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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Large house- you must have lots of children?

421 replies

MarmiteCoriander · 03/08/2022 22:13

AIBU that people assume that if you have a 3 bed house and a small study- that you must have multiple children?

Currently renovating a derelict house for DH, myself and dog to live in. Yes, its much larger than than the 2 bed flat we lived in, but doesn't have acres of land! We have TTC 12 yrs, 3 losses and rounds of IVF, but people assume we must have lots of kids to have 'such a big' house!

Would you assume someone living in a 3 bed with small study had multiple children?

OP posts:
SherbertLemonDrop · 03/08/2022 22:51

Yes I'd assume atleast 2 kids

dhair · 03/08/2022 22:52

I wouldn't class a 3 bed as a big house but obvs it depends on sq footage.

mooonbaby · 03/08/2022 22:53

I’ve just moved into a four bed which is actually a 3 bed plus a small study. There are 4 others on our street like it and I assumed each house would be occupied by families with children. Only two are - the rest are couples. I’m from a working class background though so I see a four bed as a big house and would (wrongly) assume it’s too big for a couple. It’s not of course, but that seems to be my instinctual way of thinking.

Sorry for your loses OP 💐

XjustagirlX · 03/08/2022 22:54

When I bought my first house it was a 3 bed. I was 26, no children and single. I was told by a friend that I was silly as I should have bought a 1 or maybe 2 bed flat.

i bought the best I could afford and 5 years later it has doubled in value so who is laughing now.

Our second house is a 5 bed and purchased with no children. Struggled with infertility but I wasn’t waiting until I had the children to get the house.

dhair · 03/08/2022 22:56

having said that I would be surprised at a young couple without dc buying a house near me just cause of the crazy prices. If I had that money I would rather live closer into town in a swanky apartment with concierge etc.

Minimalme · 03/08/2022 22:58

I think lots of people now prefer to stay in their 'family' houses. Even if they downsize it's often to another largish detached house.

Not the same as your circs op, but don't give it another thought. I hope you are very happy in your new home and am sorry for your troubles Flowers

XenoBitch · 03/08/2022 23:01

I live in a 3 bedroom house, and it is just me here.
My ex lived in a huge 5 bed detached house and it was just him. He was not "stealing it" from families.

felulageller · 03/08/2022 23:03

Stop saying it's a 3 bed it's a 4 bed. Just because the 4th bedroom is tiny doesn't mean it's a 3 bed.

Yes a 4 bed house is big for 2 people.

But sorry for your loss. It must be hard when people make insensitive comments.

ipswi · 03/08/2022 23:03

So sorry for your losses OP

I think it maybe shows the lifestyle/views of the people asking more than anything.

ExH and I moved from a 1 bed city centre apartment to a 4 bed house in the suburbs when Dd was born. Our plan was to have more. If I hadn't had Dd, we'd have stayed in our city apartment

We've since split and it's just me and Dd on our own. It suits us as it's a nice family friendly area, lots of green outdoor space, nice for walks & bike rides etc

However, if I was in a child free relationship I'd probably choose a smaller apartment. Either a nice city centre one for convenience, or if I preferred the countryside I'd still buy smaller and do something else with the money rather than pay for something I didn't need.
In fact, I'd personally rather have a smaller uk property and a nice holiday apartment somewhere in the sun to jet off to whenever I fancied...it's all personal choice and no right or wrong. Perhaps the people asking wouldn't choose the lifestyle you have if they didn't have children

Wouldloveanother · 03/08/2022 23:04

Scianel · 03/08/2022 22:50

Wouldloveanother selfish why? It's just DH and I and we have a four bed, three bath house, we bought it, we didn't steal it from anyone.

Because you don’t need that much space - its vastly disproportionate to your needs (unless you use the rooms for business purposes etc). There’s an enormous housing crisis in this country, and so many families desperate for suitably sized homes, yet so many of them are taken by just one or two people. Yes I know that’s not how the system works, and that it’s a free country. I’m just saying it’s a shame. And I know my opinion is probably very unpopular!

