Large house- you must have lots of children?

[MarmiteCoriander]

AIBU that people assume that if you have a 3 bed house and a small study- that you must have multiple children?

Currently renovating a derelict house for DH, myself and dog to live in. Yes, its much larger than than the 2 bed flat we lived in, but doesn't have acres of land! We have TTC 12 yrs, 3 losses and rounds of IVF, but people assume we must have lots of kids to have 'such a big' house!

Would you assume someone living in a 3 bed with small study had multiple children?

One of the down sides of downsizing to smaller than a 3 bed is care when older.

Imagine an older couple with care needs, they may need/prefer to sleep in separate bedrooms to help each sleep at night.

If they need & can afford live in care they will need a 3rd bedroom for the carer (who may well prefer her own bathroom too).

What uses for a room would be acceptable? To me, a dressing room seems excessive, too, but if you have small bedrooms, I can see how putting your storage elsewhere might be useful. But what about other rooms? Is a hobby room, a home gym, a wfh space, a playroom excessive? I personally think all those seem unnecessary, but others might not think so. Eg, you often see on here that a utility room and a downstairs loo are a necessity. I have neither, so they seem excessive to me. Likewise, a garage or a driveway. I don’t have any of these. All “greedy” to me.

What a nasty post and no wonder you struggled for having that attitude. child rearing days long gone. So nasty. What if their adult children visit often or they have gc over often or they just bloody like space and can afford it. Talking about moral issues - why did you have so many children if you couldn't house them in the first place. See how that sounds?

Wow, no need to be so touchy. I was just trying to explain that there was no possibility of them buying a large house with future children in mind 🙄 not that hard to see that's what I meant surely?!

Exactly!
Who say it is actually a bedroom? Who decides that? Some random person or the person who uses the house? So would the same arguments be had about giant 2 bed? Because if room is big enough to share, it's a "family" home then?
So is it just 3 beds at 100m2 people have issue with or would it be unacceptable for couple who doesn't have kids to have 2 bed at 100 m2 as well? Everyone is arguing about "space" but in reality they are arguing over a use of unspecified room basically.

This "xbed" vs sqm also leads to the most ridiculous situation when a 3 bedroom but bigger house costs less than smaller 4 bed...

There are two childless couples in their late 40s in my neighbourhood, both casual friends of ours, each in a 5-6 bed house in a district that people normally choose because the schools are good (there’s not much else going for it!). My assumption is that they each bought expecting to start a family, but weren’t able to. Neither has ever broached the subject with me and of course I wouldn’t raise it unprompted, so my assumptions may be right or wrong.

First house we bought was a 3 bedroom, it was just DH and I at the time. I never had anyone ask why, I would have told them because that's how I like it. We are living in a 5 bedroom now with 2 children, and we'll still live in a 5 bedroom once the children leave home.

You will see that I wasn't the only one who found your post deeply unpleasant. You revealed far more of yourself in that post than i think you intended to. Your sense of superiority and entitlement shone right through.

We are currently in a very space 4 bed and we use 2 bedrooms. 1 is a spare and hardly used, the other is an office/ 2nd spare bedroom. Why should we downsize? My neighbor is an elderly man with the same size and its him living alone. Why the hell should he move out of his home of 32 years?

The thing is, we don't live in the old Soviet Union where housing was allocated by need / service to the party or whatever.

I wouldn't mind downsizing in 10 or 20 years, but I don't want to move to a 2 bedroom terraced house with poor sound insulation and no parking. I have moved 'on' from that.

You could just as easily argue that the housing crisis is due to over population (too many children) and the government not building enough affordable housing, instead of childless couples ‘selfishly’ taking bigger houses.

It kind of annoys me when people think they are entitled to the nicest resources because they have decided to replicate themselves (therefore needing to take up infinitely more resources than the childless ever will).

DH and I are not having children. We bought a 3 bed 1930s semi and extended it with a huge kitchen diner, so technically what was the dining room could be considered a 4th bedroom. We use every inch of the space every day, we have a study/hobby room each, a gym and our bedroom (we do after all have lots of childfree spare time).

