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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bohemian, "lefty" free range middle class parenting really just lazy neglectful parenting jazzed up?

579 replies

Naturelover5 · 02/08/2022 16:12

In my three dc's classes we have some of these bohemian, creative lefty parents.. The children are unkempt, scruffy, hair undone & dressed without fail in mismatched clothes... Some of the children have very questionable manners & are either running amock or with their heads glued to screens constantly (as seen on holiday recently, loud obnoxious parents quaffing seccy while the kids were largely ignored).. If council estate kids were dirty, scruffy & looked uncared for social services would be called.. For this particular group (& they are everywhere) the barefoot, scruffy kids are seen as badges of honour..
The lefty parent types are also very anti homework & organised activities outside school as they think kids should be kids however aibu to think they are just lazy & couldn't be arsed putting the effort in?!

OP posts:
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Original poster
Naturelover5 · 02/08/2022 16:17

BTW we're from the South, our hol was in Norfolk!

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 02/08/2022 16:18

They probably aren’t “lefty” at all. I suspect they probably vote Tory.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 02/08/2022 16:19

i have known some parents like that - not a lot, but I don't live in a very MC area any more, but when I lived in Brighton this was common and I can't bear it. Their houses are usually grim as well. Everyone is far too creative and free spirited to do laundry and vacuum the crumbs from the floor 🙄

Anothernamechangeplease · 02/08/2022 16:20

What makes them "lefty"?

SleeplessInEngland · 02/08/2022 16:20

You ok, hun?

Bootothegoose · 02/08/2022 16:21

YANBU at all about the shit parenting. We have a few at the children’s school. However I agree with PP that they’re often not left wing at all. In fact the ‘free range parents’ are very often very strongly right wing do as I say not as I do types with very strong views about council estates.

x2boys · 02/08/2022 16:21

I think if you have money you can cover up a lot of bad parenting by throwing money at it so parents on a low income who are to hungover for example to see to their kids needs their kids are more likely to be seen as neglected as their basic needs are not being met whereas people on a higher income can afford nannies ,takeaways restaurants etc etc .

Parpophone · 02/08/2022 16:22

"quaffing seccy"

🙄

Starlight86 · 02/08/2022 16:22

Im anti homework but if you want to look at our family schedule you will see we certainly arent lazy lol.

I hate parents that sit back and do nothing in regards to children's bad behavior or rudeness but equally i think there should be a balance between kids being kids and reigning them in when it gets a bit out of hand.

Hallamus · 02/08/2022 16:23

They're probably not at all interested in how you parent, baffling why you're so interested in them.

neverbeenskiing · 02/08/2022 16:24

How on earth do you know how all these parents vote?

LesterKnopf · 02/08/2022 16:24

Yes. Some people can be lazy parents. Some of those parents will deliberately dress it up as part of a grand child-rearing plan, others won't care enough about appearances to even do that. Some people will find it easier to get away with such behaviour because of who they are / where they live etc.

Also, I don't consider myself a lazy parent, but have occasionally had an off day / felt ill etc and taken DC to the park with mismatched clothes and hair undone just to get some fresh air so I don't judge people I don't know whose kids are a bit scruffy as long as the kids are safe and aren't hurting others.

Sartre · 02/08/2022 16:24

Totally agree. There’s a similar Mum in DC’s school and her DC are absolutely awful. I even noticed her eldest son was applauded less during the leavers assembly than anyone else, I wasn’t imagining this. It’s because he’s a massive arsehole, he’s absolutely horrible to everyone all of the time including his Mother who is much too soft. I witnessed him snatching money from her hands at the summer fair with a ‘give me that’ and she said fuck all. Her younger DS’s are going the same way despite being small, they run literal circles around her on their scooters in the playground bumping into others and she never ever challenges them. One of them sat down in the middle of the pathway blocking everyone from leaving and she didn’t pick him up or ask him to get up, just a casual ‘oh you want to sit down do you?’ with a giggle… I don’t get it.

