Bohemian, "lefty" free range middle class parenting really just lazy neglectful parenting jazzed up?

[Naturelover5]

In my three dc's classes we have some of these bohemian, creative lefty parents.. The children are unkempt, scruffy, hair undone & dressed without fail in mismatched clothes... Some of the children have very questionable manners & are either running amock or with their heads glued to screens constantly (as seen on holiday recently, loud obnoxious parents quaffing seccy while the kids were largely ignored).. If council estate kids were dirty, scruffy & looked uncared for social services would be called.. For this particular group (& they are everywhere) the barefoot, scruffy kids are seen as badges of honour..
The lefty parent types are also very anti homework & organised activities outside school as they think kids should be kids however aibu to think they are just lazy & couldn't be arsed putting the effort in?!

I'm right wing and think school is the worst years of your life and don't agreecwith homework. Agree about manners and hair though, it's not cute it's just annoying

Bad manners definitely not cute, it's obnoxious & entitled. I would absolutely judge a parent based on the child's manners. We have had some horrors in our house over the years.
Hair cleanliness & tidiness is basic hygiene.
If the child has poor manners & is dirty it's basic needs are not met. I don't care what free spirited philosophy the parents claim to have... It's all faff to cover up the fact they don't invest enough time in their child to teach them please & thank you.. Yet the parents themselves practice daily gratitude & one claims her rude, obnoxious offspring writesin her gratitude diary daily yet can't utter the word please & thank you!

@Johnnysgirl I live in a small village with a popular school, it attracts people from the local area so we get the full range of pupils. The ones turning up in Audi's and BMW's invariably have the scruffy kids, those turning up in battered Astras etc usually have tidy ones

Stereotyping and judging parents and their innocent child based on a snapshot of their existence is also not cute and yet plenty of people on here obviously have no problem doing this (and probably teaching their kids to do it)

Twas always the same. I remember the nit nurse in the 70s used to do the council house kids last because they were always clean and never had nits.

@88milesanhour bad manners are the parents fault end of. It's not a snapshot of their lives, these dc have been my dc's classes since reception & their behavior has always been feral & basic manners non existant. That is down to their parents & I will judge as they are never ever pulled up on it.

You lost me at “anti homework” which research shows is of no value except for highly motivated yp.

Strange post?
What if they are at boarding school and this is their wild time?
What if they have strict madly busy lives in school time with lot's of clubs and again this is their true down time?
I'e how can you possibly judge???

As has been explained many times, they do not have to care what anyone thinks. There will be no consequences for their behaviour.
They do not need jobs so can wear whatever clothes they want. They do not fear Social Services, and people will always be happy to have their kids play with their own kids whatever their house is like.

Wow! Wow! Wow! I hope you keep your insane assumptions to yourself and not infliction them on your children. How can you possibly run amok and be glued to screens??. I think you need to take a look good look at your own life to see what's really bugging you. Wow, mismatched clothes! Some parents allow kids to choose their own clothes- its called encouraging them to be independant which is good parenting. I also think you need to stop reading Daily Mail as you sound exactly likely one of those journalists in the female section. Wow surprised this post got through the screening process on Mumsnet

I used to work next door to a Steiner school and these people were our regulars. The children had absolutely no manners, trashed the place and the parents found it charming. Little Rueben is such an artist pouring juice all over the tables and smashing cake into it…

Infuriating.

Totally agree op. And the ‘nicer’ the mum, the worse behaved the child(ren) is/are.

Then in your case its probably the parents being shit parents.

I know lots of Boho type parents whose children are lovely. Children might be scruffy (but clean at the beginning of the day) and house similar (basics done so it's hygienic but definitely not to MN standards) but they are really nice families with well behaved children. Can't actually say I notice discipline because the kids are generally good so haven't needed more than a reminder when I've been with them. And that goes for multiple families.

Have to add, I live in a middle class area where most are 2 income households so there has to be some level of discipline to function as a family and get out to school/work on time. Can imagine if home schooling this might not be the case (but I have other opinions on homeschooling so my views are probably skewed anyway)

That's hilarious. You've reminded me of my mum fifty years ago coming back from taking my little brother round to play at a friend's house with another mum they;d just met who was into Steiner. My mum was saying in horror, 'Little Reuben smashed an egg on the floor on purpose and instead of telling him off, his mum started going on about what a lovely pattern he'd made. My friend was waiting for her to clean it up but she didn't offer to!' She and her friend were disgusted. And my mum was a very scruffy boho hippy type with a far from clean house but she did teach us boundaries and manners.

Sounds like Steiner teaching hasn't moved on at all in fifty years. Surely they've had time to witness how difficult it is for people raised like this to navigate the adult world where no one thinks your mess is creative and adorable.

I suspect I was one of the parents OP is judging. Though I loathe what she referred to as seccy. Grew up on a council estate where being clean, tidy and 'no trouble' was seen as important. I escaped at 18 and didn't look back. My DCs had a much more free range childhood than I did. Money and not giving a fuck what andom people I don't know think makes life a lot easier.

@notquiteruralbliss I think it is the money that is important.

How the fuck can any of you know what people vote
Who has ever heard of a tory campsite, no one because there is no such thing
Unless you actually speak to someone and they tell you who they vote for or make it clear you have no idea
, there is also more than two party's

Well my cousin lives on one

I homeschool which means I mix with a lot of free range parenting types. Some are as you describe, some are not. The same as any other group of parents tbh.

No I'm not from the Daily Fail! It might be an unpopular opinion but parents who refer to their dc as "free spirited" or my personal favourite "he matches to the beat of his own drum" are trying to gloss over the fact that they're raising rude, obnoxious children who will be nightmare teenagers... It's neglectful whatever way it's glossed over...

Good point!!

I often see this said but but it's much more nuanced than that.

It's frequently less true older children are.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-43386670

Many studies don't evaluate the type of homework - busy work like time intensive model making is very different to practising times tables. We found spelling list a complete waste of time but a program teaching about spelling patterns worked really well.

Some studies see differences in impact based on sex of child and some have found lower social economic groups did much better with homework than without - plus a lot of the research comes from other educational systems like USA which are very different.

Education and grades aren't everything but are often more important for social mobility for lower social economic groups perhaps because they have fewer other resources.

It's actually seems to be a very complex area to study and too much homework has been shown to have adverse affects but none isn't good either.

Though parents do seem to latch on to the homework bad headline and I assume because it fits with their parenting style which I think is part of the OP point.

Jeez the judgement and projection on here is insane, though admittedly driven mostly by one poster.