Whilst other people are selflessly having all these children that will benefit me in the future, I am paying taxes and working in education (and buying lots of classroom resources, food and clothes out of my own pocket for children that are not mine) whilst taking very little out of the collective pot myself. With all the money we save by not having children, we have private healthcare and dentistry. I would quite happily choose Dignitas over prolonged nursing care when the time comes (I hope I’m lucky enough to have that option, maybe if carers are in short supply, the Gov will rethink their legislation). I will not need maternity cover or the medical care associated with having children. I will not take up nursery or school places, I won’t require free school meals. I will not add humans into the NHS system. I have no need for family sized transport, so have a small electric car and cycle almost everywhere. I have a relatively small carbon footprint which will benefit the future generations that are not related to me.

Furthermore, having children is a lottery and there is no guarantee that when someone has a child, that child will definitely become a productive member of society that will lift bins and nurse the elderly.

You could just as easily argue that the housing crisis is due to over population (too many children)

how?

I would downsize from a four-bed. I haven’t got parking now, and I’m in a terrace now, so that wouldn’t bother me. The problem is there’s no two-beds near me. I suppose the OP would say we actually would only need a one-bed. But there are no one-bed houses hardly.

Seems you can't say anything these days without someone being easily offended. It was a factual comment. Not superiority or entitlement.

I feel conflicted to be honest. I'm widowed with young adult children, and still live in the family home. It's four bedroomed (though on square footage, not large at all compared with most four beds) and I have a reasonable sized garden. My eldest has a tiny terraced cottage as that was all she could afford, and my youngest, with one child and another in the way, has had to move to a cheaper area, but still doesn't have a house that's as good for a family as mine, and the garden in particular isn't much good for little kids to play in.

I like my house, it has all my memories, and the idea of downsizing (which actually doesn't release much money at all after costs, due to the is pricing around here - the three bed next door had just sold for not much less than the value of mine) stresses me out due to the whole business of buying and selling and moving, and having to get rid of a lot of my stuff.

But yes, I feel guilty, and I bet a lot of MN ers would say that people like me shouldn't hang on to family sized houses.

@Goatinthegarden ive said previously I’m only talking about EXCESSIVE extra space. And in my view a couple in a 3 bed isn’t excessive, particularly if they work from home etc. I’m not saying couples and single people should only be buying one bed flats at all. But when you have more than 2 empty bedrooms you do think, really? 🙄

Really? You can't figure out how a growing population would put pressure on housing stock? Not to mention the additional pressure on housing stock when families with children break up and then suddenly need two houses both of which are big enough to accommodate the children. Of course this would probably be considered a worthy use of houses in your book.

You will see that I wasn't the only one who found your post deeply unpleasant. You revealed far more of yourself in that post than i think you intended to. Your sense of superiority and entitlement shone right through.

@YaaYaaYaa has a point. You're absolutely entitled to buy any house You want. In your position I'd never give up on a house for a hypothetical family to move into.

But at the same time, if every single/couple did that it would cause an imbalance, that's probably her point.

And tbf didn't you kick back that javingchildrne is selfish and caused their own situation? So it balances out on superiority and unpleasantness.

The other issue with downsizing is moving away from your community.
My DP's neighbour has been fab over the pandemic, picking up prescriptions and bits and bobs for them that they couldn't get via Tesco online.
She said she viewed it as reciprocation for all the years Mum&Dad didn't mind balls flying over into their garden etc.

you are getting your posters confused.

But who said they have empty bedrooms. 2 bedrooms, office, gym/wardrobe/hobby room. 4 rooms filled up all fully in use.

Children don’t buy houses.

@Wouldloveanother they do when they grow up 🤦🏻‍♀️

Agreed. I couldn’t actually believe what I was reading.

My friend lives alone in a 4 bed semi, it was her parents’ home and she lived with them as their carer until they died. It’s 1970s built and in terms of its footprint quite small. Bedrooms are tiny. She uses one as a sewing/ironing room, one as a computer room/office (she only has a desktop, not a fan of laptops or tablets!). But according to some she is greedy.

There is no reason why you should move or feel the slightest guilty according to what MN says. That is your home and all your memories and comfort. My mum also widowed lives on her own in her in a huge 4 bed house. She feels secure and happy there, no reason for her to give it up. We grew up there, she can accommodate all her kids and gc under one roof when we get together, and she worked a long slog to pay off that mortgage. She is entitled to do whatever she wants, there is nothing to feel guilty over.