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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Large house- you must have lots of children?

421 replies

MarmiteCoriander · 03/08/2022 22:13

AIBU that people assume that if you have a 3 bed house and a small study- that you must have multiple children?

Currently renovating a derelict house for DH, myself and dog to live in. Yes, its much larger than than the 2 bed flat we lived in, but doesn't have acres of land! We have TTC 12 yrs, 3 losses and rounds of IVF, but people assume we must have lots of kids to have 'such a big' house!

Would you assume someone living in a 3 bed with small study had multiple children?

OP posts:
PodgePie · 04/08/2022 07:34

We live in a 6 bed house with 1 child and are constantly asked if we’ll be having more children. DD is my husband’s stepdaughter and the questions really sting because we’ve been trying to get pregnant for years but it isn’t happening and now we’re in our 40s there isn’t much hope.

We have a lot of spare rooms but have a big extended family so wanted plenty of space to host family events.

Wouldloveanother · 04/08/2022 07:36

SundayTeatime · 04/08/2022 07:31

Why would it be extra competition? Many families live in flats where I am. Families tend to have less disposable income, so aren’t necessarily the prime house buyers, especially in expensive areas. Many people I know who live in houses don’t have children. Most families live in flats.

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It doesn’t take a genius to work out that if wealthy individuals or couples buy up a lot of the family home market, the demand for those houses increases and the prices of them go up, beyond what many families can afford.

TeenDivided · 04/08/2022 07:40

DH & I were a 'couple in a 4 bed' for around 10 years
a) were were ttc
b) DH has two of those outing hobbies that requires 2+ rooms for all the stuff

Eastangular2000 · 04/08/2022 07:47

LOL! Are you serious, you think house prices have only been high for the last 10 years or so?

Wouldloveanother · 04/08/2022 07:49

Eastangular2000 · 04/08/2022 07:47

LOL! Are you serious, you think house prices have only been high for the last 10 years or so?

They’ve been high for years but ridiculous for the past 5-7.

PriamFarrl · 04/08/2022 07:49

Wouldloveanother · 04/08/2022 06:44

It would though. There are a finite number of ‘family’ homes, if they’re being bought up by couples or individuals then they’re no longer available for families. And if singles/couples were no longer in the market for enormous houses that they don’t need, the competition would naturally go down. I was saying to DH that I don’t think the housing crisis will be alleviated until the boomers are no longer with us and their houses go on the market.

I know it’s an unpopular opinion, and like I said I wouldn’t legislate against couples buying enormous houses or anything (like I have the power anyway 😉) - it’s more of a moral issue. I wouldn’t buy a huge house that is vastly bigger than what I need, because I think it’s quite greedy.

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So at which point after my only IVF pregnancy ended in a miscarriage should I have sold my house which I love?

Wouldloveanother · 04/08/2022 07:50

Sorry I just find it greedy 🤷🏼‍♀️ I find it greedy when any person takes vastly more of anything than they need. I’m not talking about having a spare bedroom or even two if you work from home etc, but a couple in a 4-5 bedroom house? Really? Obviously it doesn’t make them the worst people ever, it’s more in line with someone who takes the last few sachets of ketchup in a cafe leaving none for the person queuing behind them. They’re allowed to do it, it’s not against any rules, but it’s a bit greedy and I do privately judge.

alwaysmovingforwards · 04/08/2022 07:54

I would just assume the homeowner likes it and can afford it. Nothing else.

Bubblebubblebah · 04/08/2022 07:56

There are no "family homes". There are homes. All go on a free market🤷🏻
People have different needs and some need extra space. Having not have children doesn't make someone's need lesser

Bubblebubblebah · 04/08/2022 07:57

That was a weird sentence🤦
Not having children....

Wouldloveanother · 04/08/2022 07:57

Bubblebubblebah · 04/08/2022 07:56

There are no "family homes". There are homes. All go on a free market🤷🏻
People have different needs and some need extra space. Having not have children doesn't make someone's need lesser

i know this is controversial, but I think it does. I don’t think rooms for occasional guests can be compared to rooms needed for people to actually live in.

gogohmm · 04/08/2022 07:59

No, we have exactly that which we planned for just us. Alas 2 kids decided to move in (I do love them but ...)

Eastangular2000 · 04/08/2022 08:02

Wouldloveanother · 04/08/2022 07:57

i know this is controversial, but I think it does. I don’t think rooms for occasional guests can be compared to rooms needed for people to actually live in.

