Not really my AIBU, but whilst it was quite amusing for 10 minutes the mexican stand off outside my house is starting to do my head in

[quicklybeendrivenmad]

Live in a small village, with small lanes, our lane is pretty narrow but the only straight one that the farmers can use to access the fields at the bottom.

The two farmers who own the land are two brothers who fell out when their parents died years ago, and have not spoken since.

Brother A coming up the lane with his combine. Brother B coming down the lane with his tractor and trailer, neither will reverse to allow the other to pass, this has now been 20 minutes and all I can hear is horns beeping, and the farmers shouting insults at each other via a third party (one of our neighbours) cars are having to reverse back onto the village green and access via another lane.

Combine wins. Being bigger and all that.

Some huge tractor/trailer combos round here though. I would think it's easier to reverse a combine than a tractor/trailer combo, hopefully the law will be involved soon.

Just been out to the bin to have a nosy and more people are congregating, the bloke who runs the parish council is now directing cars away from the lane.

My 87 year old neighbour is calling the police, as Openreach are here to fix her landline thats been off for a week, the poor bloke has carried his ladders and tools from the village green, but cannot get to the pole as the combine is about 5cm away from it.

The language from the farmers is getting more colourful and everytime one insults the other, they are revving their engines to drown each other out.

OP "and the farmers shouting insults at each other via a third party"

huh?!

You know how when small children can’t share their toys nicely, you just take the toy away from both and tell them they’re not getting any ice cream for dessert and will only get the toy back when they learn to play nicely? Can’t you just go out and slash both their tyres?

Not really, obviously.

@EmmaH2022 they don't talk to each other so one of my neighbours is being told by A to tell B this and vice versa, but now they are just shouting

@IaltagDhubh don't think I have a knife big enough for the tyres!! Confiscating their toys, not sure where i would store a tractor trailer and combine but its a good idea

Can't they just settle it with a coin toss or a game of rock/paper/scissors? 😄

Oh I love village life.

Take some iced drinks out to both of them, so they know they are both in it for the long haul. I wouldn't be surprised if they abandon their vehicles rather than be seen to give in. I've encountered this level of venom before.

Your poor neighbour needing work done. I think maybe the police might have to settle this if it's causing that much obstruction and neither will give in.

The things we miss out on living in the city!

I think in your shoes I might be settling down in a comfy chair in the front garden with some popcorn.

Totally off topic but your description of where you live sounds absolutely idyllic and like a post card if a Midsomer Murders episode 😍 As an Australian it sounds like heaven (aside from the unruly brothers)

We’ve just moved from a village where this happens fairly regularly. Only it’s usually on a hump backed bridge. Happy days.

I do hope the police move them on!

OP I can't believe anyone would agree to do that!

I'm here to open the betting odds

Who bets combine
Who bets tractor

This could be an episode of the archers!

Or Heartbeat!

Urgh arses

Keep us updated OP!

I'm expecting Kerry and Kurtan to come along....

I’m taking a bet on brother B winning when the police turn up to make brother a move

@EmmaH2022 he is quite old and has known them a long time and tbf I don't think they gave him much choice and he was too polite to say no!!

Been outside given up trying to do any work, police are getting annoyed, but not as much as neighbour as the open reach guy has now left and I honestly think if she could get up into the cabs her walking stick would be round their heads.

I agree your village sounds idyllic OP, I'm picturing Jam & Jerusalem rather than Midsomer though, maybe because the horns honking part of your post reminded me of that scene with Joanna Lumley stuck in her car