She’s very MC and well spoken, you can tell she either doesn’t know how to say no or just doesn’t want to. Her children are horrible.

BeanieTeen · 02/08/2022 16:25

YANBU. I’m not sure about being deliberately lazy, I sometimes think these parents have themselves had quite a privileged but very strict upbringing which they feel a bit bitter about. So they go and do a full 180 turn when it comes to their own parenting style. It’s sticking a big middle finger up to the grandparents basically.

SleeplessInEngland · 02/08/2022 16:25

Im anti homework but if you want to look at our family schedule you will see we certainly arent lazy lol.

Yeah, I can't believe homework still exists in 2022. It's a miserable relic that benefits neither teacher, pupil nor parent.

NuffSaidSam · 02/08/2022 16:25

I'm not sure that the social services would be called if a child on a council estate had mismatched clothes tbh. No clothes, or clothes far too small, or massively inappropriate for the weather maybe. But no one is calling the SS because Billy from next door isn't colour coordinated.

Hallamus · 02/08/2022 16:25

The lefty parent types are also very anti homework & organised activities outside school as they think kids should be kids however aibu to think they are just lazy & couldn't be arsed putting the effort in?!

How do you know this about the ones you saw on holiday anyway? You don't... you're putting together a load of people who you see as one "type" and they're probably not at all. It's called a stereotype. It's repellant about "council estate kids" and it's repellant here. You're wrong if you think parents don't get shit from HV etc for having kids with long hair, home ed, looking different.

Starlight86 · 02/08/2022 16:27

SleeplessInEngland · 02/08/2022 16:25

Im anti homework but if you want to look at our family schedule you will see we certainly arent lazy lol.

Yeah, I can't believe homework still exists in 2022. It's a miserable relic that benefits neither teacher, pupil nor parent.

Interestingly many teachers including my DCs teachers agree however its the higher powers that make teachers hand it out

Fairislefandango · 02/08/2022 16:27

It's 'amok'.

Mismatched clothes Hmm. Oh no! Also, do you think that working class kids don't 'run amok' or 'have their heads glued to screens'? You sound like you have a big chip on your shoulder.

BorisJohnsonsHair · 02/08/2022 16:28

I don't think lefty Middle Class parents would drink "seccy" or let their kids use screens.

Tory wannabe-Middle Class parents would though 😄

Hallamus · 02/08/2022 16:28

@Sartre but how does her accent and her kid being an arsehole make her a "lefty free range parent" who "quaffs seccy"? It's just a projection of qualities that these people don't at all necessarily all have - it's a bullshit straw man.

Original poster
Naturelover5 · 02/08/2022 16:28

It's an observation.... If the dc were working class the parents would be called neglectful for letting their kids go around dirty, scruffy & barefoot...

OP posts:
onmywayamarillo · 02/08/2022 16:29

I've just come back from a very working class campsite and all the children were, lovely well mannered and parents kept an eye on them, with regards to over staying their welcome on otter pitches .

Other more very Tory( right wing) campsite kids were rude, entitled, free range and frankly a bit scary! Parents did f' all and said "you kids are crazy" in relation to her daughter verbally abusing a boy who was minding his own business 😱

I know what I prefer!

SleeplessInEngland · 02/08/2022 16:29

Starlight86 · 02/08/2022 16:27

Interestingly many teachers including my DCs teachers agree however its the higher powers that make teachers hand it out

Show quote history

I know quite a few teachers (including some conservative, pro rote learning ones) and all of them think homework's a waste of everyone's time.

Starlight86 · 02/08/2022 16:31

Naturelover5 · 02/08/2022 16:28

It's an observation.... If the dc were working class the parents would be called neglectful for letting their kids go around dirty, scruffy & barefoot...

Barefoot where though? In a restaurant or public place yes, but in their front/back gardens or streets with there friends.....is that an issue?

Also, having 3DCs that go out to play in our dead end street (upper class area if that makes any difference) come home filthy and barefoot after a day of fun.