Bohemian, "lefty" free range middle class parenting really just lazy neglectful parenting jazzed up?

[Naturelover5]

In my three dc's classes we have some of these bohemian, creative lefty parents.. The children are unkempt, scruffy, hair undone & dressed without fail in mismatched clothes... Some of the children have very questionable manners & are either running amock or with their heads glued to screens constantly (as seen on holiday recently, loud obnoxious parents quaffing seccy while the kids were largely ignored).. If council estate kids were dirty, scruffy & looked uncared for social services would be called.. For this particular group (& they are everywhere) the barefoot, scruffy kids are seen as badges of honour..
The lefty parent types are also very anti homework & organised activities outside school as they think kids should be kids however aibu to think they are just lazy & couldn't be arsed putting the effort in?!

Everything is about balance. I braid my 4YO's very curly hair most of the time both to protect it and stop her looking like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards. I clean her up when I can and she is bathed regularly but I'm not gonna chase her around 24/7 with a flannel because we both have more important things to do. Her outfit will depend entirely on the situation. She loves to wear a nice dress and a million hair accessories if we're going out and I'm not gonna lie I love the photo ops. However I simply don't have the energy to permanently dress her this way. She's a 'why walk when you can cartwheel' kindof girl so mostly just likes to be comfortable. Apart from very sparse occasions where I really want to look the part she can chuck on what she wants and I'd rather she learns to take pride in her own outfits and dress independently (which mostly she does) and is comfy rather than looks perfect. She's encouraged to express how she feels and be assertive but is mostly kind and respectful because I'm kind and respectful to her. She will be encouraged to embrace arts and creative thinking but learning to read and write and maths is not optional and I will never give her the impression that it is. Please tell me that most mums fit this general description and aren't as judgey or extreme as some of the pp otherwise I dispair at what my dd and my own life are going to be for the school years ...

@Nahimjustaworm you sound like a lovely mum nothing like the ones I've described, they're a rare breed!

@MercurialMonday the types in dc's classes are just awful in regards to any type of school work or fundraising.. Frequent complaints on the WhatsApp group about 2 quid for a non uniform day..
Also lots of criticism for the teachers, "Mrs Wordsworth doesn't understand Willow's unique energy, she feels stifled & restricted in school"..

I'd rather my kids were scruffy and barefoot than germaphobic and worried about ruining their pristine clothing. Fifteen minutes of playing in the garden turns my son into a soaking muddy mess. I can't imagine he'd be happy any other way.

My dc are the same in the garden & the woods behind our house. When they go places they're spruced up & clean with brushed, clean & tidy hair (dd always has plaits in school to keep the dreaded lice at bay). Uniforms are always in good nick & clean.

@HRTQueen totally agree with this. I got fed up with a friend who would do this with her child instead of quickly dealing with something and moving on. For example if her child made a mess at my house she would want to have a long discussion with the child about what should be done. I would get fed up and just clean up mid discussion. Once her child hit mine and the “discipline” just involved lengthy discussions and whispering in her ear. My child is just confused about why her friend isn’t getting told off and apologising like polite people do, it was so tedious. They would also only do things at the child’s pace. It once took over an hour for them to leave my house as the child wouldn’t put their shoes on. Meanwhile I was getting on with bath time and had my kids in bed by the time they left! We stopped hanging out after that. It was a shame as they were nice people but just totally annoying and exhausting as they would never compromise on their OTT parenting principles!

What’s wrong with telling a child no or don’t do that. You don’t have to shout or be nasty, just point out what’s wrong, apologise and move on!

I mean, I’m half with you on this. My DD has some SEN issues, only pretty minor, but it means hair and clothes are a daily battle. Most of the time she looks okay but she hates having her hair done and I generally let her choose what to wear unless it’s widely inappropriate. Sometimes I’d love for her to let me braid her hair and pick her out something so she looks put together but she doesn’t like it and I pick my battles.

but that said I do know some “free range” parents, and these ones are just lazy. I’ve been to birthday parties where their kids are messing with EVERYTHING, one ended up even breaking an Xbox because she was left unattended for so long. I can’t speak for the entire population though.

Oh heck I have LOADS of friends like this and it does drive me slightly mad. I will say though, for the most part my lot are actually doing their best for the planet (cycling, not flying, re-using stuff etc.) and not hypocrites.
The kids are always in poor condition hand-me-downs because it is obvious that they are hand-me-downs, if the condition was too good people might think that they were (shock horror) NEW CLOTHES and they would lose the badge of honour!
My DS is always clean, we don't brush his hair all the time because it is curly but it is not unkempt. His clothes (even the second hand ones) are all in good condition and outfits match up nicely. HOWEVER, I am actually a pretty lazy mother. I often feel completely overwhelmed by parenting and procrastinate whilst DS is busy playing by himself / watching cartoons. Whereas, some of my more bohemian Mum friends are out and about doing things with their kids from sunrise to sunset - their kids are scruffy and a bit feral but they are not lazy parents, they just have different priorities.
All of our kids are pre-school age though, I am not sure how this all plays out in the world of strict timetables, homework, uniforms, rules and regulations.....not well I would imagine. Hence the special home-schooling breed of crunchies who insist that they can educate their children better at home, but really just can't deal with authority.

@itsmellslikepopcarn that's totally different, you are parenting your child & doing your best as is your little girl... These parents are labelling their kids "wild things", "free spirits", "non conformists", "marches to the beat of their own drum"... It's exhausting & baffling... It's lazy, neglectful parenting whatever way it's jazzed up.

