buying stuff when you've got one already is wasteful! Save the planet! whacks with stick

You're definitely not alone! I do this, I have clothes I've never worn, Toiletries, makeup, glassware etc all saved for an occasion that never happens, then I'll have a clear out and feel sad and wasteful when I have to throw things that are spoiled but still buy more. This thread and op comments have made me think and have probably saved me a fortune as I could probably buy only essentials (food loo roll etc) for the next two years and still have stuff left.

Wine ages, dresses go out of fashion. Use the nice things! Especially when people come round; it's nice to treat everyone then. But seriously you are setting things up to be wasted.

This is so sad.
I have always used all my nice things ,either gifts or things I've bought myself .
I wear perfume everyday and sparkly earrings and light my lovely candles.
My late elderly relative had kept 'nice things' that i found when i cleared her house, but my nan of a similar age loved and used what she was given ,she would see a nice lipstick in a magazine and ask me to get it for her and she always wore earrings and nice skin care.
It always gave me pleasure to choose a gift for my nan as she got so much pleasure from them .

I used to be like that, but I did grow up quite poor, and my mother actually encouraged this kind of behaviour.
She was saying to me: "Don't use this nice lotion (or whatever) up too fast. Once it's all used up, you won't get another one because it's too expensive".

I still have to remind myself sometimes that now that I'm an adult I can buy myself a new lotion and there's no need to "save it" and then throw it out when it goes off.

I actually don't know where to start! With the oldest items I guess? Or the ones that are more perishable? It feels really quite overwhelming.

Start with the toiletries - round them all up, pick one you fancy (the one you’re really REALLY tempted to ‘save for best’) and open it. Use it. Enjoy it - or not, and if you don’t enjoy it, throw it away. Pick another one. When you find something you absolutely love, use it up and ask for it for a gift next occasion- tell the person who bought it how much you appreciated it.

Use the glasses and the gorgeous gin. Save the bottles and decant the Aldi gin into them, if you really love them (you won’t! Once you’ve enjoyed them you’ll be over it and another fancy bottle will be along because people will see you appreciated it.)

I’m fine with things, and regularly use the fancy glasses and the posh bath oils, but I can’t spend gift vouchers. No idea - I feel like I should spend them on something really special, then I just… don’t.

This thread has inspired me as I have a brand new expensive bed set that I have been saving for best for 5 years. I have now stripped the bed and it is going to be opened today and I am also going to go though all my old bedding and towels donate the old stuff and use the better stuff that has only been used for visitors.

@BeggarsMeddle I hope you don't mind - I've dropped you a DM about something that might (or might not!) interest you.

Also raised by generation born before ww2, but in a different but still bombed out area that was a permanent reminder of it all for those old enough to remember, and a broken down slum for the rest us.

I'm the one who keeps the well stocked food cupboards and is uncomfortable not being ready to survive on my own resourcefulness, 'Just in case.'

I'd suggest that whether one grew up with plenty, or little, may be less relevant than the generational insecurity being handed down, and then reinforced by one's own future concerns?

@CoodleMoodle What you wrote really resonated with me. I have always saved things for best not because I don’t feel I deserve them, but I don’t want them to be gone. As a kid I never wanted to use the nicest stickers or fancy craft paper as then it wouldn’t be there to look forward to using. I even panic a bit when on a lovely holiday as I will have looked forward to it for ages and don’t want it to be over.

I didn’t come from a deprived background so no idea why I do it. The last thread on this subject really hit it home to me though and I have got a lot better. I received some really expensive body lotion for Christmas and opened it straight away and use it all the time! The cheap stuff is in the cupboard instead.

It isn't exactly the same but when I find something I really like (usually clothing/shoes related) I sort of save it for best and avoid wearing it too often in case it gets worn out/fades.

And worse still I'll sometimes buy something twice so I have a spare for when the first wears out, giving me free reign to wear it as often as I want. I'm talking low value items here, like a tshirt that fits just right.
The silly thing is by the time the first one has eventually 'worn out' I'm usually ready for a change and the second 'reserve' one never gets worn anyway.

No what she needs to do is use them. Instead of being mean to herself using the value produces from Aldi she should use the luxury products she has.

Which actually would save her money.

Yes I do this. With pretty much everything.

I've aways assumed it was due to growing up very poor and not having anything nice. I need to deal with it though as it costs me money replacing things that are out of date, nice clothes no longer fitting etc.

@vitahelp I do that too. It's not cost effective in most cases and I need to stop doing it!

I don’t keep anything for good.

Maybe for slightly different reasons. For me, It’s all just stuff and I don’t believe in ‘luxury’, products: it’s all just marketing bollocks as far as I’m concerned. I’m as satisfied with cheap hand cream as I am with expensive stuff. So I use it all, indiscriminately. I’m not a fan of stuff at all and I don’t care if it was expensive or cheap tbh.

I like the William Morris quote 'Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.'

I like to buy the good stuff and use the good stuff rather than acquiring clutter in the form of cheaper stuff that isn't as good.

Yes until a good friend died of a brain tumour when I was about 35. It made me realise what a waste saving be all this stuff for a better day was. I then had a turning point, hauled our 'best' stuff out the cupboards and never looked back.

It changed my whole philosophy on life. Yes we save and are careful with money. But we also recognise things which are important in the moment and that life is precious so why are we waiting for a better day.

My mum is like this. She's 90 and basically housebound, so when is "best" going to be, exactly? Surely every day is a bonus and worth celebrating with the nice things?

So I've made a conscious effort to go the other way. I mean, there are dresses that I will only wear to a dinner dance, because they aren't the right sort of outfit for going to Tesco, but we use the "nice" cutlery quite often, and we'll drink the champagne when we're celebrating something. Something might just mean "having friends over".

That said, if you have the nice candle out on display but never light it, the warmth of the sun will fade it, or if it's on a warm windowsill it might become misshapen if it gets really warm, and the scent will certainly fade over time. Why wait until it is lesser before using it. Enjoy it in all its glory, it is what is was made for.

I was encouraged to do this my DM, but after having to clean up rancid bath oil pearls I stopped! It was a poverty thing for her and some werid twist on gifts being like charity which was shameful to receive.

The only things I keep for best are the things which need hand-washing!

Pretty bottles of wine probably aren't high quality and will go off which will be sad when you do open it. Less is more for perfume, you won't use 6 different ones a week, so use one everyday. Some else will love things you donate, lots of reasons not to horde!

I also did this, especially with clothes. I think it stems from only being bought a new dress or outfit for an occasion in childhood and wearing hand me downs for day to day, so now feel if I buy something new I need to wait until an event until I wear it. I read a thread on here a few years ago on the same subject and made a decision not to do it anymore, I love wearing my pretty clothes every day

Apologies all, I'm at a family do today so haven't been able to reply. Thank you for everyone's insights, it is a fascinating subject and so much to think about. I'll return to the thread as soon as I can!

No way. All these things will go off. Drink the nice wine, life is short.

I'm trying hard not to do this.

My gran did, my grandma did, my mum does (though again is trying not to now) ...

I have no kids (not through choice sadly) and no nephews and nieces, so if I don't use all these things which have been kept for best, noone ever will.

I noticed whilst visiting far more wealthy relatives recently that they have so much less stuff in their houses, because they use the stuff they have.

I use my great grandma's best saucers to feed the cats. The gilt is wearing away, a couple have been broken, but they make me smile a little every day which is more than they did in the years they sat in a cupboard at my grandma's.

(I still have a single tealight candle from a set my sil gave me for my birthday years and years ago, that I could never afford to replace. I'm going to light that tonight whilst DH is at the pub.)