Eastangular2000 · 03/08/2022 23:04

A couple who both WFH can easily need a 4 bed. Two studies and one guest room is hardly excessive.

chatterbug22 · 03/08/2022 23:05

No I think a 3 bed is fairly standard, is it not?

We have a two bed house and are trying to time the market to buy somewhere bigger, but every time we’ve saved enough prices go up again.

No kids as yet but considering TTC next year if we can knuckle down with our savings- in the ideal we’d be in a 3 bed for this but we have a large second bedroom and at this point it might make more sense to stay put with lower running costs but everyone and his dog seem mortified at the prospect of a baby in a two bed house.

You can’t win, you’ve either got too much space or not enough in other people’s eyes - if it’s affordable and works for you then enjoy your lovely home.

XenoBitch · 03/08/2022 23:05

I have to be honest though and say situations like @Sartre mum pisses me off though. So many families struggling for housing and 2 people think they need a 4 bed plus 3 bathrooms! Before anyone says anything, no I wouldn’t legislate against it, but it seems very selfish to me

How is it selfish? If the house was bought, then they are not depriving anyone of it.
Bit different if it is social/council housing.
This reminds of a thread from ages ago where OP was saying that bungalows should only be available to disabled people.

EmmaH2022 · 03/08/2022 23:06

I could easily use a 3 bed + study as a singleton.

CounsellorTroi · 03/08/2022 23:06

We live in a three bed three reception semi. We had every intention of filling it with children but it just didn’t happen.

Bubblebubblebah · 03/08/2022 23:06

Tbf lots of the third bedrooms are barely bedrooms...

chatterbug22 · 03/08/2022 23:08

Also, they say to buy as much space as you can afford to save moving in future. You can always fill the space. Sorry for the losses, too, sending strength.

EarringsandLipstick · 03/08/2022 23:15

There’s an enormous housing crisis in this country, and so many families desperate for suitably sized homes, yet so many of them are taken by just one or two people.

Your argument makes no sense. OP living in a smaller house does not translate into a family being able to buy her bigger house.

Those who can afford to buy bigger houses, do.

Unfortunately, property prices for desirable houses outstrip what's affordable for many families. But well-off couples choosing to buy smaller properties wouldn't solve the problem for hard-pressed families

SweetSakura · 03/08/2022 23:19

So sorry for your losses and pain op, I spent two years ttc and that was painful enough.
Are you in /near London?
Because I live in the wider SE and know plenty of childless/free couples in that size house - it's a fairly normal size house I would say. Why shouldn't you. It's a study and a couple of guest bedrooms. A nice size for a couple.

Pyewhacket · 03/08/2022 23:21

Big house, big bills. Aks me how I know !.

Louise0701 · 03/08/2022 23:22

3 bed is an average house; certainly not large by any stretch.

I definitely wouldn’t assume you had multiple children.

Ragwort · 03/08/2022 23:24

I wouldn't assume anything - DH & I have a five bed house, we have an only DC who is 21 and away at Uni most of the time & unlikely to return home to live ...

Tablechairtable · 03/08/2022 23:28

Tbh it wouldn't even cross my mind. Plus it's no one elses business how big your home is or how you choose to live. Sod eveyone else OP! 😂

Bunce1 · 03/08/2022 23:29

So very sorry for your losses.

3 bedrooms is not large- not being nasty about it! Sounds perfect for a couple! Bedroom, guest room, study/hobby room. Sounds rather lovely.

BSQ44 · 03/08/2022 23:37

I can’t really imagine a situation where I’d know the number of rooms you had in your house but not who lived in it to be in a position to be making assumptions.

I’m sorry for the losses that you’ve suffered and hope you are able to make the house into a lovely space that works for you. And I don’t think it’s excessive.

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