Actually, I have a fair few older friends who did this too (their unemployable kids are now in their late teens / early 20s.
This lot all came from UMC comfortable backgrounds where they were raised strictly but repeatedly financially helped/ bailed out by their parents. They've all ended up with their own business (usually tree surgeons etc) where they can write their own schedules (4 weeks in Australia over Christmas? No problem) but live in crappy houses. The wives don't work or occasionally fanny around with something to do with the business and balls everything up. The kids were feral as anything whilst growing up and have been nurtured to do whatever the fuck they like at college (so long as it is artistic and not something like accountancy). Many of the kids have gone through phases of massive confusion about their identity because they simply are not given any guidelines or boundaries.
I think the hypocrisy is that these people claim to be open minded, inclusive and allow their children freedom to make decisions. But they would have an absolute fit if their DS actually favoured blue, wanted to play football and grew up wanting to work for the MOD and voting tory....

Germphobic 😂
Giving a kid's face a quick scrub with a facecloth when it's covered in food and snot will not render them germ phobic 🤣🤣🤣
Any excuse!

@IThinkYoullFindIWasHereFirst ...spot on!
I know a few when dc were young, their girls only wore gender neutral clothes or their older bothers clothes! Nothing girly or princessy! However their "creative" & "non conformist" toddler boys often turned up at the village fête in a tutu over its clothes & fairy wings while it's sister was in a batman costume! It was bizarre, they were openly critical of girly princessy girls (mine) & my football, car loving boys🙄 thankfully my dc were & always perfectly happy in their own skin despite the fact I never insisted in dressing my boys in pink & fairy wings & dressing my daughter in boys clothes. Don't care how unpopular the opinion is. I loved all the cute boys clothes & all the fancy, pretty pink dresses my girl had. She's still princessy & fancy all her doing & likes to look nice. I won't apologise.

Oh god the doing things in their children’s time can relate to this Brokenwashingbasket

it’s so self absorbed and the children grow up to be self absorbed

and yes the ones I know are very much environmentally aware and don’t we all know it just lack self awareness when booking holidays/buying a new car/wittering on about cheap clothing and food

so probably more left wing the guilty mc who love places like Peckham well the parts that have been socially cleaned cleansed that is

we all know who they are I guess a number are on here

OP I think you need to stop them getting to you. They aren’t going to change. You’ll likely manage to avoid them completely once your children are at secondary so in the meantime just stop letting them annoy you.

To Sartre

How judgemental
i have 4 children, now work full time again ( in a beautiful school with amazing children)

I have recently gone through a harrowing ( understatement) divorce after 25 years of marriage. I am “guilty” (as you would no doubt point out from your moral high ground - dangerous pinnacle to occupy let me warn you- ) of having lost some ground on my parenting skills due to grief, utter exhaustion and the overwhelming terror that is facing the rest of my life alone with sole responsibility including a real struggle financially.
stop judging and maybe show a little kindness - who knows what anyone else is going through behind the scenes. I hope you never have to experience even 10% of what I have been through. If you do I hope you encounter people with even a small helping of compassion. It really makes a difference . Try it.

I totally agree
care packages for lazy wealthy parents
another hour after school for coffee/ nails/ constructive chats with other judgy mums

Pmsl at a list of scholastic achievements and positive character references to counterbalance not bothering to comb your hair 😂
How long can it possibly take?

Ds1 starting secondary next year so I don't think we'll see as much.. No idea where the boho kids will end up, the parents are very anti private schools but one or two of the most vocal anti fee paying sent theirs to prep aged 4... These crunchies waxed lyrically pre conception about never supporting the fee paying establishment... However it was different as this particular fee paying school had a huge focus on art & music🤔🤣 we no longer see them except on social media, they haven't changed much it seems...

That sounds like an episode of the Beano. Where exactly do these council oiks v toffs standoffs take place?

Maybe on the dividing line of the Tory and Labour campsites if one side or other tries to annex territory?

Love this! My kid where's bright, mismatched colours, runs around barefoot and I hate homework as a rule, when he's grubby I see that as a positive sign of a day well spent. He's also very sweet, polite, patient and well mannered.

So if you're of that ilk, like me, you probably hate prosecco and prefer cremant or cava. However, I have a tip for you; kylie minogue rose prosecco is lovely and sometimes on offer in sainsburys. Perfect for bohemian lefty parents.

Woops! *wears

@Tuxedokitty nah he's just a normal little boy, he sounds lovely so he doesn't fit the bill...! 🤣 giggling at the boho crunchies quaffing their Kylie Minogue rosé seccy while their feral, rude kids run riot around a Norfolk campsite🤣

Parents that are scared of upsetting a child and won’t discipline them incase they hate them for the rest of their lives. That’s the sort I remember. They were actually bullied by their own children and it was horrible to watch. I wonder how they are fairing today as young adults?

That's an interesting point.. I remember some of these parents from mums & tots.. Gentle parenting was the approach & the kids were never told no, was bizarre... Nothing gentle about the kid absolutely throttling my ds with a wooden truck, I had no problem telling him off, the mum was horrified with me...

Parents that are scared of upsetting a child and won’t discipline them in case they hate them for the rest of their lives

I'm not sure why this fear is so pervasive amongst young parents currently. What has brought about this change? Most of us 50+ folks have been disciplined by our parents and don't hate them (obviously I'm not talking about abuse, etc)