Not really my AIBU, but whilst it was quite amusing for 10 minutes the mexican stand off outside my house is starting to do my head in

[quicklybeendrivenmad]

Live in a small village, with small lanes, our lane is pretty narrow but the only straight one that the farmers can use to access the fields at the bottom.

The two farmers who own the land are two brothers who fell out when their parents died years ago, and have not spoken since.

Brother A coming up the lane with his combine. Brother B coming down the lane with his tractor and trailer, neither will reverse to allow the other to pass, this has now been 20 minutes and all I can hear is horns beeping, and the farmers shouting insults at each other via a third party (one of our neighbours) cars are having to reverse back onto the village green and access via another lane.

police sending for officers proficient in these vehicles. this is my favourite bit so far

Officers in my (very rural and coastal) area are usually trained on driving/moving farm machinery. One who joined us from the MET recently was on courses for this from his arrival.

( He says he still cannot admit to his London collegues how many 'animal related incidents' he deals with each week.)

Surely the person exiting the lane out onto bigger streets has the right of way...

I hope the police do arrest them and they both have to pay steep fines to get the keys to their equipment back.

It sounded like a scene of out of BBC's This Country which is a very funny spoof of life in a Cotswold village. Kerry and Kurtan are the two main characters.

Excellent diagram work OP, I can now picture the scene. Surely the easiest thing is for the combine to back up or is that impossible?

Think this needs actual photos man

Didn't begin with an F did it? The village not the bridge! @Alphabet1spaghetti2

This is brilliant. Love the police not being able to drive farm machinery and then refusing to come down.

If this was my village the Dog Poo Police lady would be along to discuss the absolutely disgusting people who do not pick up after their dogs , asking all to sign her petition for cameras , posters and naming and shaming on the local Facebook page

She would love this stand off and probably come prepared with a camping chair and tea

This has properly cheered me up

My diagram makes the village green look bigger sorry its actually a bit narrower also has cars parked on it and a bus stop so double deckers have to get through so quite tight

Are any of locals videoing it?

I can picture this all too well. Ahh, rural life.

Piccies please.. and more diagrams. Does anyone have a spicy terrier in the cab, offering up their opinion?

I'm actually really angry for the woman missing out on repairs because of two fucking pampered rural arseholes with their teeny peenys and gigantic egos.

Brilliant! ..... are they still there, honestly who has the energy to keep an argument going this long!!

They're probably ringing up the station and going FFS, can anyone drive a tractor?

(I can weirdly, it was a course at my uni)
Can also lay a hedge and build a drystone wall, neither of which have proved particularly useful

this kind of reminds me of some thing that happened ion a hospital access road in front of one of the main exits.(I have mentioned this elsewhere?
there is a major hospital near us that dh use to have lots of out patient for & I use to go with him (he refuses to wear his hearing aids)
Anyway we came out of the door at the same time as an other lady and went to cross this access road to get to hospital bus stop
2 cars drove in front of us on the road and one nearly went into the back of the other (stopped for crossing) guy gets out and starts screaming at other chap who also gets out and gives his penny worth.
Mumwon was not in a good mood - so I said in a loud clear talking to kids voice - For goodness sake get back in your cars you are at a hospital - how old are you?
They looked at me and got back in their cars and moved - lady who was crossing road with us laughed her head off - dh shook his head..
Op is there no one there that has the mum voice?
(childminding for 15 years has a lot to answer for)
have they moved yet

Things is, the Highway Code doesn't address these issues so neither is actually in the wrong (although both are plonkers). Is the road a hill? If so, the one lowest down should reverse.

Re the police driving farming equipment, round here lots of the police grew up on farms so would be experienced in driving a tractor (pissed around a field at midnight)

But that would cost the taxpayer even more. No, best to let the lady with no Internet, batter them with her stick. Cheaper and more effective.🙂

This could last days! They've both properly dug their heels in

Is there a very large herd of slightly skittish cows backed up behind the tractor yet?

If not, you know what to do, OP.

Its a shame they can rev their engines to drown out noise.

Otherwise I would suggest rounding up all the children (and adults up for a laugh) and al the musical instruments in the village - hand the instruments to people who can't play that instrument e.g. give the violinist a guitar, and then set everyone off on at least three different songs at once.

Bonus points if you have a set of bagpipes