Bohemian, "lefty" free range middle class parenting really just lazy neglectful parenting jazzed up?

[Naturelover5]

In my three dc's classes we have some of these bohemian, creative lefty parents.. The children are unkempt, scruffy, hair undone & dressed without fail in mismatched clothes... Some of the children have very questionable manners & are either running amock or with their heads glued to screens constantly (as seen on holiday recently, loud obnoxious parents quaffing seccy while the kids were largely ignored).. If council estate kids were dirty, scruffy & looked uncared for social services would be called.. For this particular group (& they are everywhere) the barefoot, scruffy kids are seen as badges of honour..
The lefty parent types are also very anti homework & organised activities outside school as they think kids should be kids however aibu to think they are just lazy & couldn't be arsed putting the effort in?!

She sounds hypocritical, but what on earth does that have to do with the child neglect in your OP?

I know the sort of person you are referring to. They are often nice enough (maybe a bit smug and sanctimonious), but I have no time for their hippyish attitude to learning. The liberal-left have way too much influence over education. There is this view that children mustn't be disciplined, because that creates tension, that they must be free to 'express' themselves, that learning ought to be 'fun'. And so on.

Now, that sounds great in theory, but it doesn't work in practice (like most liberal-left ideas). Truth is, children don't want to learn. They want to play video games and text their friends and eat McDonalds. God, I couldn't count the number of lessons at school that were a 100% waste of time. We'd have to 'get in groups' and discuss Romeo and Juliet, which meant 20 minutes of chairs and tables being moved around, then someone saying "I'm not sitting next to her, she smells," and so on. After that, we'd sit in our group and chat about everything EXCEPT Romeo and Juliet.

I'm totally conservative in my attitude to education. Obviously children should be treated with respect - not bullied or yelled at or hit, etc. But they should also be made to sit in silence and do some work. I can remember actually longing for a teacher to yell at the class and take control (and I wasn't the only one). Kids would learn far more in two hours spent in exam conditions than six as they are currently taught.

@GeorgeCat1 i think it’s a mixture of class and political polarisation, neither of which you have to the same extent in Ireland. Sadly I don’t think it’s only on mumsnet, but anonymity makes it particularly permissible on here.

What is “ Seccy?”
I googled and couldn’t find anything.

I don't want to get in the way of anyone's free flowing self expression and all that, but if you like disciplined thinking, there is an evidence base on this...

the mum however is flip flops- just scruffy!

What's wrong with flip flops? It's summer!

Kids are in grey clothes cos they’re all thrown in the wash together

I have visions of fully clothed children going round and round inside a washing machine...

They are probably from Brighton. I hate the place and everyone in it.

This is the funniest thing I have read to date on MN!

If this is real get a grip!

I wouldn’t think it would necessarily result in a referral to social services.

but; you may have a point. I “appear” middle class (professional job, decent income, large house), but I’m actually from a council estate. DH is completely middle class.

when interacting with those “in authority” or with professionals, I always find it very easy to negotiate and get along with them (ie my house was messy and I was crying and emotional when DS was a newborn): the health visitor just laughed at the state of the house (well, it will be messy: you’ve just had a baby) and gave me a big hug.

if we lived elsewhere, and didn’t have the big house etc, And presented differently, I’m not sure I would have been treated the same.

but yeah, my son does look like a wee tink sometimes.

The world is full of annoying, hypocritical people OP!
It's also full of people who live a completely different life to you, make different choices and have different values.
Much of what you describe isn't how I would choose to live but I could say that about many 'types' - rich, poor and everyone in between.

Something you might want to consider though... The world is also full of people who judge, stereotype, are prejudiced and come across as just plain unpleasant. Funny that...

Is that you Liz?

Yes, this is it in a nutshell. Very well put.

I know a few families like this. It's not the scruffiness that's noteworthy, it's the fact that it is intentionally curated.

They all think they are so laid back and bohemian and hilariously unique.

I don't think that's quite it, no.

That's just kids enjoying play at a outdoors focused nursery. I don't think that's what the OP is getting at.

Prosecco I think.

Yes, because those are the only too options 🙄

I hate these Malcolm and Cressida types.

If someone posted on here about a child on a council estate playing out barefoot,in scruffy clothes and with unkempt hair. Half of MN would advise calling SS.

It doesn’t mean that he’s rude, or aggressive. Just assertive.

It means that he can verbally defend himself: ie if blamed for something that he didn’t do, he can calmly tell them he wasn’t involved. But he also has to know when to just shut up.

People pleasing and blind obedience to authority figures is not a trait I particularly want for my child.

Im sure you are familiar with this
nature.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7article/article35.htm

Just ignore them?

Definitely know parents like this. Dunno which way they vote but agree that they use bohemian internet theories an an excuse for lazy parenting.

I'd say similar no idea how they vote but have encountered them usually when their little demons are causing chaos for everyone else and they don't step in and hate anyone else doing so.

It is a stereotype but there's a grain of truth there.

I think there can be more social pressure or "fear" of being judged if working class kids aren't turned out well - pfb was born in a very middle class enclave and we then moved to a much lower socially/economic area and there were marked differences in attitude from professionals - it's often hard to point to anything in particular but it's there.

Thank you @Stylishkidintheriot ! I always say that to teach children unquestioning obedience is dangerous. Those who are “in authority” in any situation, are not automatically trustworthy.

Also, so many bright young people manage to leave school without critical thinking skills. They insist “it’s in the textbook so it must be right” and are completely unable to see from any other viewpoint or to believe that they have valid views of their own.

Being kind, courteous and respectful is important. Always doing “as you are told” in any situation and “no talking back” is nonsense and is not to be encouraged.

It means that he can verbally defend himself: ie if blamed for something that he didn’t do, he can calmly tell them he wasn’t involved
Well, sure. I'd imagine most kids could manage that, really; it hardly qualifies as questioning or negotiating with authority.

I know exactly the type you mean op.

We have a family at dc school like this. Children look like Victorian urchins...stained clothing, knotty hair etc.

Many years ago I found a wandering toddler in a car park and walked him back to the gastro pub his hippie dippie middle class mum was in. She barely raised an eyebrow. In hindsight I wish I'd have called the police and waited with the child by the side of the road.

Oh dear. Class AND parenting AND politics in one meaty thread!
I guarantee this will attract attention like flies around shit.
There will be over 50 pages soon, bursting at the seams with insecure, angry social climbers people with working class roots who are desperate to shed them off .

C'mon folks, live your own life, who fucking cares, lol.

Ps, don't forget to mention private schools. Or it isn't authentic.

I swear MN make these up to gain traction.