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Luckily no one needs children, and children certainly don’t need to all have their own individual bedroom.

I can’t believe how selfish people are having children when there is a housing crisis, talk about making a bad problem worse!

CounsellorTroi · 04/08/2022 08:02

PeppaPigIsAnnoying · 04/08/2022 07:01

A three bed house is not a big house. Terraced houses have three beds

Terraced houses are not necessarily small. Relative of mine lives in an end terrace - three storeys, four bedrooms, two bathrooms.

what about the Royal Family? They all live in houses which are vastly bigger than they need.

Bubblebubblebah · 04/08/2022 08:03

Wouldloveanother · 04/08/2022 07:57

i know this is controversial, but I think it does. I don’t think rooms for occasional guests can be compared to rooms needed for people to actually live in.

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That's fine. We all have controversial opinions sometimes. Some believe there are skewed ethics about having bog houses, some believe people ahould use contraception until they are where they have space....

I just want to point out that in many areas you don't need to be wealthy to have 3 bed for 2 people. Anyone woth 5k and 21k wage could have taken mine. There are still some hpuses like that around here now.

Wouldloveanother · 04/08/2022 08:04

Eastangular2000 · 04/08/2022 08:02

Luckily no one needs children, and children certainly don’t need to all have their own individual bedroom.

I can’t believe how selfish people are having children when there is a housing crisis, talk about making a bad problem worse!

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If children don’t ‘need’ their own bedroom why does any couple ‘need’ a 4 or 5 bedroom house?

As for having children, it benefits society - who will take out your bins in future otherwise? Who will nurse you? Why should only the extremely rich (who wouldn’t take any job that would meaningfully help you) be able to have a family?

PlntLady · 04/08/2022 08:04

No I wouldn't.

We live in a 3 bed semi with study and utility and a 500sq m garden... 2 adults & 1 dog.
My parents live in a 5 bed with utility and study and 300sq m garden... 2 adults.

Scianel · 04/08/2022 08:05

Having children is a choice. I'm not martyring myself in a small flat because other people want children.

Yet another thing I had no idea people judged on, good old MN.

TuxedoJunction · 04/08/2022 08:06

DH, DD & I live in a large period 5 bed house, on a large plot in the South East (house was 6 bed when we bought it, but we converted one of the rooms to an en-suite).

The house had been on the market for over a year when we bought it (needed lots of work). I like to think that people with larger families had been given ample time to purchase this house should they have wanted too 🙄. No one did. Funnily enough the people we bought it off only had one DC too….

But this was all before Covid, when people perhaps weren’t as bothered about owning a large house/garden due to spending a lot of time outside the home at work etc. Working patterns have now changed. Our semi-rural location has seen a boom in people moving from smaller homes in nearby towns out to larger houses in the countryside. This does not mean to say that those of us already owning these homes with less people than rooms should shift on out like some people are suggesting 🙄.

Antarcticant · 04/08/2022 08:06

Do you live somewhere where houses are very expensive?

I don't think a 3 bed would be considered large where I live, up north - 3 bed is average, I would say.

SwanBuster · 04/08/2022 08:07

Most of the people I know with the biggest houses are childless.

….They are the only ones who can afford it! Kids are incredibly expensive.

MassiveSalad22 · 04/08/2022 08:09

3 bed house and small study??? We have that with 3 kids and bursting at the seams. That’s a small house, or at least we have the smallest house out of everyone we know. We are extending 🤣

SundayTeatime · 04/08/2022 08:10

If flats were freehold, better designed, with storage, with outside space, without the kitchen being crammed in a corner of the living room, without service charges or costly extras like a concierge, they might be more desirable to people. They could be, but they’re not. So a house is generally always going to be a better buy, whether you have children or not.

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 04/08/2022 08:12

I wouldn’t really say housing anywhere in the U.K. is cheap- Comparative to local wages anyway.

Hmm, define cheap?

You can easily buy a three or even four bed with a garden here for less than 150k, and most people earn well above minimum wage.

But our location isn't "desirable" which helps keep property prices down. I love it here though - two minutes from the beach and the mountains. It can stay cheap please Grin

Scianel · 04/08/2022 08:13

SundayTeatime it's the noise factor for me, and you don't really know till you move in.
A detached house avoids that, buy its much harder to find a two bed one where I am.